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|06-07-2009, 05:35 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2009
some thoughts i'm trying to sort out
I just felt like I needed to kind of vent about this stuff and see if anyone had any thoughts on it.
I was in a long term relationship with a guy who was into energy work, mind control, and stuff like that. He claimed to astral travel, but I'm not sure if he did. At the end, he got emotionally abusive, so I left.
I'd been looking at my recovery in terms of abusive relationships, but after a while, I felt that I needed to move further in understanding it and finding my own meaning about it.
I'm pretty sure he used mind controll on me from the beginning. He had a powerful aura and energy. I even saw him manifest his energy phsically in an object once
I think he was either a darkworker (didn't know about those until recently) or he was actually crazy (as in out of touch with reality), or he was a pathological liar and a narcissist. (Or any combination of those.)
Anyway, he was also an important teacher for me, as I learned A LOT about myself, the world, and the supernatural from him. A lot of it was in the form of what NOT to do but sometimes those are the best lessons.
I feel that he and I are still spiritually linked - that is our auras or energies have not completely separated. He had told me that they would eventually seperate over time when were no longer together, but I am confused about this now.
I think that he is still using some remote mind influence on me, but that it's probably more of a way to kinda stay in touch (in a weird way) than anything else. Since I have raised my vibration, I am much stronger and he cannot control me.
The thing is, I don't really want to lose all contact with him. We haven't communicated or seen each other at all in months. I feel that this is best given his very dark side.
I guess my question is that I am having some trouble integrating all of this. On the one hand, I cared about him very much for a very long time, but I also didn't really look at the totality of who he really was because I wanted to somewhat deny or rationalize his dark aspects. When they became directed at me, I had to leave for my own emotional and probably physical safety. But I still feel connected to him and grateful to myself, the universe, and him for everything I learned from him.
It's just hard to integrate my realization of his dark side and my respect and gratitude for his part in my path.
Anyone have a similar experience or any thoughts?
|06-07-2009, 06:31 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Raleigh, NC
If you believe that other people have the power to control you, it makes it much more likely that that will be your experience.
If you believe that he controls you with dark energy, and that you have difficulty resisting it, why would you wish to contact him ever again?
His part in your growth doesn't necessarily mean there should be contact again. If a person raped you but you happened to grow stronger from the experience, would you desire to hang out with him?
Move on and find people that make your soul sing, not cringe in fear, or have to hold up shields.
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