Side Effects for attracting relationships (faster goal achievement)

[coLLege kid07]

Hi,

I'm new here at the boards, however in the past month of two I have been trying to attract genuine relationships. I have read all of steve's posts reguarding relationships and find them very informative, however, I'm still having a hard time building rapport w/ others ect. So my question is What are some side effects in attracting genuine relationships.

Thanks for any comments/feedback?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by coLLege kid07

So my question is What are some side effects in attracting genuine relationships.

I guess that one side effect could be to fall in love... but, I don't think that this is what your question implies is it...???
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[NotesMaeve]

Know 15 minutes into a conversation, 80% of the time, you can say anything you want. (Been playing this game for years.) Meeting people is easy; meeting people you don't feel the need to fake a phone call to get away from is another matter. Watch for that 20% that is still listening. These people have some interest or something going on and are worth connecting with.

ETA: I missed the question. Side effects? Real connection makes things confusing. When you really truly passionately love someone, limits are hard to define. It's hard for people to own up to the depth of their feelings, even in a friendship.

[coLLege kid07]

sorry I should've been more clear...I meant side effects in reguards to steve's podcast "faster goal achievement".

Recently I've had trouble trying to relate to new people and talking to strangers in general. I've done my best to of adopting the belief of non-duality, however, still don't achieve results like I would like. I'm looking for what skills I could develop to help reach my goal of attracting genuine relationships and being fearless.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by coLLege kid07

s I'm looking for what skills I could develop to help reach my goal of attracting genuine relationships and being fearless.

You've been watching too many movies... nobody is fearless until a certain rapport is established with new meaningful acquaintances...

Now, if you don't care about the person... that's something else... but if you believe that the relationship has a future... the tension will be directly proportional to your desire to make a good impression and contact...

Now, on a practical approach... I would say that the best way to become accepted and liked by anyone is to, "try to get the person feeling better about who he or she is than the person was feeling before meeting you..."

Ultimately... that is all that we want... "feeling good" and if you can accomplish that with anyone... you'll be a winner...

The very best of luck to you...
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[Kaspian]

Most people will think you are an excellent conversationalist if you get them talking about themselves and ask them questions that give them the opportunity to share their opinions.

I find that I'm more likely to have meaningful friendships with people who I share interests with and who balance talking and listening. If you're meeting a lot of new people, remember that in a way, it's a numbers game; for every 10 people that you get to know, probably only one or two will have genuine relationship potential.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by coLLege kid07

I'm still having a hard time building rapport w/ others ect.

If you want people to like you, LISTEN. It's something I could still use a bit of work on, but people really perk up (I know I do) when someone shows genuine interest in what they think and have to say.

Also, if you haven't already read Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, do that ASAP. Even if you have already read it, it's worth doing so again.