Nightmares
 

I'm sick of 'em. I don't know what is at the root of these movies that play out in my head night after night over the past month or so, but I really want to change the channel. It's very much like watching a violent movie... but I don't watch TV and don't see many movies, either. Somehow, my mind comes up with these stories anyway, probably based on films or stories I was exposed to when I was younger, but even then I abhorred that sort of violence.

What do I need to do to make them stop? Is there a way to tap into the root cause and remove it? I'm sure there is, just looking for some input.

I don't have them every night, and they're not the sort that cause me to wake up suddenly. It really just feels like watching a movie. I've been talking about writing a screenplay with my bf, but I don't want to write what I've been seeing. Maybe I don't want to admit--even to myself--that I can have such violent, twisted thoughts?

Embracing Your Fear

I hope that helps you.

Hi CR,

Sometimes I think dreams are the unconscious trying to get a message out, sometimes I think it's just processing things, organizing and filing information, in the way that large computer systems do night-time data processing that can't be done during the day when everyone is using the system.

For me, I find that a lot of my really bad, or messed up dreams are related to some fear that is lingering.

So it seems that the amount of time this has been happening roughly correlates to the time since you've been hooked up with the new bf? Even though that sounds like it's going really well, a new relationship eventually causes old yuck to surface. I'm totally guessing here, but what do you think about that?

Tons of yuck. Ex boyfriend yuck too, so yes, I agree with that assessment.

This morning it was like watching a film spool out where things started okay, then we see what's going on that the main characters didn't know, then the violent murders start so the villains (pillars of society, naturally) can hide their nefarious deeds. It wasn't even original! :p

As far as the ex bf stuff goes, I feel guilty even dreaming about them. Sometimes I'm just talking to them, or even ignoring them passive-aggressively. When I dream about the man I'm with now, those dreams flow smoothly and I wake up feeling like we've talked all night. :) He has those dreams too, so maybe we are communicating on another plane. I like to think so. These other dreams though... when I wake up, I feel afraid all day.

Thank you for the suggestion, Erins posts are always interesting! It doesn't quite jibe with my storylines, though. I'm watching other people die and I'm not even involved, for the most part. I have rarely been attacked in my dreams, as I was introduced to lucid dreaming when I was very young and learned how to avoid that sort of terror. In these dreams I'm the observer, not the victim.

The fact that you're the observer makes me wonder if that's an important part of the dream - if it represents feeling powerless to change things in your environment, within the dream.

A similar thing has happened to me in new relationships, often having nightmares about my father. It's like the newness of a situation can stir things up in the subconscious - imagine a glass of sugar water, where the sugar has settled to the bottom; it's like stirring that glass.

Hm... not sure if I'm feeling powerless, but maybe that's me justifying things. Could I have changed it? Of course, it's my dream. But why dream about these things at all? The only reasoning I can come up with is to write it down and sell it as a storyline for a movie. I don't want to do that.

Wait a minute--isn't that what Poe did? I know there are some horror writers out there who became quite successful writing their dreams. Augh. This is so not me. But it IS me. I just don't want it to be me. I want to wake up happy, dammit!

Your darkness is just as much you as anything else. Why *not* write it down? Once you pass through it, you may be even happier.

I was going through some terrible anxiety and having nightmares at one point, and started expressing it through my art so that my anxieties could see the light of day. That brought a lot of relief.

That's something to mull over today. Thanks, Pyro. :)

Looking past my desk to the clutter that is my office right now... I wonder if that has something to do with it as well? I'm finding it hard to function and meet deadlines, mainly because I can't move in this room. It's really crippling me, and I'm feeling too stuck to do anything about it. :( I know you've offered to help, but I think I need to go through it on my own. I'm the only person who knows where anything belongs! :p

No worries! There's no one else who'd ever be able to help me sort *my* stuff.

When I'm having nightmares lately I know it is because my unconscious mind is sorting things out. Whenever I'm going through a shift, I have a few days (nights) of nightmares.

If I'm fighting against them, trying to make them not happen, or keep the fear with me during the day.... they continue longer.

If I just accept them as gunk that my unconscious mind is sorting out, they go away sooner.

Maybe this resonates with you?

Don't fear them. Experience them. They are there for a reason. Bear with it for a little while longer. I'm sure that when you accept them, they will run away and hide.

I think we all go through periods of bad dreams.

I had a recurring one - same theme, slightly different ending - well, actually the 'ending' would have been the same - so I should my response to the situation was different each time, and if I was directing the nightmare - I was crying 'cut' in different places.

But the crucial thing - because dreams feel so real at the time - I felt such strong feelings of helplessness, pity, fear and anger.

Worst still, because this was a recurring scenario - I worried I was having some sort of premonition.

I'm sure it's only a question of time before the dreams re-surface.

When they do, I'll tell my self that I don't have to interpret them so literally. They could be nothing more than anxiety dreams - I don't know, I'm no dream expert.

But sleep should always be welcomed - even if your sub conscious mind is going to throw you a wide ball that unsettles you.

You'll get through them ...

Ne Cede Malis

A few thoughts...

Just got off the phone with my bf. He actually suggested they might be my mind's way of giving me more storylines to work with for our screenplay. Funny that he and I both came to that conclusion. :rolleyes: :D

What bothers me about having nightmares isn't the sense of helplessness or fear, it's the residue that I carry the rest of the day. I feel bad for what I've witnessed, just as if I'd watched a crime or actual murder. I wake up feeling... kind of dirty. When I have good, positive dreams, I wake up feeling inspired, and it carries through the whole day.

These nightmares are probably a combination of stress from work, home life, starting a new relationship (like Pyro mentioned), and concerns about private family issues I've been going through for the past year. Things are piling up, and my mind is sifting through everything rather laboriously.

"Wouldn't it be just terrible if you wrote them down, sold the screenplay and it made a lot of money?" my bf said sarcastically. Coming from him, that was pretty funny. He knows how excited I get when I sell another story or article, so he knows it's possible that it could work. :p

You know what really does scare me? The awareness that I have this person inside of me who knows exactly what it's like to commit violent acts. During past life regression work over the years, I've seen a lot of things that had never occurred to me in this life. I know what I'm capable of.

We all have the Shadow Self in us, if that's what you mean...

Merrick

Let's focus on the writing then.

I'm not a huge reader, but I've seen many a movie with dark, twisted plots. Characters exploring their dark sides, behaving violently, cruelly etc..

Somebody wrote those screenplays - or adapted them from books or articles, or whatever.

So, from your last post - it seems you are happy to view your nightmares as creative juices. Why not just see them as that? We are all capable of imagining ourselves doing all manner of stuff - but we don't generally do them - thankfully.

I'm not taking anthing away from your emotion response to the dreams. But that's the same of any form of good story telling isn't it? To provoke an emotional response. I'd be more worried if your dreams had no impact on you whatsoever, of if I watched a nasty scene in a movie and was completely impassive.

Ne Cede Malis

I had one the night before last, and I woke up feeling distinctly as though it were me getting in touch with my inner critic...because that has been reflected in my outer reality for some time by people criticizing me as my father does quite a lot.

The man in my dreams who was throwing hockey stick at little girls and they would get twisted up in the girls hair and knock them over and out, was me being hard on myself and knocking myself out mercilessly. At least, that's how I interpreted it.

Not sure if there is anything in that you can use or that resonates, but I thought I'd throw it out there just in case.