Feeling insecure...

[Silwer]

Hello everyone

I joined this forum today quite much on impulse because at the moment I feel pretty desperate and lost to the extent that I'm feeling pains in my chest.
It is not uncommon for me to experience these sudden downs in life but this time it feels more spiritually then simply depending on things going on in life.. thou I'm quite sure they are connected.

I think the main reason why I am feeling so insecure is that i've lately become more aware of things like astral projection and read a lot about spirit guides.
People talk about those wonderful ?beings? and how they help and guide them through their hard times and how they become comforted by them but I cant help but feeling this emptiness and loneliness when attempting to speak to my own. I've almost started to feel as if I don't have any at all.

It is one of the main reasons why I have started practicing astral projection because i've heard that through that one should be able to meet with your guides and talk to them face to face... but this is a skill that takes time to learn and I feel like right now is the time that i need guidance and security more then ever. I've had a lot of uncomfortable dreams lately that have me wake up tired and anxious.

Doesn't help me much that as a child I had constant nightmares of a creature wanting me dead and that I have the feeling that that creature has transformed from a being that I could chase off in my dreams into an invisible dark energy that at times like this (in dreams) nearly drives me mad with fear. In my dreams I feel like I am surrounded by enemies and even the "good ones" turn their backs to me if I manage to turn lucid.

I really wish to break this bad trend of mine but i've come to believe that even thou I believe myself as a strong and independent spirit I really need someone to share this problem with :C

I hope I make some sense in this text..

[Summerbreeze]

I felt similar as i started this path.

The heightened awareness and the change of beliefs brings fears on the surface that had before nothing to cling on to.

How we think about things or relate to them is very much determined by our emotions.
In general if we learn something, we move from the zone of comfort to the zone of no-comfort. Seeking comfort is a human tendency, it can be achieved by falling back to the old structure or going through the pain and get through with you questions and fears.
Falling back is not as cool as going through, most people say any path is better that none.

Many people say that in this "phase" of the universe we play a "integration game" of the two poles negative and positive in order to evolve as whole.
So we need this negative things, we agreed before incarnating in order to grow.
You will not get harmed. Fear is appetizer for some beings, i had this as a child too. I had enough, at some time i had such an aggressiveness and was fighting them in my dreams, i don't know why but from then on i had rarely encounters.
I had dreams in the last months were they tried to trick me, lol. it is sometimes like playing a game of "who is smarter" but there is nothing that really happens, they just feed on your fear. Fear is not a good base for Astral projection. If you want to AP, i would recommend to go through Lucid dreaming first.

I didn't get the emphasis, maybe feel like you are going to a kind of depression and not knowing what you could want from your life?

If you want to talk about something straight or make points, i really would try to get an answer. I don't how hard you want to AP, if you REALLY want to get more of this stuff, i can recommend you some practices and content, that did it for me. Many things we later do naturally feel like an effort or unnatural the first time. This was for me even meditating.


~sb

[Silwer]

To be honest i've never known what to want from life, perhaps because i've never felt welcome in it. It has always been a struggle for me and for a while during my young teens I practically lived only on hate and hope for revenge. So being thrown into the world of adults has shaken my very foundations and force me to change on many levels.

I'm not afraid of astral projection and i REALLY want to learn it and lucid dreaming too because it is awesome and the few times that I have attained it all my fears has gone away... as long as i've been lucid that is .. ^^;

I recognize that game like feeling! I've had many dreams where I've found myself thinking "is this guy trying to help me or just get me in trouble?"

I would love to get some practice advice but I think my biggest enemy is impatience and restlessness. Usually when I attempt AP and lay relaxed for a long time I get this extreme heat that fills my body until I feel as if i'm going to melt. Not much vibrations thou.. more like itching and twitches...

Thank you loads for your reply.

[Summerbreeze]

Yep, by rationalizing and thinking i don't either can get the emotional feeling that says you are doing the right thing.
As a child, i had the strong feeling to come from another place and moaned about being on earth. So the only thing is to make plans and go through the experiences i might find enjoyable and like or help me to grow and overcome old issues. There are many people that would share similar feelings, but feel strange to do so in "public", it is one of the bigger things that lead to separation during this experience here.

I'm thinking about writing a tutorial of lucid dreaming and astral projection, because there are many FAQ's that people answer here every time and it is hard to write the whole thing down. This week i have to do much math, so next week i might try if i can make a concept for the attempt to become lucid or astral.

~sb

[Silwer]

I really enjoy talking about astral projection and lucid dreaming, and I wouldn't really mind talking about it in every day public.. but sadly the public have the tendencies to mind you very much and sees it as their duty to talk you out of it.

It would be really interesting to see what you can come up with, there are so many different tutorials and FAQ's out there but none of them seem to answer issues that a lot of people experience.

Good luck with the math, that is something I consider truly evil and gave up on a long time ago!

[OneEyedKing]

Hi Silwer. I don't know anything about AP. I just know that I had a similar experience of fear and insecurity from reading the works of David R. Hawkins. I have felt better today, by just doing 'normal, practical' stuff that I had been putting off (exercising, paying bills, cleaning a bit). Maybe to take a break would do you good? I definitely understand the struggle when u are interested in something and others in your life seemingly could never understand. That is why I am glad I found this forum!

[Silwer]

Yeah reading can be really dangerous sometimes, today I read several blogs and posts about Spirit guides being evil and demonic. It tore me up pretty severely on the inside, but yeah I feel a bit better now after reading posts in this forum and some silly facebook conversations.

This forum is the most awesome I've seen this far!

[Joebenz]

Silwer, you are my double. I understand every single thing you said because i'm in the exact same situation. i also want to do astral projection and lucid dreaming and when i'm almost there, fear takes over.

and when you said "perhaps because i've never felt welcome in it" i feel the same in my life. So you're not alone.

I suggest using binaural beats while meditating for astral projection or just relaxing. The most effective website is The Unexplainable Store&reg Brainwave Recordings and Crystals For Spiritual Development
(i don't know if i am allowed to put a website here)
There are free samples you can download and put on your mp3. when i first used them, i got a weird feelling and has always been there whenever i listen to them.

[Silwer]

Good to meet you Joebenz.
I've actually got a binural beats file and its almost an hour long, I found its no good to listen to it while trying to fall asleep it kinda makes me energized and "brain dead". I'll try the ones you linked maybe they work better.

It is really nice to hear i'm not alone feeling like this, but then again this forum is made for people like us to get together and not some close minded society where people freeze you out if you have "strange" beliefs. Amazing to find so many awesome people in one place.

[bluestar]

Just perhaps ....if not being 100% committed to Spiritual development because of fear of censure from others, or fear of lack of support...could cause insecurities? Then those insecurities could manifest as negative forces in the emotions, and dreams....