Overcoming Negative Energy

[WordKeeper]

Well I have definitely been a negative person for much of my life. But in the past 4 or 5 years I have worked diligently to shift away from being critical, bitter, resentful and otherwise negative.

I have been identifying and shifting my thoughts from negative and fearful to positive and determined. It is working. But there is evidence that I have more work to do.

Here's the point. I have been involved in an online forum for 2 and 1/2 years. It is a relatively small group of people and we have gotten to know each other quite well. On this forum as well as another forum that I joined briefly a week ago I find that I am attracting very negative responses which basically deflect attention away from the originial point of the thread.

What do I make of these posts - that there is some negative energy in me that is drawing it.

Let me give an example. On one thread I have been writing about my work towards developing "competence". Part of that discussion has been about a struggle my son has had with an abusive teacher. Finally I withdrew my son from that school last week and entered him into public school where things are indescribably better. Today I received a post that decried my description of the teacher as "abusive" saying that my son was ill behaved and that I was blaming his teacher for things beyond the teacher's control. This poster, is a teacher who has been having a hard time with wayward High School students and no administrative support. She did not ask for any facts behind my accusation and ended by saying that my 7 yo's behavior was probably due to my anxiety and that I should see a psychologist rather than blame the teacher.

Now that pretty harsh reaction to a post that I made describing an issue that was effecting my life.

But there are others, not as harsh, that challenge my experiences and my view of them. I have no problem with others having different views but I do have a problem with others not allowing views that differ from their own. These posts come in the shape of ending the conversation rather than offering a different perspective. If their view is not immediately adapted then they basically go on the attack.

I am chosing to let these attacks go and moving on, starting other threads but the real issue is that I wonder how I can get some insight into what part of me is still drawing evoking an negativity strong enough to draw it to me from others.

Any thoughts?

[Angela]

Good for you for taking 100% responsibility! You are blessed by opportunity that you can recognize.

You might want to look at the teacher's reaction (and anyone else you deem as being negative to you) from a perspective of acceptance and curiosity, and see what happens in your communication.

For instance, what do you think might be possible, both for you and for her (not to mention your son), if you were to simply try on her perspective? It might be hard, because you feel like you are protecting your son, but just for purposes of the conversation with this one woman, what if you were to say something like, "You might be right. I might be too quick to label this woman as abusive out of my fierce instinct to protect my young. I know you, and I know other teachers, and I can see they're doing the best they can with the resources they have. Maybe that teacher was really stressed -- maybe she needed support that she wasn't getting, and it came out as impatience and crankiness, and my son had the bad luck of being the brunt of it. Maybe my son has a talent for pushing that teacher's buttons. Maybe you're right, maybe I am anxious and projecting my stress out onto my son and onto the teacher. Thank you for helping me to look at some alternative points of view when I was kind of stuck. You are clearly a great teacher! I'm going to consider loosening up my point of view, and in the meanwhile, I'll practice avoiding labeling people so that I can better see that they are doing the best they can with the resources they have. I forget that sometimes. Again, thanks for broadening my perspective."

Now that I think about it, what would be possible even if you don't say this out loud to her -- if you merely contemplate the idea of loosening your perspective in your own thoughts? Now, I'm not suggesting she's right or that you have to roll over and urinate on yourself; I'm just suggesting practicing taking on her point of view, if you'd like her to do the same for you. You might find that if you look deeply enough, you both have the same positive intent.

What do you think?

[WordKeeper]

I think you make a great point about standing in someone else's shoes.

Concerning receiving unwanted negative comments: should I try to figure out what part of me is attracting it or should I concentrate on reacting positively and changing my negative reaction into a positive one or both?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by WordKeeper

...should I try to figure out what part of me is attracting it or should I concentrate on reacting positively and changing my negative reaction into a positive one or both?

I think that your negative reaction IS what attracts negative reaction from others.

You may think, well, she started it, her reaction was the first negative one and I was just responding authentically to that.

And I think you would be really powerful if were to be willing to look at how your own "negative" feelings -- that is, your thoughts and expression about the situation with your son and his teacher -- came before that. Again, I'm not suggesting that you are *wrong* about the situation or that you shouldn't protect your son. But now that your son is protected, are those thoughts and expressions still needed by you? Is it possible for you to reframe them in a way that can have you feeling good? When you're feeling good, your communication is different from when you're feeling bad, so of course people will respond to you differently.

That's something you might want to look at all over your life, as a potential source of power and effectiveness.

[WordKeeper]

Hmm. Let me see if I understand.

There is a negative situation that I need to address, I do and then I let it go - no need to write about it and ruminate on it. Focus on the positive result of the change.

Is that what you mean?

Sort of like this: I had a problem but found a solution and it is working out well for me now. I feel great about how it was handled and how it turned out.

[Angela]

Well, that's not exactly what I mean.

Focusing on the positive result of change is a great idea. AND -- if there's a pattern that you notice, as you have, like that other people's negative energy is occurring in your life and you suspect you might have some negative energy that is drawing it -- it might be a good idea to examine what you're being when people get all reactive on you. Take a look at the specific way of being you were being when people give you negative feedback, and see how pervasive that is in your life. There may be some beliefs you have that are due for re-examination, and there may be some stuff you have to clean up with people, so that you are opening them up to feeling good about you.

What about this "competence" thing you mentioned you were writing about when this particular incident occurred? What were you saying about competence, and more importantly, what was your way of being when you were writing it? What kind of beliefs were you expressing that you felt were emotionally charged? I have a feeling there's something there.

(By the way, I don't mean for you to answer me publicly if you're not inclined. These are just questions I suggest you ask yourself to dig into the meat of the matter. Of course I'm very happy to discuss it with you publicly or privately by PM, if you want to.)

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by WordKeeper

Well I have definitely been a negative person for much of my life. But in the past 4 or 5 years I have worked diligently to shift away from being critical, bitter, resentful and otherwise negative.

I have been identifying and shifting my thoughts from negative and fearful to positive and determined. It is working. But there is evidence that I have more work to do.

Here's the point. I have been involved in an online forum for 2 and 1/2 years. It is a relatively small group of people and we have gotten to know each other quite well. On this forum as well as another forum that I joined briefly a week ago I find that I am attracting very negative responses which basically deflect attention away from the originial point of the thread.

What do I make of these posts - that there is some negative energy in me that is drawing it.

Let me give an example. On one thread I have been writing about my work towards developing "competence". Part of that discussion has been about a struggle my son has had with an abusive teacher. Finally I withdrew my son from that school last week and entered him into public school where things are indescribably better. Today I received a post that decried my description of the teacher as "abusive" saying that my son was ill behaved and that I was blaming his teacher for things beyond the teacher's control. This poster, is a teacher who has been having a hard time with wayward High School students and no administrative support. She did not ask for any facts behind my accusation and ended by saying that my 7 yo's behavior was probably due to my anxiety and that I should see a psychologist rather than blame the teacher.

Now that pretty harsh reaction to a post that I made describing an issue that was effecting my life.

But there are others, not as harsh, that challenge my experiences and my view of them. I have no problem with others having different views but I do have a problem with others not allowing views that differ from their own. These posts come in the shape of ending the conversation rather than offering a different perspective. If their view is not immediately adapted then they basically go on the attack.

I am chosing to let these attacks go and moving on, starting other threads but the real issue is that I wonder how I can get some insight into what part of me is still drawing evoking an negativity strong enough to draw it to me from others.

Any thoughts?

hi

in my opinion she was acting defensively due to her experience

no it wasn't right that she 'jumped' all over you
but again she has a wall up

without seeing a sample of your writing on this other forum I have no way to see if maybe something in your words were attracting negativity

all one can do is give love and respect to others and if it is not returned then there isn't anything you can do

[WordKeeper]

The thread I was writing was in response to someone else's work on a three part issue of connectedness, competence and autonomy. I had chosen to focus on competence and was writing about my thoughts and challenges. The particular post I am referring to here was about a challenge to my sense of competence from my young child and some of his anxiety issues.

I received complementary and supportive posts from three others on this very point. Lifetimelearner, your analysis is very much in line with mine. I think the angry poster is taking my point about a specific teacher and generalizing it to ALL teachers which includes her. I think MY response has to do with a childhood issue that has continued to plague me in which I reach out to my family for help or guidance about a troubling issue and get criticism and condemnation in return. So I triggered her wound and she triggered mine.

Lifetimelearner, I love what you wrote:

all one can do is give love and respect to others and if it is not returned then there isn't anything you can do.

This gives me such peace.

I am sorry she suffered so unfairly at her last teaching job. But it is not related to my son's situation. I can learn to interupt my automatic response that is triggered by someone's lashing out and then learn to see that person's pain with sympathy. I can focus on her pain rather than take her words personally.

Thank you both for helping me work through this. It has been a wonderfully helpful process. I am at peace.

[lifetimelearner]

thank you wordkeeper

hearing you say that you are at peace makes me feel very good

[SimonaRich]

If you are changing from negative to positive, these negative comments to your thread is nothing more than your past negativity manifestations.

If you think that you are giving out only positive energy, do not worry about these negative comments. There will be less and less of them until they dissapear.

Just try to stay positive and don't dwell on such comments or any negative things in your life. Shift your focus to something positive as soon as you notice something that might get you down.

You see, as you have been writing about that incident you had, you just created a bit more negativity, which will have to manifest in your life at some point. So never do that again!

It is great that you have changed from being negative to being almost entirely positive. Well done, and keep up the good work!

All the best,

Simona Rich

[WordKeeper]

Simona, what you write rings true to me. I checked out your web-page (which I like very much) and was especially struck and encouraged by these words: "However, to intentionally gain power over your mind may be harder than any work you have ever done."

This is helpful to know that it is difficult and that I must continue to work at it, expecting the manifestation to be made real but not give up until it is.

I took the consciousness level test and found myself at the Pride level. That rings true as well. I will continue to move forward. After my last post on this thread I found a very interesting site about visualizing a feather tickling the two amygdalas in the brain and exciting the frontal lobes. This has already made a difference. Things are happening on my journey into a functioning and fulfilling life experience.

I am loving the support here. Thank you.

[SimonaRich]

Originally Posted by WordKeeper

Simona, what you write rings true to me. I checked out your web-page (which I like very much) and was especially struck and encouraged by these words: "However, to intentionally gain power over your mind may be harder than any work you have ever done."

This is helpful to know that it is difficult and that I must continue to work at it, expecting the manifestation to be made real but not give up until it is.

I took the consciousness level test and found myself at the Pride level. That rings true as well. I will continue to move forward. After my last post on this thread I found a very interesting site about visualizing a feather tickling the two amygdalas in the brain and exciting the frontal lobes. This has already made a difference. Things are happening on my journey into a functioning and fulfilling life experience.

I am loving the support here. Thank you.

I'm happy that I was able to help you! Good luck!