Someone set me free and tell me what to do

[redzalez]

TO let her go and move on or think positive and let it manifest? I hate when you let go thats when they want you the most. Hate these kiddy games.

[Plays With Life]

I'll tell you what to do: Let her go.

[supertom]

Let her go.

[redzalez]

Thanks for the responses.. They are what I have been telling myself. I tried to manifest her back because we do have a child together and it seemed to be working but fell apart due to her. I guess I have to let go and if it comes back it will on its own.. 8 mths and I failed.. Really hurts.

[Plays With Life]

Who gets the child if you break up?

[ssandra]

Someone set me free and tell me what to do

I can do one, or the other. Both is impossible....

[redzalez]

She gets her by stupd Tx law. Everyone can be bias but I can honestly tell you I was and still am a great person to her.

[Plays With Life]

If you let her go, will you still get to see your daughter and be a part of her life?

[Frankmat]

I would ask yourself this simple question.

Would you be wanting her back if it was not for sharing a child together?

If the answer to that is no.... then walk away now. Your own happiness outweighs anything else... at least it should.

By going back to someone where things will not work out purely based on sharing a child... you are effectively sentencing yourself to a minimum of 18 years of "just settling" instead of "settling down". It will take at least 18 years until your child is ready to fly the coop. Are you really willing to lose that much love out of your life?

[redzalez]

Originally Posted by Frankmat

I would ask yourself this simple question.

Would you be wanting her back if it was not for sharing a child together?

If the answer to that is no.... then walk away now. Your own happiness outweighs anything else... at least it should.

By going back to someone where things will not work out purely based on sharing a child... you are effectively sentencing yourself to a minimum of 18 years of "just settling" instead of "settling down". It will take at least 18 years until your child is ready to fly the coop. Are you really willing to lose that much love out of your life?

In my state of mind I do not know. My child is what keeps my heart beating. Her mother and I had great times and honestly I felt that it was it and we were final as far as our togetherness. Lately she is the coldest woman in the world but I still try. Don't get me wrong I can definitely attract women but when I envisioned having multiple children and a family life it was with one woman.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by redzalez

In my state of mind I do not know. My child is what keeps my heart beating. Her mother and I had great times and honestly I felt that it was it and we were final as far as our togetherness. Lately she is the coldest woman in the world but I still try. Don't get me wrong I can definitely attract women but when I envisioned having multiple children and a family life it was with one woman.

Have you talked to her about the situation?

[Anthoneee]

Only you can set yourself free. By obeying what I tell you to do, you only become more imprisoned. Do what would make you most happy, and you don't have to play the kiddy-games if you don't want to.

[redzalez]

She definitely knows how I feel. Unfortunately I have made myself look pathetic because I allow her to use me. Seriously its hard. I'm trying to move on but I know thats not what I really want.

[Anthoneee]

Maybe you could try not letting her use you and see how the relationship changes from there?

[redzalez]

Your right because right now its not healthy for me anymore. Hopefully she will change because I honestly know that i am a good man.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by redzalez

She definitely knows how I feel. Unfortunately I have made myself look pathetic because I allow her to use me. Seriously its hard. I'm trying to move on but I know thats not what I really want.

What is it that you do really want? Do you want to make a relationship work with her?

[Criseyde]

Do you love her?

If yes:

Here is my (current) theory about love. Love is adoring someone exactly as they are -- looking at the person standing in front of you and feeling joy and wonder in that moment.

Following from this, when you love someone, you want the best for them -- you want them to be happy. And you grant them the freedom to choose their own best, their own happiness.

Of course, all of this can get muddied up, and love can get choked up with attachment and suffering and anger and selfishness and a million other things. And people think that in order to relieve themselves of the suffering, they have to cut off the love too, which is partially why "letting go" is such a painful prospect.

So here is what you can do. Sit down. Go into a meditative state, however you do it. (I count backwards from 100.) Envision her in front of you, and ask to see all of what's between you two. Things may show up as ropes, clouds, barbed wire, etc. Whatever. You should be able to tell what's positive (love-based) and what's negative (attachment, anger, blah). Collect up the negative things, one by one, and release them. And yes -- let her go. In the end, once the negativity is gone. Leave the love there, but tell her that she's free, because if only love is there, then she *is*. And tell yourself that, too -- that she's free, and that you're free.

It seems like regardless of what happens romantically between you two, you have to stay in contact for the sake of your child, so no matter what happens, this should help... and if not... at least it doesn't take that long.

If no:

As a father, you do have rights. You should be able to get partial custody, if not joint custody. Even if you are granted no custody, unless you've been deemed unfit by the courts, you should be permitted visitation. Do you have a lawyer?

Cheers.

[redzalez]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

What is it that you do really want? Do you want to make a relationship work with her?

Have you ever had a feeling that something was meant to be? Thats what I feel about her but she totally has shut me out.. I know this is not healthy either. I came on this forum at first with the intentions on finding ways to manifest her back but thats impossible with free will.

[Plays With Life]

Hi -

Originally Posted by redzalez

Have you ever had a feeling that something was meant to be?

No, I haven't ever had a feeling that something was meant to be.

Originally Posted by redzalez

Thats what I feel about her but she totally has shut me out.. I know this is not healthy either. I came on this forum at first with the intentions on finding ways to manifest her back but thats impossible with free will.

Oh, I was thinking that you wanted someone to tell you what to do.

I think it's absolutely possible to create ( / re-create) a pleasant relationship with her. The first thing to do, I think, is stop thinking that *she is a problem*. If you're thinking that she is a problem for you - well who the heck wants to be in a relationship with a person who thinks that way about them? Would you want to be in a relationship with a person who was thinking that way about you?

The next thing to do, I think, is start learning about *what she wants*. What does she want that she's not getting in a relationship with you? Once you know, you can probably find a way to give her that thing / those things and feel good about it. It might turn out that what she wants that she's not currently getting isn't something you want to / are able to give her. In that case, you can end the relationship with her knowing that you gave a genuine effort to exploring the possibility of continuing the relationship.

I think the way to start doing that learning is to mention to her, without pressuring her to choose it, that you would like to continue the relationship. That's expressing what you want. Then, ask her whether she would like to continue the relationship. That's giving her an opportunity to express what she wants. That should kick-start a dialogue. As you talk, show interest in learning what she wants. That's how you'll get it out into the air. Then you can talk about possibilities for achieving the things you both want in a relationship together. But just start with the dialogue, and don't rush it - it may take time and several talks for you both to talk it over.

[redzalez]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Hi -



No, I haven't ever had a feeling that something was meant to be.



Oh, I was thinking that you wanted someone to tell you what to do.

I think it's absolutely possible to create ( / re-create) a pleasant relationship with her. The first thing to do, I think, is stop thinking that *she is a problem*. If you're thinking that she is a problem for you - well who the heck wants to be in a relationship with a person who thinks that way about them? Would you want to be in a relationship with a person who was thinking that way about you?

The next thing to do, I think, is start learning about *what she wants*. What does she want that she's not getting in a relationship with you? Once you know, you can probably find a way to give her that thing / those things and feel good about it. It might turn out that what she wants that she's not currently getting isn't something you want to / are able to give her. In that case, you can end the relationship with her knowing that you gave a genuine effort to exploring the possibility of continuing the relationship.

I think the way to start doing that learning is to mention to her, without pressuring her to choose it, that you would like to continue the relationship. That's expressing what you want. Then, ask her whether she would like to continue the relationship. That's giving her an opportunity to express what she wants. That should kick-start a dialogue. As you talk, show interest in learning what she wants. That's how you'll get it out into the air. Then you can talk about possibilities for achieving the things you both want in a relationship together. But just start with the dialogue, and don't rush it - it may take time and several talks for you both to talk it over.

Her response to me always lately is " I don't know what I want" " I just want to be single for a while".. I'm just confused because she still acts like we are together and then when she wants to opt out she does.. Sorry guys I can find others but wish i could of built a family with just one woman.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by redzalez

Her response to me always lately is " I don't know what I want" " I just want to be single for a while".. I'm just confused because she still acts like we are together and then when she wants to opt out she does.. Sorry guys I can find others but wish i could of built a family with just one woman.

Well, I see a few options:

You can just walk away. It sounds like you don't really want to do that.

You can give her some space. ie, just back off. Go ahead and let her be single for a while. Tell her that you're OK with giving her some space, and that you want to be in your daughter's life. Tell her you want to find a way to make both of those things happen - a way that works for all three of you. Then talk about how you could make that happen.

You can aim to continue the relationship. If you aim for this, you might start by telling her that you want to find a way to continue the relationship. You've asked her what she wants - have you told her what you want? And for cripe's sake, don't pressure her when you tell her. You have to be 100% OK with the possibility that she might not want the same thing. Express it without the expectation that she gives it to you - just with the intent of communicating to her what you want.

Probably there are other options. I think you probably have to pick one and run with it. If you switch around, you'll never get very far down any of the paths.

[Frankmat]

Originally Posted by redzalez

Have you ever had a feeling that something was meant to be? Thats what I feel about her but she totally has shut me out.. I know this is not healthy either. I came on this forum at first with the intentions on finding ways to manifest her back but thats impossible with free will.

Yeah its a karmic thing... a karmic lesson you have to learn... thats why it can feel so hard to move on.

I went through the same thing almost 12 months ago.... and to this day I still have days when I crave being with her think about all of the time... but it's at a point now where I am open to it manifesting... but not expecting it to.

Maybe the karmic lesson will be that I find love elsewhere... and that she regrets not giving me a chance for the rest of her life. At this stage I don't know.... but free will on both sides means I have no control over it.... not in this lifetime anyway.

[redzalez]

I appreciate all the feedback. I have gone too tarot card readers and before I would of never of done that. I have gone to this one that is popular here and everytime she tells me that we will be. I guess just have to be patient.

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by ssandra

i can do one, or the other. Both is impossible....

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