Fear-based person who has psychic control over me

[phoenixxx]

My mum is the most fear-based person I know. She is also very emotionally manipulative and attacks me psychically all the time. Because of the constant stress I have with blocking out her influence I eventually get to a point where it is too hard to block the fear influence out and I become completely stuck.

I become confused, unable to plan anything, scattered, disjointed form my emotions, just like a walking ghost with no connection to myself at all. It's like she sucks my energy and heart out of my body.

I really don't know what to do. When I'm in thie state nothing in my life works and I end up stuffing everything up. It puts me into a low lethargic dossociative depression for a period of up to 7-8 months.

Does anyone have any advice?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by phoenixxx

Does anyone have any advice?

Stay away from her.

[changingbetter]

Originally Posted by Angela

Stay away from her.

I second that!

[phoenixxx]

How do I stay away from her when I live with her?

I previously tried very hard to block her energy and started to improve my life somewhat and my social relationships but I looked like a terminal illness patient from the amount of stress I was under.

It was the first time I was happy but physically I was at a point of exhaustion.

It's like I can't get enough energy to get my own life sorted which would lead me becoming independant of her- but she keeps sucking me back into dependancy.

After figuring out this was why I have always had depression- and finding that after puttingin 300% to get out I find myself in the worst state of anxious depression I've ever been in. Because I know this is not what I want my life to be like! I shouldn't be like this!!! There is nothing wrong with me at all!!! And I am ****ing up everything I want in my life because of it!!!!!!!

The only option I saw for myself was to get a loan from my dad. So I could get driving lessons AWAY from her and buy myself a car etc and set myself up to get a bit more independant so that I would put myself on auto-pilot and the stress wouldnt be too much.

But my dad is just the same as her in sucking my energy and emotionally manipulating. I've spent the last 5 months trying to come up with a better option than asking him and found there wasn't one and I was slipping back into depression and hopelessness.

So the last few weeks we've been having an email exchange that leads to me practically giving away my power and begging him for money which has led me to be even MORE drained and I feel like I have no way out.

He still hasn't said anything about giving me the money and I dont want it from HIM. BEcause anything that ties me to them gives them an excuse to keep tugging at the psychic cord between us.


What should I do????

[phoenixxx]

The source of her fear I'm pretty sure has to do with her sexual identity. She has a strict catholic family etc.

I've had the same fear all my life- from osmosis (both sides of my family are very heterosexual, my dad is completely homophobic) which has lead to complete repression- now that I'm trying to dig up the root cause of the fear and put it simply, GET OVER IT AND LIVE MY LIFE, her fear ups a million notches and she drains me even more.

So theres the dilemma again- every step I take in the direction thats right for me- her fear steps up a notch and I find myself running on a treadmill.

How can I possibly get out of this?

[supertom]

Courage or wait til she dies.

but i think a lot of parents are like this

[phoenixxx]

Originally Posted by supertom

Courage or wait til she dies.

I'd rather try and have some sort of relationship with her before she dies.

[changingbetter]

Hello Pheonix,

Do you see any positive aspect of your mum ?
In example: - She always gives you money.
She has nice skin and you have inherited that.
She is respectful to elders
She is always healthy

Pls list down the positive aspect about her.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by phoenixxx

I'd rather try and have some sort of relationship with her before she dies.

You do have some sort of relationship with her -- the sort where you blame her for all your woes. If you want to have the sort of relationship in which anyone is happy or satisfied or fulfilled, you'd have to take responsibility for your own life and let go of insisting that she is the source of what's wrong with your life.

Somehow I get the feeling you're asking for advice on how to change this situation without having to actually make any changes in yourself. If that is so, you're out of luck. Other people are not going to change because you want them to. Change something you're doing, or get used to your misery.

[phoenixxx]

Originally Posted by Angela

You do have some sort of relationship with her -- the sort where you blame her for all your woes. If you want to have the sort of relationship in which anyone is happy or satisfied or fulfilled, you'd have to take responsibility for your own life and let go of insisting that she is the source of what's wrong with your life.

Somehow I get the feeling you're asking for advice on how to change this situation without having to actually make any changes in yourself. If that is so, you're out of luck. Other people are not going to change because you want them to. Change something you're doing, or get used to your misery.

That's completely what I'm doing. I don't disagree. Only it is both-sided. And it has been going on for so long I have no idea what brought it on to begin with. Should I try and figure this out- as in get therapy and get clarity on things that happened when I was younger? I feel like I need to know...even though it may not be relevant.

Because I did start to take complete responsibility for my life in September last year and it was so energetically draining it just felt like torture to do everything PLUS have my mum on the side hooking me back into the ego games, or using fear to dissuade me whenever I did something differently etc etc.

I think she reacted from fear because she isn't ready to take complete responsibility for her own life. And it got me thinking about sexual identity etc. Because it's like a way of procrastinating and making little tasks seem extremely hard and have them fill up all your time because you don't want to face the real issue which is dealing with your sexuality.

Because I realised from my experience at my job, that the reason I made a big stress out of it (even though my job was fairly minor) it was because I was avoiding really connecting to people, because of my own fear of my sexuality.

Does this make sense?? I know it was like I had reached some sort of spiritual clarity when this all happened in September but it only lasted a few weeks.

[Susanna77]

Originally Posted by supertom

Courage or wait til she dies.

but i think a lot of parents are like this

I agree with that. Every single person I know has the same or similar issues with mums, especially when living under the same roof.

Can you talk to your friends about this? I used to think my parents had to be the worst (they thought they were the best by the way) and during my teen years I never told anybody how terrible I felt with their behaviour. Now that I am in my 30's I can actually laugh at how everyone has almost identical experiences. I can tell you that even yesterday I had a 59 year old friend ringing me to tell me how her mum was manipulative, bitter and sucked her energy. (And she is only one of my many friends that lose it just by spending a week with their mums).

So. It looks like we have to deal with it somehow. Yes, we. me included. My mum moved in with my husband and I dad died and she tried to control and manipulate us. There are still times when I feel we're the ones living in her house and not the other way round.

I'm saying all this but I love my mum. But here's two pieces of advice:

1) DO WHAT IT TAKES TO MOVE OUT; (find a job, stay with friends, whatever you can do, do it)

2) NEVER make the mistake of thinking the two of you can live under the same roof again just because the two of you are older and supposedly wiser. It won't work.

[Susanna77]

That's completely what I'm doing. I don't disagree. Only it is both-sided. And it has been going on for so long I have no idea what brought it on to begin with. Should I try and figure this out- as in get therapy and get clarity on things that happened when I was younger? I feel like I need to know...even though it may not be relevant.

Mums play games. Have you ever watched a series called "Everybody loves Raymond"? I've never seen a mum being portrayed so well in Marie. The main character claims that he still has therapy to this day because of his parents...but I digress.

If you never digged out what happened in your past you may want to do it. But don't do it in the house with your mum. A friend of mine had to call her mum when she was undergoing therapy and say that until she was ready, they couldn't see each other again. It took her six months to make contact. I was in another country when I started to address all the muck (that is the past).

You need space to do this. You need to be angry and cry without anyone around asking questions or telling you to stop. You need to go with it.

I'd find a therapist if I were you. I already recommended this book elsewhere but here I go again: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay was a turning point in my life. Ironically, I recommended it to my mum (a strict religious person who made my life hell over her idea of God) and she took it very well. In fact, regarding religion she made a complete turn and she cannot believe how blind (her words) she was in the past.

Yes, she's still manipulating, controlling and critical but hey...maybe this cannot be changed.

[changingbetter]

Yeah !! I love the book by Louise Hay too..
It really sooths and clam me during rough moments in life and all is well again.

[phoenixxx]

Originally Posted by Susanna77

Mums play games. Have you ever watched a series called "Everybody loves Raymond"? I've never seen a mum being portrayed so well in Marie. The main character claims that he still has therapy to this day because of his parents...but I digress.

If you never digged out what happened in your past you may want to do it. But don't do it in the house with your mum. A friend of mine had to call her mum when she was undergoing therapy and say that until she was ready, they couldn't see each other again. It took her six months to make contact. I was in another country when I started to address all the muck (that is the past).

You need space to do this. You need to be angry and cry without anyone around asking questions or telling you to stop. You need to go with it.

I'd find a therapist if I were you. I already recommended this book elsewhere but here I go again: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay was a turning point in my life. Ironically, I recommended it to my mum (a strict religious person who made my life hell over her idea of God) and she took it very well. In fact, regarding religion she made a complete turn and she cannot believe how blind (her words) she was in the past.

Yes, she's still manipulating, controlling and critical but hey...maybe this cannot be changed.

Hi there, Thanks for your input! It's really appreciated.

I've read Louise Hays book. In fact, I've read a lot of books and done a lot to try and work myself out of this since I was about 12 I think. I've been depressed for a long time.

I got out of it for a short period last year (which my therapist, who I met afterwards, said was an amazing thing to do) where I could see absolutely every reason for the way I am and why I feel this way when that happens etc etc.

I really do think it's just picking up a psychic vibe from her. And/or taking on her thoughts as my own. And yes she has a very very strong energy that seems to take over me and consumes my identity so I think and behave like her.

It's funny (well not really funny...) because after realising all this and making myself sick blocking out her energy and making things work in my own life I couldn't keep it up. And where am I now? Back to a depressive state I haven't been in for a LONG TIME. IT's like I backpedalled past all the development I've done over the past 6 years. And I'm back to being consumed by her identity (?)

So, maybe this is a brain chemical thing as well and that's why I feel it's controlling me.

But the thing is, when I'm in this state I'm a complete energy vampire as well.

Do you think because she weakens me I feel like I need to feed off other people???

It's just so hard because it's in my home- my foundation and place of supposed 'security' when it's the opposite.

[phoenixxx]

Originally Posted by Susanna77

You need space to do this. You need to be angry and cry without anyone around asking questions or telling you to stop. You need to go with it.
.

She's ignored my depression for the past decade and a half. I'm over all the crying and anger. I don't need to do the releasing thing anymore. I GOT through it.

I'm really going to look into the chemical thing.

I've heard about progesterone imbalances leading to depression. It's produced when under stress.....so with prolonged stress maybe my body is just dependant on the progesterone. Does anyone know more about this?

[Susanna77]

Originally Posted by phoenixxx

She's ignored my depression for the past decade and a half. I'm over all the crying and anger. I don't need to do the releasing thing anymore. I GOT through it.

I'm really going to look into the chemical thing.

I've heard about progesterone imbalances leading to depression. It's produced when under stress.....so with prolonged stress maybe my body is just dependant on the progesterone. Does anyone know more about this?

I don't in all honestly, know anybody, who can keep their sanity while living with their mum. Anybody out there please step up and let us know if it works for you, because we want to know how you do it.

How old are you?

I stayed home today so I am home with mum. She's not doing me any harm BUT I feel (how can I put it) she's interfering in my energy field. Always wanting my attention, chatting, ranting, when I want to be alone. If I said I wanted to be alone hell would break lose.

Today my vibes are high so coping OK.

If you want to give me more details maybe I can help. I am no therapist but if you need anyone to talk, I'm here. Don't give too much attention to all the psychic thing and being an energy vampire. We can all be when we're low. Remember "whatever you focus on grows".

[bluestar]

Is it at all possible for you to find yourself somewhere else to live? Your own little den? Then your parents would still be there of course, but the slight distance between you would help you to be yourself, and then your relationship with them might improve. Even living in a shared house (your own room, en-suite if possible) would help I think. It would help your perspective, and you would start to live your own life. But I suppose this depends on how old you are.

[phoenixxx]

Originally Posted by Susanna77

I don't in all honestly, know anybody, who can keep their sanity while living with their mum. Anybody out there please step up and let us know if it works for you, because we want to know how you do it.

How old are you?

I stayed home today so I am home with mum. She's not doing me any harm BUT I feel (how can I put it) she's interfering in my energy field. Always wanting my attention, chatting, ranting, when I want to be alone. If I said I wanted to be alone hell would break lose.

Today my vibes are high so coping OK.

If you want to give me more details maybe I can help. I am no therapist but if you need anyone to talk, I'm here. Don't give too much attention to all the psychic thing and being an energy vampire. We can all be when we're low. Remember "whatever you focus on grows".

Hi Susanna, thats very kind of you to offer to talk with me!!

I understand that logically- I shouldn't be paying too much attention to the psychic thing etc. It's just that I have been through trial and error for the past (seriously) maybe 14 years of my life just constantly adjusting my thoughts, actions etc just asking why/how/what constantly and the ONLY time I actually felt like I was living was when I concentrated all my energy on not being influenced by other people (mainly parents) psychic vibes. It was the first time I realised how to function as a normal human being.

And true, when I was in that state I knew I needed to do more exercise, have a better routine etc but I didn't have the energy to do it because It was all focused towards blocking things out. Now that I have lost that focus and am trying to apply it to those areas (exercise etc.) it is not working.

I am trying to go AROUND the issue to strengthen myself from the base up but I feel like I'm stil losing contact with my core purpose.

Also, in the last year my body has been taking a lot of the strain. It seems I'm developing a hunchback (?) which Louise Hay describes as being an expression of 'get off my back! (also guilt)' which resonates highly with me. As in I want them to get off my back and I feel guilty for letting all other areas of my life slide because I am not strong enough to cope with it. IT's a serious relentless guilt that I can't release until I figure out a way to BE.

I'm 18 by the way.

[phoenixxx]

Originally Posted by bluestar

Is it at all possible for you to find yourself somewhere else to live? Your own little den? Then your parents would still be there of course, but the slight distance between you would help you to be yourself, and then your relationship with them might improve. Even living in a shared house (your own room, en-suite if possible) would help I think. It would help your perspective, and you would start to live your own life. But I suppose this depends on how old you are.

Hi Bluestar,

I have my own room. We have a very small house though and noise travels from all areas of the house. The TV is in the centre of the house (it has a square layout) so no matter where I am I can still hear it (my brother watches a lot of tv). Also, it doesn't matter if I close my door, ask my mum not to come in, ask someone to turn down the tv, etc etc. No one listens to me or respects me. I cannot function.

My mum constantly comes in my room etc will not say specifically what she wants but uses excuses like she wants to open my window to let air in, she wants this and this for the laundry (even though I've specifically said I want to start doing my own laundry) will come in a million times to tell me when dinner is, will put a book in my room that is something SHES interested in, not me and tell me 'You will love this, you have to read it'.

The stress on my energy is so relentless that it numbs me out and turns me into some sort of buzzing zombie.

I don't feel like I am responsible for this. HOW can I kill myself over trying to 'fix' whatever is wrong with our relationship while trying simultaneously to weave myself away from her and form an identity for myself.

It doesn't work. Both my parents relate primarily by emotional manipulation and innuendos etc. It grates on me so much and I can't handle it. I'm way past the point that I care about what they are feeling when they are obviously not taking responsibility for themselves!!

See there is my point by trying to take responsibility for my life- it is like running on a treadmill when the people around me are so set on contortioning me to fit into their dependancy/irresponsibility models because they are running from the responsibility of their own lives.

And how can this be called blaming when, after trialling this path for the couple or so weeks that I could, everything around me was closer to the 'truth, love, power' model? And I was functioning as a truthfull, lving, powerful person? I wasn't harming ANYBODY in that state- I had an immense resevoir of compassion and love that was spilling over, I was not denying, repressing the truth of my situation and the work that needed to be done, I was living according to my OWN values and truth, and I had immense power from concentrating on my own values and wholeheartedly following through.

[bluestar]

Hi Phoenixx,
No, I didn't mean your own room in THEIR house, I meant somewhere else. That might not be possible financially, I know. But if you are a student, you might have the opportunity to share accommodation with some friends?
Or if you are working, you might be able to afford a room in a shared house with people around your own age. Just a thought.........

[Eric Roosevelt]

The only thing I can think of in this situation is to talk to her directly. Have an honest, completely open discussion with her where you tell her what you're feeling. If she reacts badly to it, then that's her problem. You may find it a relief if you manage to "neutralize" the relationship in such a way that her ego games don't affect you any more. If you're going to be living with your mum for a long time ahead, you have to get these things off your chest.

There's a solution to every problem, even to this one.

[Susanna77]

Originally Posted by Eric Roosevelt

The only thing I can think of in this situation is to talk to her directly. Have an honest, completely open discussion with her where you tell her what you're feeling. If she reacts badly to it, then that's her problem. You may find it a relief if you manage to "neutralize" the relationship in such a way that her ego games don't affect you any more. If you're going to be living with your mum for a long time ahead, you have to get these things off your chest.

There's a solution to every problem, even to this one.

Ouch Eric. If her mum is like most mums I know, she's in for big trouble if she confronts her mum with her true feelings. My mum is a great human being but wants to be right at all times. If I voice my feelings she automatically goes into "so it's my fault then?". Then I try to explain and she goes into "of course, it's all my fault" and won't listen to me.

Phoenix, you're 18. When I was 18 I knew nothing about self-development. Give yourself a big pat on the back for all the knowledge you're already carrying. What gave me strength during my teens was to think that soon I'd be moving out (to go to uni).

What are your life plans?

Please tell us a bit about them. I feel you might need to focus on tomorrow and forget the present (I know this might be an unusual one). If you feel no energy, accept it, if you feel sad, accept it, if you feel angry, accept it. Just know that at the end of it all there is a new life on its way for you.

[edith]

I get what you're saying about the psychic energy and how it takes so much effort to get free of it that you end up driving yourself down into depression.

I've been trying to understand the methods of emotional abuse lately. How much of it can we immunize ourselves against by thinking differently and how much is truly the other person's fault? With some people, there is only so much you can do because their way of control (or if it gets really sinister, abuse) is to get you twisted around in a knot so you don't know if you're coming or going. Just trying to see the light of day, see with clarity, is a struggle. Then you do see it, and it's like a breath of fresh air, only to be undone by the person in a second of interacting with them.

Originally Posted by Eric Roosevelt

The only thing I can think of in this situation is to talk to her directly. Have an honest, completely open discussion with her where you tell her what you're feeling. If she reacts badly to it, then that's her problem. You may find it a relief if you manage to "neutralize" the relationship in such a way that her ego games don't affect you any more. If you're going to be living with your mum for a long time ahead, you have to get these things off your chest.

There's a solution to every problem, even to this one.

With some people, it's nearly impossible to have a conversation where you "get it off your chest" in a way that releases you from it. Most conversations with people like this result in feeling worse because they can twist things around and manipulate so you end up in a worse muddle.

But I agree...in your own way, you'll need to learn to neutralize her effect on you. I've found the book "The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness" is really good at explaining how to think differently to prevent depression from settling in. What has worked well for me during times when a person I'm close to tries to upset my equilibrium is to focus on the present moment, be mindful, and not let that freight train of nasty thought get up to speed.

It's a tough situation because on the one hand, it's not right for someone to treat you this way, you don't deserve it and they should not get away with it, but on the other, probably your only way out is to change your thinking and conjure up all the inner resources you can muster. You can't allow yourself to think like a victim. In time, as you work at this, you'll feel better for having "stronger" thoughts. You'll not want to let yourself slip back into that morass.

I was reading Tim Ferriss' site about how he wore a purple bracelet for 21 days to remind him to stop complaining. If he complained, he had to put the bracelet on the other arm and start over. Is there a bracelet or other piece of jewelry you can wear that can help you remember to not react to your mum's "stuff"? I often wish a pop-down menu would appear before my eyes, reminding me of different ways of responding before I reacted! Alas, maybe in the future...

Best of luck to you.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by phoenixxx

I don't feel like I am responsible for this.

In that case, you are doomed.

All of your complaining, all of your asking for help, all of your wretched wishing things were different, all of your physical and emotional suffering -- it's all flatulence, expulsive and stinky, as long as you are living your life at the effect of external circumstance, and not taking 100% responsibility for how all of your own choices, both conscious and unconscious, have led you to be exactly where you are, Right Now.

The good news is that when you are ready to take 100% responsibility for your life and for your communication, then you have all the power in the world to make a positive difference, not only in your life but also in the lives of the people around you. Won't that be great? When you are ready, you can build the life you dream of living! So the question is, when do you think you will be ready?

[JT]

Somehow I get the feeling you're asking for advice on how to change this situation without having to actually make any changes in yourself.

point blank, he has to get away from her for a few years, to build himself up. and by this I mean--NO CONTACT. don't ask for anything. its sad, but, its part of today's social reality. deeper than that, emotional reality. hearts and minds get usurped, from birth, by powerless parents who crave the ability to feel life again. he has the knowledge so its possible. all that remains is the separation.

if he doesn't, he will continue running in circles. save up some money and start planning your escape phoenix.

If that is so, you're out of luck. Other people are not going to change because you want them to.

I disagree with this, but with him, his personality is not strong enough to effect change in others so he would be better off detaching.

[phoenixxx]

Originally Posted by edith

I get what you're saying about the psychic energy and how it takes so much effort to get free of it that you end up driving yourself down into depression.

I've been trying to understand the methods of emotional abuse lately. How much of it can we immunize ourselves against by thinking differently and how much is truly the other person's fault? With some people, there is only so much you can do because their way of control (or if it gets really sinister, abuse) is to get you twisted around in a knot so you don't know if you're coming or going. Just trying to see the light of day, see with clarity, is a struggle. Then you do see it, and it's like a breath of fresh air, only to be undone by the person in a second of interacting with them.

With some people, it's nearly impossible to have a conversation where you "get it off your chest" in a way that releases you from it. Most conversations with people like this result in feeling worse because they can twist things around and manipulate so you end up in a worse muddle.

Yes that's so true. I started to respond with mindfulness which made me feel a lot better, not guilty for respondingly badly etc. and was obviously teaching her a lot.
And I've been doing everything by myself lately to minimise interaction with her. It's been great to have that amount of control. It's just that there are instances where I DO need her help- and it seems that the less instances there are, the more she tries to make them into a big deal- to stop me progressing in some way. Like at the moment the big issue is driving lessons- she has been putting it off for the last 3 years- like 'oh maybe, maybe, just stop bossing me around okay?' (ughhh.......) It's like I wouldn't get so antsy about it if she set aside a time and place every week for us to have them- instead of me having to come up to her every week and ask her only for her to get angry or put it off or say she's busy and then I see her go sit on facebook for 3 hours or go read a book for the 4th time.
This has been going on for 3 years- and it's about to expire in the next week (my L license) and she is STILL putting it off- or holding it out as a punishment when I don't do something 'right'? Which is pathetic because I am 18 and doing everything I need to be doing.

[phoenixxx]

[QUOTE=Angela;307896]In that case, you are doomed.

All of your complaining, all of your asking for help, all of your wretched wishing things were different, all of your physical and emotional suffering -- it's all flatulence, expulsive and stinky, as long as you are living your life at the effect of external circumstance, and not taking 100% responsibility for how all of your own choices, both conscious and unconscious, have led you to be exactly where you are, Right Now.

QUOTE]

I don't get that......how can I be responsible if I haven't been aware of it until now? Isn't it the job of your parents to impart this sort of basic awareness about life on you so that you enter the world with a minimum amount of mental/emotional/physical competance?

I know everyone spends their lives trying to rebuild themselves from the way they were brought up but why do people have children anyway? I don't understand how people are just allowed to have children and raise them however they like when no ones ever screened them as being capable to do this.

Wouldn't most of the problems in the world be fixed if there was a standard that had to be upheld?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by phoenixxx

...how can I be responsible

That is an excellent question, and I acknowledge you for asking it. It's the very first step for you to take complete responsibility for your life, and live a life that you are totally in love with.

Now, stop and really fully consider the question. "How can I be responsible?" (I'm not asking you to answer me. Just really ask yourself that question and let your unconscious mind give you some answers. You may need to consciously practice letting go of a whole bunch of "Yeah, buts" so that you can HEAR what your unconscious mind has to communicate to you.)

[edith]

Originally Posted by Angela

It's the very first step for you to take complete responsibility for your life, and live a life that you are totally in love with.

I believe parents ARE obligated to help their children and must always strive to do it better. It's the obligation of a person who has brought another person into the world. However...

....we are humans, and not one human is going to do that perfectly. I don't know one person who doesn't have some beef about the way their parents raised them or treated them. So if a parent isn't or hasn't parented well, what can you do? Each of us must accept that this is the way things are (doesn't mean approve) and move on from there. You can't carry old childhood hurts forward into your adult life; it will hamper you in more ways than one. The best "salve" for it is what Angela said, imo - realizing that it's your life to make the way you want it from here on.

Doesn't mean it's going to be easy, doesn't mean there aren't still going to be people in your life who are still going to give you fits and starts. And huge changes won't happen overnight. You're in an even more difficult position in that you are still financially dependent upon your parents.

Don't expect to see everything change at once. Make little changes. Notice something simple you like or you want that you can have or do and take note that *you* are choosing this for your life - it's yours! A bit of practice at this will make you stronger and less prone to reacting to her *stuff*.

As far as the driving lessons go, is she your only solution to the problem? Think outside the box for problem-solving. Can it wait until a time when you're not under her thumb? Is there someone else you know who can help you? Be creative with your problem-solving. Yes, it's frustrating when the "best" solution can't happen, but then it's not the best if you can't make it happen, eh? It helps not to be so "attached" to a certain outcome on things. More solutions will fall into your lap if you remain open and flexible.

Your mum sounds like she has lots of problems. It's terribly unfortunate that she's allowed her problems to impact you. But you're on the right road for creating a wonderful life for yourself. It's too bad she doesn't appreciate what a strong and insightful child she has.

[ilrein]

Hey phoenix,

I feel for you. Whenever I read something like this it always makes me cringe. Ignore what anyone else says about the psychic aspect of it. You are completely right, and you are creating that decision from your own experiences. I want to tell you that, that you should recognize what Angela said. If you do not take responsibility for it, you will still be where you are now. The saddest part is reading about your back, and how you formed the link to "get off my back". There is a mind-body connection, and your body is feeling the repercussions of your life.

I am going to post a link here, from the most popular PUA (pick-up artist) website. I would like you to ignore the whole pick-up girls aspect, and simple read about this particular posters situation. He is a male, and his parents and situation is not unlike yours, but it will be viewed from his perspective. If you do not take responsibility, you will end like him. Your advantage over him is, you realized the psychological/physical damage of your situation, at half his age.

http://www.fastseduction.com/discuss...=34&read=56988

Start at the beginning, and read through to the end, you will value it.