I can’t get a girlfriend.

[Strangemagik]

Id say its possible the reason it never turns into anything more than friendship is that you aren't making the move. Sorry bud, but most girls typically try to wait for the GUY to make the move and if they don't they will move on.

Be more sure of yourself.

[Namaste]

Originally Posted by songwriter

lol, I know, that's what I try. I try getting interested.... but I don't really, I can fake it but it shows.

If you're not interested (really? not in anyone?), than why would you want to date them/be with them?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Strangemagik

Id say its possible the reason it never turns into anything more than friendship is that you aren't making the move. Sorry bud, but most girls typically try to wait for the GUY to make the move and if they don't they will move on.

Be more sure of yourself.

You would not be a bit macho now would you...???
.

[Nelson]

You're 17, weigh 125 and you are on the internet trying to get love advice? Sounds like you play too many videogames.

What amazes me is that you can learn so many useful skills in videogames that are transferable to real life, but most gamers never use them.

If you fail in a videogame what do you do? You keep trying until you get it right. Thats exactly the same as real life. The best formula for anything in life that isn't dangerous is: KEEP ON TRUCKING!

Try this experiment: At least once a day walk up to a beautiful girl that you see and say "Hi what's your name? (wait for response), *girl's name*, I think you are very beautfiul and I would love to take you out to lunch, what do you say? (she will either accept or reject you).

Unless your failure rate is greater than 97% you will get a date before the end of the month.

If she accepts go out to lunch, get her number at the end of the date and ask her out for a second date.

Yes, this method takes big cajones, but it's simple and unless you're disgusting and have no people skills it is guaranteed that you will get a date.

[Lauxa]

I'm going to agree that if you can't get from friend to girlfriend, you're probably not making a move. Do something simple, like brush her hair back from her face (that's what my husband did) and if she's okay with that then stare deeply into her eyes, hold her hand, try for a gentle kiss...

I think it's better to date a friend because you already know you're compatible and have things in common. Good luck!

[Calculusaurus]

Originally Posted by Nelson

You're 17, weigh 125 and you are on the internet trying to get love advice? Sounds like you play too many videogames.

This thread just experienced a 425% increase in deductive reasoning! :P

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by NotesMaeve

So you cop to the fact you're single because you're myopic?

...

Cool.

It's not a line. You actually have to be interested.

I don't know how to translate "myopic" to Spanish... Yes, If I'm not really interested all I could ever do is "practicing" or so. I don't get really interested in any woman since a lot time ago.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by Namaste

If you're not interested (really? not in anyone?), than why would you want to date them/be with them?

Very easy... to know them better and becoming interested!... or not.
If I don't know the person much I never get interested. Little conversations don't mean much to me.

[jaamkie]

Originally Posted by songwriter

Very easy... to know them better and becoming interested!... or not.
If I don't know the person much I never get interested. Little conversations don't mean much to me.

Remembering a blog entry of Steve's... about subjective reality applied to relationships... says that if you change your mindset and see yourself as already connected to everyone, then you can skip the "little conversations" and intuitively connect and talk about things that do interest you without spending a lot of boring building-trust time. There must be SOME things that interest you, so when you meet people just talk about whatever is interesting and floating around in your mind at that moment- some people might think its odd but at worst most will still be amused/entertained and maybe you'll really connect with some people similar to you...

When I'm wanting new relationships I put myself in a "meeting new people" frame of mind by pursuing a new intellectual interest (so I've got interesting things to talk about and feel like an interesting person so I don't waste time on small talk), remind myself of all the great people I've met in the past by being open and taking a chance (sometimes reconnect a bit with some of them, get back into socializing... I'm quite introverted and spend a lot of time alone and silent... happily so), remind myself of the interconnectedness of all people (see Steve's blog; also I read Buddhist and New-Age stuff, which I don't totally believe, but reading it helps anyway), exercise more in general and especially before social events for the sake of the endorphins and glow and confidence, and clean my apartment and to-do list so I feel like there is space for new people. Of course this has worked a little too well recently and now I'm on here fussing about wanting to copy myself so I have time to experience two very different great guys... have no insights yet on what to do once you've actually connected with people.

[Brien]

Originally Posted by Nelson

....
Yes, this method takes big cajones...

I get a kick every time I hear that. So it takes big drawers, huh? What about my cabinets, how big do they need to be?

Haha. Well anyway, the word you're looking for is cojones.

[Rosie]

I don't mean to be rude, but I honestly wouldn't date you because of your attitude. You seem to focus too much on the negative.

[LifeFirst]

Because he's negative? Well how is he supposed to feel? If he's 23 or 24 years old and never really had intimacy with anyone, that is going to have an EFFECT on you whether you want it or not. Period. It has nothing to do with being positive or negative.

I'm not saying he's negative ALL the time, but there are times when you think about it and just go

[Rosie]

That's totally true. I can't make the judgment that he is always negative based on this one post. I've written many negative threads myself, so I shouldn't be one to talk. However, I think that the reason he isnt' getting a girlfriend, might partially be due to his attitude.

"I don’t talk to many girls because if you make friends with a girl nothing will EVER happen. I speak from experience."

Ofcourse you're not going to get a girlfriend if you don't talk to them. Many girls prefer to form a friendship first, before they commit to relationship.

"Most people will tell you to just be yourself. Umm be myself Myself is the guy that cant get a girlfriend in the first place."

Women are generally attracted to men who are happy, and positive. When I wasn't having any luck with love, I tried to focus on how I could change my outlook, inorder to become more desirable, as opposed to focusing on the negative.

I can understand being sad and down, I mean who wouldn't. No body wants to be alone. It sounds like you're a decent guy from your description, so there has to be reason why you aren't getting a girlfriend. The problem is probably really obvious. Perhaps you aren't expressing your interest, or maby you're not exposing yourself to situations that could to lead to potential relationships. Try to identify the problem, and then focus on fixing it.

[Brien]

Originally Posted by Rosie

... Many girls prefer to form a friendship first, before they commit to relationship. ...

I don't doubt that this is possible. But, in my experience (direct and observed), most romantic relationships spring from a mutual romantic interest from day one. If "many girls" want to call the first stages of a romantic relationship "a friendship" I suspect it is because they are just reluctant to admit that they can be attracted to someone romantically (and therefore sexually) before really knowing them.

Regardless what you call it, Dennis, you need to open a channel of communication with the women you're interested in. Don't worry about "the friendzone", just open up with affection and expect to receive affection in return. If it doesn't happen, then she's not interested. Don't get hung up on words. She can call it friendship or something else, and regardless, those terms don't communicate anything. Pay attention to how she treats you, how she responds to you.

To phrase what I mean in different terms:
You have no reason to be needy. Be generous (interpersonally, not in terms of cash), and expect an equal investment from her. If it's anything less, then move on. Ever hear of "intellectual whores"? Refuse to be one. That's probably what happened when you thought you were "friends" with these women you pursued.

That's why I say the word "friendship" coming from a woman to describe your relationship with her is meaningless.
1. You could actually be in the developing stages of a romantic relationship,
2. you could be her intellectual whore,
3. or (of course) you could be in an actual friendship (same as a romantic relationship in that there is equal input, just no romantic interest from either party).

Put yourself out there Dennis. Respect yourself and give what you want to get back. There will be no confusion about what she wants if she doesn't reply in kind.

[mustard76]

There is a lot good advice in this forum already so I'll just tell you the 2 tricks that worked for me in high school.

I learned that everybody has an emotional need. All you have to do is figure out quickly what a girl's emotional need is and shamelessly fill it for her.

I met girls who thought they were dumb and I told them they were smart.

I knew a girl who confided in me that she never had a date on valentines day so I planned something special for her on Valentines day (we weren't even dating).

I met girls who thought they were fat and I became the guy who told them they looked skinny.

The trick is to figure out each girl's unique emotional need and fill it. Everyone will need something different and you'll have to figure it out quickly and hammer at it.

This worked for me.

The second trick was not to be afraid of rejection. If you are willing ask 10 girls out you will be rejected 8 times but you'll get 2 dates! This is the 2 of 10 rule. All you have to do is accept rejection as a cost of doing business. Once again, this worked for me. I've been rejected more times than I can count, but I've had several solid relationships and now I'm happily married to the love of my life.

Before you use these tricks you have to be in a good place emotionally. Remember that you need to work on your confidence and listen to Steve's advice above. Focus on being a good boyfriend now and you'll attract a girlfriend without my tricks.

[flucky]

Hello,

I'm a girl, but I don't think I have a better advise for you compare to the others. All I can tell you...is that I totally understand you, as I was the same at 17 years old.
...nobody looked at me, I was invisible, and above all, very shy...redhead girl, with spots on every part of my face...you can imagine...
What i can tell you, is that it's not gonna last all your life, trust me! The key is to be patient (I know, it's hard). I had to wait for my 21 years old for my first kiss...now i'm 28, and I have more success that i ever dreamed of.
In french we have an expression that says, "the wheel is turning for everyone", i can tell you!
take care