10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness

[JohnPlace]

One of my articles recently exploded on the social networking sites, so I figured I'd post it here, so my friends on the forum can see it without visiting my site.

If the content of this post interests you and you'd like to see more, just follow the link: 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness

10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness

One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of happiness over your life is to directly confront the negative attitudes darkening your doorstep.

While neither universal nor all-encompassing, the joy-stealing attitudes and corresponding cures listed below are common enough to warrant a thumbtack on the wall of many lives, including my own.


1. Jealousy: Destroy the green monster by celebrating the successes of others. If your friend succeeds, celebrate his victory as your own; if your enemy succeeds, remind yourself that jealousy is self-defeating, pointless, and merely extends an enemy’s power over you.

2. Persecution Complex: Recognize that persecution is irrelevant, since you (and only you) control the outcome of your life. Every person has a stack of obstacles placed before him; success hinges upon your ability to overcome the obstacles in your path, persecution or no.

3. Lack of Accountability: We may not control every bad thing that happens to us, but we do control how we react to those bad things. Instead of passing the buck, take responsibility for every failure so you can learn and grow.

4. Perfectionism: Stop nit picking. Perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. You’re a person, not a robot. Use the 80/20 Rule whenever appropriate.

5. Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvelous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go.

6. Negativism: Remind yourself that there are just as many positive forces in the world as negative ones; your fixation on the negative is a matter of perspective and choice.

7. Assuming the Worst of Others: There is a fine line between guarding against a realistic threat and being needlessly defensive. Make sure you haven’t crossed that line. Whenever possible, give people the benefit of the doubt.

8. Low Self-Esteem: Raise your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and positive qualities; further boost it by correcting the problem areas that drag you down.

9. Low Self-Efficacy: Self-efficacy is defined as faith in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. To overcome low self-efficacy, master the skills required to reach your objective. Practice, practice, practice.

10. Feelings of Meaninglessness: Inject meaning into your life by learning to follow your passion: that internal compass, guiding you toward fulfillment. Read my synergy series of articles for more information; if you disagree with my approach for discovering purpose, pioneer your own.

Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.

On the other hand, if you’re like most people I’ve known (myself included) and occasionally feel unhappy for reasons that cannot be swept under the rug, review this list of 10 self-destructive attitudes and corresponding cures.

By understanding the source of your unhappiness, you can take the steps required to climb out of the hole of despair and into the sunlight of happiness.

[Steven Moros]

A very insightful post. I agree with all of them but number 5.

Thanks for sharing.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by JohnPlace

Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is),

Great post as usual John...

Happiness is self-defined because we each have our own personal rule as to what it takes for us to be happy...

That rule may be simple and easily attainable... and it can be complex and difficult to attain... and it can also have conflicting conditions where it is impossible to attain...

As example of the above... let us see them seperately...

1. A simple rule: Some people and happy simply because they are alive... these people are almost always happy...

2. A complex rule: In order to be happy you need x amount of money in the bank... you must be loved by all... you must excel at sports... your kids must be successful and role models etc... very hard to be happy...

3. Conflicting rules: You must feel completely secure... and you must have adventures in your life... the two conditions are simply not compatible... so impossible to be happy...

The fantastic part of all this is that we get to define the rule of what it takes for us to be happy... so by choosing a simple rule... happiness is almost always present in our life...
.

[Senin]

Lack of appreciation and/or gratitude.

When you aren't happy and you think you have it bad, think of Christopher Reeves.

For some people, one day of walking would be a thoroughly joyful day.

[JohnPlace]

Originally Posted by Steven Moros

A very insightful post. I agree with all of them but number 5.

Thanks for sharing.

Number 5 is a killer for people who suffer from certain anxiety disorders -- and there are more of us out here than people realize. Perfectionism and Excessive Reasoning are the "anxiety" double whammy.

The trouble is that highly analytical people like to think that logic can solve every problem they'll ever have, mistakenly believing that the harder and longer they think and analyze, the better off they will be. As a general rule, reasoning is a wonderful thing. When taken to rediculous extremes, it's an emotional timebomb.

Being highly analytical and anxiety prone myself, this is something I know all too well.

People who suffer from "excessive" reasoning are often very successful because of it. But it can be emotionally crippling and I have learned over the years that the cost/benefit is very poor. The 80/20 rule is very helpful in this regard.

[JohnPlace]

Originally Posted by Senin

Lack of appreciation and/or gratitude.

When you aren't happy and you think you have it bad, think of Christopher Reeves.

For some people, one day of walking would be a thoroughly joyful day.

Excellent point, Senin.

[JohnPlace]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Great post as usual John...

Happiness is self-defined because we each have our own personal rule as to what it takes for us to be happy...

That rule may be simple and easily attainable... and it can be complex and difficult to attain... and it can also have conflicting conditions where it is impossible to attain...

As example of the above... let us see them seperately...

1. A simple rule: Some people and happy simply because they are alive... these people are almost always happy...

2. A complex rule: In order to be happy you need x amount of money in the bank... you must be loved by all... you must excel at sports... your kids must be successful and role models etc... very hard to be happy...

3. Conflicting rules: You must feel completely secure... and you must have adventures in your life... the two conditions are simply not compatible... so impossible to be happy...

The fantastic part of all this is that we get to define the rule of what it takes for us to be happy... so by choosing a simple rule... happiness is almost always present in our life...
.

Thanks for your thoughts, Shamou. Excellent observations, as always.

[Freelancer]

After reading the short article I am impressed by your writing style (love it) and knowledge, well done !

[AaronAgassi]

Power of Positive thinking, long debunked. Bah, humbug!