A deeply mysterious Being.

[bluestar]

Years ago I had my first out-of body experience. I didn't even believe in anything like that. It just came out of the blue, one night. All the whistling noises, vibrations, odd sounds scared me. I thought I was dying. As I went out there was a gentle voice, a beautiful female voice who said I shouldn't be scared, she could help me if I wanted. After this happened a few times, I said yes, i wanted her to help me. She told me I needed training to strengthen me in this new dimension I kept going into. (I know I did. I was like a leaf in the wind out there. I had no understanding of what to do, or how to handle things.) I trusted her, only because I could feel her soul-qualities, not because of any other reason. Those energies were gentle and beautiful. At first we did exercises (many things which strengthened me; too many things to write here.) I felt there were so many things to learn, but I was doing well. She said there were some powerful forces in this new world I would have to be able to withstand.
Then suddenly everything turned very dark. I was being asked to send out positive energy in order to transmute very dark energies indeed. To 'lift' them. I worked very hard. Often the kindness returned, but the dark always did, too. And I was going deeper and deeper into work that was almost too much for me to 'lift'.
I felt her kindness and love, but over a period of time other really confusing things happened, involving a man (in the everyday world ) who I loved, and who was connected with all of this. (Another tale entirely) And in the end I broke everything away from her, because I couldn't understand why I was being asked to do such superhuman stuff, and go through so many pain-barriers all of the time. I was really cruel and hard to her, and shut off.
Her love,like a sad ghost, followed me for a while, then drifted away.
Now I do not have out of body things happen any more. I rarely remember many dreams like I used to. Just sometimes, there seems to be a distant 'call' from her, it seems tinged with poignancy and a kind of sadness. Then it's gone. And I don't encourage it, or send back anything. I just get on with everyday life. But it's like part of my soul is missing. I really do not know if I did the right thing, but I couldn't understand all the pressure on me. I don't know who she is, or what her purpose was.

[Mato Kinze]

You were being trained by your Benefactor (aka Higher Self). This being's total commitment and reason for existance is to make sure that you fulfill your original instructions. They're your coach and mentor; your protector and Chief Guide.

You have the ability to accept or decline anything. But understand, that your Guides will never ask you to do something you can't and they will never abandon you. They may press you and test you and challenge you, but you will always be the stronger for it. They always have your best interest first and formost in their design.

It's possible your original purpose was to do exactly what you were doing: ie. helping other entities raise their vibration to stem the flow of Darkness. That's a heavy responsibility to be sure, but again, trust in your Guides; they'll never harm you or allow you to be harmed.

I guarantee you that if you let yourself reach out to your Benefactor, she'll be waiting.

[bluestar]

So basically, I flunked out, right? Got too scared of it all and ran away. I do feel it is all waiting for me to be 100% ready perhaps? There was nothing to prepare me for all this. I came from a 'normal' down-to-earth background, where people ridiculed the Unseen. Maybe it was conditioning got in the way? Don't know. But the heavy strain of that training was really scaring me and pulling me apart. That's what it felt like. It felt so dark at times I wondered if there was some Black Magic going on, that I'd been drawn into co-operating with. In some ways I became so very strong. In some ways I thought it would really kill me. But I couldn't understand because even though all that darkness was being thrown at me (I'd never experienced anything like this before) her love was always there as well. It freaked me out.

[Mato Kinze]

Originally Posted by bluestar

So basically, I flunked out, right? Got too scared of it all and ran away. I do feel it is all waiting for me to be 100% ready perhaps? There was nothing to prepare me for all this. I came from a 'normal' down-to-earth background, where people ridiculed the Unseen. Maybe it was conditioning got in the way? Don't know. But the heavy strain of that training was really scaring me and pulling me apart. That's what it felt like. It felt so dark at times I wondered if there was some Black Magic going on, that I'd been drawn into co-operating with. In some ways I became so very strong. In some ways I thought it would really kill me. But I couldn't understand because even though all that darkness was being thrown at me (I'd never experienced anything like this before) her love was always there as well. It freaked me out.

LOL... No... You didn't "flunk out." You panicked. Guess what... You're HUMAN! We freak out occasionally over stuff we don't get. Trust me, it's no big. Your Benefactor does not judge. She is waiting right where you left her ready to continue where you left off or even take a step back or two.

Like all things, it's your choice. You can continue to deny the experience and the teachings you received and in the end you'll forget about it or convince yourself that it was "all in your head". There's nothing wrong with that. OR You can accept that you've been instructed to do something unusual with your life and talents, embrace it and be a different person. Nothing wrong with that either.

You will do what you need to do. You will accomplish what you need to accomplish. The only question is how long will it take you? A few years or a few lifetimes?

[bluestar]

Hey, thanks. I have not been able to talk about any of this to anyone. You made me feel easier about things. We do what we have to do, huh? Maybe there are so many ways of seeing a situation, so one day I'll see it with new eyes, and do what I have to do then. Thanks.