Living A Lie...

[establishedin1985]

Holding Back

How does someone let go of ewverything and do whgat they want? I can feel myself fighting with this right now, I really want to be in sales. I really want to say screw my expensive car that I dont need right now, screw this job that I hate going to everyday, screw it all. I just want to let it all go, and do what I really want to do.

I want to have the balls, the confidence, to do what I want. I want to do it and never look back. Burn my bridges, do it to the maximum, and never stop. But I feel somehow held back, by my financial obligations, by my fears, by my insecurities.

Its something inside me that comes back every time I try to avoid it. I try to tell myself, ill do it someday, but part of me knows someday is now. But I wont look at it, and when I do I experience great self-doubt. The "what if i fail?, what if i start and end up quitting, what if i cant do it.

Itfact I feel that my life really has no meaning. The more I avoid this, the more its hard to focus on whats positive in my life because I am looking at everything I want - and none of it is material. Some is ofcourse, but what I really desire is to become confident, and to live my entire life in ONE way. Not to have to go to work and be someone else for 9 hours.

How can I overcome these fears and insecurities that are holding me back. How can I let go of holding back just so I can make a stupid car payment? I think and think, but I am beginning to "think" that thinking isnt the answer...

[Shamou]

Hello and welcome aboard establishedin1985...

Now, about your situation... since I don't really believe that you can get "instant self-confidence" there are two ways that you can forge ahead and do what you really want...

The first and preferable way would be to tuck your tail firmly between your legs... overcome your fear and plunge right ahead... not easy... but it would be a great ego-booster and would certainly increase your self-confidence a thousandfold...

Or, you can go on the way that you are going right now until you have reached the, "Threshold of Tolerance."

The Threshold of Tolerance is that state when you are finally so disgusted that you don't care about the consequences anymore... anything would be better than what you now have... so, you have no more choice but to plunge ahead...

I do wish you the very best... keep us posted on your progress... and if you need help... simply ask and someone on this board is sure to come up with an answer for you...

Have a good day...
.

[bluskygirl]

It is a truly difficult thing to let go of the things that bind us... especially when we have been taught that these are all the things we should want (the fancy car, the great job, etc). I have wrestled with this for quite some time, believing that there was something wrong with me that made me unable to find contentment in within "the machine". It is much harder to let go and start fresh if you are financially bound. I am in that current place right now. I realize that part of (if not most of) what makes it difficult is psychological (what if I can't pay off my debts? What if I lose my house? What if I can't feed my kids?), but taking that leap is huge.

I am doing all that I can right now to finally begin moving in the right direction for me; a direction that I don't feel so much resistance to! Best of luck, and remember that if you just keep saying "someday", then it will always be someday and never today.

[Jason S]

While I think Shamou is on to something, I don't think it'll be as easy as saying "To hell with this." Successful change requires 2 things: an impetus and positive reinforcement. The impetus you've got. The ability to find sustained, meaningful, positive reinforcement all around you... not so much. Unless you spend 100% of your time on this forum, you'll still find yourself primarily inundated with reminders of the life you gave up even after you make the shift... of the "stuff" you no longer have. You'll miss the supporting messages that are all around you--just as you have been missing them already.

So a few thoughts to set yourself up to move forward in a way in which provides you ongoing positive reinforcement:

1. You're on the right track. Take advantage of that and do something to make a stand. Ditch the car, pick a new favorite restaurant that's CHEAP, or start mixing in an Old Navy shirt or two with the ones from Pink (or whatever). Do something to start moving yourself to the place you want to be.

2. Don't start over. Evolve. When you see your life as a story as opposed to a series of self-contained vignettes, it's a lot easier to maintain momentum. (It's like driving: stop and go traffic is a lot more frustrating, and a lot more taxing on the vehicle, than keeping a steady pace.) Also, when you go to get that new position, you're a lot more attractive as a candidate if you've been evolving as opposed to starting over. (As a hiring manager, I have to assume that if you're starting over, you don't know what you want, and so you'll probably leave me after only a few years. If you're evolving, then I figure you know what you want... and if you know what you want, then I know where you stand and we can actually negotiate with one another; I don't have to worry that anything I say might inadvertently push you out the door.)

3. Don't burn bridges. Are you crazy? Why on earth would you want to do that? You never know when a relationship could turn out to be helpful... When burning a bridge, sometime you think you're standing on terra firma only to find out later that you're now stuck on an island. BE CAREFUL. You can't run away from yourself.

4. Talk to the people in your company about picking up additional sales training and/or sales responsiblities. Rather than keep all this stuff pent up inside you only to have it explode out in one massive shift, why not confide in others and enlist their help? Maybe they feel the same way. Maybe they already sense your frustration. Maybe they want to help. If you're already at the point of considering burning the bridges, what have you got to lose by taking a little risk?

By the way, am I interpreting this correctly that you're 22 yrs old and already feel trapped by your possessions? That you're at an age when most of your peers don't have two dimes to rub together... and yet you're worried about maintaining appearances? Or have I misinterpreted the meaning of estin1985? Because if that *is* the case, then I don't think you're dealing with overcoming insecurities... I think it's more like learning what true self-assuredness is for the first time. Reading your post, I felt I was watching you discover that society has convinced you to externalize your source of happiness, and you now realize you want it internalized. It's awesome that you're taking over the helm, just be prepared to do more than get a new job: your true goal may be nothing short of rewiring your entire relationship with pop culture. That's a bumpy ride. Very much worth it... but still bumpy. I'd suggest starting by getting rid of your TV.

[Andreas]

Excellent Advice, Jason! That was quite inspirational to read. I just hope he was able to receive the advice.

So, establishedin1985, how have you been? Did you change your life over the past 5 months?

[Stephen]

Originally Posted by establishedin1985

Holding Back

How does someone let go of ewverything and do whgat they want? I can feel myself fighting with this right now, I really want to be in sales. I really want to say screw my expensive car that I dont need right now, screw this job that I hate going to everyday, screw it all. I just want to let it all go, and do what I really want to do.

I want to have the balls, the confidence, to do what I want. I want to do it and never look back. Burn my bridges, do it to the maximum, and never stop. But I feel somehow held back, by my financial obligations, by my fears, by my insecurities.

Its something inside me that comes back every time I try to avoid it. I try to tell myself, ill do it someday, but part of me knows someday is now. But I wont look at it, and when I do I experience great self-doubt. The "what if i fail?, what if i start and end up quitting, what if i cant do it.

Itfact I feel that my life really has no meaning. The more I avoid this, the more its hard to focus on whats positive in my life because I am looking at everything I want - and none of it is material. Some is ofcourse, but what I really desire is to become confident, and to live my entire life in ONE way. Not to have to go to work and be someone else for 9 hours.

How can I overcome these fears and insecurities that are holding me back. How can I let go of holding back just so I can make a stupid car payment? I think and think, but I am beginning to "think" that thinking isnt the answer...

Welcome to capitalism, consumerism and credit.

Marx was right; so was Engles.

These 'reds' have never been popular in your country; mainly due to the distorted economy of your old enemy the once named USSR.

However I would suggest everyone, for education at the least, read some of their texts. They hit the nail on the head.


You dont have to be a 'commie' to acknowledge that capitalism is a jail sentence.