Keep dreaming about an ex-boyfriend from years ago

[pickledonion12]

Hello,

I am a female in my mid-thirties. Lately I have been dreaming a lot about my first boyfriend from over 15 years ago. We were together for several years and he had a big psychological and emotional effect on me. I was devastated when we broke up and mourned him for several years. However, I moved on many years ago and have had many boyfriends since and am now married. I keep dreaming about him even if I have not thought about him during the day. I think about him from time to time but not all the time and I am just wondering why he is appearing in my dreams.

I have not kept in contact with him and as far as I know he is married with kids as am I.

Can anyone tell me what this means?

[spiritedwildfire]

pickledonion12, I am really glad that you asked this question because I have a very similar one! Unfortunately, I have no answers for you.

I have been dreaming about my ex's as well. There are three of them whose behavior I have allowed to shape and mold my life as well as outlook on men, society, and my own personal self-esteem. It is these three that I dream about.

So, I would like to know as well, what does this all mean?

[MiBeloved]

This is normal because the subconscious keeps energies which are released from the conscious mind. Thus even if the conscious mind decides to give up something or to remove it from the mind, the subconscious will, more than likely, keep that as a memory which will trigger dreams and related considerations in the future. Sometimes after days, weeks or years, such a memory comes up or a dream that is related is experienced.
There is another way to look at this, and that is that your psyche has stockpiles of unfinished relationships which it would like to complete. Thus it will take an opportunity to fulfill these either in the physical world or in the dream (astral) world.
This is not restricted to just what happens in one life time. In fact sometimes one meets a person in a dream whom one had a relationship in a previous life and in that dream experience one is drawn into an agreeable or disagreeable relationship in the dream based on the previous relationship.
Two persons who have a karmic bond or a subconscious need to be together for one reason or the other, based on this or that attraction, are likely to meet repeatedly in dreams in an effort to sort out the relationship.
This may be done by the subconscious mind even if the conscious mind has renounced or forgotten about the relationship. Both persons have subconscious minds which might be communicating even if there is no attempt to do so consciously.
Stately frankly, this means that a part of your psyche might transcend your detachment and that part will meet with the other person who also has such a subconscious need. This is easy to manifest in the realm of dreams, the realm of astral existence.

Of interest is your statement:
I was devastated when we broke up and mourned him for several years.

This devastation or emotional trauma and the resulting mourning, would have reinforced the subconscious impression and thus this itself is the big part of the present dream experience. Such situations lead on until one takes another body and can meet that person and be again in the same type of relationship as before, just as if you were reading an interesting book, stopped on page 98 and then continued from page 99 at the next session for reading.
More than likely, providence will be sure to put you and the said person together again in a future life. Whatever tension was there at the time of parting, must still exists as a psychic energy in the universe and so providence will act to relieve it by putting you together again, but the present dreams are the initial effort of that providence.
You could take those opportunities to settle out this relationship and to heal the damaged part of your psyche which was traumatized when you separated.

[spiritedwildfire]

Will these types of dreams tend to increase with detoxing the body? It seems as if when I begin detoxing and cleansing my body, I also begin to release old emotions that are stored and memories that I had long forgotten about.

In my case, I feel as if when I left my ex boyfriends it was my choice, and although I was sad, and still am dissapointed in the men they have chosen to become, in the end I do feel resolution. I tend to be very kind hearted, so I have had to not allow these men to contact me for my own personal mental health. In this sort of situation does this mean I will need to encounter them again in another life?

[MiBeloved]

Originally Posted by spiritedwildfire

Will these types of dreams tend to increase with detoxing the body? It seems as if when I begin detoxing and cleansing my body, I also begin to release old emotions that are stored and memories that I had long forgotten about.

Response:
Detoxing the physical body may result in increased psychic perception, since the detoxification may cause the demands of the physical system to decrease, resulting in the increase of the psychic system. This could be good or bad depending on your associations and on your subconscious releases.
As soon as the psychic system gets an increase in energy subconscious energies will be released into the conscious mind. The conscious self will then have to process those memories and their resulting considerations.
In addition the increase in psychic energy will cause you to be more sensitive to the thoughts of others. Thoughts which before did not reach you or did not penetrate into your conscious mind, will not be very penetrant and so you will be aware of many more details in terms of clairaudience, clairvoyance and telepathy.
Something long forgotten is still there in the memory as an impression. Thus if the psychic awareness increases it may surface as a live persistent thought pattern.


In my case, I feel as if when I left my ex boyfriends it was my choice, and although I was sad, and still am disappointed in the men they have chosen to become, in the end I do feel resolution. I tend to be very kind hearted, so I have had to not allow these men to contact me for my own personal mental health. In this sort of situation does this mean I will need to encounter them again in another life?

Remark:
I think the key word is need. Do you need to encounter them again? But suppose we look at this from another angle. Let us say that Halley’s comet is due to come back to the earth in say 50 years, then we ask the question, does the earth need to have Halley in its proximity again?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There is another way to look at this. Does the earth need to orbit the sun? Or does the earth need to even rotate on its own axis. These factors take place because of the universal energies. We usually try to make sense of everything in terms of our personal needs and we feel that this is for me and this is for you etc, but actually in terms of universal s energy, everything is taking place regardless of our needs. In some instances our needs are met at great inconvenience to others, like the sneakers I wear which I bought for five dollars. It was cheap for me but it was slave labor for a grown man in China. It did fulfill my need though he was exploited unfairly in its production.
Check your emotions carefully to see if there is a nurturing energy which is leaving your psyche and going out to those individual concerned. If there is such energy and if you could curb it, restrain it or redirect it, you might be able to free yourself from those connections.

[run_fly]

- It could be a sign from your spirit guides
Example: my old girlfriend had a dream about me recently the day before she went to get a reading and now we are talking over the phone we are still friends.

- Recurring dreams - You have some issues to resolve from the past relationship. Sometimes we need healing from issues that are long gone and for the healing to occur we need to revisit situations and our guides can point to them through dreams.

[IamBren]

Originally Posted by pickledonion12

I am a female in my mid-thirties. Lately I have been dreaming a lot about my first boyfriend from over 15 years ago.

I am a guy and I have the same issue with a girl that broke up with me almost eight years ago. I was completely devastated and heart broken. It took years to heal and I wonder if some parts of me are still healing because of that.

At first I had nightmare after nightmare about her telling me that she was much happier and better off with the new guy she was with (we were together for three years and she moved on within weeks). I was tortured and probably would have killed myself with recklessness or suicide had I not entered therapy.

Eight years later, I'm in a rather odd situation with a girl (long story), and we slept on my couch together the other night. That night I dreamt of my ex again. She said "why are you still so fat" etc. She was never like this in life, but I was convinced she dumped me because I was overweight. Obviously this new relationship has opened up some past pains and fears I still have over the acceptance of my body as it is right now.

My take on this is that "she" has come to personify my inner critic who voices my fear of disapproval, rejection, abandonment, etc. When she comes to me in dreams, which is still several times a year, it's usual so negative that I feel it all the next day. I take it as a sign that I have some stuff to notice and maybe investigate. I believe she has just become an anchor so powerful I can easily remember the dream and gain meaning from it. Perhaps my subconscious "knows" this.

Maybe your situation is similar to mine? Good luck finding meaning in this.

[MiBeloved]

For Bren

My take on this is that "she" has come to personify my inner critic who voices my fear of disapproval, rejection, abandonment, etc. When she comes to me in dreams, which is still several times a year, it's usual so negative that I feel it all the next day. I take it as a sign that I have some stuff to notice and maybe investigate. I believe she has just become an anchor so powerful I can easily remember the dream and gain meaning from it. Perhaps my subconscious "knows" this.

Apart from her personifying your inner critic, you may research to see if you were looking to her for approval and for direction in terms of riding the body of the overweight. It is complex because if you want approval and you are doubtful that it should be granted, as in the case of being aware of overweight, then in a sense you are desiring the impossible from the other person, since the approval would not be accepted anyway, because you already feel that you are not alright with the over-weight.
I am male as well and I can tell you that the transition from regarding females as mother into regarding them as spouses is not an easy one. There might be emotional confusion when this happens, where you cannot sort your need for motherly nurturing and direction from your need for a spouse or partner. These needs get mixed and this causes misunderstandings unless you have a very experienced and mature woman for a partner.
The other thing is this. In our present culture, everybody is supposed to be independent emotionally and so we have this guilty conscience about that, but actually it is a phony standard, because nature did not award everyone with emotional proficiency. Thus we need to free ourselves from the phony culture. This does not mean that we should not strive to improve our sense of security but we should not think that every human being is born perfect nor can become perfect. We need to keep striving for improvement while simultaneously understanding that we may never come up to par. and that is alright and it is satisfying, provided we are making effort to improve as we advance through life.
Anyway the lady keeps appearing in your dreams because of your need to have a mother figure for approval and support and also because of her need to be such a mother figure to someone. As soon as you find another woman who can absorb those needs, your psyche will not longer attract her and will close down the energy which reaches her. She is not the only person who can assist you with this but she is the person who did in the past and so your subconscious being familiar with her and not finding someone else, keeps sending out psychic feelers to get in touch with her.
Now as for the obesity issue, it is important that you stop mistreating yourself about it and get down to some scientific analysis of why it occurs in the first place. Is it genetic, because you got a body from a family line which is disposed towards that?
If it is then it is not your fault and therefore there is no point in feeling bad because of that. Each of us has some body defects which are based on genetics, and we are not going to change that no matter what, so why should we carry around a guilt complex or a status quo problem because of that. Of course some genetic problems can be solved or minimized by medicines, exercise and so on. And if we are not taking those steps then the fault does lie with us.
If however there is no serious genetic code supports for the obesity, and if it is due to overeating or lack of exercise or a gland malfunction, then the best thing to do is to research that and see if you can take some action to curtail that.
The thing about doing what I mentioned in the last two paragraphs above is this: That research will use up the approval-needing energy, and that itself will give you strength and will add to your sense of security.

[spiritedwildfire]

Originally Posted by MiBeloved

Remark:
If there is such energy and if you could curb it, restrain it or redirect it, you might be able to free yourself from those connections.

Thank you, this may be a valuable key to the experiences. I have a hard time "letting go", and I do still think of them and hope that they are doing well. Sometimes I consciously even surround them with white loving light in my mind in hopes that they can find some peace and relief from the problems that they are dealing with. I have another ex that is a pathological liar, and have maintained a relationship with him even though he caused me a lot of pain in the past. Now, I have made the decision to ignore his calls and text messages. It is very difficult, and we had a very clear psychic connection in the past.

Any suggestions on how to free myself from the ties? Obviously, not visualizing good energy around them would be the first step.

I am very confused about all of this. I want to disconnect from them, but at the same time I don't want to not be loving. Although, I am beginning to believe that the most loving thing I can do for myself is to let go. The trouble is how do I let go, yet still have my memories, and not let my memories get the best of me?

I hope this makes sense, if it doesn't I apologize. I feel very ill today, and cannot focus or have much clarity.

[MiBeloved]

Any suggestions on how to free myself from the ties? Obviously, not visualizing good energy around them would be the first step.

You shouldn’t hold yourself responsible for the social conditions and other situations which cause others trouble, even dear ones, unless you are sure that you are the cause of those inconvenient conditions. If you are not and you still see yourself as being responsible, then it means that you have a nature which cannot detach itself from others even when it is not your duty to be involved with those other persons. And so that means self reform is required on your part.
The main aspect is to see that even when you want to do good to someone and that someone is out of your reach, your concern is a form of interference. That might be hard to swallow but it means that if you are tending to someone who is put out of your reach by providence, then you are in fact neglecting someone or something which is in your reach.
The same energy which you wish to invest in that old relationship would be well placed if you used it in the new circumstance.

The trouble is how do I let go, yet still have my memories, and not let my memories get the best of me?

So long as you do not feel that whatever you did was enough and that it was a chapter in a book which came to an end, you will be plague with negative connotations when the memories come up. There is nothing wrong with the memories and you won’t get rid of them merely by wishing for them to go away. They will go away with the advance of time. Out of sight out of mind, means that over time, one gradually and surely forgets even the most sensational incidences of one’s life. But the thing you might be missing is the vision that when you are with certain people it is not designed by nature or by providence to last forever necessarily. If you see that then the question to ask is this:
Did I do my best when I was with that person or persons? If the answer is yes, then the storyt is over or the chapter of that book is finished and you can move on to another chapter in your life and do your best again in whatever circumstance you find yourself.
If the answer is no, then still since that part of your life has ceased, since time has run that tape and ended it. You have to move on, so your best bet if you did not do your best, is to endeavor to do your best now in the new situation, and to use those memories of previous failure(s), to motivate you to be sure to your best this time around.
Since you are old enough and experienced enough to know that there are phases in life and that one might have to again move on to other situations, that is more the reason to pay attention to your current scene, and to be sure to put your best foot forward now, so that in your mind when you compare this to what was, you can see that you have improved.
Nothing is wrong with old memories but put them to use to improve the present, not to fuss and fume over the past which is something you cannot adjust at this time, except by rectifying what is before you.

[Pequod]

@ MiBeloved: I like the way you answerd the questions in this thread! I have a situation that is somewhat similar and I'd like to hear your perspective (Off course opionions of others are welcome too ).

At work I have a collegue that I find totally hot. She's in a relationship and our characters are so different that we wouldn't be a match for a serious relationship, but I like her as a person and every time I see her I feel a strong attraction. Now this is not an extraordinary situation, but it puzzles me that she has shown up several times in my dreams. In one dream I even voluntary checked in in a concentration camp, just because of her. She ignored me though . Anyways, it is almost like she is symbolic for something else in my life, but I don't know what. What do you think about this?

[MiBeloved]

At work I have a collegue that I find totally hot.

Remark:
It is not easy to realize what is hot in this case, but you may begin by considering that the attraction may be to the whole person or just to one part of the person. I am not suggesting that you should consider a person to be components-put-together but it is a fact that sometimes we find ourselves in attractions which are to a person’s body, attitude, ethnicity, cultural orientation, trends, financial status and so on. To be honest with ourselves in a full way, we may look at all of this and then try to figure out what exactly is hot about a person.
As a school boy of 10 years of age, there was a girl of the same age, who felt that she was attracted to me or to put it in our terms she thought I was hot. Once she met me on a street corner and began to describe her attraction but I was appalled because I found her to be unattractive. When I did not respond positively, she was very disappointed but she said this, “I still love you anyway and there is nothing you can say to change it.”
At the time, I freaked out. I thought she was arrogant and that I was above what she should have desired. Now looking back, I am thinking that maybe she was a nice girl and maybe she was more than worthy of my affection.
Sometimes what we see as hot is not really hot and what we see as cold is very very hot inside.
But seriously, what is hot in that person? Only you can analyze yourself to determine this.

Going to the subconscious level, we may see that there has got to be some deeper reason for the attraction. When we think outside the box of “now”, of “what is happening now”, we may find that there is something deeper in each of the attractions, but that deeper something, though it motivates us to form a relationship may be a mismatch under the present circumstances. Suppose I see someone and fall in love, then I discover that the person is married and is not interested in forming a new relationship what should I do? In that case my strong feelings will have to be put on hold, unless I want to push the issue and create legal and emotional problems for myself and the other person. Life will not, on every occasion, allow the fulfillment of my most pressing and urgent desires. So I have to hang loose, give life a hearing and relax my hold on some of my precious desires.

She's in a relationship and our characters are so different that we wouldn't be a match for a serious relationship, but I like her as a person and every time I see her I feel a strong attraction.

Response:
Let me help you by restating that:
She's in a relationship and on the surface our characters are so different that we wouldn't be a match for a serious relationship as it stands right now, but I like her as a person and every time I see her I feel a strong attraction. Therefore if given the opportunity I would explore a relationship with her to develop the basis for a match

At present it is trendy to completely figure out a relationship before you cement it into a commitment. It is a good suggestion to do this, except that there is a question as to whether we are that intelligent and as to whether we are equipped with such a perfect intuition. The truth is that our intelligence and intuition are not that perfect. But that doesn’t mean that we should throw all caution to the winds and take any risk.
I say, take the risk but be on the lookout and adjust yourself as you go along. Don’t expect the worse but don’t expect the best either, and keep yourself open to learn as you proceed.
It is not true that in every case of a character mismatch, there is really a disharmony. There are cases of persons who became committed to each other even though they were not head over heels for each other initially, and there is the converse, where somebody is crazy over another and then it blows up into a nasty separation. You never know.
On the surface there might be a mismatch and that surface tension might be so strong in the beginning that you feel it is the response of the whole being, but if you stay cool and keep your heart and mind open, the surface might recede and you might see something else below the water. But again don’t have high hopes. Give life a chance to show-and-tell. Give life a chance to play a joke on you and laugh along with life. And when life gets serious with you and presents a commitment don’t get scared and run away.

Now this is not an extraordinary situation, but it puzzles me that she has shown up several times in my dreams. In one dream I even voluntary checked in a concentration camp, just because of her.

Response:
If you are going to check in a concentration camp for someone, even in a dream, it indicates that your psyche is willing to risk near everything to be in a relationship with that person. So the first thing is to admit that to yourself. As soon as you admit, that a certain tension will ease.
If you feel an attraction to someone strongly, it is natural that this will continue in dreams and your subtle body (dream energy) will seek out that person in the psychic world, even if the person presents a cold shoulder there. These dreams are helpful in telling you how the person’s psyche is reacting to your overtures.
Dream life may or may not run parallel to physical life, meaning that what happens in a dream might be the exact opposite to what occurs physically. A person who cold shoulders you in a dream might warm up on a physical encounter and visa verse. But the dream experience reveals more of the person’s subconscious side.
Dreams are used as regular escape facilities, meaning that if a person is in a commitment and feels attracted to another person, and is unable to break that commitment on the physical side, then there is every likelihood that it will be broken in the dream world, because the subconscious is not concerned with fidelity and morality and such constraints. The subconscious is involved in escaping from inhibitions, and it does this in the dream world.
Sometimes however an inhibition becomes part of the subconscious in which case, it will control the dream body and not allow it to break a commitment.

She ignored me though

Response:
The energy of her ignoring you seems to have within it a reservation energy, meaning that while ignoring you, the person was looking keenly at your actions and trying to decide if to take you on or not. On the surface there was the ignoring feature and within that was the interest-in-you feature. Be patient, this might turn out to be something.

Anyways, it is almost like she is symbolic for something else in my life, but I don't know what. What do you think about this?

Response:
Symbolic of your need for a companion, for intimacy and confidence with a life-partner.

[Pequod]

Your post really made me think. Thanks for the effort you've put in your reply!

Originally Posted by MiBeloved

Let me help you by restating that:
She's in a relationship and on the surface our characters are so different that we wouldn't be a match for a serious relationship as it stands right now, but I like her as a person and every time I see her I feel a strong attraction. Therefore if given the opportunity I would explore a relationship with her to develop the basis for a match

If she would be open for casual dating, I'd do it in a heartbeat. A relationship? Maybe. I really can't say.

Originally Posted by MiBeloved

Give life a chance to show-and-tell. Give life a chance to play a joke on you and laugh along with life. And when life gets serious with you and presents a commitment don’t get scared and run away.

Wise words. I'll take that to heart.

Originally Posted by MiBeloved

If you are going to check in a concentration camp for someone, even in a dream, it indicates that your psyche is willing to risk near everything to be in a relationship with that person. So the first thing is to admit that to yourself. As soon as you admit, that a certain tension will ease.

Ouch. You really got me there. I haven't been honest with myself. Up till now I didn't face how much I actually feel attracted to her.

Originally Posted by MiBeloved

The energy of her ignoring you seems to have within it a reservation energy, meaning that while ignoring you, the person was looking keenly at your actions and trying to decide if to take you on or not. On the surface there was the ignoring feature and within that was the interest-in-you feature. Be patient, this might turn out to be something.

Yes, she once said that she finds me attractive, but she also seems to avoid me. I have avoided her too sometimes because the attraction was so strong it's painful. But when I am relaxt, she is more responsive to me too.

While reading your response some other weird coincidences came up in my memory. A while ago I dated a girl that was a lot like her. I realized this with a shock after we were dating already for two weeks. My date girl had the same bodily build and kind of hair and had the same fun-loving attitude I like so much in my collegue. She was also a lot younger than I am, just as the collegue.

My collegue on the other hand has a boyfriend who seems to have a same sort of character as I do. I don't know/remember him, but he has the same age as I do and was born in the same town as I.

Maybe this means something or maybe I'm just reading too much in the situation. I find it hard to follow my heart/intuition in these matters. I was really fond of the girl I dated and opened my heart for her as I've never done before, but she broke it pretty hard. Well, anyway, I don't want to make this a pitty party. I'd like to know if you have any more advice how to deal with this?

Originally Posted by MiBeloved

Response:
Symbolic of your need for a companion, for intimacy and confidence with a life-partner.

Ouch again. I'm afraid this is more true than I'd like to admit.

[MiBeloved]

While reading your response some other weird coincidences came up in my memory. A while ago I dated a girl that was a lot like her. I realized this with a shock after we were dating already for two weeks. My date girl had the same body posture and build and had the same fun-loving attitude I like so much in my collegue. She was also a lot younger than I am, just as the collegue.
Response:
Perhaps it is a case of matching psyches, based on cultural orientation and on mutual interlocking psychological needs. It is a hand-in-glove type of thing, where the hand feels good in a certain size and style glove.
Square pegs have a way about them where they just don’t fit into round holes, so if you have a cone-shaped peg it will drop into cone-shaped cylinder if it is ever given the chance to make contact.
So yes, no matter what, you will be attracted to someone who is similar to some other person whom you were attracted to before but there will be differences. Even though an iron cone of a certain size will fit snugly into a certain cylinder, if you remove that iron object and insert one that is made of Styrofoam, even though the fit will also be exact, you will have to be careful not to damage the soft Styrofoam. It will be like that.
Main thing is that Nature is so sensitive, that it causes you to be attracted only to particular personality types and particular body types. But you are not an alien who just found an uninhabited planet. Believe me; many other millions of human beings are subjected to the same privileges by the grace of Nature.


Ouch again. I'm afraid this is truer than I'd like to admit.

Response:
There is moth in the tropics whose larva creates a cocoon of short twigs about its body. Once the cocoon is created, the caterpillar begins to move from limb to limb eating leaves.
So there is a legend where one of these caterpillars once met another one on their journeys of eating leaves. One of the worms went up to the other and began to touch its twiggy cocoon. It said, “O my brother what sort of body do you have? We both resemble at our faces but our bodies are quite different. Mine feels soft and silky and yours is hard and bony to the touch.”
But the other caterpillar was a day older and had figured out that all caterpillars had the same inner silky smooth cocoon and the same outer twiggy cocoon to discourage birds from eating them alive, so it replied, “O no, if you would just wait one more day, your neck will grow out a bit and when you look behind, you will see that both of us have the same type of outer twiggy cocoon.”
The point is that you will eventually step out of yourself, and then you will have time to step into the psyche of others and you will realize that we are all vulnerable in certain ways, all weak to certain things, and all soft to certain people and circumstances.
You are not the first to have such a crush on somebody, and be certain that you will not be the last. Millions of waves are now reaching their peak on the surface of the Pacific and each one is feeling unique. What a wonderful thing!

[Pequod]

You are right in reminding me that I'm not the only one who has had a crush on somebody. I just didn't realize it before our little conversation, and I really appreciate this clarity. I'd rather know a painful truth than live in ignorance.

I'm not sure about only being attracted to a certain bodytype and character. I've had relationships with several women who were very different from each other. And I like the idea that there is some kind of choice in this and that I'm not the powerless victim of biology. But maybe I'm only in denial here

[ming]

Originally Posted by MiBeloved

T


Of interest is your statement:
I was devastated when we broke up and mourned him for several years.

This devastation or emotional trauma and the resulting mourning, would have reinforced the subconscious impression and thus this itself is the big part of the present dream experience. Such situations lead on until one takes another body and can meet that person and be again in the same type of relationship as before, just as if you were reading an interesting book, stopped on page 98 and then continued from page 99 at the next session for reading.
More than likely, providence will be sure to put you and the said person together again in a future life. Whatever tension was there at the time of parting, must still exists as a psychic energy in the universe and so providence will act to relieve it by putting you together again, but the present dreams are the initial effort of that providence.
.

Why do you think that this posible meeting is in a future life and not in this one? Would it not be more logical they meet up here?
Wouldn´t be posible that the man is thinking of her and because he is unable to reach her he appears in her dreams?
Couldn´t be these dreams a sign that they will bump into another soon in real life?

[MiBeloved]

Why do you think that this posible meeting is in a future life and not in this one? Would it not be more logical they meet up here?

I agree that it is more logical. It makes more sense in terms of the present consciousness, because if one has to wait for another life, one will meet then without the present objectivity and there is no telling how one will respond, since when there is no objectivity, instincts and predispositions kick in.

Wouldn´t be posible that the man is thinking of her and because he is unable to reach her he appears in her dreams?

The fact that he appears in her dreams is evidence of his efforts to reach her in this life, but it is also evidence that his subconscious has no confidence in a meeting in this life and wants to fulfill itself anyway. Thus it seeks her out in the dream world.
We may assume that the subconscious has tried to motivate the conscious to meet her and the conscious is unable to do that for one reason or the other, therefore the subconscious now acts on its own for its fulfillments on the level of dreams.

Couldn´t be these dreams a sign that they will bump into another soon in real life?

This could be for sure as you suggest, but I feel that the conscious part of this person is involved in other relationships, which will not allow him the freedom to break off and connect. And this is the reason by the subconscious relies on the dream connections for the fulfillments. If the subconscious could move the conscious in the desired direction, it would have done so already.

[liamona]

Originally Posted by pickledonion12

I have not kept in contact with him and as far as I know he is married with kids as am I.

Can anyone tell me what this means?

Isn't this normal? I've been separated from my ex-husband for ten years, but I still have dreams about him. It was an amicable break-up, and we are still friends, but only talk to each other a few times a year.

[development]

I am glad to have found this thread. I am experiencing something completely similar. 15 years ago, I dated a guy who I was clear was my soul mate. Life however seemed to get in the way. he was in the service and the lifestyle wasn't a match for me and my career ambitions. As a result we of course parted and went our own ways... 6 months later, I found out he was getting married and his wife was pregnant. I took the time to heal and really thought I moved on. Again, this was like 15 years ago.

I am of course married and have kids myself now (I absolutely love my husband but I know our connection is different than the connection I had with my ex). Every now and again though, the dreams start. Sometimes it is just a one off thing and then other times they reoccur over and over again every night. I often wake up feeling like I need to talk to this guy... and of course then I feel totally guilty becuase I have a wonderful husband and family. I have had several dreams where I have to choose between him and my family... of course I always choose my family. But, the sadness I experience when I wake up takes a really long time to shake. SOmetimes I even wake up in tears. Anyway, two years ago, I went through an episode where the dreams where coming often and were vivid... and lo and behold, my ex contacted me through classmates and we even exchanged a few emails. And some point though, he stopped responding and I never worried about it... I just figured he was very busy at war in Afghanistan.

Anyway, since then the dreams have come and gone but they are coming again more often and leaving a strong residual emotional impact.

I would like to gain some more control over this... if I still have healing to do, I would love to find a way to heal. If there is some other karmic connection, how can I get that resolved. I almost feel like I am leading 2 separate lives... one by day and another by night.

I would hate to have to wait until my next life to resolve whatever is left unresolved..... that seems like a long time

[MiBeloved]

There are many ideas floating around about resolving everything in just one life and not having any bumps left on the road for future rebirths. However considering that in many other past lives, one must have had several relationships, it is not probably that these can all be resolved.

What you said about one life by day and another by night might be more true than you realize. Nearly everyone is living like that.

But that cannot be controlled absolutely no more than we can go back and control the way our body was created in the mother's womb.

The subtle body wanders at night and tries to eek out those fulfillments in the astral world which it is prohibited from in the physical world. In the astral world, the subtle body does not have to worry about morality, time, space and other encumbrances which it has to deal with when it is fused into the physical body.

On its own the astral body takes liberties, even without the person desiring any of these.
You can if you develop a deep mediation practice develop some control but not all. Value of meditation is that it may allow you to better understand what is going on in the astral world but it won't eliminate every last unwanted encounter.

[development]

Thank you for your response.

Meditation is certainly something I need to work into my day.

Shaking this uneasiness is clearly something I need to focus on.

Glad I am not the only one leading a dual life

[akka]

First and foremost I am so grateful to have found this site. For a moment there I thought I was loosing my mind and that noone could possibly know what I am going through.

I met my exboyfriend 12 years ago and dated for intensely for 6 months. I was 18 and he lived in London. We were constantly stopped in the street with people telling us what a lovely happy couple we were. We are soulmates, and at peace with each other. My mom came to London to visit and panicked with the intensity of our relationship and insisted I leave immediately. Regretfully as my parents were paying my way I left. My ex and I were both heart broken and he used to write me the most beautiful letters. I went back home and I was so lost I cried the whole plane ride home 14 hours that the lady sitting next to me thought someone had died, someone did it was me..I tried my best to carry on with life... I studied an oppertunity came for me to go to the US and I need to get away from my parents who were strict religious and authoritian. While I was in the states all i wanted to do was to get back to London. I make contact with my ex, he was graduating from university and invited me to come for the celebration. Not telling anybody I took a plane and went to london for 14 days. We had a blast so much fun laughter we actually felt like brother and sister...we even saw a psychic in the markets who told us we were soulmates...during our 14 days my ex and i discussed what future we could have ...we both wanted different things and I was to afraid to upset anyone or my parents...so we said our goodbyes and I felt the freedom that no matter what we would always be each others best friends and he gave me his blessings to move on. Two week after arriving back into LA I met my now husband of 10 years...On the first year of my husband and I been together
my ex said he was happy for me etc. December of the first year I flew to London en route elsewhere, I had my ex meet me at the airport, at this time I was in a committed relationship with my husband (not married yet) the chemistry between my ex and I was so intense, as he sat with me in the transit lounge he could nt stop starring at me and holding my hand...we were deeply inlove...it was time for me to board the aircraft and i got up to give him a hug and he said NO I want a kiss..I kissed him and we never saw each other again. I married my husband. I never thought about my ex, I had a photo album that I kept. Five years passed I never dreamed of him thought of him and didnt even contact him nothing...Then all of a sudden I was bombarded with dreams of him..overwhelming dreams. I found my old diary with his mum's number and I called him..things were emotionally the same. This is where the rollercoaster ride begins...He told me he wished I never left him and that he would have married me...My husband is an amazing guy he loves me unconditionally there is nothing he would nt do for me..I didnt want to be dishonest so I told him that I was communicating with my ex..he told me he was tired of being number two and nobody wants to be no 2. He told me when were dating I showed pictures of my ex and he always wanted my eyes to glow they way they glowed when I spoke of my ex..I had no idea. Filled with guilt and with a little boy I vowed to make this marriage work..My husband told me if I ever corresponded with my ex he would leave. I gave my word...(writing all this makes me feels so stupid because now i can see how i could have had my out) anyway I got sick very sick I broke out with psorias completely all over my body went to the doctor and he asked me if I was going through bankruptcy because he had never seen someone so low...I slowly got out of my depression I told my ex what had happened and he agreed that my husband was right and he would cease all ties with me for my sanity and for not wanting to "piss on his own doorstep". We discontinued corresponding. But the dreams dont stop I am tormented with them, I dream of us all the time. I never dream of my husband ever..which is weird. I believe in fate and I believe i will see him one day..Last night I had the weirdest dream and it felt so real, I dreamt I was pregnant 6months or so, the tummy felt real I felt uncomfortable, I dreamt i was pregnant by my ex boyfriend, I dreamt he was taking me somewhere and trying to care for me and there was alot of love and compassion, he dropped me off to get my son but my mom, dad aunt and gran where there with my husband and they were all acting like i was pregnant by my husband knowing full well my husband had a visectomy, even my husband was being caring and kind...and through this dream I am looking at them like what are you guys doing this is not his baby..but nobody could hear..there was a knock on the door...I woke up remembering everything and still in shock of how pregnant i really felt....I am so tired of going in circles. I owed it to my husband to get off this bandwagon...why do you stay i suppose someone would ask, i ask myself the same question mostly for my son and I believe in Karma and I dont want to hurt my husband...my ex has never married no children in his previous emails he has said he is waiting for me, or he joked are you divorced yet??? simply any thoughts on what my dream means...i am so tired...I am grateful to the universe for allowing me to experience such love....

[MiBeloved]

You could learn how to balance the psychic and physical so that they could run parallel to each other without clash but that would take some training in meditation.
The problems begin when whatever is taking place on the psychic level does not correspond exactly to what is going on physically and would disrupt the physical if it were to come across into physical existence.

So if you can keep the two separate and fulfil each by itself, the conflict would stop.

[Silver36]

I am so glad I found this. I dated a young man for 7 years. The relationship did not end well. After the break up he wanted to work things out but I was dating someone else and just found out I was pregnant. When he found out I was pregnant and keeping the baby he cut off all ties with me and all our friends. I never got over it. I left the baby's father and have moved on. I have had several relationships (some very serious) but cannot bring myself to get married or settle down permanently. I have tried everything from meditation to therapy and am still stuck. What makes matters worse is the dreams. Three times a week and they won't stop. When I meditate it gets worse. I believe this is not the first time we have been here. (As in previous lives). I have tried to contact him in hopes it would bring closure and he completely freaked out. I guess I am glad to know I am not the only one in my boat.

[misscuriokm]

Hi All,

I have had two recurring dreams about an ex-boyfriend getting married and wondering why. I am currently dating someone so these recurring dreams about an ex bother me. This is someone I dated for a year and a half (no more significant than an ex-husband or my ex-fiances) but I do not dream about them. We broke up on Valentine's Day over a year and a half a go (my suggestion as I didn't feel like it was going anywhere and he conceded). We are not friends nor enemies. In fact, we never run into each other so I think it's wild he has popped into my psyche twice.

This makes twice now that he has been in my dreams within the past year. Either I've met his future wife in passing, in one of the dreams (which I felt happy for him) and last night, heard he was getting married through mutual friends but recall feeling a little strange about it (didn't know who he was getting married to but the acquaintance told me details about it being in SC) but he was originally from NC. Not sure if it was jealousy or a longing that I felt wishing I had those type of plans in the works. Why would I feel this way in a dream when I do not think of him when I am conscious?

Hmmm... Anyway, any thoughts about this? Oh and two nights ago, I dreamed a volcano was erupting. That one was very lucid where I saw it erupting, lava spewing, and rocks even overflowing into the ocean. Now, that is a new one. Your interpretations would be very helpful. Thanks, K

[MiBeloved]

It is normal in the astral world to meet persons whom you had relationships with and are still no longer seeing. This even happens in terms of persons from past life relationship. In other words this is the way the astral world usually operates. I feel the significance Even if something happens astrally that does not mean in all cases that it will be repeated physically, so there is no need to think that it must or that it will.

Many subconscious desires which cannot be fulfilled on the physical level are acted out by us on the astral planes either consciously or unconsciously and that is good in a way since it provides relief from subconscious tension.

Meeting a person and breaking off a relationship might be the end of that situation for this life but it does not in any way kill off the original desire to be with that person. That desire might remain in tact in your nature and then it is lived out again and again in the astral world and sometimes it is recycled and we live it again in another life.

As for the volcano it might be that you were visiting the Mount Merapi eruption in Indonesia which is happening right now. Something like that is happening both physically and astrally but astrally it won't reek the same havoc. It would merely be a sort of light show.

[Coccinnelle]

I kept dreaming about someone I knew 25 years ago!!!!
I knew that there was some kind of connection between us on a spiritual level. I finally got the courage and wrote him just to say 'hello' and Oh my, he responded immediately and what followed after was the best thing I 've ever experienced in my entire life !
So, my dreams were kind of pushing me to reconnect with him because our spirits had to reunite us for a reason. I also believe that such connections are somehow related to strong relationships from a previous life time.
Well that's how I understand this.

[Relfy]

I to am really pleased for finding this thread.. I keep dreaming about my ex of my first serious relationship... When I first saw him, I knew I wanted To be with him. After a year or so we got together for just over 3 years. Things were great in the beginning and without going in to too much detail towards the end I was having a really hard time. Things ended really badly to the point I cheated on him (not proud ofmyself) and he found out.. To cut a long story short I couldn't get over him and kept going back and forth and I spent a great deal of time lying to him. At some point all this stopped and we haven't spoken for 5 years... I'm now married and have a wonderful life and I know he is engaged.

I dream about him almost everynight. Mostly nightmares but some good. I wake up feeling guiltly about dreaming about him and have the urge to contact him. The only conclusion I have come to is I feel guilty for cheating on him and for not departing on better terms.

Anyone got a different take on this?

[slumberslum]

I have been dreaming of my high school boyfriend for about three plus years now, ever since we stopped talking. He is married now, as of this summer. He cut off contact with me and pretty much ignored me and acted like I didn't exist or have feelings. I would text him and ask him if we could talk and resolve things instead of just turning the cheek. We have the same group of friends from high school and it has created a huge wedge. He refused to see me.

This was also after his Mormon mission to Japan that totally changed him and he lost all skills of communication. His whole physique and mannerism changed as well. We dated for five years. We wrote his two year mission ( I totally thought we would get married) and then two months after he came home I was completely cut off for no reason. We were going to different universities. He got a different girlfriend, a girl that was two years younger than us in school. Someone that I never thought he would date or have interest in. He didn't end up marrying her(thank god) but a girl that from what I know of her is more like me. I am happy he is now with a nice girl. I am 24 by the way.

For the last three nights I have had the worst dreams about him and how I see him in awkward social scenes and he ignores me. It is the worst torture. He is like mute and won't say a word or barley look at me. He is married in the dreams and very happy. I am all alone and depressed. it has screwed with my days. I am extremely edgy and snappy to everyone in my path. I feel like I need medication. I googled how to stop dreaming about an ex boyfriend and found this thread. I am not the only crazy one, it is a fairly normal human behavior. Reading all this has calmed my soul and given me a greater out look.

I really hope they stop. I am also wondering if it is a sign he is having similar dreams with me in them and thinking of me. I still think about him throughout the day. I have been single for a couple months, I dated someone for almost two years but never adored and loved him like my first love. I am also not Mormon anymore and have nightmares about that.

I would like to think that in my own perfect world that he still loves me and would have liked things to work out but then I don't because I can't believe he would leave me hanging with zero explanation of why he ignored me and didn't give me closure when I pretty much begged for it. The light I see him in now is a coward and sell out. I love the man he was before Japan. I can't imagine ever taking him back in any kind of situation for doing something so inhuman. His actions hurt me so deeply. We had plans of life together and in the "Mormon world" an eternity to share.

Wouldn't that be crazy if he googled the same phrase and read my comment. That would be ESP at its finest. He would do nothing about it. He would be too afraid to follow his heart. I don't mean to offend anyone if you are Mormon, but I think his mission stripped that quality away from him. That is my opinion though. I hope we can all stop dreaming about our exes, it's torture eh??

[Smteague]

I have been in a relationship for 8 years now and I am happy in my relationship, but I have never stoped dreaming of my first boyfriend. We were very close and we were always calling each other.we were never sexually active with each other. We had a deep friendship. We separated because we started to grow apart after 4 years. I rarely think about him but when I do I get very sad because I miss him very much. We do not talk anymore but we are Facebook friends and I know that he has been in a happy relationship of his own for serveral years now. I can't stop dreaming about him. The dreams are do real. In the dreams it is if we are reuniting and are very happy to see each other. In some of the dreams we are sexually involved and others we are just talking, sometimes I am telling him about my new relationship. When I wake up I have strong emotions and have a deep urge to contact him even though I know it would be stupid. What does this mean? Could we be meeting up in our dreams? Are we both dreaming of each other?