Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

European38 · 02-16-2008, 05:22 PM

Hi there can anyone tell me that everything is going to be ok? Ive been struggling for a really long time and sometimes I amen't so sure Im getting anywhere. I would love to meet someone and have kids and live my life to the full like I know I should but at the moment Im a total loner as Im so anxious having been bullied and pushed around when I was at my most vulnerable. Im working so hard now on my own happiness and I feel I am making some progress but I feel I need an opportunity to grab, a chance to pull myself forward, do any psychics feel I will meet someone? is there anything they can tell me about my journey?

also

I went to a psychic the other day and he said he couldn't read me! he said he tried 3 times but he couldn't do it????? before he said these things he asked me did I ever do a course in counseling, I had but forgot so I said no, he then went on to say I would live abroad, he saw travel in my cards and that I would meet a builder or engineer?? he thought I came from a mathematical background but Im creative so he got that wrong, my mother seems to think my aptitude for computers which is very good could be maths? what do you think about him not being able to read me? have you ever heard of this?

PsuedoSyllogism · 02-16-2008, 09:33 PM

Hello.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggle. I was there once myself. My honest opinion of the psychic you went to would be that he's not really psychic. I really do believe some people are, but there are a lot of people that are also willing to take advantage of you in the situation that you're in.

As far as being in the struggle that you are, I was single until I was 34 and felt like I would never find anyone. It was so important to me as well that I thought I couldn't be validated as a person without making someone else love me. So I tried and tried to find someone all the while my mind could only focus on the fact that i did not have anyone. I know it is extremely hard advice to follow, but I did not find anyone until I gave up and changed some things about me. I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to find anyone and I needed to make the best of the life I had, even if it meant being single for the rest of my life.

I truly believe now that when your mind is focused on what you don't have, you keep bringing yourself to that state of not having what you want. Honestly it sounds like you're not ready for a relationship because you're not right with yourself. In order to make a relationship truly work, you have to accept yourself for who you are and make peace with the fact that you would be Ok with yourself for the rest of your life, even if you never found anyone. Only then are you free to really be in a relationship of value where you're not just setting yourself up for abuse by someone else.

Particularly in your case, because I was there and I know. I was so used to people taking advantage of me because I cared more about them than I did myself and it's a very rare person that can sense that in someone and not take advantage of it in the context of a relationship. In fact, if you're putting out that energy, the people who will be drawn to you are the very people who will see it and know they can take advantage of you. If you continue to do this, you will most likely continue to be disappointed, let down and feel even more hopeless than before with each time that fails.

Remember, nothing is more attractive to other human beings than confidence. If you don't believe me, try studying a little body language. I know it sounds goofy, but do it. Just for a week. Look up everything you can about confident body language and adopt it for a week. Even if you don't feel particularly confident inside, project it with your body language. You will be AMAZED how differently people will treat you. No matter how uncomfortable it feels at first, just keep at it. I'd been so steeped in the body language of depression that I couldn't understand why no women would ever talk to me or show interest in me. When I changed my body language it was literally overnight that it felt like people were treating me differently. I couldn't even believe I was the same person that everyone had ignored. And once people started treating me differently I developed real confidence, not just the body language of it.

That's my 2 cents and I hope it really helps you out in some way. I know it changed my life.

European38 · 02-17-2008, 09:30 AM

hmm that sounds interesting because I am wondering why I keep attracting bullies into my life. I have been quite badly bullied in my life and Im having a hard time not taking it personally. Will investigate the body language thing to see what they suggest thanks

Acting Like Godot · 02-17-2008, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by European38

Hi there can anyone tell me that everything is going to be ok? Ive been struggling for a really long time and sometimes I amen't so sure Im getting anywhere. I would love to meet someone and have kids and live my life to the full like I know I should but at the moment Im a total loner as Im so anxious having been bullied and pushed around when I was at my most vulnerable. Im working so hard now on my own happiness and I feel I am making some progress but I feel I need an opportunity to grab, a chance to pull myself forward, do any psychics feel I will meet someone? is there anything they can tell me about my journey?

Listen my friend. Don't worry about external things like whether you're going to meet someone or whether you will be bullied again etc.

Your reality is shaped by your own thoughts. Fix your own thoughts, fix yourself, from the inside - and the rest will follow.

As the song goes - it's a kind of magic.

European38 · 02-17-2008, 01:45 PM

ye Im testing out that now but Im only just after embarking on it, does it work for real? I remember I used to say affirmations for wealth and I went through a stage of finding fivers (found 3 on different places in one day) I haven't seen the benefits of trying to think positively yet but I will keep it up and hopefully my faith will pay off

fellowtraveler · 02-18-2008, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsuedoSyllogism

I truly believe now that when your mind is focused on what you don't have, you keep bringing yourself to that state of not having what you want..

Eggs-ackley.

veranadine · 02-21-2008, 06:48 AM

Having been in your position myself, a depression and stagnation that lasted for over 4 years, I would say that the answer most certainly does lay within.

My guess is that your own internal voice has, over the years, come to speak to you with the words of those bullies. The record of what they said to you became so strong in your mind that it is now your default record, waiting to play back those words and vibrations at every little turn throughout your day.

What happens when we are being constantly bullied, from outside or within, is that we pull into ourself. We develop a very small comfort zone of reality, living within our bedroom, living within movies, our computer or video games.

We choose this because the "comfort zone" that we've built has very defined boundaries, very reliable patterns of behaviour. We know that our idea of ourself within this space is not going to be challenged by anyone or anything outside of ourself.

This is basically an escape method, a place where we will never be forced to look at or resolve our own pains or our own low opinion of ourself. A place where we will never be forced to question "Why?"

I got to the point where walking to my mailbox was my only exercise, and the sun was so glorious...yet I always immediately retreated back inside, lest someone should see me and try to talk to me.

My suggestions are these:

1. Take up meditation, NOW. Looking within is the ONLY thing that is going to bring you to the happiness that you picture in your mind. Movement attracts movement , desperation attracts more desperation. When you visit inside, you create a connection with your mind and your spirit that makes it possible for you to see your true value and begin to reprogram that voice in your mind. Trying to think more positive is not the same thing as simply teaching yourself to do it as the default behaviour.

2. Often those who study counseling are interested in it because they themselves feel the need for help. (Myself included, as I was once a psychology major.) Are you going to regular counseling sessions yourself? If not, why not? It is just as easy as sitting and talking to a loved one about your problems over a cup of tea. And many larger towns have free counseling available if you look for it.

3. Do NOT get into any relationships while you are healing yourself. When you are happy within, a happy relationship will simply fall into your lap. When you are beating yourself up inside, blaming yourself for your own loneliness and for all of the abuse that you have taken, guess what? You are going to attract a relationship with someone who also beats you up, inside or out.

4. You do not need to keep visiting psychics. (This should be eye-opening to you as that is my profession.) The reason that I say this is that I sense intuitively that you already KNOW what you need to do and are just looking for external confirmation instead of just doing it. Do not waste your energy looking for the opinions of others, that's what got you into this rut in the first place...the opinions of others.

You are on your path to greatness and healing within already, pour your energies into that without fear and let the outside world take care of itself. You'll be surprised what comes of it!

Blessings,

European38 · 02-22-2008, 06:51 PM

thank you soo much for your wonderful posts. It never ceases to amaze me how supportive people are on this site. Well I am feeling a whole lot better today and I feel like Iv worked through some stuff while doing it. I am feeling way more optimistic and even reading back over my original post made me think God why was I doubting this whole process. I think I am now probably 65% there. I still have a dreadful habbit of trying to work out what other people think instead of thinking bout what I want but I notice when Im doing it now which is a good start, also Ive managed to fight the habbit of thinking negatively and thinking bout things that make me feel bad. My mind though is VERY VERY VERY determined to think about bad things but Ive won a few times which felt good. I think Ive learned a lot lately, Ive learned that happy people think happy thoughts and to find happiness you have to be happy now! also you can choose your reactions to things. Understanding these makes me feel that I could have crossed over from one side of therapy to the other. I know it sounds funny that I feel so strongly bout this but I feel like this is what Ive been searching for for years! do you think it could be the answer to finally getting out of a hole? did you have any turning points along your journey?

fellowtraveler · 02-22-2008, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by European38

did you have any turning points along your journey?

Many. It's literally like a light bulb going on and it's quite a rush.

As a Piscean, I tend to float still for long periods, then quickly dart to another perspective. (It's one way of looking at how it happens for me, that's all.)

02-16-2008, 05:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
European38 Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 62	help needed if you can Hi there can anyone tell me that everything is going to be ok? Ive been struggling for a really long time and sometimes I amen't so sure Im getting anywhere. I would love to meet someone and have kids and live my life to the full like I know I should but at the moment Im a total loner as Im so anxious having been bullied and pushed around when I was at my most vulnerable. Im working so hard now on my own happiness and I feel I am making some progress but I feel I need an opportunity to grab, a chance to pull myself forward, do any psychics feel I will meet someone? is there anything they can tell me about my journey? also I went to a psychic the other day and he said he couldn't read me! he said he tried 3 times but he couldn't do it????? before he said these things he asked me did I ever do a course in counseling, I had but forgot so I said no, he then went on to say I would live abroad, he saw travel in my cards and that I would meet a builder or engineer?? he thought I came from a mathematical background but Im creative so he got that wrong, my mother seems to think my aptitude for computers which is very good could be maths? what do you think about him not being able to read me? have you ever heard of this? Last edited by European38; 02-16-2008 at 06:15 PM.

02-16-2008, 09:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
PsuedoSyllogism Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 3	Hi. Hello. I'm sorry to hear of your struggle. I was there once myself. My honest opinion of the psychic you went to would be that he's not really psychic. I really do believe some people are, but there are a lot of people that are also willing to take advantage of you in the situation that you're in. As far as being in the struggle that you are, I was single until I was 34 and felt like I would never find anyone. It was so important to me as well that I thought I couldn't be validated as a person without making someone else love me. So I tried and tried to find someone all the while my mind could only focus on the fact that i did not have anyone. I know it is extremely hard advice to follow, but I did not find anyone until I gave up and changed some things about me. I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to find anyone and I needed to make the best of the life I had, even if it meant being single for the rest of my life. I truly believe now that when your mind is focused on what you don't have, you keep bringing yourself to that state of not having what you want. Honestly it sounds like you're not ready for a relationship because you're not right with yourself. In order to make a relationship truly work, you have to accept yourself for who you are and make peace with the fact that you would be Ok with yourself for the rest of your life, even if you never found anyone. Only then are you free to really be in a relationship of value where you're not just setting yourself up for abuse by someone else. Particularly in your case, because I was there and I know. I was so used to people taking advantage of me because I cared more about them than I did myself and it's a very rare person that can sense that in someone and not take advantage of it in the context of a relationship. In fact, if you're putting out that energy, the people who will be drawn to you are the very people who will see it and know they can take advantage of you. If you continue to do this, you will most likely continue to be disappointed, let down and feel even more hopeless than before with each time that fails. Remember, nothing is more attractive to other human beings than confidence. If you don't believe me, try studying a little body language. I know it sounds goofy, but do it. Just for a week. Look up everything you can about confident body language and adopt it for a week. Even if you don't feel particularly confident inside, project it with your body language. You will be AMAZED how differently people will treat you. No matter how uncomfortable it feels at first, just keep at it. I'd been so steeped in the body language of depression that I couldn't understand why no women would ever talk to me or show interest in me. When I changed my body language it was literally overnight that it felt like people were treating me differently. I couldn't even believe I was the same person that everyone had ignored. And once people started treating me differently I developed real confidence, not just the body language of it. That's my 2 cents and I hope it really helps you out in some way. I know it changed my life.

02-21-2008, 06:48 AM	#7 (permalink)
veranadine Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Isle of Avalon Posts: 252	Like Atrracts Like Having been in your position myself, a depression and stagnation that lasted for over 4 years, I would say that the answer most certainly does lay within. My guess is that your own internal voice has, over the years, come to speak to you with the words of those bullies. The record of what they said to you became so strong in your mind that it is now your default record, waiting to play back those words and vibrations at every little turn throughout your day. What happens when we are being constantly bullied, from outside or within, is that we pull into ourself. We develop a very small comfort zone of reality, living within our bedroom, living within movies, our computer or video games. We choose this because the "comfort zone" that we've built has very defined boundaries, very reliable patterns of behaviour. We know that our idea of ourself within this space is not going to be challenged by anyone or anything outside of ourself. This is basically an escape method, a place where we will never be forced to look at or resolve our own pains or our own low opinion of ourself. A place where we will never be forced to question "Why?" I got to the point where walking to my mailbox was my only exercise, and the sun was so glorious...yet I always immediately retreated back inside, lest someone should see me and try to talk to me. My suggestions are these: 1. Take up meditation, NOW. Looking within is the ONLY thing that is going to bring you to the happiness that you picture in your mind. Movement attracts movement , desperation attracts more desperation. When you visit inside, you create a connection with your mind and your spirit that makes it possible for you to see your true value and begin to reprogram that voice in your mind. Trying to think more positive is not the same thing as simply teaching yourself to do it as the default behaviour. 2. Often those who study counseling are interested in it because they themselves feel the need for help. (Myself included, as I was once a psychology major.) Are you going to regular counseling sessions yourself? If not, why not? It is just as easy as sitting and talking to a loved one about your problems over a cup of tea. And many larger towns have free counseling available if you look for it. 3. Do NOT get into any relationships while you are healing yourself. When you are happy within, a happy relationship will simply fall into your lap. When you are beating yourself up inside, blaming yourself for your own loneliness and for all of the abuse that you have taken, guess what? You are going to attract a relationship with someone who also beats you up, inside or out. 4. You do not need to keep visiting psychics. (This should be eye-opening to you as that is my profession.) The reason that I say this is that I sense intuitively that you already KNOW what you need to do and are just looking for external confirmation instead of just doing it. Do not waste your energy looking for the opinions of others, that's what got you into this rut in the first place...the opinions of others. You are on your path to greatness and healing within already, pour your energies into that without fear and let the outside world take care of itself. You'll be surprised what comes of it! Blessings, Last edited by veranadine; 02-21-2008 at 06:54 AM.

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02-17-2008, 09:30 AM	#3 (permalink)
European38 Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 62	hmm that sounds interesting because I am wondering why I keep attracting bullies into my life. I have been quite badly bullied in my life and Im having a hard time not taking it personally. Will investigate the body language thing to see what they suggest thanks

02-17-2008, 01:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
European38 Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 62	ye Im testing out that now but Im only just after embarking on it, does it work for real? I remember I used to say affirmations for wealth and I went through a stage of finding fivers (found 3 on different places in one day) I haven't seen the benefits of trying to think positively yet but I will keep it up and hopefully my faith will pay off

02-22-2008, 06:51 PM	#8 (permalink)
European38 Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 62	thank you soo much for your wonderful posts. It never ceases to amaze me how supportive people are on this site. Well I am feeling a whole lot better today and I feel like Iv worked through some stuff while doing it. I am feeling way more optimistic and even reading back over my original post made me think God why was I doubting this whole process. I think I am now probably 65% there. I still have a dreadful habbit of trying to work out what other people think instead of thinking bout what I want but I notice when Im doing it now which is a good start, also Ive managed to fight the habbit of thinking negatively and thinking bout things that make me feel bad. My mind though is VERY VERY VERY determined to think about bad things but Ive won a few times which felt good. I think Ive learned a lot lately, Ive learned that happy people think happy thoughts and to find happiness you have to be happy now! also you can choose your reactions to things. Understanding these makes me feel that I could have crossed over from one side of therapy to the other. I know it sounds funny that I feel so strongly bout this but I feel like this is what Ive been searching for for years! do you think it could be the answer to finally getting out of a hole? did you have any turning points along your journey?

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums