I can’t get a girlfriend.

[dennis08]

I have had two cups of coffee so I will do my best to type this without rage. It has been a goal of mine to get a girlfriend for a long time. I am 17 and weigh in at 125.

I don’t talk to many girls because if you make friends with a girl nothing will EVER happen. I speak from experience. I don’t smell bad or dress strange or have lots of acne and I practice the art of hygiene.

Most people will tell you to just be yourself. Umm be myself Myself is the guy that cant get a girlfriend in the first place Not having a girlfriend makes me conscious about my weight and my height and things like that because I’ve tried everything else.

Also you will never find me being the guy that acts mental and shows off to get the girl unless I have had two cups of coffee.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Especially from the ladies

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by dennis08

Myself is the guy that cant get a girlfriend in the first place

Hi Dennis,

it's not the way you are dressed or how tall you are... the reason you have no gf, it's your thoughts!

my advice: read Ask and it is Given! Or, even better : read Ask and it is Given and join our 30days trial about it

To put it in a nutshell: you attract what you are thinking about. You cannot attract abundance out of a feeling of scarcity. As long as you focus on not having a gf... you'll attract more of not having a gf! In the 30 days trial we are currently learning methods to focus on what we want (in order to attract it) rather than on what we don't want. Join us!

You're a nice guy, you'll find a nice girl, don't worry

[Steve Pavlina]

Your focus on "getting a girlfriend" may be holding you back. Girlfriends aren't possessions. It's not like you're going to walk up to a female and say, "Gimme you."

Try shifting your focus to becoming a boyfriend. Begin expressing some of the qualities you'd express if you were already a boyfriend, especially towards the women who are already in your life. I'll bet you're repressing many of those qualities because you think you need a girlfriend to express them. But those qualities are probably what will help someone find you attractive in the first place.

For example, if you think you need a girlfriend as an outlet for affection, then try expressing your affection now towards the people who are already in your life.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by dennis08

Any advice would be much appreciated. Especially from the ladies

That's discrimination... beside, what do ladies know about picking up girls...???

I'll tell you the best way to meet girl... it'll cost you $100.00 but I'll take an IOU...

You want to meet girls... get yourself a cute dog and walk the streets with it... the girls can't resist that...

I've had Bulldog (not saying that they are cute) but, I could not walk one block without some girl coming out and talking to me about the dog... And Bulldogs are great for that because they walk real slow... and the girls think that you've got all the time in the world...

If that does not work for you... I'll eat my shirt...
.

[dennis08]

LOL Shamou might as well eat your shirt because I wouldn’t know what to say if a girl did come over. Generate a relationship out of thin air?

[Saeros]

Trust me, be yourself. You want a girl that loves 'real' you. And if she loved 'real' you, you'd be happy.

Actually, when i was in high school. It was an all-boy school. I didn't get to meet many girls. I know some as friends. I didn't really want to be just 'friend'.
Then, i told her that i like her. Fortunately, she liked me too.

Now, 4 years has past. We've been in love since that day and we never have to say that we are a lover or something like that. Do you know what I mean?

My opinion is that don't set your goal to find a girlfriend! If you want love, you have to be patience. If you want sex, you don't need a girlfriend.

[NotesMaeve]

Ditto to what Steve and Shamou said.

And yes, bulldogs are cute.

What sort of girlfriend are you looking for? Someone funny? Cute? Blond? Short? Smart?

Figure out what will attract that sort. I love animals, so how Slamhot Boy interacts with his kitties was really important to me. I love music, so talking about push pull technique in drumming was really fun for me. I like working out, so I liked that Slamhot did. We both watch our diets but enjoy food. See where this is going?

Also, Slamhot was definitely my friend before my lover. I can't pinpoint that line between creepy and endearing, but it's there.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by dennis08

LOL Shamou might as well eat your shirt because I wouldn’t know what to say if a girl did come over. Generate a relationship out of thin air?

How about, "Hi, I'm so glad to meet another dog person! This is ___, my dog, and I'm Dennis. Do you have any pets?" Sit back. Listen. Ask questions.

[dennis08]

Originally Posted by NotesMaeve

Ditto to what Steve and Shamou said.

And yes, bulldogs are cute.

What sort of girlfriend are you looking for? Someone funny? Cute? Blond? Short? Smart?

All of the above. I wouldn’t know where to start. There is no way to know what a girl likes to do unless you are good enough friends with her that she will tell you. That’s how it works where I live anyway.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by NotesMaeve

How about, "Hi, I'm so glad to meet another dog person! This is ___, my dog, and I'm Dennis. Do you have any pets?" Sit back. Listen. Ask questions.

And you should have added that he should blush a little... girls fall head over heel for that... they think it's so cute...

Denis... you don't have to be a macho jock to get girls... they're already dying to meet you... can't you get that through your thick head... just give them a chance to get to know you... and let nature take its course...

And... I'm not worried about having to eat my shirt... because I have more confidence in you than you have in yourself...

Go get 'em cowboy...
.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by dennis08

All of the above. I wouldn’t know where to start. There is no way to know what a girl likes to do unless you are good enough friends with her that she will tell you. That’s how it works where I live anyway.

It's a fair bet a chick hanging out in the New Age section of a bookstore is into spiritualism.

If a girl is reading a Derrida book, she probably has something going on upstairs and has an interest in language and sociology.

Not so subtle clues abound!

And you can always just ask. Repeat after me, and smile, "So what do you do for fun?"

Again, as Shamou pointed out, you don't have to be hypermasculine.

[Xander756]

To quote one of my favorite philosophy books God's Debris, I had to comment about how most people tell you to be yourself.

"Advice to "be yourself" in simply nonsense. If it means to do what you think you ought to do, you are already doing that. If it means that you should act as if you are not effected by societal influence, then that is the worst advice in the world because you would probably stop showering or wearing clothes. "

Just my 2 cents, I think Steve's advice was the best here. You can't simply obtain a girlfriend because you want one and you can't trick girls into becoming your girlfriend. By simply exerting boyfriend-like qualities to those you already care for will attract potential girlfriends as they witness your caring, charm, and attitude towards those you care about and wish to also be close to you.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Your focus on "getting a girlfriend" may be holding you back. Girlfriends aren't possessions. It's not like you're going to walk up to a female and say, "Gimme you."

Try shifting your focus to becoming a boyfriend. Begin expressing some of the qualities you'd express if you were already a boyfriend, especially towards the women who are already in your life. I'll bet you're repressing many of those qualities because you think you need a girlfriend to express them. But those qualities are probably what will help someone find you attractive in the first place.

For example, if you think you need a girlfriend as an outlet for affection, then try expressing your affection now towards the people who are already in your life.

My eternal problem too. I think it's already a infamous thing here.
I never seen it like that "Trying to become a boyfriend".... sometimes I've thought of behaving like if I already had a girlfriend, what should I change, etc. Needless to say that didn't work...
I too have seen my relationship with my mother and my sister with me as paralel things to a girlfriend or patterns it could matter but even in my most affectous times with them, that hasn't changed a thing with girls.

I mean, even all that may not work. Finding a pair is one of the strangest things in my life, ain't it?, for me the strangest one.

I mean... some people are more skilled in that that others.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by NotesMaeve

How about, "Hi, I'm so glad to meet another dog person! This is ___, my dog, and I'm Dennis. Do you have any pets?" Sit back. Listen. Ask questions.

And then it's when you do know what question to ask... lol... or you sound like a robot because you don't feel it, you have it prepared...

[Jason S]

Originally Posted by dennis08

if you make friends with a girl nothing will EVER happen.

I was friends with my wife for fifteen years before I married her. I was friends with her for ten years before I asked her out.

I'll sing from the same songbook as Steve on this one... you'll have far more success if your perspective is one of "what am I bringing to the table?" and not, "I need to collect me one of those girlfriend things everyone seems to have."

Even now, when my wife and I argue, I find myself asking,"What kind of husband am I being" as opposed to "Do you understand what kind of wife you're being?!" The former leads to resolution... the latter leads to a fight!

[Matthew Shea]

Dennis, I never dated a whole lot while I was single. I did some dating, of course, but things really didn't fall into place for a while. That all changed when I was invited to a New Years party through a friend of mine. I firmly decided that I intended to do NOTHING else but be myself and have fun.

With that attitude in mind, I went out, bought new clothes (at the time I was at my lowest adult weight) and went out looking sharp. My now-wife was hosting the pre-party, then we were going to a club. I wound up hooking up that night in a big way. In hindsight, it was the attitude that I was just going to enjoy myself, look good and not worry about impressing anyone that was the source of that. The confidence that gave me turned out to be far sexier than any of the other stuff.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by songwriter

And then it's when you do know what question to ask... lol... or you sound like a robot because you don't feel it, you have it prepared...

Easy! Be interested in her.

I mean, when you meet someone cool, don't you want to know as much about them as possible?

When you're running out of things to say, then you say, "I'd really like to see you again. Can we hook up for coffee/dinner?"

[lizthefair]

I just want to echo Steve's advice and remind you that women aren't interchangeable. What is attractive to one woman won't work at all with the next. So I recommend you follow Erin's advice and figure out what you are really looking for in a partner. Then be looking for that partner. Looking for a generic girlfriend will get you no where.

[Brutha]

Trust me, be yourself. You want a girl that loves 'real' you. And if she loved 'real' you, you'd be happy.

Then it is also perfectly fine not to now what the girls hobby's are before you meet her. She probably doesn't know your hobby's either.

Trust me, be yourself. You want a girl that loves 'real' you. And if she loved 'real' you, you'd be happy.

What's real anyway? Authenticity. In our shallow world people search for the edges, for something which is interesting.

The question is: Who could you authentially be? Be that person.

I never seen it like that "Trying to become a boyfriend".... sometimes I've thought of behaving like if I already had a girlfriend, what should I change, etc. Needless to say that didn't work...
I too have seen my relationship with my mother and my sister with me as paralel things to a girlfriend or patterns it could matter but even in my most affectous times with them, that hasn't changed a thing with girls.

I think Steve means showing that kind of affection to every girl you know.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by dennis08

LOL Shamou might as well eat your shirt because I wouldn’t know what to say if a girl did come over. Generate a relationship out of thin air?

Hey Dennis,

I was skinny too, 6'2, 140 for a long time, and really self conscious about it. I didn't date until I was 18. That was my third year of college, I went at 16, so for two years of college, nada.

I always thought I'd be awkward forever and not do so well...

By the time I was 21, things had changed though. I got plenty of dates. I was about 150lbs at that point, and just had learned not to be self conscious. It just happened with time, both the weight and the attitude.

I came to realize no one really has it all that together, and then I was free to be myself without ever feeling judged or anything.

Now I'm 26, 175, and man, I am doing too well in the dating game for my own good. Being the skinny geeky guy pays off bigtime, it just takes a little while.

This may be cliche advice, but here's my two cents.

Forget about a relationship for now, and try to get as many certifications as possible in whatever field you want to work in.

Then, when you are 23-24, you'll have put on some weight and you'll be getting paid a lot more attention anyway, and you'll be a CPA, or a MD, or whatever too. Thats a killer combo.

Girls like skills... nunchuck skills.

For right now, if you find a girl attractive try to make out with her and maybe something comes of it. Or maybe not. Not the end of the world either way.

Guys who worry about sex all the time are a dime a dozen, guys who are still in shape at thirty and have a great career and who actually like who they are = rare.

I know its hard to have that kind of faith in the future, but trust me, I wish I had worried way, way less about sex back then, and more about setting myself up with a long term career. You have plenty of time, get skilled in a career..

[Shamou]

dennis... if you are not totally confused after receiving all those advices... you are a much better man than I...
.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by Shamou

dennis... if you are not totally confused after receiving all those advices... you are a much better man than I...
.

Oh, good. I thought it was just me.