|09-11-2008, 11:46 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2008
I have done a number of cleansings of my house, but with little success.
All of the techniques involve cleaning the house top to bottom as a first step. That is the problem ~ hubby has junk and clutter everywhere. I think that his clutter is either the cause or resulting from some bigger problem. His parents' house was the same way. Just filthy.
Something is very wrong here and I can't seem to make a dent. The entire house feels oppressive and we are all very depressed.
In any case, I can't even get past the first step because he would have a fit if his precious "collections" and junk was disturbed. I try to clean/cleanse small areas, but within a week they are just as dirty and grungy as before. Nothing stays clean or organized. It is actually kind of bizarre which is why I am on this forum.
I thoroughly understand all of the non-spiritual implications of this, but there is nothing I can do. Therefore, I must turn to will/intent/manifestation/cleasing.
Also, as an aside, I think it may have something to do with something I am attracting or negativity being sent my way. Too long of a story to get into.
Hubby is actually a very nice and kind person, but he is just out of control. He has been like this all of his life, but has gotten a billion times worse since we have our own home. Also, he takes no pride in his own appearance. It is like he relishes everything messy and unkempt, even himself.
Anyone have any ideas?
|09-12-2008, 12:07 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
That's a tough situation - unfortunately, I think it really takes two. If you are trying to cleanse clutter and he is not up for it, it's only going to cause tension. Perhaps see if you can set aside certain areas?
I can empathize some - I had a roommate who collected all kinds of stuff and left things lying out, it drove me nuts =). I like my home clean and ordered.
|09-12-2008, 04:48 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2008
I am not sure whether the issue is negative energy in your home or your husband's clutter causing the feeling of negative energy. One is probably a reflection of the other.
Obviously the ideal is to have a property clearing done, but failing that, can you imagine sending all the negative energy to one corner of your home? I know that it's not ideal. I used to live with someone who had a lot of negative energy around him and it affected how I felt in my home. I used to send his negativity up to his room because at that point I hadn't yet learned how to clear it myself.
|09-14-2008, 07:39 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
As a double Virgo, I can empathize!
I can really empathize with your situation. It sounds like you're feeling somewhat trapped without many options. I've experienced a little of what you describe in my own relationship, so I know it's hard. I can't know your full situation, but I can offer some suggestions, in case any are helpful.
First, I do believe that home environment has a profound impact on spiritual, emotional, and physical health. I agree that your depression may be tied up in the mess, and that your husband's mental state could be both reflected in and caused by his clutter. You are right to want to try to change the situation, because keeping a clean, ordered and pleasant home allows positive energy to flow to all residents.
However, I think some people have a deepseated attachment to physical belongings and to having those items cluttered around them. I've observed people with deep psychological needs for having the items, fear of having those items disturbed, and terror/panic when the items were removed. You'll need to have compassion and understanding for your husband's emotional needs.
If you want to change your situation, you're going to need to create a strategy and work hard to solve problems. It will require a lot of your energy, especially since you mention that there's an oppressive feeling in the house. That is the energy of clutter and unaddressed mental issues that you're feeling. It's real. But your inner strength and determination will go a long way towards creating a more positive, uplifting atmosphere. You may need to try a variety of things. Here are some suggestions.
Try discussing your needs with your husband in a calm, respectful, informative manner. In any relationship, each partner is responsible for working for mutual happiness. Let him know that you want both of you to be happy, and right now you're not happy. Try explaining how the clutter and dirt affects you and makes you feel. Let him know that you understand his desire to keep certain items, but that you need a clean, organized environment for your happiness and sanity. Offer to work with him, not against him. Try to figure out what might appeal to him, and suggest that. Does he spend time looking for things? Tell him that being organized will allow him to avoid wasting time. Is money wasted buying things that you already have, but just can't find? Tell him being organized saves money. Etc.
Try to help him understand how it feels to live with clutter. I used to tell my boyfriend, "Baby, I know you hate the smell of smoke. What if I were smoking in our apartment? You'd probably hate that, because you can't get away from it. Well, the feeling I get from unsightly clutter is just like the nasty feeling we get from smelling cigarette smoke. Please help me deal with the mess." Or, "Baby, what if I played loud music all the time, and you had trouble concentrating? The feeling you get from constant music is the same that I get from constant visual distraction from clutter and mess. Just as I respect your needs, I need you to respect my needs."
You'll need to diagnose your problem, and find solutions to your specific problem. Do you have too much stuff for your space? Or is there enough space, but it's not organized properly? Do you have enough shelves and furniture to house items? Or do you have enough, but you never have enough time to put things away properly? Is the problem mainly trash? Unwieldy collections? Paper items that should be filed away? Kid's things? Many problems can be solved by creating a system to house necessary items. There are all kinds of baskets, hampers, cupboards, chests, storage benches, file containers, and shelving systems that can help tremendously.
You mentioned your husband's collections. Is there a way to house his collections or display them in a neat, organized way? Is there a room that can be dedicated to the collections, where items would be mounted on the wall or housed in special shelves with glass doors? Try emphasizing to him that you want to preserve the collections in good condition while also allowing you to clean the house. Point out health hazards of unhygienic homes. Walk the walk as you talk the talk. If your husband resists, then focus on your own stuff or stuff he doesn't care about. Take care of whatever you can on your own, then approach him.
I find it's impossible to clean unless objects can be stored properly. Focus on finding a "place for everything", then put "everything in its place." Then you can clean properly, and finally, do your space cleansing. If you want, try doing some space cleansing BEFORE you can clean properly. It may help to lift some of the oppressive energy that may be affecting you and your husband. Open windows, and allow wind and sunlight into the house.
As inspiration, try watching the show "Clean House" on Style Network.
Clean House - mystyle.com
Maybe ask your husband to watch Clean House with you, to see how many clutter-hoarders end up happiest when the clutter is cleared.
Also, I highly recommend Karen Kingston's Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, and Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui. She's a little opinionated at times, but she hits the nail on the head for all kinds of clutter and space issues. She gets right to the point and provides useful info.
Best of luck!
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