31 Rules for Creating Your Best Life

[craigharper.com]

1) We are multi-dimensional, complex beings and we need to factor that into every (significant) decision we make.

It's (very) possible (likely perhaps) to be successful in one area of our life (finance, career for example) while a complete disaster in another area (health, personal relationships, spiritual life perhaps) so if we're a squillionaire... but we're gonna have a heart attack next Tuesday or we haven't had a meaningful conversation with a loved one since the eighties... perhaps we need to re-assess how and why we do things...and possibly redefine what success is for us.

2) My world will change when I change.

My reality needs to change from the inside-out; not the other way around.
While there are many variables in the process.... I (my choices, my attitudes, my habits, my communication, my ability to adapt) am the Captain of the 'SS Me'.

3) I need to (be able to) separate the emotional from the cerebral.

When I make emotional, reactive decisions.. I typically create bad (or undesired) outcomes. What I feel (the emotional stuff) and what I think or know to be true (the cerebral stuff) don't always align... in fact... often don't align.

Sometimes we need to take a certain course of action, do certain things, make certain decisions (because logic and common sense tell us so) even though the insecure, fearful, self-protecting eight year-old in us is kicking and screaming to the contrary.

4) Our goals, dreams, hopes and values need to be wrapped around a practical life-strategy (plan)... and for many people, they're not.

Despite what the Law of Attraction might suggest, sitting on the couch waiting for the universe to deliver our desires... doesn't work. Most people don't have a sensible, practical goal setting process; they have a wish-list.
While we all 'get' what goal setting is... most of us don't do it (practically and consistently apply it to our life).

5) It's great to be passionate... it's better to be passionate and practical.

Passion without the practical... leads to frustration.

6) Creating amazing outcomes is not about talent or potential as much as it is about decisions, attitude, commitment, drive and work ethic.

Sometimes.. talent is a handicap.

7) Fear doesn't make us dysfunctional or weird... it makes us human and normal.

In order to create amazing we (occasionally) need to do things, take chances, make decisions, address issues... despite our fear. Sometimes we need to look for the most effective way... not the most comfortable or enjoyable.

8) Creating amazing is not always quick, easy, painless, simple or convenient.

Despite the what the advertisements say.

9) Dealing with (not avoiding) adversity (problems, challenges, discomfort, pain) is how we develop skills (emotional, social, decision making, practical, coping), gain strength, change our mindset and become more effective and empowered.

Problems, challenges, curve balls... are part of the human experience... not dealing with them is an unrealistic approach to... anything!
So failure, pain and disappointment can actually help us succeed.

10) Hard / difficult is more about attitude than it is about situations, circumstances, events, environment or other people.

Many people make the simple hard... every day! Situations and circumstances aren't difficult... (as much as) people are!

11) Every day we have the choice to have a great day despite what happens (or doesn't happen) in that day.

A good day is not about fate, destiny, chance or events... it's about us.
You and me.

12) To create different we need to think different.

When we change how we think.. then we react, decide, communicate, cope, interact and manage stress differently.
We also create a different reality.

Different thinking = Different choices = Different behaviours = Different outcomes =

Happy Campers!! (YAY)

13) If we can't define it, we can't have it.

We need to get clear about what we want.
We need to set goals (and have a practical process).
Too many people want success... but don't actually know what it is.

14) We also need to get clear about what we don't want.

Knowing what we don't want helps move us in the right direction... helps create momentum and the right mindset.
Sometimes identifying what we don't want is the catalyst we need.

15) Success is different things for different people... and what will make one person happy might make another person miserable or stressed (a pregnancy.. for example).

The one common denominator is that we all want to be happy... however the mechanism and / or catalyst for that happiness will vary from person to person.

We need to discover what pushes our happy button.

16) I am not a body; it's just where I live.

As long as our identity is rooted in something which can be taken from us (looks, jobs, money, toys), we'll always be insecure. I am more than my career, my house, my bank balance, my education, my body and my achievements... As long as my self-esteem is dependant on how I look, what I do or what I own... I'm in trouble.
I need to find my identity; who I am beyond what I do, own, drive.. or how pretty/handsome I am.

17) Knowing what to do is not nearly as important as doing what we know.

We live in the information age (we've never been more informed)... but we seem to be as troubled (dysfunctional, obese, unhappy, unfulfilled, confused, broke, addicted) as ever.

We get angry, we get bitter, we make excuses, we wait, we explain, we blame... and we still don't really do anything.

We go to church, the synagogue, school, the library, the Internet, workshops, therapists, life-coaches... we constantly bombarded with information (much of it great) and still... many of us are exactly where we said we'd never be.

18) "We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are" (Anais Ninn)... and in order for us to be able to communicate and co-exist effectively with others (in all kinds of relationships and situations) we need to be able to see things through others eyes... learn their love language.. understand their communication style.

If I consistently use the same communication style with different people, I will consistently create good, bad and indifferent results.

19) My past does not have to equal my future... but for most people it does.

Generally speaking, our beliefs (about what's possible for us in the future) are not remotely reflective of our ability, potential or possible future achievements.
It is not our ability, but our thinking, beliefs and fears... which limit us.

20) To an extent, an individual's overall level of happiness (joy, peace, fulfillment) will be dependant on their ability to adapt.

Everything around us is in a constant state of change, while we are (often) in a constant state of same. This can create problems on many levels if we don't adapt, learn, grow and change with our constantly evolving environment.

21) Many of us waste time and emotional energy on things we can't change while ignoring (and doing nothing) about, the stuff we can.

We need to identify where and how we do this... and start asking ourselves empowering questions (verses the "why is life so unfair to me" questions)... the "what can I do" questions.

22) I will not accidentally succeed.

Success will not fall on my head from a great height.
Some people spend their life hoping they'll win the lotto... hoping success will happen to them.

23) The number one reason people don't create forever results is... they don't finish what they start.

Success ain't about starting, it's about finishing. Results ain't about motivation, it's about perseverance.

24) Motivation is temporary.

I need to get the job done DESPITE my motivational peaks and troughs.

25) Situations, circumstances and events don't create stress, I do.

I need a stress management strategy... the time to address my stress level is not after my first breakdown.

26) Even though we don't like feedback, we need it... I can't be completely objective about me (performance, behaviour, decisions, communication).

Critical, informed, intelligent feedback is a gift if we use it properly (doesn't always feel like it at the time).

27) Some of us manage everything... except us.

28) There are different kinds of smart.

Intelligence ain't all about IQ tests... in fact... not at all.
Some 'highly intelligent' people are socially, emotionally and practically stupid.

29) Discipline is not necessarily cool.. or sexy... or marketable.. or popular... but it is effective.

The world wants to buy easy but without a certain level of discipline (self-control, inner strength, mental and emotional toughness) creating real change is impossible.

30) Trying to teach someone who doesn't want to learn is an exercise in frustration (for you) and annoyance (for them).

Quite often, the well-intended suggestions or spontaneous life-lesson.. will produce more resentment than enlightenment.

31) Who I am (and who I will be) is not predetermined, it is self-determined.

[silicon toad2000]

cool post. I found I was allready using most of the advice there but it is kinda empowering to see it written down and it reinforces things and brings these points back to the forefront of my mental programming.
Cheers.

[aabukar]

cool thread ... thanks for posting ... I will add this post to my favourites list so i can view it from time to time ..very inspiring

[dkbartling]

Great post...I would love to use this with my counseling clients!

[LauraC]

ditto..... i hope you dont mind but Im printing your list out
but hey, isnt it nice to know we can affect each others lives (in a good way)....

[TomLeDree]

Great post! Very interesting and inspiring. Thanks for taking the time to share.

[joshbickford]

#31 is great. However, I really believe there's a purpose we've been created for, whether or not we fulfill that purpose is our choice!

[elfly]

Hi, great post. Very handy to have all those points written down with short examples. I will be printing it out to read regularly as well.

[MariaG]

Thanks for posting this, Craig. I've definitely been guilty of #28 and am trying to improve in this area.