PD and self-esteem/ego

[Holden McNeil]

One thing I've come to realise since reading SP's blog and getting myself into some seriously hardcore lifestyle habits (at one point I was getting up at 6 AM, doing 30 mins cardio upon getting up, eating practically vegan, not drinking, not eating junk food, not watching TV or using the computer, reading a lot, meditating a lot, and basically abstaining from all the "good stuff" - lol =p), that my PD efforts were basically reactive (from feeling low self-esteem) - and that even after doing these things, I still felt insecure about myself, worrying when I might slip (and i did, obviously - I'd actually set all these habits simultaneously!!). I felt that I needed to do these things in order to feel good about myself. (And that if I didn't do these things, then I felt weak, unworthy, etc).

Basically what I'm saying parallels one of Steve's articles, I think it's called "self acceptance vs personal growth" - and it totally resonates with me. I've really come to question whether or not i really need to grow, and I realise that no, I don't actually need to. If you're doing PD to feel good about yourself/because you feel like "you should", to the extent that you would feel low self-esteem/not self-accepting from not doing it, then you're off on the wrong tangent. IMO, you should feel accepting and loving of yourself anyway, regardless of whether you have discipline or not, or whether you exercise every day, or eat vegan, or use 100% of your time effectively. I'm not saying PD doesn't feel good, just that it shouldn't be tied to your ego. You should feel happy and content with yourself regardless - PD simply enhances the quality of your lifestyle. And it should be a completely independent, personal choice. You don't have to, but if you want to, go for it.

This is what i've come to realise over the past few months.

Am i hitting something with anyone?

[Pat]

I just read your comments on self-acceptance and personal growth. I am glad you commented on this; it is an important issue. The reason I responded is because, although you have the right to say and do what you want, I want to give others a different view point.
Some of the things you mentioned under hardcore lifestyle habits are what some people consider normal. For some people getting a job and showing up would be a hardcore activity--while others build their lives around their vocation. For some people eating bugs is normal and for others eating fruits and vegetables is normal. It is when we stray from normal, whether good or bad, that we feel the stress of change. But change is temporary, and after awhile the new becomes normal. Unfortunately no matter how normal anything is it doesn’t mean that it is good. One example could be cigarettes, there was a time when ‘everyone’ smoked; doctors even promoted smoking. And we’re ‘all’ taught to eat meat. We are learning to improve on that also. Doing what is normal is not necessarily good.
If you want to feel better about yourself, what I call being content, the solution is to feel good about the choices you make in life. The only thing we have some control over is our choices. We can’t take complete credit for the outcomes of our choices, but we have to take responsibility for the choices. Choose how you want to be and then choose what you must do to be that person and do that. Trying to be the person we want to be is the way to happiness.
When I hear someone say ‘self-acceptance’ it sounds like giving up. What life is, once you clear away all the fluff and baloney, is about trying. It is the doing of things that constitutes life. It is up to us to choose worthy things to do, and that is all we get--if we’re lucky. I’m sure you’ve heard ‘Life it about the journey, not the destination.’ So you reveal to yourself what kind of person you are by the things you do. One person may flop on the lazyboy with a beer and another may choose to explore something or learn something new--your choice. But neither are hardcore choices for the people who want to do them.
You mentioned eating vegan. If you live that way, it will be normal for you in time. Personally for those that don’t eat vegan I contend they were taught the normal way to eat but not the correct way. Even science has confirmed for us that the majority of the population contributes to its morbidity and mortality simply by not choosing better lifestyle habits. In this instance you can research all the ramifications of both choices, to eat vegan or to eat animals. One choice leads to dietary related disease, pollution, suffering of animals and moral dilemma to name a few. The other choice does not produce these negative effects. If being happy is based on making choices that allow you to live your life in a way that you can be proud of and feel good about then choices are what matters.
For some of us not drinking, not smoking, not eating junk food or watching TV is normal. Personally, I wasn’t taught to be this way, I learned it as an adult. The trick is to figure out what kind of a person you would like to be, without all the pressure to conform, and then start taking steps to be that person. What better things do you have to do with your life? Watch football? Try to get a bigger house than you in-laws? Try to earn more money at a job than your siblings? Or watch twenty hours a week of television from your ‘lazyboy’ and then discuss what happened to some character on a TV program last night with co-workers?
You only go around once and if you make it to your rocker at about seventy years of age you are either going to be satisfied with your choices or making excuses to help minimize the regrets. The choices are your responsibility, the outcomes aren’t. So the chance for happiness comes in the ‘choosing’ how to be.
As far as slipping goes that is normal if you aspire to anything. If you don’t do anything you won’t have to worry about slipping. You shouldn’t do things to feel good about yourself; you should do things because you know they are right. If you get into the habit of doing things because they are right, not because they are normal, I think ‘feeling good about yourself’ will come.
Personal growth is lifelong in my opinion. When you were an infant you needed to grow to a child and then to an adolescent and eventually to a young adult. Some people seem to think that growth stops there. Actually, the best personal development doesn’t even begin until well into adulthood. We should continue the process of development until we die. If you don’t, what is life about—having fun? Having fun is good for a diversion; but it is fleeting. To feel good about yourself and to be content requires doing right things, and again right things may not seem normal at first, but they will if you want them to.
Certainly you should feel accepting and loving of yourself, as long as you are doing your reasonable best. But, there are a lot of things you can do and not do that shouldn’t be acceptable. Trying to live right shouldn’t be hardcore, it should be satisfying. And that includes rest and relaxation too. In fact the more the better, but not at the expense of being the person you want to be. Otherwise it might be just a cop-out.

[Jes]

Wow. Damn good thread.

[agnostic]

I think many people get into the self improvement field because they believe that there's something wrong with their self and that it needs improvement. This is completely wrong, but it's a widely spread belief.

[seeker5]

I made a huge paradigm shift about a month ago that completely changed how I viewed personal development. I wrote a long entry in my journal about it.

Basically, for many years, I viewed Personal Development as a way to "Fix" myself - as I viewed there was something wrong with me. PD was to allow me to fix it and then I'll be ok.

I came to the realization, thanks to reading Steve's blog posts that I should instead view Personal Development as a way to grow. This means that I am perfect now, but I want to grow and keep getting better. This means that instead of PD being a temporary thing to do until I'm fixed, it becomes a lifelong project that is exciting.

So far I'm really enjoying the results of this paradigm shift as there are some very important beneficial consequences of switching from the "Fix" Paradigm to the "Grow" Paradigm.

[agnostic]

That's a most important realization, seeker5.
Congrats.

[Max Power]

We turn to PD, because we're searching for something, we want to know what the *bleep* is going on! In truth we know we are more than flesh and bone, we know that stuff is created, not creator. So what is creator? It must be something other than physical human body and yet here we are inside our bodies everyday.

PD is really about finding and aliging with creative source, PD should be called CD (consciousness development) we can't make our persona's better until we understand what we really are. Where does thougth come from? Your brain? Your physical body? No, It comes from conscious source. Nothing exists in the physical world without it first being thought or choice and they are not physical.

We don't have to make ourselves better, we have to improve our conscious state. What is ego and self esteem? Labels to describe human emotion and identification. We don't need them as much as we need to discover our true self, our true power.

Sounds all mystical and spiritual right? Well, it is and it isn't.

Everything created including thought, emotion, ego, self esteem, passion, determination, desire are creations of consciousness for the sole purpose of consciousness knowing itself better. Consciousness can only ever know itself better when it knows what it's not. So you can only grow when you realise that consciousness (you) is actually manifesting stuff to know itself better.

So if you manifest money and love and pain and pleasure, then you are actually doing your true self a huge favor because when you manifest things into your life, consciousness (you) gets to understand self better.

Consciousness (you) can only know thyself when it creates things it is not and in that moment it knows itself. That's the purpose of PD.

Max

EDIT: I never notice how much I drone on until I sometimes notice my post count: 900 reached today! Hooray for me! Hey someone's got to congratulate me right?!

[John Hill]

I agree with your post entirely. It is not something you need to do but you do it because it feels right and whatever resonates with you is worth following.

It is when you start pushing personal development that you lose focus on its purpose in your life and you start to upset the people around you.

John

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