Coming out of the closet

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

This thread is a typical example of how much further our society really has to go before we can even consider ourselves civillised.

I love how that is followed by...

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

I love boobs.

Come on.

[Matthew Shea]

Michael Chui, that's a great post. I have only one thing to add.

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

I am just talking gibberish now.

No kidding!

Your sexual orientation isn't something you just turn on and off like a switch. My gay friends tell me that anyone who believes that you can really just choose that has no understanding of the issues involved. Do you really believe that someone would choose the discrimination, bigotry and hatred you have to endure when you're gay? I'm told it still happens frequently. My friend and his partner had an incident just the other weekend involving a couple people who you would think would understand what bigotry feels like and wouldn't wish to impose it on others. Getting back on topic, though, a lot of that discrimination is legally imposed, too, such as gay marriage bans in many states here. Would someone choose all the health risks that go along with being a gay man? If you look at it logically, there really aren't many advantages to being gay so why choose it? The choice isn't being gay or not; the choice is to be honest about who you're attracted to and having the courage to come out to the people in your life and to be with who you really want to be instead of trying to conform to an expectation that doesn't match who you really are.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I know that I didn't choose to be heterosexual. I am only physically attracted to men. I just am. And I wouldn't want someone to try and convice me to become homosexual because they feel it's better or right. That's why I don't believe it's a choice. Simple as that.

Akashic, I love boobs too. Luckily I have two of my own (though they are on the small side). Geez!

Also, what Matthew said. Hmmm, I think I'll just make that my sig.

[hollowman]

I guess it took a lot of courage to come out of the closet. Is everyone here out of closet already?

I wonder if it is possible to just stay in the closet for as long as possible. I reli dun know how to... what if i am a bi, not homo.

I dun want to see my family (esp my parents fall apart). I am the eldest and i am quite a big figure in the family.

How about my church? How do i face them??? The culture in my place simply cannot accept this. I once have the crazy idea to move out from my country... but thats just crazy. cant leave my parents behind. i am someone many people look up to in my family...

sigh...

my dad keep pushing me to get married so that he can have grandkids to play with. my mum tried introduce me to a girl before. i love children though...

[James Hayden]

The David:

It's good that you were able to be yourself to your family. I struggled with similar issues, and still do. My father happens to be extremely religious -- not in the 'love your neighbor' way. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to truly be myself to him. The rest of my immediate family knows I am gay, but it isn't discussed.

One thing I am grateful for is that it's less common now in the civilized world for parents to disown their children for being gay. There still are ones who do (do some research on homeless gay youth to learn more about it) but it seems that the vast majority of parents today are simply shocked at first, but come to love and accept their children for who they are.

It's also a plus that you have found some like-minded individuals in your life. That was one thing that was missing from my life until after I got out of high school. It's very important to have the support of other people who have gone through a similar situation as you.

I spent many years during my adolescence convinced that I was the only boy to get crushes on other boys. I thought there was something wrong with me -- that I was a defective person, and would never be able to live a normal life. It wasn't until I slowly began meeting other gay and lesbian people around my age, and later entire same-sex families, that I really began to feel being attracted to guys might not be the end of the world.

I know Knoxville seems like a small backwoods town, but it has a surprisingly large gay presence. I see cars with gay pride decor around town frequently. There was even a pride parade here. There are several 'gay friendly' churches in the area, although I am not personally a church-goer. There's even a whole gay softball league that plays on Sundays.

Learning to love and accept myself in spite of what my social conditioning demanded has been one of the most profound and meaningful journeys in my life. I don't think God gives us any experience that isn't exactly what we needed.

By the way, are you from this area originally, or do you just go to school here?

[The David]

Originally Posted by James Hayden

The David:

It's good that you were able to be yourself to your family. I struggled with similar issues, and still do. My father happens to be extremely religious -- not in the 'love your neighbor' way. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to truly be myself to him. The rest of my immediate family knows I am gay, but it isn't discussed.

One thing I am grateful for is that it's less common now in the civilized world for parents to disown their children for being gay. There still are ones who do (do some research on homeless gay youth to learn more about it) but it seems that the vast majority of parents today are simply shocked at first, but come to love and accept their children for who they are.

It's also a plus that you have found some like-minded individuals in your life. That was one thing that was missing from my life until after I got out of high school. It's very important to have the support of other people who have gone through a similar situation as you.

I spent many years during my adolescence convinced that I was the only boy to get crushes on other boys. I thought there was something wrong with me -- that I was a defective person, and would never be able to live a normal life. It wasn't until I slowly began meeting other gay and lesbian people around my age, and later entire same-sex families, that I really began to feel being attracted to guys might not be the end of the world.

I know Knoxville seems like a small backwoods town, but it has a surprisingly large gay presence. I see cars with gay pride decor around town frequently. There was even a pride parade here. There are several 'gay friendly' churches in the area, although I am not personally a church-goer. There's even a whole gay softball league that plays on Sundays.

Learning to love and accept myself in spite of what my social conditioning demanded has been one of the most profound and meaningful journeys in my life. I don't think God gives us any experience that isn't exactly what we needed.

By the way, are you from this area originally, or do you just go to school here?

I am originally from Chattanooga (born in East Ridge, lived in Highland Park), but mainly grew up in Cleveland. So Knoxville is no 'small backwoods town' to me.

Now, it almost feels like I've always been out. My parent's are not entirely adjusting (they probably will never be accepting of it, but they may get to the point that they can admit to themselves they have a gay son), but the reception has not been overwhelming. Since moving to Chattanooga, I've almost forgotten that I live in the Bible Belt. I haven't even seen Cleveland since the Summer, and I joined a gay-straight alliance which I am very active in. So yeah, maybe I'm even a little complacent now.