strange encounter while trying to contact my guides

[nama adrift]

ok, so the following is kind of long, but i really want to make sense of this stuff. so please, if you have the time, let me know what you think.

august of 2010 i became interested in astral projection and meditation. i didn't know a whole lot when i first started so i tried to jump straight into astral projection. i got to the point where i could feel myself coming loose if you will but couldn't get up. then i did more research and decided i was trying to run before i could walk. so i started trying to tech myself to lucid dream, which still seemed too big a place to start, so i moved onto meditation and trying to reach out to my spirit guides. i have these guided meditations that i used, one of them was for intuitive development and another was for meeting your spirit guide.

in the first one, you would ascend a "stair case" to the door of your intuition and then at the top of the stair case open the door, and then close it behind you when you went back down the stairs. i struggled with the meditations, often falling asleep, or not being able to visualize well, but i did start to see some results. in late sept and through out october, i started hearing footsteps or strange noises. then i started to hear a cat meowing, and even felt a cat jump up onto my bed, and crawl between my knees and poke his head over the blankets. but when i saw his face, it was dead. it was a half decomposed cat, but it was smiling at me and seemed happy to see me. in all honesty it reminded me a lot of my old cat who died a few years ago. it freaked me out, but didnt scare me in the way that most other things like this have scared med. the footsteps persisted, but i didn't hear any more meowing. i did notice a lot more cats around the neighborhood though.

then one day in early november or late october after the cat incident, i opened the "door" during my intuitive development meditation to find bright white light on the other side. i was surrounded in a radiant bubble of white light when i descended back down the stairs. i then went straight into my other meditation and met something, though i don't think it was my guide. honestly i still am not sure what to make of it. it was a very attractive man who was quite literally the "man of my dreams". i had been daydreaming a few days before about what my "dream man" would look like, and in this vision that is exactly what he looked like. he told me his name was russell, which was also very coincidental in that a week or so before i had been thinking about what my favorite boy baby names are and i had chosen russell. this man, i'll go with that to refer to him because i don't know who or what he really was, was surrounded in bright red. it was pulsating around him and from him. it was a radiant multidimensional color, but a very deep and dark red (and i mean multidimensional in the way that you would describe someone's hair color being multidimensional). i felt terrified.

then not long after that i was meditating while visiting my parents house and i heard a voice. it was deep, male, and threatening. i was trying to invite my guides to come to me and the voice said "invite me". but it felt like an unpleasant, would-be command. i was overcome with a sense of fear, and i felt, an almost physical sensation really, myself shut off- as in psychically. it was like i just snapped the light switch off. i did it intentionally, because i was scared and felt so threatened by this voice. at this time i pretty much stopped meditating altogether, in every form.

during this period, there were some other inexplicable things that happened as well, though i forget when they started. first, that whole semester (i was in school at the time, but have since graduated) i went through an intense period of creativity and crafted some of my best work. second, i started hearing -physically hearing- my phone going off like someone had just texted me. then i would look down at my phone and see that no one had texted me, but as soon as i started to put my phone down or within 30 seconds of putting my phone down i actually would get a text message. at the height of this, it happened without fail. also, there was one day, after i met "russell" when i had asked my guides to show me a sign that they were with me, but asked them not to appear to me. so i went out to my car and found a large gray feather not 6 inches from the drivers side door when i was leaving for class. it did not look like a feather on any bird i had ever seen, as i live in a large city we don't really have birds that big. it was between 8-10 inches long and 1.5 to 2 inches wide at the widest point. then after the voice, and i believe the last time i tried to contact my guides i came out to my car, after making a quick stop at home, i found a pink fuzzy sock bunched up on the top of my car just over the driver's side. (this sock had been missing for a few days)lastly, in january i started having graphically violent dreams in color. for example, one of the dreams had mostly decomposed corpses on outdoor tables and i was walking through the tables talking to the each person who was with each corpse. the color red always stuck out to me, it was always the color i could remember most strongly.

then the next semester, i went through some of the worst writer's block i have ever had. it was like i had lost my creativity. i had some issues briefly with a stalker (it was very brief and nothing bad actually happened, it just freaked me out), and then in late december i started having problems with headaches. and i got a migraine in january (like to the point where my vision was affected), and then in march i had another migraine with affected vision. i think it is important to note here that i had changed my birth control back in october, and that the symptoms i had experienced were all documented potential side effects of the medication and that as soon as i stopped taking it in march the headaches stopped. the only reason that i think it pertinent to this post is because in late july/early august i went to get a refill on my prescription but the pharmacist said that the computer says she couldn't refill my prescription because it had been discontinued, which was odd because it was a very common and safe pill that had not been discontinued.