Recovering gambling addict.

[DayOne]

Hi everyone. This is my story...

I went through a couple of years of university with a nice student loan and working part time. I'd saved up thousands of pounds and although a lot of that was still technically debt (as it was loan money) I was reasonably well-off for a student.

Then, and I have no idea why, I decided to open an account with a gambling website and have a bet. I won and turned five or 10 quid into over £50. Great! But then I lost it. Ah well, I'll deposit a bit more....I lost that too. What seems laughable now is that at that point I was probably £50 down...NOTHING....But to win it back I placed hundreds on a very short price favourite: Chelsea to beat some terrible premiership side....they lost....and now I was really in trouble.

Fast forward two years. I have no savings left and a maxed-out overdraft of £2000. I can only estimate my losses at between £5000 and £10000. This is painful for me to write.

However, I recently started taking action to turn my life around. My life isn't bad otherwise by the way, I have a brilliant girlfriend who I love to bits (who doesn't know about all of this. Nobody does.) and I've just finished a Physics degree that I didn't like and got onto a Media course which I think I will. I'm working part-time and there's a strong chance I'll get some unpaid work experience soon which will really help with my media career prospects.

This has all started falling into place in the last few months, however I have been gambling throughout this time. Until today. Today I downloaded a program to block all gambling sites. It seems to work well.

So now I'm accepting the measly amount of money I have left as it is enough to last until my next pay cheque at least, and after that I know that I have enough income to slowly rebuild my financial situation.

At the end of the day, although I feel stupid about losing such a huge amount of money and therefore have the urge to try and "fix things" by "winning it back" I know that I'm better off cutting my losses. It's possible that if I carried on gambling I might win it back - I've come close in the past - but crucially I've always blown it again when I have come close and there is also the very real risk that I could get myself into a much worse situation.

So my philosophy now is: I'm done with gambling. I've lost what equates to between a quarter and a half of a years wages when I start working full time, which in the long run won't drastically affect my life.

So here's to the future. Improving things starts here (hence my forum name ).

[ken nubo]

Hey man, thanks for sharing, it's all good. And welcome to the forum.

I'm a poker player, I play online and I don't have that addiction. I win, I lose, it doesn't manner (er ... I'm making decent money playing poker )

I also play poker in the casino for 12 hours straight on the week but I don't seem to have this addiction.

I think it's really the personality, plus betting can be addictive because it's "easy money".

But I don't know much about gambling, I'm more of a calculated risk taker with the poker stuff.

Anyways, that's my short little story, heh.

[DayOne]

Day Two I thought I might turn this thread into a bit of a progress log or diary, it can't do any harm and will hopefully help keep my money happily in my savings account where it belongs!

For the first time in ages I've spent a whole day at home on the internet without gambling. I haven't even been tempted so far, but I think that is helped by knowing that I really can't afford it at the moment, the real test may come when I've saved up some money and can "afford" to deposit again and will have to resist the temptation.

Overall I'm happier, though I'm looking forward to my next pay-check when I should be able to relax a bit more as I'll know that I have enough money to cover my expenses. At the moment I'm still worried about some bills that I have to pay soon.

[DayOne]

Thanks for all your support...

[Andrew Brunelle]

Gambling is a slippery slope where there is always this shred of hope that you can win it all back in one fell swoop. But you see past this now and I commend you. Just cut your losses and get out. There is so much more on the other side waiting for you, and it is much less riskier.

[DayOne]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

Gambling is a slippery slope where there is always this shred of hope that you can win it all back in one fell swoop. But you see past this now and I commend you. Just cut your losses and get out. There is so much more on the other side waiting for you, and it is much less riskier.

Good advice, very true. I've not even been tempted since quitting so it's all good so far.

[ken nubo]

Jesus Christ Super Star compels you to gamble!

Jokse aside, good job beating the addiction! I remember when I had a soda pop addiction, made me have a nose bleed from drinking too much coke

[Peleke4]

The big win is what got me. After that, I was always under the impression that the next roll of the dice or the next flip of the card would be the next hot run. It truly is an illusion as someone else pointed out. Although gambling never got out of hand for me, there were times when I didn't have control and burned more funds than I should have. I have good control over gambling now. In fact, I have never gambled for over two years.

What do you think about when gambling comes to mind? I'm willing to guess that you think primarily about the hottest runs and biggest wins you've ever had. You relive those sweet moments and in turn, you feel that "high," that intense exhilarating feeling of coming up big. Now, if you continue to think of gambling like this, that gambling itch will surely continue. Thus, in order to gain control over gambling, you have to be consciously aware of HOW you think of gambling. This is how I personally gained control.

Whenever gambling comes to mind, think primarily of the negative aspects of your gambling: the cold runs and especially the feeling you get from that, the negative affects it brought to your life, losing big, etc. Make it a habit to think only of the negative aspects. If you do this consistently, that gambling itch will disappear.

[ethereal]

Try out Gamblers Anonymous, it might be useful. Or some form of spiritual/religious group or pathway. Saturate yourself with positive/spiritual energies and it'll cure you of everything

The addiction is to the "high" you get when you win, especially if it's big like Peleke said. That euphoria, joy, thrill, etc. gets automatically conditioned in your mind, and you keep trying and trying to get it back. Add that on to the wild emotional swings of losing and winning, losing and winning, and you get addiction.

The way out? The willingness to surrender the pleasure you get out of the experience. The pleasure you get out of winning, the pleasure you get out of gambling, even the pleasure you get out of losing and wallowing in self-pity.

Of course, don't go back to gambling to surrender it, just imagine the situation in your mind, and start letting the emotions run themselves out. Don't indulge in the pleasure. You'll notice your mind trying to "juice" it, wanting to experience the pleasure of it, but don't let yourself get suckered into it It's kind of like deprogramming the Pavlovian conditioning of it.

I like Peleke's solution too: reminding yourself of the negative aspects. And whenever you think of the positive ones (which are illusory, as you know by now), surrender the emotional pleasure you get out of them immediately. Just stay focused on your awareness of it, detach from the emotion, and just let it keep running itself out. Don't suppress the emotions, but witness it, and let go experiencing them. Stay on the crest of the wave of awareness, and keep letting it go. Sooner or later, all the emotional energy gets processed out, and you're free as a bird

[Livgivare]

Just a quick note. You are among the people I admire. People that really wake up and do something about it and really really try as hard as one can is really the heros of our day to day life.

[DayOne]

Thanks Livgivare and thanks to the rest of you too, I appreciate your comments.

Things got even better today. I've recently taken my life in a new direction aiming to become a journalist. I have a place on a postgraduate course and today was offered a fantastic work experience placement that could last up to a year!

There's one problem. The course costs £3000....and the placement is 4 days a week: unpaid.

So I'm now slightly torn, on the one hand I'm thinking that things look great and am really pleased, good course, great placement, but on the other hand I am kicking myself for wasting so much money as I'm not sure whether I can afford my fees.

Incidentally, if anyone knows of any sources of funding in the UK for someone in my position please speak up now! I've been looking around at bursaries and scholarships but haven't found any because they require the course to be accredited, mine isn't because it is too new.