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Unik · 09-01-2007, 11:15 AM

Main problem I face in my social life.

I will explain with an example.

I went to the public movie theater with my little brother. There was a gang of young men smoking in the seat near to me. Only their leader was smoking when I sat near their seat. Smoking is prohibited in public places in my state. So I asked him not to smoke. Actually I requested him. He handed over the cigarettes to his gang mates and all of them started smoking. Other people nearby left their seat and found more comfortable place. But none of them responded to them. I also left the seat with my brother.

What you would have done except calling police or reporting to the security..

These type of gangs are all over my place(Under-developed parts of India). They beat even the policemen. Since they use drugs, they dont feel the pain.

Any idea ?

munish · 09-01-2007, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unik

Main problem I face in my social life.

I will explain with an example.

I went to the public movie theater with my little brother. There was a gang of young men smoking in the seat near to me. Only their leader was smoking when I sat near their seat. Smoking is prohibited in public places in my state. So I asked him not to smoke. Actually I requested him. He handed over the cigarettes to his gang mates and all of them started smoking. Other people nearby left their seat and found more comfortable place. But none of them responded to them. I also left the seat with my brother.

What you would have done except calling police or reporting to the security..

These type of gangs are all over my place(Under-developed parts of India). They beat even the policemen. Since they use drugs, they dont feel the pain.

Any idea ?

Go to a good theater,and avoid such theaters frequented by goons.

Alot of new multiplexes are coming up in Kerala,you will have better security there.
The Hindu : Kerala News : New cinema chain

Akashic_Librarian · 09-01-2007, 01:04 PM

Purchase a M16, when they refuse to co-operate, pull out and ask again nicely, if they pull out guns blow them away...

Don't do that. I would recommend, like Munish said, just simply go somewhere else. Its hard to change the Zeitgeist...so unless you want to irradicate ALL gangs, you can't do anything really.

Unik · 09-01-2007, 01:31 PM

Yes.. I know I cant do anything, but just avoid(filter out) them.

I want to know, is there a way other than this ?

By the way "munish" the scenario is not limited to theatre and movies. It is only an example.

Erin Pavlina · 09-01-2007, 03:25 PM

Unik, you might try the methods espoused in the book Non-Violent Communication (look it up on Amazon). When you asked the man to stop smoking he probably felt like you were shaming him in front of his friends. To save embarrassment he had to "one up" you. So you were in a no-win situation due to the way you spoke to him. not your fault of course, but just telling you what he was probably feeling and why he acted how he did.

I believe in the book Non-Violent Communication there is a method to communicate with people like him so that he doesn't feel attacked. Because if he is feeling attacked (whether you are actually attacking or not) he will defend himself. Know what I mean?

HumbleDee · 09-01-2007, 03:26 PM

I wouldn't go into the theatre anymore. Good theatre should have smoke detector. If someone was smoking the fire alarm should have gone off.

Can't you call the theatre manager to handle these sort of things ? It's their job to deal with these sort of things, not you a paying customer. You should have demanded your money back.

munish · 09-01-2007, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unik

By the way "munish" the scenario is not limited to theatre and movies. It is only an example.

I didn't know this happens in India(Kerala) . CPI(M) claims to have brought alot of improvements in kerala.

We have alot of friends here from Kerala,in New Delhi.Even my sister was there last month on a business trip.No one told me this happens there .

Sam988 · 09-01-2007, 05:04 PM

Learn kung fu and beat them like jackie chan would.

Seriously, i dont think there's a solution to this problem, just try avoiding staying near them.

Unik · 09-02-2007, 05:11 AM

Thanks erin for the concept of non-violent communication.

Quote:

Originally Posted by munish

I didn't know this happens in India(Kerala) . CPI(M) claims to have brought alot of improvements in kerala.

We have alot of friends here from Kerala,in New Delhi.Even my sister was there last month on a business trip.No one told me this happens there .

hey.. this is an example of gang. Haven't you met a gang similar in your life. They are at college, they are at bus-stop, they are in the traffic, they are in every part of the world.

How to deal with their personalities is my question..

munish · 09-02-2007, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unik

These type of gangs are all over my place(Under-developed parts of India). They beat even the policemen.
Any idea ?

You said Kerala is an under-developed part of India.As per my information it is a state where we have 97% literacy rate(and we are proud of this).Compared to 30-40% in other parts of India.That was strange.And this beating up of Police is what i have heard for the first time in india.I have been to most of parts of India.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unik

this is an example of gang. Haven't you met a gang similar in your life. They are at college, they are at bus-stop, they are in the traffic, they are in every part of the world.

How to deal with their personalities is my question..

Now this a general question.Read this one by Steve.

If someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks.
Steve Pavlina.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ficult-people/

munish · 09-02-2007, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam988

Learn kung fu and beat them like jackie chan would.

Seriously, i dont think there's a solution to this problem, just try avoiding staying near them.

And this is the second best option.

Unik · 09-03-2007, 06:03 AM

I hadnt told, kerala is underdeveloped part of India. You might have checked my previous posts and arrived at conclusion. The incident happened at an underdeveloped part of India.

And thanks to that link of post by steve...

09-01-2007, 11:15 AM	#1 (permalink)
Unik Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: India Posts: 27	How to deal with gangs ? Main problem I face in my social life. I will explain with an example. I went to the public movie theater with my little brother. There was a gang of young men smoking in the seat near to me. Only their leader was smoking when I sat near their seat. Smoking is prohibited in public places in my state. So I asked him not to smoke. Actually I requested him. He handed over the cigarettes to his gang mates and all of them started smoking. Other people nearby left their seat and found more comfortable place. But none of them responded to them. I also left the seat with my brother. What you would have done except calling police or reporting to the security.. These type of gangs are all over my place(Under-developed parts of India). They beat even the policemen. Since they use drugs, they dont feel the pain. Any idea ?

09-01-2007, 03:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
Erin Pavlina Administrator Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 4,593	Unik, you might try the methods espoused in the book Non-Violent Communication (look it up on Amazon). When you asked the man to stop smoking he probably felt like you were shaming him in front of his friends. To save embarrassment he had to "one up" you. So you were in a no-win situation due to the way you spoke to him. not your fault of course, but just telling you what he was probably feeling and why he acted how he did. I believe in the book Non-Violent Communication there is a method to communicate with people like him so that he doesn't feel attacked. Because if he is feeling attacked (whether you are actually attacking or not) he will defend himself. Know what I mean? __________________ Erin Pavlina, Intuitive Counselor Connect with me on: Facebook

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09-01-2007, 01:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
Akashic_Librarian Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: The Darkness / The Never Posts: 1,673	Purchase a M16, when they refuse to co-operate, pull out and ask again nicely, if they pull out guns blow them away... Don't do that. I would recommend, like Munish said, just simply go somewhere else. Its hard to change the Zeitgeist...so unless you want to irradicate ALL gangs, you can't do anything really.

09-01-2007, 01:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
Unik Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: India Posts: 27	Yes.. I know I cant do anything, but just avoid(filter out) them. I want to know, is there a way other than this ? By the way "munish" the scenario is not limited to theatre and movies. It is only an example.

09-01-2007, 03:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
HumbleDee Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Down Under Posts: 9	I wouldn't go into the theatre anymore. Good theatre should have smoke detector. If someone was smoking the fire alarm should have gone off. Can't you call the theatre manager to handle these sort of things ? It's their job to deal with these sort of things, not you a paying customer. You should have demanded your money back.

09-01-2007, 05:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
Sam988 Family Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,232	Learn kung fu and beat them like jackie chan would. Seriously, i dont think there's a solution to this problem, just try avoiding staying near them.

09-03-2007, 06:03 AM	#12 (permalink)
Unik Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: India Posts: 27	I hadnt told, kerala is underdeveloped part of India. You might have checked my previous posts and arrived at conclusion. The incident happened at an underdeveloped part of India. And thanks to that link of post by steve...

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums