I have a tendency to be late

[fooguru]

I have a tendency to be late (to stuff) and I don't like it. It's a bad habit that I plan to eliminate.

Do you have a tendency to be late?
Any tips/ideas on how to get this handled (or bad habits in general) is greatly appreciated.

[n_vizion]

One thing I do is set my clock ahead 5-10 minutes.

Another thing I do is start getting read way before I have to be there because I also have a tendency to late.

I also go backwards and try to accurately estimate the exact time I need to leave my house if I really want to arrrive on time.

I have to tell myself that if I arrive late, I'll be anxious and unprepared, but if I arrive a little early, I feel ready and in control mentally.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I don't know if this is true for you, but the reason I am late is that I will be getting ready and see something that 'needs' my attention...like some dishes to take to the kitchen or something. I have fixed this by reminding myself not to do any extra stuff when I am getting ready to go somewhere. I just do what I need to do to get ready and tell myself the rest can wait until I get back home (it's not like anything truly bad will happen if I don't hang up the laundry before I leave). It has helped me be on time much more.

Good luck!

[Matthew Shea]

I'm the type that tends to be early or on-time. My wife is not. To deal with it, you just have to give yourself more time than you think you'll need to get ready and get to where you're going. For example, if I know we have to leave at a certain time, I'll start pushing to get everyone ready at least 15 minutes ahead of time. I know that for myself, I rarely can get out the door in less than 10 minutes. The little things, like putting on shoes, going to the bathroom, grabbing keys, getting a bottle of water, finding your coat, etc. tend to add up and you just have to get used to allowing time for them.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Just put out the intention to be on time. You could take the advice of n vizon and set your clock a little faster. I have the same problem at times, but it is probably because I do not want to get somewhere too early either. Better early than late, better late than never. If I were you, I would definitely work on waking up earlier, start getting things done earlier than you say you are, and the pattern will form in your subconscious. It is really hard to be exactly on time, within the minute, but if you condition yourself to show up five minutes early, you will most likely always be at least on time.

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by fooguru

I have a tendency to be late (to stuff) and I don't like it. It's a bad habit that I plan to eliminate.

Do you have a tendency to be late?
Any tips/ideas on how to get this handled (or bad habits in general) is greatly appreciated.

Ahh my problem is exactly the opposite.


Here in brazil everyone gets late to appointments and i intuitively always get at least 5 mins before the scheduled time (sometimes even 10 mins). And depending on the event some people get like almost an hour late.

But i've been educating myself to get later to events, i see the clock and i feel an urge to go to it but i wait and say to myself "don't be on time, get there late as everybody, otherwise you'll be there alone"

Well this is in social situations, if its a professional situation then i like this little "neurosis" of me of always getting in time for things.

[Angela]

fooguru, do you find you are more often late for obligations that you set up for yourself, or promises/engagements with others?

In other words, are you letting yourself down, or are you letting others down?

If it's yourself you are making promises to, maybe you could look to see if your deadlines are working for you. Maybe you're putting undue pressure on yourself.

If you are late for appointments or to turn in projects, you could look to see why you consistently make invalid promises to people. People who are late often find it is one way to gain a sense of control in an uncontrollable world. It's passive-aggressive, yes, but usually the late person is too busy scrambling to apologize, fret, and beat himself up that he can't see how he's doing it accidentally on purpose. If you find yourself getting upset when your "victim" fails to comfort you or commisserate with you, then you'll know you're doing the passive-agressive thing. ("What a jerk! Like SHE's never been late in her life!!")

Another possibility is that you simply haven't learned how to set appropriate boundaries and timelines for yourself yet. To say "no" or "next Tuesday doesn't work for me, but I could get you the paper by Thursday noon." or "I'm so sorry, I can't meet you for drinks till after 9pm; would you rather make it another time?" or "How about never? Does never work for you?" -- sometimes people feel like they can't say these things -- consciously or unconsciously feeling like they'll be judged harshly or that they'll fall short in some way (it's basically avoidance of feeling worthless.)

But people will appreciate you much, much more if you are straight with them about boundaries and timelines. If you're going to be late, let them know BEFORE the due date/meeting time -- don't arrive flustered and empty and late. Especially as you get older, if you get the reputation for always being late, you become the object of contempt and ridicule. I know you don't want that?

Danger Man has different advice, though. He says if you arrive late, just smile grandly and say, "You look MARVelous!!" The charmer.

[Kaspian]

When I was a kid, my family had a habit of being late. Over the last several years, I’ve broken the old family habit and developed new patterns.


Things that helped me learn how to be on time:

1 – Taking the bus to school when I was in college. The best bus only came once per hour, dropped me off on campus 10-20 minutes before classes started, and gave me time to drop my horn off at the music building before my first class. If I missed it, another bus came 5-10 minutes later, but it only went near campus and was much more crowded. With the second bus, I had to walk fast to get to class on time and carry my horn with me for the next hour or two. It didn’t take long before I consistently caught the good bus.

2 – Wanting to be there (wherever "there" is). I have found it much easier to be on time or early to things I want to do. In fact, catching myself procrastinating while getting ready has become a great way to recognize when I’m headed off to something I don’t want to do. Once I’ve acknowledged I don’t want to do that thing, I can often leave on time anyway. If there are many things you’ve committed to that you don’t want to do, perhaps it’s time to say "no more."

3 – Recognizing that being late can have consequences I don’t want. If arrived 10 minutes late to certain appointments, I don’t get the full allotted time; I get 10 minutes less.

4 – Learning to value other people’s time.


Tricks for arriving on time:

1 – Recognize when you suffer from time optimism. Just because you can drive there in 10 minutes if you hit all green lights in no traffic does not mean that it only takes 10 minutes to get there. Plan for bad traffic and red lights.

2 – Like Matthew said, add 5-10 minutes for those "on the way out the door" things like putting on shoes, filling a water bottle, etc.

3 – Look ahead and plan ahead. If I’m headed to something 30 miles away, I check the online traffic map before I start getting ready. If traffic is slow, I know about it soon enough to leave 20 minutes sooner than I had originally expected.

[Ilya]

Very good hints here.
I was very bad a getting to appointments in my teens.
When I decided to do something about it I've found people around me who were always on time and modeled them. There were several things in common.

They shared the belief that both coming early and coming late is the waste of time.
They allow more time when getting somewhere for the first time.
They intuitively track time needed to get somewhere, so for the second time they know how long does it take.
They play the route inside their head with great detail. So they remember where there are problem spots - traffic jams, repairs, transport delays etc. This allowed them to better estimate the needed time.

I've used these tricks with great suceess. And when I have to be somewhere on time, I am, usually within 20-30 seconds.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I would like to add some appreciation for Angela and Kaspian's advice. You've helped me out a great deal - hopefully fooguru will benefit as well.

[munish]

Originally Posted by fooguru

I have a tendency to be late (to stuff) and I don't like it. It's a bad habit that I plan to eliminate.

Do you have a tendency to be late?
Any tips/ideas on how to get this handled (or bad habits in general) is greatly appreciated.

If you are not before time ,you are late.-says Brian tracy.(Time Power)

[ken nubo]

If I have a place to go to, I'll go there 1 hour ahead of the estimated time, that why I'm never late

[mpteach]

You have to ask yourself the root causes of why your late. Some of them are proably general and some specific to certain events. Think of as many root causes as you can and then figure out ways to make them better.