Struggling college student..

[clazzimoo]

Hi,

I am a college student who is struggling with school. I have failed a number of courses for the lest 4 semesters. Thinking about how much money I have wasted, I feel really terrible.

I don't consider myself a mentally retarded person or exceedingly stupid. I just do not have any good experience of ever succeeding. Everytime I start a new semester, I told myself that I needed to work longer, focus more, work harder... so much so that I started to neglect friends and family members. Whenever I saw my friends having fun and enjoying themselves, I get envious and bad.. but I thought to myself... I need to fix my school 1st then I can start having fun like they do. But it never happens.. for the last four semesters, by focusing more on studying, I have not achieved any success on my grades. Each failure makes me more nervous about coming to school, not to say being more resistant to school work. I have conditioned myself to think that school is a battle ground.. I don't enjoy doing works anymore and teachers are like enemies who always put me down by giving me bad grades no matter how much effort I have put in.

Last semester I failed yet another course, so I am taking it a little easier this summer semester by taking only a class. That was when I stumbled upon this website a month ago. A lot of the articles really opened my eyes about my bad habits and beliefs. I got to know why I keep failing in school. It really makes me sad that I got to know all these after 2 years of bad experience. Now I am trying to untangle my bad habits, thoughts and beliefs.

For the past week, I have made a commitment to read an article a day, memorize the points and apply them as soon as I read them. I hope this will make me a much better and relaxed student next semester. But I am still really afraid of yet another failure... well, actually I'm kinda immune to them already. I am just afraid that I will fail yet again and i will have to start again. It seems that I will never gain success and that makes me very sad.

The next semester begins in September, and I'm really nervous. I want to make the most of August to learn something for myself. I read Steve's story about graduating in 3 semesters and i would like to try that but I'm doubting my ability to do that. I still do not have a lot of charateristics that Steve had at that time like self-discipline, highly-focused mind, emotional stability, etc. I am still developing those..

I read a book recently and it encourages readers to find mentor(s) to help achieving success a little easier..I am not necessarily looking for one.. I guess I am just looking for someone who wants to lend a listening ear and a helping hand when I desperately need them.. someone who can give sound advice...well... isn't that called a mentor, too? Sorry if I sound desperate. I just knew that I failed the course earlier and I have been crying all day.

Depressed people do not think much when they post a thread, and more so at 4am in the morning.

I am just wondering if anybody has gone through the same experience.. and if you do, I would really love to hear your stories. Or anybody with any tips on what I should do or think now would be greatly appreciated,too.

Thanks a lot, guys..

[Love]

Hi, clazzimoo.
Do you know that you are an educator's dream? A student who has fallen down but is still continuing to grow and try?
That's fantastic. You must be proud that you are a somebody with amazing stamina, who looks forward.

So where exactly would you like to do better with your schooling? Are your notes good? Are you anticipating test questions? Do you know how to apply what you've learned to new situations? Do you need to express your thoughts more clearly? Etc.
It might be helpful to understand exactly where to put your efforts on improving.

[LifeFirst]

I have the same problems as you do. I study a lot (like all day long)...but my grades doesn't reflect that in the least bit.


The root of the problem is that you are depressed, you focus on how much you do not like doing homework/your classes, the fact that you can't go out like your friends or whatever. But have you ever thought of what you enjoy while you do your homework? The things that you enjoy about the subject while you study? That definitely helped me out a lot in my Summer class. I was able to do very well on the final because I had a positive mindset. Before that, I dreaded doing homework because they were so hard and it took me a day to do them. But then later I found out that negative attitude will just make things worse, so I just decided to calm down and be "happy" or "content", and the studying went by like a breeze, I was able to focus better, and when the test came, I wasn't panicking at all...it felt extremely easy for me.

You should have a positive mindset when reading/studying, because if you hate it and is always thinking about your "friends"....then you won't get anything done while studying.

[clazzimoo]

Originally Posted by Love

So where exactly would you like to do better with your schooling? Are your notes good? Are you anticipating test questions? Do you know how to apply what you've learned to new situations? Do you need to express your thoughts more clearly? Etc.
It might be helpful to understand exactly where to put your efforts on improving.

I think that's part of my problem, too. I do not have a clear idea on what to improve about my studies. On top of my head now I can think of some that my teachers said in class but I guess I need to make a list of those later. I have a final coming up tommorrow so after that, I have much more free time. I guess that's a good advice.

By the way, I'm a graphic design student so I don't have tests. Just projects.

I'll get back to you later on Tuesday..!

[clazzimoo]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

The root of the problem is that you are depressed, you focus on how much you do not like doing homework/your classes, the fact that you can't go out like your friends or whatever.

Yes, I just realised that recently.. It's really kind of sad. I always dragged myself to do homework and whenever I am doing it, I keep thinking how my instructor would not like my work already. It takes a lot of mental energy just to sit down and get my brain to work on projects. By the end of project, I would feel extremely exhausted, mentally.

I really want to recondition myself to have a more positive attitude about schoolwork. First, I want to condition myself to think that school work should be rewarding and not torturous. I think it's easy to say it now. But when I'm bogged down by school work and feeling tired. I tend to go back to my old habit of thinking that school is torturous and I need to put in more hours into this, etc. Any tips/ideas on how I should go about reconditioning my mind?

Next semester, I have made a commitment to free up my Saturday strictly for going out with my friends. And also I want to forge a better relationship with my classmates and instructor, so I can hopreully have a more rewarding time in school

I called my good friend yesterday and got her onboard. I promised her that this semester will be the last semester that I will ever fail any class and I wanted to fix my GPA. So she will be my accountability buddy.

Thanks for the help from all you guys.. I really appreciate it.

[Amit_S]

You kind of remind me of myself. To tell u the truth- it sounds exactly like myself. I've lost close to 5 years in academics cause I had to repeat some years because I couldn't clear my exams. I don't know about the U.S. system but in India if you cannot clear a year you don't go to the next year. You reappear for the exams you failed in. You get 2 exam attempts a year.
I quit formal education after finally clearing my 12th- kind of like completing High School in America. The years where I did clear my exams at my 1st attempt it was always passing out on the borderline. Last minute dont-sleep-at-all and-cram-everything-u-can sessions.

At this point schools/formal education scare the hell out of me. I don't think I'm ever going back.

Currently I've been diagnosed with ADHD and depression. Its not all sunshine and honey now, but I am much better than before. I believe that if I had received my diagnosis as a kid I could've done much better.

You might want to get yourself checked for learning disorders.

(Please let us not argue on the ADHD drugs n stuff. If anyone wants to discuss it then plz create another thread and not hijack this one.)

[stephencp]

Don't focus on the negative and/or negative self-talk (i.e. "I can't do this") or try to get yourself motivated by fear (ie. "if I flunk out then xxxxx")
You need to find out the positive motivation that your shooting for (good job, particular lifestyle, etc) and drive TOWARDS that, not AWAY from anything. Love is infinately more powerful in the long term (and more rewarding) than fear.
Somehow hook your schooling to something else you love.

Stephen

The Internet Largest Free Give Away Ever - ****************************

[clazzimoo]

I have been thinking a lot on what to improve about my school life.. so here's a short list.

1. I had the mindset of an average student- I realized that if I get a C i'm content enough, I'm elated wen I get a B, I dont want to endure the pain of getting an A so that kind of attitude shows in my learning habits and thinking. not to mention I always get nervous about absorbing information because i had all those bad failures where everybody seems to get it and I don't.

2. i need more confidence. I remember seeing an Oprah show and she she said something like "you are not your mistakes.. those mistakes do not define you. Mistakes are wrong steps you take, thats why they are called mistakes... " I want to think those failures do not define me. So I guess what define me is my life values, habits and attitudes.. Still need to think about it.

3. I do not get t work.. I procrastinate stuff big time and I need to get myself to untangle this behaviour NOW.

4. I had the mindset of a "high-school student". So I do stuff and think if they are not good/look professional enough, it's OK. I'm a student after all... I need to break this mindset

5. I did not have good communication skills. Many of class critiques require me to sell my ideas but I hardly do it. I want to make sure that I professionally sell my work during class critiques from now on. I want to profesionally receive critiques like one,too.

6. When I see people lagging behind or not getting it, is no reason for me to relax for a while. My only concern is only to push my ability to the limits.

7. I need a bait or a big motivation for me to keep me on path when the going gets tough. I visited one of my my church members who just had a baby. She was pretty young, 26 years old, just quit her job, caring for her baby and living in a small rented apartment with two other families. She's one of the many people whom I really admire and respect as a good Christian but her life situation is something that I do not want to be in. i do not want to be 26 and still living in a cramped apartment with two other families. I want to be successful.

I am thinking of another one.. which is I want to promise my father that i would pay back whatever amount of money he had spent to pay me through college faster than two of my siblings.. I have not said that to him yet, but I already know what he's gonna say anyway. But I want to really make this a reality. My heart says do it but mind is saying otherwise.. How do i get my mind to agree with my heart? I need an evidence that somebody has done it before.. anybody has any idea?

[Love]

It looks like you've delineated some areas of action. You can pick one (the most important or the easiest) and start working. With a little success, you develop more confidence, which will help you create greater successes.

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by clazzimoo

7. I need a bait or a big motivation for me to keep me on path when the going gets tough. I visited one of my my church members who just had a baby. She was pretty young, 26 years old, just quit her job, caring for her baby and living in a small rented apartment with two other families. She's one of the many people whom I really admire and respect as a good Christian but her life situation is something that I do not want to be in. i do not want to be 26 and still living in a cramped apartment with two other families. I want to be successful.

Could you define "successful" to me, because we apparently have different definitions of successful. That girl with the baby may not have much money or a comfortable living situation, but lots of successful people did not have it easy all the way through life. They faced challenges of all kinds, including not having a lot of money or being comfortable. Success, to me, is not about being a billionaire or living a problem-free life. It's how you react to the challenges along the way. As long as she is doing the best she can in the situation and is maintaining a good attitude, she is successful in my eyes.

[clazzimoo]

Originally Posted by geekchic9

Could you define "successful" to me, because we apparently have different definitions of successful.

I guess success to me is about the money. Well, I'm just trying to be honest here because not being financially-indenpendent causes a lot of unhappiness like you have to go to work because you just have to or else you won't get money to live. I feel like if I have to work, I want to do it because I want to not so much because I have to go.

I also think success is about having a job you totally love and especially so if people are willing to pay you to do that.

Then having your loved ones close to you. And being able to help them financially if you can.

On the less nobler version. Actually I also equate success with what i can afford, if I can buy things that many people think are expensive (like Iphone and those designer bags, not to mention cars).

And yeah i want that feeling you have when you are finally in control of your life, that you have achieved something substantial.

[Joel Chue]

Improve your study skills and techniques.
Learn about accelerated learning and stuff.

Learning Nest - SecretsOfStudying.com

[clazzimoo]

thanks for the web address. just glanced over it, will read it if I have the time