Radical change

[Bing Wu]

Hi Everyone,

I'm in a bit of a tough spot where I feel like I might need some radical change in my life in order to move towards what I want.

The story is related to the thread I wrote about "quitting graduate school" in the character & contribution forum, but I don't think I painted a very accurate picture of my situation.

As a person, I've had difficulty staying interested and committed to many things for long. Most activities in my life, I've picked up and soon lost determination to continue. It doesn't mean I'm totally disinterested and don't like anything - there are a few things I have stuck with - more on those later. But the important thing I've learned is that I need freedom and flexibility. I don't like shirts with tight collars, I don't like sleeping bags that make me feel constricted, and I don't like schedules that commit me to regular 8 hour days.

I have just finished an undergraduate degree in economics after 4 years of college. Before my last year of college, I thought "once I graduate, I'm going to the real world. I don't want to stay in school any longer, and I want to move back to Calgary (in Alberta, Canada)".

But during that year, I was enticed to apply for (very generous) graduate school scholarships from the Canadian government. I had excellent marks, so it would be fairly easy to get a scholarship, which would make graduate school rather lucrative. I applied for the scholarships, and for graduate schools, and low and behold, I got the scholarship, and admission into several graduate schools.

When I got all the acceptances, I intended to go to a graduate school in Calgary for just one year, get my Master's degree, and go work. But my parents were lukewarm to the idea at best, and encouraged me to "aim higher", since the University of Calgary is not the best graduate school academically. I talked to the graduate chair at the University of Western Ontario, who convinced me to stay for the Ph.D. program. It was much tougher, but the university offered generous financial aid in addition to my scholarship - so I could live a decent living while earning my Ph.D.

Deep down, I wanted to go back to Calgary. But with my parents encouraging me to sign up for the best possible program, and the money offered by the University of Western Ontario, I opted for the Ph.D. Economics program.

Fast forward several months to the present. Ph.D. classes are about to start, and I have a terrible feeling about the program. Personality wise, I'm not similar to anyone in the program. I'm not interested in the material we're supposed to learn, plus, it's supposed to be very difficult material. Now, I can stay in the Ph.D. program for 8 months, then leave with a Master's degree.

But I don't feel good about staying. I don't feel any passion whatsoever for the program, and I'm not happy with the apartment I'm living in either. I feel like I'd rather return to Calgary and find a job, because I feel like it's time I gained some work experience - even if I don't particularly like the jobs I get, I want a change from 4 years of school!

Leaving is not going to be easy, though. I have a lease on my apartment that doesn't expire until June 2008 (although I am sharing it with a roommate who may be able to find someone else). Also, the graduate program is providing me with a stable income. But I feel it may be a drain on my soul. On the other hand, it's just 8 months and I get a Master's degree.

So there are two options I see - 1. stick it out in the Ph.D. program, even though I don't like it, it's stable, secure and I can get a Master's degree. 2. I can take a risk, throw everything in my car and drive across Canada, something I've been itching to do for a while. I'd find a job once I get back to Calgary, and begin working towards my goal of saving up enough money for Yoga Teacher Training (Yoga is one of the things I have remained interested in for a long period of time, and rarely does a day go by when I don't practice).

Do I choose the practical, safe route, or the risky route that requires lots of courage? Thanks for reading so far if you've made it all the way down here!

[Zukin]

Maybe you could ask professional economists how they like their life. You could also ask yoga teachers how much they enjoy their life. You may get the same answer. You may get different answers. It's up to you to find out.