Sacrificing Social Life?

[BChris]

This is my second year at the university and Im studying computer science. But the thing is that im dedicating probably all of my time to study and nothing more. No gf, no friends at all, no activities, no entertainment, no social life, doing nothing on weekends. The problem is that Im missing good oportunities to meet new people because I just don't do anything more than study and any conversation is very boring talking about classes or something like that. I really like programming and computers but right now maybe that passion is ruining my life. I live with my parents and no car so thats a problem too. Im thinking right now that maybe Im wasting this years yeah you get your degree but is it worth it. Any one with the same problem, comments or suggestions?

[The David]

I am also in my second year of college. I used to be really reclusive and have slipped back into that all-too-comfortable-being-alone mindset lately.

Do you struggle with making friends? I know I did. It sounds like you just need to
take the first step and everything should be good from there. It is my opinion that personal betterment requires relationships with other people, otherwise, what is the point of being on earth with them? If you were meant to be alone, you would have been born on another planet.

Living with your parents and having no car doesn't help. Where do you go to school? Is it an urban or suburban environment? Even having those limitations, make the best of it. College is about learning. Learning doesn't always mean learning from a book. And I'm pretty much preaching to myself right now so I will shut up.

[Addict]

How are you possibly devoting all of your time to academics? Are you working? Are you taking a ridiculous amount of credit hours. I am reminded of one of the very first and most powerful articles I read by Steve Pavlina:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/do-it-now.htm

Learn some of these principles to free up time. Then find out what you're going to do with that time.

I feel like I probably have less of social life than some of my peers because I focus on personal projects, but it's definitely not nonexistent. There always need to be a balance between leisure and work, even if you are passionate about your work.

[BChris]

Yes Im struggling making new friends because I do nothing outside school just waiting for next day to be at school again. Its a routine and no matter what i do the circumstances are the same wake up, go to school (Not talking anything), go home and then next day same thing. And for that reason I just don't know what to talk about with people. My social life is holding me back from enjoying a lot of experiences.
No im not working right now but im looking for a job maybe that can help me a lot. I have the average credits hour (17). I have plenty of time I just dont do anything with it.

Right now my goal is to graduate but I need to quit this routine because its killing me.

[The David]

Originally Posted by BChris

Yes Im struggling making new friends because I do nothing outside school just waiting for next day to be at school again. Its a routine and no matter what i do the circumstances are the same wake up, go to school (Not talking anything), go home and then next day same thing. And for that reason I just don't know what to talk about with people. My social life is holding me back from enjoying a lot of experiences.
No im not working right now but im looking for a job maybe that can help me a lot. I have the average credits hour (17). I have plenty of time I just dont do anything with it.

Right now my goal is to graduate but I need to quit this routine because its killing me.

I don't suppose you would benefit from reading books by Don Gabor? They're a little cheesy but they helped socialization seem less daunting. Of course, in the end, the only person who could help me was myself. If you struggle with shyness or rusty social skills, there comes a point where you have to suck it up and talk to people anyway. Otherwise, you'll become even more awkward and uncomfortable around people while your bookshelf accumulates the works
of Dale Carnegie, Don Gabor, and other people who 'can magically change you.'

[MadHyeNa]

I have plenty of time I just dont do anything with it.

Something you must be doing with it, though. Replace that with going out. Just do it.

With practice it gets easier. Take one step at a time and gradually move on. Do the things you never dreamed of doing, yet. Expand your comfort zones. Get uncomfortable! This is the best advice one can tell.

Approach people on the street. Hot women. Do cold approaches. Go to a party. No friends? No problem, since your best friend is yourself. Play the numbers game. Approach 5 girls. 10, 20, 50. Have no worries and absolutely no expectations.

You are a coder, right? Programming is a skill. Do you make mistakes? Do you fail often? Are your codes always compiling and running the way they should every single time? I really doubt that. We all fail. It is human to fail. Girls know that. People know that. You also know it, but still are affected by its influence. You will see the more you practice doing these "unfamiliar" skills you will get better on them. It's amazing. Just do it. Don't expect anything. Chat up those girls, dude. Doing these you will lose fear of rejection. It just does not matter. Why should it? Nobody there knows you anyway, and - let me tell you - nobody there really cares to watch you attentively anyway.

Getting uncomfortable is simply amazing. Once you do that, and befriend your failures, you will grow and grow. Be kind to yourself and to your learning experiences. Practice and practice, if you fail, stop for a moment, and think why you failed. Use Google, search for socialization articles and/or blog entries, pick up books and learn the theory. Then go out, just do it, and practice. Repeat.

As for learning at college, keep it up. Study some time management books and theories (like the 4 quadrants), and apply them. Write down your major purpose of life down on paper. Use paper and a pen. Set goals that will serve you as a well-defined strategy toward achieving that ideal self who fulfills your major purpose.

Good luck.

[Ree]

Have you ever worked as a volunteer? There are animal shelters, soup kitchens, community theaters, Habitat for Humanity, hospitals, especially children's, Big Brother programs. The list goes on and on. I'm sure if you look around your community you could find something that needs doing and you could fill that role. You'll be helping others who are in need, you'll build your own self-confidence AND you'll meet others with similar interests.

Here's a thought. Many charity organizations regularly receive donations of used computers or computer components. With your computer skills, perhaps you could volunteer to rehab those and allow the organization to get some use out of them, either by direct use or by selling them. The Salvation Army comes to mind in this regard.

Trust me on this. It's really amazing how helping others will make you feel great about yourself and open doors to friendships, contacts, even job possibilities down the road. AND just think of all the great karma you'll generate