How specific should i be with my idea of my ideal girl?

[Kura Ookami]

I've decided exactly what i want in a girl and have made a list of the qualities that i came up with during my brainstorm. Now I've finished i can't help but feel that maybe I've limited myself too much. I've painted a very specific picture of what she'll be like so naturally only a few people are going to meet those specifications. I'm concerned about whether I should, rather than paint a very specific picture, paint a more general picture with broad strokes.

[Brutha]

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

[JimOfferman]

If the number of pimples in her face is on your list, you are probably over-specifying...

More seriously though, it's all up to you. I think your picture should not be overly specific ("she has to have 13 pimples on her right cheek and 17 on her left"), but also not too general ("just as long as she is human"). But, ultimately, you get to decide which qualities are deal breakers or makers.

Looking at myself, there are some qualities / attributes that I find non-negotiable and others that I am very flexible with. Her hair may be red or blond, long or short, curly or straight (although I do have a strong preference for long red hair), but she absolutely has to be a non-smoker.

I've long felt the non-smoking thing was bit silly of me - until I tried to kiss a smoker would-be girlfriend. Yeach! Never again!

Now, many people may consider smoking not to be such a deal breaker for them, which is their good right. Just as it is my prerogative to avoid being intimate with girls who do smoke.

Hope this helps,
Jim.

[The David]

I second Brutha's advice. If you are like most people, it's probably easier to lower your standards than to raise them. So start off with really high standards. If you meet a girl who you really feel is healthy for you, but she fails one of your qualifications, then decide how that will affect the relationship and whether or not you can or should forgive it.

Try to stay objective, too. I know that advice will probably fly out the window when romantic attachment enters the picture, and I've never been in a romantic relationship so my advice is pretty much second-hand at best, but I do know what it is like to lower your standards for someone else.

[MmeIntentional]

Ok from a female point of view ..if if really makes any difference

From my first and last pic of my dream man with feelings etc. I think I done pretty well PLUS he was listening me while I was talk too much I would say I got about 98% of the looks for sure but the whole thing wasn't long lasting as I think I focused too much on the physical appearance.

So I were you put every single detail and how you want her to respond to you as well and more. If you don't get on target you will still be happy anyway

Also I didn't expect this man to come in (now out) of my life because I was totally detached but yet had subtle feelings of him or something very similar already in my life.

[Mark Lapierre]

The other possibility when shooting for the moon is coming hurtling back to Earth at terminal speed...

In general I agree with Jim's advice; there are some qualities which people tend to consider definite requirements, and others which they can take or leave.

But the very first thing I think you should do is consider how much experience you've had with girls with different qualities? How many relationships have you had? How many different girls have you dated? You can speculate and self-reflect as much as you want, yet as David said, when you're there in the moment things change. It could turn out that what you thought you'd like is something you really don't care for, and something you thought would drive you nuts is actually something you love! There's no point imagining an ideal girl if those ideals aren't accurate.

The way I see it, rather than painting a picture (which comes from your imagination) you build up a montage from snapshots of reality. And then you blur it.

Finally, love is a process of increasing mutual understanding. Details are important, but willingness to figure out and accept each other, regardless of the specifics of those details, is far more important.

[Kura Ookami]

Wow. Some great advice or at least it seems like it.
I've had two relationships and both of those relationships have been online. You can laugh if you like, but most of my experience in dating comes from dating sim games. Maybe the best way is to prioritize my list and work out what are non-negotiables and what i can live with?
Thanks for your advice guys.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Kura Ookami

Maybe the best way is to prioritize my list and work out what are non-negotiables and what i can live with?

I'd say great plan! Keep the list, have it prioritized... and stay open to the fact that you might end up with someone who is not a match to anything on your list, but still makes you completely happy. In real life, you never know...

cheers,
Jim.

[Livgivare]

Concentrate on the things you can't live with if the girl has got none of those things on your list, she will probobly grow on you and you will live happy togehter. And then add some other stuff that she has to be.

I can't live with a dog-lover (I am allergic)
I can't stand drug-addictive girls (I am not strong enough to break the habit and hate drugs)
I can't live with a girl that snores too loud.
I can't live with a girl that is bi or homo.
I can't live with a girl who are a gambler.

Therefore you can't live with someone who loves dogs, drugs, snores too loud, are homo or bi and are a gambler...

Then there can be some other things on this list of can'ts...

The Can list...

I can (and want to) have a girl who has got her own job.
I can (and want to) live with a girl who loves running as much as I do.
I can (even though I dont) live with a girl that loves books and knitting...

If your list is balanced in this way. You will get your dreamgirl even if the list is tight it will not be overloaded with things...leave out things that don't matter to you: Hair color, eye color, a fun interest in bird-watching, a love for things in pink color etc...

Just a few ideas from me. I had a list on things I wanted my partner to have (a man right now) and my man has got most of those things right...Even if I still prefer dark haired guys with whole scull full of hair. I don't really care about my man being slightly baldheaded. Now I think that hair is not a big deal as long as he don't drink and smoke...

Love Leelene

[medaille]

I would concentrate on intending a girl that makes you feel a certain way. It would be a lot easier to just intend a girlfriend that makes you happy or that is a person that will challenge you or was meant to be then it is to start listing of qualities like you would a used car.

Chances are a lot of the qualities that you think you want aren't really necessary.