'Giving' up on girls

[Xin]

Seriously. The more effort I put into this, the harder it becomes. I'm just 17 and even though I've never even kissed a girl, I am thinking of 'giving' up on girls for the whole senior year. I was nice, became jerk, became whatever... And still haven't got any. The few good things I got from girls didn't even sprout from focusing on them - they were just natural extensions of a mindset I had.

No, this is not one of these whining threads you get to see about how unfair it all is. Of course I want to have a relationship, intimacy, hell, even to just get action. But looking into the past, I can't avoid but to wonder about the foolishness in all of this.

I'm definitely thinking of putting 0% effort into having something with girls. It's just dumb; instead of focusing into it, I can actually spend time having fun, playing guitar, surfing, travelling, chasing my dream, working out, studying... Hell, I can lead one amazing life, so why the hell am I fretting over 'not getting any'? For God's sake, let me wake up! Let me talk to everyone, get to know people, learn stuff, travel, enjoy life, without having to worry about something as stupid as kissing a girl I don't even care about.

Sure, if any comes my way, I'll take it. If not, the better. More time for my stuff. I also think that this may be the mindset I've been looking for.

Just wanted to share.

[Addict]

I'm definitely thinking of putting 0% effort into having something with girls. It's just dumb; instead of focusing into it, I can actually spend time having fun, playing guitar, surfing, travelling, chasing my dream, working out, studying... Hell, I can lead one amazing life, so why the hell am I fretting over 'not getting any'?

Oddly enough, you will probably run into more relationship opportunities if you aren't trying so hard.

You're 17. Focus on having a hell of a good time and learning everything you can.

[Xin]

Originally Posted by Addict

You're 17. Focus on having a hell of a good time and learning everything you can.

Hell, yeah.

[Zukin]

I'm 23 and I've never kissed a girl.

I stopped putting any effort into meeting women and focused on my career and charity activities instead. While I haven't had any romantic encounters yet, I'm wealthier than all my friends and saved a bunch of people's lives.

For what it's worth.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

It's the old "trying too hard" thing. The very best thing you can do for yourself (who is the only one you have any say over) is to do exactly what you've said: focus on yourself and the things you enjoy. When you do that, you become magnetic...not just for girls who may want to kiss you, etc., but to people in general. I think you will like the results.

BTW, I am a female who didn't have her first kiss until 24. It does kinda suck when you're young and you feel like the only one left out, but looking back I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Be you, have fun, engage in your life to the fullest extent and reap the benefits, relationship and otherwise.

[Xin]

Originally Posted by Zukin

I'm 23 and I've never kissed a girl.

I stopped putting any effort into meeting women and focused on my career and charity activities instead. While I haven't had any romantic encounters yet, I'm wealthier than all my friends and saved a bunch of people's lives.

For what it's worth.

Now that's something.

Yet, and you will excuse me the question, how do you deal with it? I'm 6 years younger than you and there were times when I just couldn't help but to feel hopeless, like I lacked something others seemed to grasp naturally. Yeah, with time, getting to see most girls are not like the hype tells us they are, and realizing most relationships are just a cage, I eventually got bored of trying to get something not really benefitial.

But are you at peace with it, or it's still something you feel is missing on your life?

[Life Warrior]

Girls are wonderful. No need to give up on them. A relationship should not be something you need to achieve, but something that helps you reach higher things in life. Try to have as much fun as you can in life, and see if you can find ways to share it with others, girls included.

But anyway, don't sweat it. Girls, relationships and sex are not that big of a deal as you may think they are. They are just another part of life that teaches us more about ourselves while having fun along the way.

[Zukin]

Originally Posted by Xin

Now that's something. Yet, and you will excuse me the question, how do you deal with it? I'm 6 years younger than you and there were times when I just couldn't help but to feel hopeless, like I lacked something others seemed to grasp naturally. Yeah, with time, getting to see most girls are not like the hype tells us they are, and realizing most relationships are just a cage, I eventually got bored of trying to get something not really benefitial. But are you at peace with it, or it's still something you feel is missing on your life?

Sometimes I feel like there's something missing, but most times I stay too busy to care (reading hundreds of books a year, working full time, being involved in charities, etc.)

I know that it is important to be in a relationship when a person is older for health reasons, since men who are married tend to have less cases of stress and heart disease.

On one hand, the guys I know who have girlfriends/wives seem very happy.
On the other hand, I know guys whose girlfriends dumped them who felt suicidal. There is also the risk of having to pay alimony or child support. I don't really know how common that is, and women have risks of their own (being beaten or having to raise kids as a single mother for instance).

This is all anecdotal, and I still need to investigate some more peer-reviewed research to see if the pros of having a girlfriend outweighs the cons. And yes, I know this is a very nerdy way to go about this task.

I guess you could also just reprogram your partner to behave the way you want them to:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...mming-reality/

[llong]

My life's experience echoes much what is posted above: focus on improving yourself and very soon you will have no shortage of opportunities.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Xin

Now that's something.

Yet, and you will excuse me the question, how do you deal with it? I'm 6 years younger than you and there were times when I just couldn't help but to feel hopeless, like I lacked something others seemed to grasp naturally. Yeah, with time, getting to see most girls are not like the hype tells us they are, and realizing most relationships are just a cage, I eventually got bored of trying to get something not really benefitial.

But are you at peace with it, or it's still something you feel is missing on your life?

I didn't kiss a girl until I was 20.

I often regret not having experienced a lot of things, especially since it's so hard for people to communicate those experiences to me in words. But despite this, those experiences aren't everything there is to life. There are dragons to slay and planets to conquer; getting a girl is really... one possibility out of many satisfactory lives.

[openeyes]

I started off very early with women (and men) and agree you'll have the best luck if you never make them the center of your life. Focus on really enjoying yourself, so much that it doesn't matter to you whether you happen to be seeing anyone or not. For me, books, friends, and various adventure sports generally fit the bill. A career could also work.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Xin

The few good things I got from girls didn't even sprout from focusing on them - they were just natural extensions of a mindset I had.

Xin, you might find you're more attractive to women if you be the kind of person you'd like to attract -- if you're thinking about what you want to add to a relationship, as opposed to what you'll "get".

I think you're right to focus on living a life that you love, and allowing the right girls to be swept up into the vortex of the good time you're having.

However, you would be wise to let go of your old pain around this issue, because this kind of thinking is a pretty effective girl-repellant:

...getting to see most girls are not like the hype tells us they are, and realizing most relationships are just a cage, I eventually got bored of trying to get something not really benefitial...

Loosen your hold on your negative thoughts around women, nurture your thoughts of appreciation and gratitude, and make sure you are having a ton of fun. You will be a magnet to great, sexy, positive, fun women!

[Christian223]

I think that we deal with stuff differently according to our attitude, so whats your attitude and how you deal with it?, do you play the guitar to get girls or because you dont get girls? (just an "example question" not aimed at anyone in particular).

This opinion comes from someone who was very antisocial and shy, wich is now overcoming it with an awesome tool called EFT!, i recommend you to check it out, link at my sig.

My attitude towards girls was that i didnt really care, i didnt even care to get some action because dealing with the personality was too much for me, and i was too introverted, and i was happy that way

You seem to have tried something with girls, but now you ask its dumb, i ask why did you try it in the first place?, just asking, i am not insinuating anything.

The best thing you can do is never worry about "girls" again, and get to know about what you really want, AND get to know yourself, and grow, from there youll know more about what kind of girl will suit you best.

Now that i am coming out of my shell, wich doesnt mean i am not introverted anymore, i am focusing on opening my eyes very wide for the girl i want, i have seen many nice candidates, but why settle for what i really want?, why screw myself up for less?, that would be getting me in "a cage" as you say. Meeting that girl is not something i need, just something i really want, knowing this can give you a lot of relief too.

[Dharma]

You might like this book:
Amazon.com: How to Win by Quitting: Books: Jerry Stocking

Quit girls, FTW!