Lack of purpose

[Vorhidin]

Hi

I'm enjoying this blog very much. I like this forum because of it's special atmosphere of collaboration and it's willingness orientation, and I've decided to ask you for help.

That's very rare on me -asking for help, I mean-. Not that I don't know how to do it, but I do it only when I feel that I need it, and/or when I feel that asking will help somehow.


So my problem is -AFAIK-, that I don't know what is my purpose in life.

Yes I know that Steve has some articles in his blog about how to find your purpose. I've done the purpose list two times, I've not cryed, but I finished exhausted. Although I've received some useful insights, I still don't know for what I'm still breathing.

I see myself starting one thing and not being constant. 'Forgetting' the next day what I decided the previous, and again at night being lucid, deciding to do great things but knowing that probably I wont keep on it. I'm not fulfilled not giving me in what I do, and never will be. I feel, I know and I've proved to me several times that I've good potential. Unfortunately I don't have a target, but two engines going each one in opposite directions.


Understand me, I'm not depressed, I smile, I have sense of humour, I feel interested about life, I've friends -very few but good-. And I have a great girlfriend that I love, and she loves me. I'm proud of many things in my life, I've learned many things, have scientific and artistic habilities, and I feel capable of helping people (I'm good motivating, ironically), but seems that I can't do it with myself. And I feel alone in this.

I feel like an alien. I don't know why I should do anything. I see my self doing only the minimum. But I die for having an objective, a goal, a reason, something that moves me to give a 100% instead of a 5%. This feeling hurts me in the inside. And almost makes me cry of emotion. I know I have many things to give. But I still don't know what to do with my life. I'm in crisis, And I like to be in crisis, because it's positive. But I need a change. I've been walking in circles, and have passed through this point so many times I can't remember. If I must summarize it in a phrase I would say that I'm paralyzed and confused. Every goal seems so "other people's" to me, that I don't really believe there could be one waiting for me.


I know that there are very intelligent and empathic people around here. You're my hope I truly appreciate sincerity. I don't mind if it's not pleasant, really. And if you want to ask me something, feel free to do it. I'm willing to help on being helped.

[Adam]

Hmmm... That's a tough question.

The best advice that I can give is, take a break from trying to find your purpose for a couple of days. Let your mind wander and let your subconscious catch up with what you've been working on consciously. Your purpose will be there when you get back. Go ahead and sharpen your saw, as it were.

It took me a couple of months of active searching to find my purpose... It hit me out of the blue, and was so simple that it caught me completely by surprise: "To bring peace to everybody."

You'll find yours, don't worry. In the mean time, maybe you could practice some of the time management techniques... The hardest part of them is making a habit out of it.

[Radical]

How old are you?

I don't have a clue what my purpose is either.

[jwinn]

Looks to me that you haven't found your passion in life yet. If Steve's article didn't work for you, this one might.

How to Find What You Love to Do

[Vorhidin]

Originally Posted by Radical

How old are you?

I'm 24.
When I read my age I think I'm young. When I remember my life then I feel that a lot of time has passed...


I'll follow your advise Adam.

Thankyou for the article, jwinn. I'll read it tomorrow, when I rest.


Now I just want to empty my mind and not to worry. Relax and sleep...

[Alvin]

Hi Vorhidin,

I'm 27, just 3 years a little ahead

I agree with Adam. Take it easy on yourself...with all respect to Steve, his 20 mins exercise is a tad in the extreme. Philosophers of all ages have wrestled with this great question all their lives; 'what is my purpose for living?'

I've come to see it as a lifelong quest to find the answer, rather than a one-size fits all MacAnswer that comes over the counter in 3 Easy Steps.

One technique I've found useful for me is to define the answer, instead of finding it. If you can't find it now, might as well make one up, and make it a damn fine one.

[Vorhidin]

I've just noticed that I started the thread in the wrong branch, because there is already one intended for talking about life purposes. Maybe a moderator could move it if found necessary.

Originally Posted by Alvin

One technique I've found useful for me is to define the answer, instead of finding it. If you can't find it now, might as well make one up, and make it a damn fine one.

That's what I've been doing tonight,

I'm digging.
Now I have in front of me a page filled with clues and half-answers, that don't made me cry but at least I felt electricity discharges in the spine while writing some of them. I feel like a mathematician working on a big theory, and making smaller discoverings on the while, or a sculptor getting rid of layers of stone to reveal what hides within...

I'm finding that I have fears, irrational, that are are difficult to stare. And I have some truths that are difficult to connect. The best thing I've learned today is "every thought you have is an intention manifestation", so now I think more carefully.

[duhshuh]

Vorhidin,

I completely connected with your post... especially the "I feel like an alien" line. I'm struggling with this too.

I get up and go through the motions everyday, but only because I am alive and can't stand not being productive. My life has become both mindless and pointless and I have a great feeling of insignificance. I also wouldn't say I'm depressed, but my outlook on life is rather grim.

I do have a question for you... what were you doing in your life before you started to feel this way?

[Vorhidin]

Originally Posted by duhshuh

I completely connected with your post... especially the "I feel like an alien" line. I'm struggling with this too.

I get up and go through the motions everyday, but only because I am alive and can't stand not being productive. My life has become both mindless and pointless and I have a great feeling of insignificance. I also wouldn't say I'm depressed, but my outlook on life is rather grim.

I understand you. The only thing I can tell you is what I tell to myself. I know there must be a way out. And another person can point it to you, or give you advices, or even show you a map. But that's all he can do, everybody must open his door, and cross it. Ask your intuition and sincerely respond you from the heart if you believe there must be a solution to your current situation. Intuition is a powerful ally to have on your side. All and each one of the decisions I made that I could regret, was the ones I did betraying my intuition. And the things I did following my heart, I'll never be thankful enough for having done them.

I'm actively searching the purpose of my life now... The first I'm doing today is a "brain reboot", because I have my head so full of junk (things I must do, intentions, half-done works, fears, etc), that I can't think clearly. If you don't know what a brain reboot is, take a look at John Reese’s Blog » It’s Time To Reboot Your Brain!. I'll tell if it works. Tastes good.

Originally Posted by duhshuh

I do have a question for you... what were you doing in your life before you started to feel this way?

Good question. Not easy to answer.
Sincerely, this is not new. Since my early teenage I've been feeling divided. On one side I wanted to do great things, was full of interest, curiosity and energy. On the other side, lack of self-confidence, lack of supportive relationships made an impression of me. Never any of the sides prevailed over the other one, and I feel exhausted of fighting against myself constantly. Reading this forum is motivating me to face it once for ever...

I'm also feeling that I'm on a valley since I decided not to go to college and study music instead. That decision was a hill. It has been a very good decision AFAICT. The "bad" thing is that a lustrum has happened but I've still not faced my greatest fears. I've learned very much, yes, I'm happy of studying what I like, and meeting the people I've not met otherwise -some of they are part of my life now-, but every year I've been falling in the trap of avoiding to put all my effort on what I want. Fearing change, fearing success, or whatever hell is what I fear...

'til now, i've only put less than a tenth of the effort I'm be capable of. And that is killing me inside. I don't know why I'm supposed to be here.
But i'm on it

[AndyMartin]

Just different refrain to add to the ongoing chorus...

I don't believe you can think your way to your purpose. It's all the noise in your head that is blocking out the meaning that you carried with you into this life. When Steve talked about making lists, I don't think he meant to get your mind running in high gear until you crank out the right answer. The idea is to get the list running so it blocks out your thoughts. This will quiet your mind and your ego and let your true self speak. When that part of you speaks, you just know. You need to listen to the knower behind the thinker, as Eckhart Tolle calls it, because you already know the answer. You just can't hear it.

But in the end, it's really not about being able to say you know it. You don't need to be able to articulate your purpose to live it. If you live from the awareness of your inner self, you will live that meaning that brought you into this world. Then maybe after living it you will find a way of stating it.

Good luck!
Andy

[eternomi]

Here is what worked for me:

1) Make a list of everything you are very good at, or you could be very good at.

2) Make a list of everything you love doing. The things that make time and space appear nonexistant.. Things that make you say "Wow... it's been 4 hours since I started?". This list will more or less overlap the list in 1)

3) Look back unto your life and see if there are any recurring patterns about what people tell you you should do or what path you seem to keep getting thrown into. Is there anything among those that really interest you? Lists from 1) and 2) will help here.

4) What are you curious about? This again links with 1) and 2). If you are not curious about anything, then you need to read, do, experience more until you find something that really peaks your interest. You are kinda young, but things you "have to" do might have dullified your curiousity, so you might have to dig it back out from under the clutter.

Your purpose is what really interests you, makes you lose track of time, and also serves the highest good for all. Keep in mind that it could change over time as you learn and experience more so long as it sweeps you off your feet.