'only the one who inflicts the pain can take it away'

[cbreeze]

Excuse osession, but, need a shoulder or two. I'm immersing myself into trying to think positive thoughts, however, this pain in my gut persists due to the sudden loss and no closure. I'd give anything for him to be mature enough to tell me. It's going to be almost two weeks j told me to leave after so much assurance he wanted me to move in. i agree that i projected my doubts therefore enhancing his. This feels like another death all the well him knowing I was just getting over a loved one's death/depression and I cannot fathom anyone, especially one who cared about me, to dump me. Upon seeing me watering the plants (which used to please him) prodding me inside announcing it won't work and pack what I've brought and be gone. Asking four times he remained silent. Online dating? Was that trip to lake real? And the sudden subscription to Playboy... I said he'd never be happy, but he retorted, I'm happy with you!, but there he came with coffee the next day asking me to leave by noon. After I took all the gifts I threw away and broke/took, along with leaving his key and my ring - that's all she wrote and I can't help but feel that I'm the loser in every way, emotionally, financially, etc. Sad part is I miss him dearly but have never hated like this in my life for I'd never be able to trust his lies anymore nor condone treatment. All I ask is for a reason. WhAt?? WHAT??? My lawyer said file due to emotional abuse. I spoke with a mutual friend of ours to convey to him to not file because I will be. He acted as if I was the one at fault, especially after I said he had everyone fooled, being the sociopathic, narcissist liar he is. But, I still have this gaping hole in my heart - am so used to being with him friday movie night,etc. But I remind myself that while with him he was so bossy and controlling and I questioned wanting to be with him forever. After all I've lost, I deserve a reason. I feel I'll never get. This is a festering wound. Does he feel ANYTHING??? Any comments pls?

[Angela]

I think you need a new starting point:

Only the one who is feeling the pain and anger can choose to let it go and be free.

You are perfect, whole and complete -- there is no hole in you. You don't need anyone to give you closure -- which is a good thing, because nobody owes you closure.

Whatever you want him to give you: give that to yourself! And give it to others, as well. Thinking about what you can provide to others will help you to see how big, beautiful and valuable you are and will take the edge out of your obsession with what you think you must, but will never, get from Mr. NP.

best wishes.

[healthymind]

Why do you need someone else to change before you can feel good? I'm asking this because him changing is not within your influence and so all you are doing right now is handing responsibility for your emotional state over to someone who is absent and in all likelihood doesn't care a great deal.

Yes I know it hurts. Welcome to my last relationship. Closure can and will only come from you. And let me tell you closure starts with being pissed off about this. It might not seem positive but lets be honest and fair to you and recognise that you can't jump from depressed to positive in 5 seconds flat. What you can do though is give yourself some relief right now even if relief feels like anger. That's a vibrational step up from depression.

So reach for relief and maybe you want to repeat the affirmation I used to great effect when my engagement trainwrecked....

One day I will wake up and not think of him at all

before you go to sleep every night.

[John Hill]

As hard as it will be to do at this point the only thing you can really do is to Let Go and Trust.

In your darkest hour right now you feel mixed up and upset but you might look back on this time in your life and see it was the catalyst you needed to rebuild a better and happier life.

John

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