Wanting to change yourself - you start and then you stop - Why? And how to stop it?
Hey guys :) . This is a bit of a read so take your time :p .
I am getting a bit frustrated with myself about this and finally decided to sought advice.
I've been meaning to change my life for a quite a bit now, I have all the self help resources and books to the point it may just be too overwhelming.
This is handled, I've taken on the programs by Brian Tracy - The Ultimate Goals Program. I've got my 100 goals to complete. I started working on them, for example, my goal of getting my driving license is in motion... took my very first driving lesson today! :D
I have also been meaning to join the gym, went to the gym today and discussed the fees etc.
I am going to put on 6kg of weight to get to 80kg so that I can do resistance training.
... All of this and much much more.
... BUT I took the very same path about 8 months ago and I stopped mid way through. I found myself not managing time well, getting distracted, getting pessimistic about the products.
I've also broken off links with my friends until August next year, they are wonderful people, all with good habits but my natural alpha personality was being suffocated when in their company. I get names like I am a "Player" when really I treat everyone on the same level and have a happy personality which I worked on to develop from being an introvert prior to it. This hurts me knowing I should go with them but my need to get away from them and improve myself for the next 15 months or so is stronger.
I know I need to take action sometimes but I just don't do it. BUT when I do it, I feel so good and complete my other goals as well. It builds momentum. I wonder why I didn't do i earlier, its so easy yet I make it hard on myself.
I start doing stupid things like start watching the other TV in my house (gave my own TV away months ago), get on the internet etc.
I want to go on the path of doing the things I want to do, keep the momentum, change the negativities in my mind and just do it.
Goals, productivity, time management, motivation, self-discipline, overcoming procrastination, habits, organizing, problem-solving, decision-making, intelligence.
I want it all but I feel like I am my worst enemy.
P.S. I don't think I am a negative person, I have a lot going in my life that I truly appreciate but not taking action is what seems to be my sticking point more than anything.
I'm sure you will get a lot of useful advice this thread.
My advice would be to try one thing at a time. It seems to me you set ambitious goals and try to reach them in parallel.
In my experience new habits do not set because of small annoyances. And to sort these annoyances, we need to concentrate on one task.
Try finishing your driving lesson and take it out of the list. Otherwise it will interfere with any other new commitments that will require a spot in your timetable.
Did you try Getting Things Done methodology. Despite the hype it is very good at helping to get the ball rolling.
It seems like a cycle of intense activity and then it goes to nothing for a while, right? And you see this experience as loss or lack --- I'm not doing anything --- I'm not reaching my goals --- what is wrong with me?
You are bringing a lot of expansion into your life. In order to hold that level of expansion you have to give space to ground it in. Just like a body builder does not work the same group of muscles daily, but has a repertoire where he works some of his muscles one day and then gives them rest the next. This is the same flow of expansion and grounding from the perspective of the physical body. The muscles need that down time to take hold of the expansion (work out) they were given the day before.
Best thing you can do is stay present as you can while you are grounding in your last expansion of consciousness. I'd stay away from the TV if possible. Maybe a walk in the woods or write your feelings in a journal. Do really easy things as your consciousness integrates your past experiences and grounds them down through the dimensions. Remind yourself that this supports you as much as your activities.
I FEEL so much better today! :) For the last two days I have been doing what I wanted to do, got so many things done. My driving lesson today went really well, I was out of my head and focused on the task at hand.
... One thing though, I've been in library for the past couple of days figuring things out and getting my work done there... I am at home today, I feel the need to go back to old habits but my desire to do what I must is over-powering it. Has anyone else experienced this? My plan is to not be at home for the next few weeks on weekdays until the mind is controlled.
I have one suggestion for u.First of all do what ever you can do and after that do
what ever is possible and very soon u will do the impossible.
Try to put complete confidence in whatever u can do and also be more positive
in ur attitude.
What does 'change' mean to you
Maybe it is just me, but I think the word change is giving subconsious stress and will back fire.
In this word is a bright future, if you change.
Still it means that now things are not good. The sub consious will counter attack any change. Because it is reluctant to any change and will try to get back to the old sitation to which it is familiar.
Let's use improve
And let's say everything is fine, the way it is now..(just say so.. accept and be gratefull!) and improving who you are (not what you have) is where the juice is.
You are healthy and you want to improve that state
you are a nice writer, how to improve
You are goodlooking and you want to improve that.
Note that the focus is on who you are.
If you want to improve your house, it actually says you want to feel (be) something in that house.
If you want more money, you want to be a more successful busines (wo)man, blogger, etc.
The material items you are receiving from improving, is your reward, it can not be the goal.
Nice thing about this approach, you can make daily improvements in a wide variety of who you are.
And you can write down small steps, for the days you are not feeling well and Big steps for the days you feel like you can turn the world.
At the end of the day, there will always be a small step forward. And we all know...everyday one small step is........
For me it has been a great swift of paradigm, because ordinairy goal setting was just not working.
Just give this some thought.....
I agree that focus is the key here. 100 goals are just too many you're diffusing your energy and not allowing the law of attraction to snowball the experience for you. I started self-help in much the same way as you by listening to conventional motivation speakers like Brian Tracey and the like. My problem was always motivation....or so I thought. I've since discovered that my real problem was thinking I had to make it happen all by myself. Everything is hard when you're not leveraging the one thing designed to make it easy for you...The Law Of Attraction (LOA).
So here's how it works. You give yourself an ideal, lets take your health goal as one. And you've dutifully written down everything you have to do to make that a reality. Now if your "doing" is all about physical action alone then this is doing it the hard way. To make it really easy you need to change your beliefs about health as well.
At the moment lets say your current beliefs tell you that unless you work out 5 days a week you can't reach your goal. No big problem there as long as you do work out 5 days a week. But if you only do 4 days or none at all you get angst, which then calls in more angst and negativity through the LOA and before you know it you're depressed about your body and eating comfort food in front of the TV. So what you do is this.
You take the action which gives you relief (your workouts) and at the same time you also give yourself new and better thoughts about your body. What happens is that you work out and feel good, LOA brings more good feelings into your life. You tell yourself that your body is an intelligent system that can maintain optimal health no matter what, you feel good. LOA brings in more good feelings and snowballs the effect. The better you feel the easier it is for your body to drop excess weight. You are doing what you believe you must AND you are replacing the airtime normally given to negative thinking with positive thinking. It's a doublehit of goodness and you only had to workout once to get it!:D Now you've only got to do this 21 days in a row and you've established a new habit and knocked a negative one out of the water at the same time. LOA makes it easier because you want to do more of whatever you are thinking about. In the beginning you are doing and thinking a new habit in your life. After the first month you're on autopilot.
Why not just work on one habit for the first 21 days. Do one thing intensely. It's only a month until one of your goals is a fait accompli. Then work on the next.
The best advice I can give you comes from the following quote "You'll never outperform your own self-image"
Basically, the reason you struggle in the changes you seek is because your reality, the one that you created and believe, is that you will struggle.
It's the same reason people who go on diets fail. They rely on willpower and willpower is never a long term solution. The long term solution is to get clear and focus on you becoming who you want to be, not who you were yesterday or even 5 minutes ago.
Once you can begin to see yourself as committed, and as a person of action who always follows through on his goals, then the real transformation takes place.
So start right now by focusing on a new self image of yourself. Focus on being the strong, committed person of action and that's who you'll be.
I've read about that basic rule many times... but it never was exposed in such a clear and succinct manner... http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c2...1/thumbsup.gif
Thanks for sharing that...
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