Unable to sleep well and having bad dreams, wake up crying

[loveliketheflowers]

im recovering from a hard breakup. i keep thinking about this person, all the bad negative thoughts. it was not a good relationship for me at all. we weren't together, we were bascially just hooking up and sometimes spend time together, but i didn't really like him nor wanted to be in a realtionship with him, for he was very sexual. and he told me he was married to someone for a greencard but that their realtionship was open and he didn't really want to be with her and it wasn't really a real marriage. so i believed every word, i didn't want to be with him anyway right? but the last 4months of our knowing each other, i moved into a friends house because i wanted to get away form my parents. doing the wrong thing, doing ecstasy every weekend, doing whatever because i thought i was so lonely and alone and sad. i started to depened on him for friendship and relationship and he wasn't able to do that. xmas eve i found out his wife he said wasn't really anything was pregnant and i was devastated. i did alot of bad things after that in anger. i contacted the wife, his mom, sister, and couple of his friends, to tell them everything he done to me. im so stupid right. but i was so angry and upset that i had found out this news. i didnt want to stay at the friends house and deal with the guy anymore, so i went back home with my parents (should never have left in the first place). i still saw him after that ordeal though, he still wanted to see me, and i didn't want to be alone and felt like i had no one else to hang out with. then i found out i was preg but got an "a", and told him i dont want to deal or see him again because he is married and i fit no where in his life, im just a prop he plays with pretty much...i met him in a very bad place (strip club, no longer strippin though). i just feel bad still i think for contacting his wife and other people and that i found out she was pregnant and it wasn't me because i think i want a family and that life so much. but im only 22 so what do i know right?


every night when i try to go to sleep, this person and all the negative thoughts and feelings are on my mind. i tell myself to stop thinking about it, and i continously do. i try to go to bed at 11pm and then i realize i've been laying in bed thinking about the whole situation and its now 4am. then i finally fall asleep and i have a slight dream about this person. i can't really remember but i think it is about this person. and he is saying not nice things to me saying "i'll never make it" "i never finish anything" "i always say something and start something but never finish" "im a whore" just negative things. then i wake up feeling terrible. and i start crying. i've prayed for forgiveness but i still feel the guilt and the hurt. what can i do possibly? how can i get to sleep and have pleasant peaceful happy dreams?