Question maybe some of you will be able to answer.

[Stacedoll]

I don't know if there's links here or if it's just in my head. Actually I feel like I'm going crazy, especially over the last year.

I was told over the last year I was becoming more open, I have had mad scary experiences but I'm even starting to doubt now was that just in my head? was it me being paranoid? but over the last year I have just felt myself suffering more and more from depression. It's gotten to the stage now were I jus feel like I'm going mad.

Can these be linked? Can I even be open or can I just simply be suffering from depression?

How can someone even tell the difference and start to understand whats going on in there head?

A friend of mine told me she was worried about me and asked me to read up on bipolar disorder as she was afraid I was suffering from it. I don't think I am to be honest but I have gotten very erratic and it can be hard to control.

Has anyone ever had these issues before? Is this something a doctor can help me with or could there be something more?

I never felt like this before last summer.

[Summerbreeze]

which circumstances in your life you don't like at this time?

[Stacedoll]

Originally Posted by Summerbreeze

which circumstances in your life you don't like at this time?

Hi Summerbreeze

That's the crazy thing I don't feel very unhappy about my circumstances. I became very destructive for a while, split up with my boyfriend whom I loved dearly, started drinking too much, became very aggressive, the list could go on.

But I've been working and fighting against all that, I got him back, we're happier than ever, I was accepted to college, my dream to study archaeology, I'm getting to do it, in other areas no things aren't great but I have a very supportive base of family and friends yet still I can't be happy. I fight it, an try, but as soon as I get up every morning, within 20 mins my head doesn't stop. Even right now, I've burning pain in my chest, I feel agitated, nervous and unhappy. When i'm around people it gets worse, the only time I ever feel truly comfortable and normal is if my mam is around me or my grandmother or wierdly enough if I do my angel cards, straight away a peace will come over me, Its like it jus switches off an goes away. Not all the time, but most of the time.

It'd very hard to explain, its like I dont feel like me. I'm a pretty confident person, I can stand up for myself, I have opinions and I let no one walk over me, but in the case of a few minutes I can turn into a trembling wreck. Or I go the opposite end and totally get aggressive, it's like enjoy the anger and scaring people, I get a kick out of it. but that's not me, I hate to see people in anyway upset, more often than not that upsets me.

As I said I just feel like i'm going completely mental

[sorter]

"Has anyone ever had these issues before?"

Yes. I called it peak experience. I had it in high school and when I moved to NYC.
What you're describing is usually brought on by stress and not necessarily the kind of stress you would notice.
It builds gradually so you don't notice it.

Look at it like this. We are all born with the basic experience of all history.
That includes a lot of fear and death.
Attacks from animals, starvation etc.

When we are under stress, those memories can surface. They seem like hallucinations.
Fortunately, when they happened to me, I kinda knew all that so I didn't fight them.

You've said
"I fight it"
"but that's not me"
Fighting your experience (and your experience is you) can greatly add to your stress and be most of the issue.

Try enjoying your experiences.
Meet them with interest and curiosity. Study them.
And take up yoga or meditation or anything that is energizing and relaxing.

Now, if your reaction to what I just said is no way, you couldn't possibly engage what you are currently rejecting,
then you might need the help of a doctor.
If so, I suggest you look for one that doesn't pass out drugs
and says they can help in a short time.
Some treatments can suck up all your money and/or turn you into a legal drug addict.

"i'm going completely mental"
That phrase is particularly Irish and I've always liked it. I think it's very descriptive of the problem.
Yoga is great for not being completely mental.

.

[Stacedoll]

Originally Posted by sorter

"Has anyone ever had these issues before?"

Yes. I called it peak experience. I had it in high school and when I moved to NYC.
What you're describing is usually brought on by stress and not necessarily the kind of stress you would notice.
It builds gradually so you don't notice it.

Look at it like this. We are all born with the basic experience of all history.
That includes a lot of fear and death.
Attacks from animals, starvation etc.

When we are under stress, those memories can surface. They seem like hallucinations.
Fortunately, when they happened to me, I kinda knew all that so I didn't fight them.

You've said
"I fight it"
"but that's not me"
Fighting your experience (and your experience is you) can greatly add to your stress and be most of the issue.

Try enjoying your experiences.
Meet them with interest and curiosity. Study them.
And take up yoga or meditation or anything that is energizing and relaxing.

Now, if your reaction to what I just said is no way, you couldn't possibly engage what you are currently rejecting,
then you might need the help of a doctor.
If so, I suggest you look for one that doesn't pass out drugs
and says they can help in a short time.
Some treatments can suck up all your money and/or turn you into a legal drug addict.

"i'm going completely mental"
That phrase is particularly Irish and I've always liked it. I think it's very descriptive of the problem.
Yoga is great for not being completely mental.

.

Thanks Sorter

I really don't know how to engage though, I just breathe deeply and keep busy, though I must admit, may not be anything to do with anything, but over the last 2 weeks I have had some extremely vivid colourful and pretty ♥♥♥♥♥♥ dreams. my mam said she's had the same an they've sent her off balance too, I notice since I've had them I've gotten worse.

Meditate I can't do, I can't switch off, I've tried time and time again an I just can't, my head never stops.

Yoga sounds like a great idea, I think I'll download a yoga video and give it a shot, see if that helps, if anything helps at this stage that would be great.

Yea I've been to my doctor, they told me I am suffering from depression but didnt wanna put me on tablets as thats the last route an to try change areas in my life, which Ive done, and am still doing, but it jus feels like its getting worse.

ha an yea, I never thought of goin mental as an Irish phrase but I suppose it's a regular saying over here.

Thanks for the post, much appreciated.

[IrisFreya]

I am bi-polar, and well I understand how you may feel. I am hoping to be off meds completely at some point, but that isn't now. I understand that it is hard to meditate, start off small. Listen to your favorite slow music. Just concentrate..or try on one thing. I like the way something sounds. My favorite is running water over a creek. just find something you can focus in on. Start small if only for a few minutes that is a start. Clearing out your "headspace" as a friend of mine puts it is a wonderful thing.

[Summerbreeze]

Originally Posted by Stacedoll

Hi Summerbreeze

That's the crazy thing I don't feel very unhappy about my circumstances. I became very destructive for a while, split up with my boyfriend whom I loved dearly, started drinking too much, became very aggressive, the list could go on.

But I've been working and fighting against all that, I got him back, we're happier than ever, I was accepted to college, my dream to study archaeology, I'm getting to do it, in other areas no things aren't great but I have a very supportive base of family and friends yet still I can't be happy. I fight it, an try, but as soon as I get up every morning, within 20 mins my head doesn't stop. Even right now, I've burning pain in my chest, I feel agitated, nervous and unhappy. When i'm around people it gets worse, the only time I ever feel truly comfortable and normal is if my mam is around me or my grandmother or wierdly enough if I do my angel cards, straight away a peace will come over me, Its like it jus switches off an goes away. Not all the time, but most of the time.

It'd very hard to explain, its like I dont feel like me. I'm a pretty confident person, I can stand up for myself, I have opinions and I let no one walk over me, but in the case of a few minutes I can turn into a trembling wreck. Or I go the opposite end and totally get aggressive, it's like enjoy the anger and scaring people, I get a kick out of it. but that's not me, I hate to see people in anyway upset, more often than not that upsets me.

As I said I just feel like i'm going completely mental

Hi Stacedoll,

please do me favor and don't think in terms of being crazy we all have downsides we don't openly share.
There are so many discrepancies in our social conditioned communication.
The "crazy" ones are mostly the mentally healthiest in the future, because they are really transforming something inside their mind.

I've some lightly depressive states sometimes by myself.
This is the time when i don't do much social stuff, but i don't recognize it as source. I think something like, "my thoughts create my feelings", but only a small amount of them are conscious. That can be tough.

I'm the happiest if i go to my potential, socializing or making plans.
The downside looks like, sitting at home and thinking "whats wrong and the point of all?" "Why i feel this way?"
At one point we began to realize that how we used to think will not work out for our whole life, and want to work very honest on ourselves.
Splitting things up for example, "does work for me - makes me happy" or "does not".
It is tough being you i know, because it is sometimes tough being me, sometimes for no particular reason. I think a pointer could be lack of responsibility for things that happen in life, so we may do some stupid things maybe sometimes just out of boredom or lack of attention.
But in reality we stopped progressing, self realization can be a painful process that comes in waves.

Writing is a good way to not forget ourselves and do not get caught in the slippery cage of confusion.

I don't know if you can relate to this, for me it's currently my way out to more freedom and peace.

Best wishes