Stressed with college.....again.

[LifeFirst]

Well....since the last time I posted about my problems dealing with classes I have been using a lot of techniques recommended to me. I can remember things a lot better, I can concentrate and focus at higher intensities than before, and I can get engrossed in the subject for longer period of time. But things just are not progressing the way I want them to be. It seems that once again, I am just stressed out. Especially today, I realized that I have a serious problem. The thing is that the professor (I'm taking a Summer class) gave us an assignment that is due in two days. So the first thing I did was prepare myself for the assignment, I read over the chapter, but I don't think I understand a lot of the stuff. That has been a recurring problem, that I just do not comprehend some of the complicated language they use in my textbook. And I planned today to do my homework, now it was only 5 math problems out of the book. I got up at 7 AM today and I was sure that I could get it done by noon. So I started working on it around 8:00 clock and I don't know what it is, I was just stuck on a lot of the problems. I simply had no idea how to do most of the problems, and now it is almost 9:00 clock and I have been at this thing for nearly THIRTEEN HOURS. Just FIVE problems that anyone in our class could easily do! Who the hell does that?? Spend THIRTEEN goddamn hours on a couple of problems??? I mean, they're not something that's assigned for grad students or anything like that, and it's not like I've been distracted by things or that I have been listening to music or anything like that. For the entire day I pretty much was sitting at this damn table trying to figure this thing out. I'm just so angry and stressed right now I don't know what to do. And this is not the first time this has happened, I don't know why it takes me SO LONG to do something that should be easy. And as of right now, I'm still not finished. I'm sick of it and I don't want to do it anymore, there is still one problem that I have absolutely how to do. I have no one to ask because I don't know anyone in my class, I have no one to talk to about this because again, I really don't know anyone. I sent an E-mail to the professor asking him about a problem and I could not understand his response at all. It doesn't make ANY sense!!! But then again, I don't want to depend on the professor, or else I would be asking him about EVERY single problem. Sh.....I've never been this stressed. Before, I would keep it inside but that didn't work pretty good, so now I'm just trying to let it out in the worst way possible. I seriously don't see an end to this. I'm trying to do my best but...I don't know how some of you guys do it. I need some help again...it just feels terrible. I thought that I would have my time management down but....when you don't get something....what the hell can you do???

[Shamou]

Originally posted by LifeFirst
I read over the chapter, but I don't think I understand a lot of the stuff.

I think that most of your problem lies right here... you read something... and keep on going past some things that you do not understand...

If there is one element that you do not understand in a proposition... you will never master it... so, as soon as you feel that you do not understand something... stop... read it over again... mull it in your mind and keep on doing it until you have figured it out... there is no sense in going past a sentence that you do not understand... because nothing else will make sense...

Learning is not a process that can be hurried... you can grasp the subject... just give it the time that you need to give it...

The very best of luck to you... and, don't give up... sooner or later your efforts will be rewarded...

.

[Alchemiss]

Ugh, what you are going through sounds painful and I've been there so I can totally relate. The first thing I would ask (and I apologize but I don't have the history of your other thread) is what is your experience like when you learn things quickly i.e., certain subject matters that just come easily or problems posed with words versus numbers? Figuring out what comes easily may help you come up with a new strategy for your studying OR may suggest that whatever you are currently studying isn't for you.

I am an intuitive learner in a technical field. Thus I'll be lost for a while sometimes and then get a huge download of information into my brain with an "Aha!". Does your knowledge come in bursts?

Can you find another book on the subject that is easier to understand? Sometimes hearing the same thing in different ways helps a lot.

When you get stressed and angry, take a break and, if possible, move your body until you feel better. Try to observe what is happening dispassionately instead of judging yourself, if you can.

Good luck!

[LifeFirst]

Originally Posted by Shamou

I think that most of your problem lies right here...

The very best of luck to you... and, don't give up... sooner or later your efforts will be rewarded...

.

Well...it hasn't so far...for the last 2 years. I don't know, it seems like all these years at the university the only thing I've learned is that everything is a joke.

The first thing I would ask (and I apologize but I don't have the history of your other thread) is what is your experience like when you learn things quickly i.e., certain subject matters that just come easily or problems posed with words versus numbers? Figuring out what comes easily may help you come up with a new strategy for your studying OR may suggest that whatever you are currently studying isn't for you.

Well back in High School I don't know why but I could grasp concepts extremely quick (It doesn't matter what the subject was, calculus or literature or whatever). And I didn't have to work hard at all, or really read much of anything to know what I'm doing. But now, it seems that the most simple concepts require a lot of time for me to understand. I found out that after all these years I have become dumber and dumber, and just more confused. This is the type of stuff that I could understand easily a couple of years ago....I would do the problems, go over the examples and I would get it. It's probably other areas of my Life that's affecting my study...who knows...but I don't know what the problem is.

[Alchemiss]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

Well back in High School I don't know why but I could grasp concepts extremely quick (It doesn't matter what the subject was, calculus or literature or whatever). And I didn't have to work hard at all, or really read much of anything to know what I'm doing. But now, it seems that the most simple concepts require a lot of time for me to understand. I found out that after all these years I have become dumber and dumber, and just more confused. This is the type of stuff that I could understand easily a couple of years ago....I would do the problems, go over the examples and I would get it. It's probably other areas of my Life that's affecting my study...who knows...but I don't know what the problem is.

In general, high school is easier than college but there is also the possibility something has changed physiologically. I know next to nothing about dyslexia but perhaps something like that can develop later in life or not be a hindrance until a certain difficulty level is reached. Maybe others can comment on this and/or other possibilities.

Hang in there!

[Sunnybayes]

Hey, good news. I can exactly relate with you and I know what is causing your trouble. I'll be glad to share what I've learned. I'll spend an hour or so typing up my next post.

Ok... finally finished. I hope it helps you. It was so long I had to put it into 2 posts. The second one is after the first one.

How not to be a headless chicken.


I explained in the 2nd one why you felt smart in the high school and not now. I felt the same way last year.

I'm not really sure right now how coherent those two post where, but I spent enough time on them...and I'm starting to feel like a headless chicken myself, and you have something due in 2 days, so I thought I'd just post as it is.

[LifeFirst]

I hate bumping up this thread. And I hate coming here for help all the time, because I always end up making the same mistakes and I try to apply the advice given by you guys and I'm still failing everything.


Today I just did bad on another test. I swear to God that during my years in college I have failed about 90% of all my exams. I don't wanna drop out because I work damn hard and I'm already in my 4th year. What a joke. I wish I can have someone to talk to but I have no one. I don't really know anyone in my college even though I go to like the biggest University in the U.S. I went to the professor yesterday to discuss problems but it seems like I don't know what he's talking about. Or I seemed to understand but when I go study by myself I forget everything. I wish I can have someone to study with...but before in another class I did study with another student but still ended up failing the exams. I have no confidence whatsoever...none. How can you after you failed so many exams?? I mean, yesterday I was telling myself that I'm going to get an A...I even wrote it down. I was telling myself throughout the entire week. I did well on the homework, understood it. And there was an exam problem that was just like the homework, and I completely forgot how to do it. This is a joke seriously. I'm so discouraged I don't wanna do anything anymore. I don't want to eat, I don't want to drink, I don't want to sleep, I'm not going to do anything. What's the point...


I'm even scared to meet people because I'm just embarrassed. I hate it when they ask me what my GPA is. I tell them it's none of their goddamn business and leave me alone. And it's not like I have a job or anything, I put in a lot of studying trying to understand the material. I don't know what to do.....I have no goddamn clue. I hate this feeling. I feel numb. I have never been happy ever since I came to college...naw...I think I just never been happy .....ever.

:

[turbosaab]

Originally Posted by Shamou

If there is one element that you do not understand in a proposition... you will never master it... so, as soon as you feel that you do not understand something... stop... read it over again... mull it in your mind and keep on doing it until you have figured it out... there is no sense in going past a sentence that you do not understand... because nothing else will make sense...

.

Let me very respectfully disagree. Personally, I often find that if I don't understand something, rather than dwelling on it, it's best to continue. In many cases, the remainder of the material will elaborate or fill in missing pieces. With the benefit of more background information and/or a different mindset, I re-read what I didn't understand the first time, and it suddenly makes sense.

LifeFirst, I feel for ya. I know what it's like to not know any classmates well enough to be able to get help from them, and talking to the professor privately and they just repeat the same things that I didn't understand in class.

This may be obvious, but maybe a possibility is that there are some online forums where you could ask for help on the specific things you are stuck on? If you don't mind me asking, what is your major/what are the courses you are finding challenging?

[Shamou]

LifeFirst!

You are really a winner... despite many setbacks you've kept going on... and that is the ultimate sign of a survivor and a winner...

You know that academic excellence is never any indication of how well a person will do in "real" life... History is filled with people who were lousy in school but achieved outstanding success... Albert Einstein being the most outstanding example...

Thing are rough for your right now... but you are doing more than most... they are acquiring knowledge... you are building a character... people who are "know-it-all" are dime a dozen... but very few eventually come out on top... unless they also have overcome giant obstacles and slayed dragons...

My advice to you right now is to go and buy a copy of the film, "Rocky" with Sylvester Stallone... and view it over and over again... until it is impressed on your mind that, "It not always the guy with the most talent who wins... but the one who swears that he will never quit... no matter what."

My very best achievement were made possible because, just like a Bulldog... I will never quit, no matter what.... and you can do the same...

Someday... maybe sooner than you think... your life will be and inspiration to others... and that's where the big payoff is...

The very best of luck to you... and keep the faith...

.

[Sunnybayes]

I did well on the homework, understood it.

Hey look, the good news is, you are not stupid.

You know how to solve problems. You don't have to be a cog and get a job. You can employ yourself. You can be on top.

Well, here's what happened.

You knew the material. But then the test situation induced a subconcious mental pattern into you that took over your thought process. The strong association of the test situation automatically induced the fear circuit and lead to paralysis. So your mind was running that thought process that you'd fail. And you did. Oh well.

I've done that a couple of times.

What a joke. I wish I can have someone to talk to but I have no one. I don't really know anyone in my college even though I go to like the biggest University in the U.S.

Social isolation. I've done it. It sucks. Its hell. Its not natural. It makes you stupid. It makes you in your situation.

I go to UIUC. Its big 10. Its huge. Same situation. Trying too hard. I've failed miserably on some of my physics exams. Sometimes I had gotten the worst grade after I stayed up and studied my ass off. And I'd did the same thing... I did damn fine on the homework. Like what happened to you. My mind just stopped working. I was like... well damn. This just aint coming to me. And then I just sat there, and then I was like... well there is no point now.

I can choose to be happy, chose to be sad, or die. I chose to he happy. It took me a day or so. I had to meditate. I had to feel in my where the pain was coming from, then I got rid of it by saying "its not like that.. its not like that..." until it felt better in my mind at that area.

Hard work is b.s. It does not work. Well at least the "Hard" part. You've got to make it fun.

What really pissed me off the most was my best friend. He'd always be hanging out with his girl friend and having fun with her. And then he'd go and get the best grades in the hardest engineering classes. I was sooo jeaulous that he could have sooo much fun and then get top grades while I was always staying at home studying my ass off and still getting crappy grades.

And then I studied abroad in Hong Kong. I chose to give physics a break. I worked hard on working the girls, knowing how to be social, going out dancing, just getting excercise too by walking around Hong Kong.

And I noticed how I felt smarter all of the sudden.... well about after a month or two. It totally amazed me. Its like I had a brain again. It was amazing.

I am a very good looking male and I get a lot of looks from girls. Right now I think there are 2-3 girls that wants to get with me (come to think of it.... I haven't bothered to talk to them in a long time). But other than that it doesn't help me much, at least not academically.

Take it easy man. Get yourself a girl friend. Go get some of those girls.

I haven't bothered to talk to them in a long time

Damnit, go out there and talk to those girls. Do it man. Make friends with them. It makes you feel like a real person. Like a real human being. Its weird. Its like "oh yea.. this is what real life feels like".

The problem with me is that...I don't go to sleep anymore. I can't, I simply can't because of my workload of the 5 classes that I'm taking. I'm doing well in 4 of them, the 5th one is killing me...literally. I study pretty much all day, all night, until around 4 AM in the morning. Because I have to (I'm already behind), and my final will determine if I pass or fail the class...and I really really really really want to pass the class. So I have to do whatever it takes.

I get up around 8 AM everyday...I get around 3-4 hours of sleep, I'm exhuasted most of the time, and it takes me forever to do my homework regardless of how well rested I am. I can't concentrate that well (although it's a lot better than before), and it takes me forever to read the textbook, not because I read slow but because of comprehension problems (There's lots of math). I don't understand what I just read so I have to read the same paragraph again and again until I get it. It's just the same thing everyday.

I mean what in the hell?? This can't be Life...I literally feel like I'm dying. Like I'm getting weaker and weaker everyday. I don't even rest on weekends anymore....I'm just so damn worried and I can't really drop the class...it's too late.

It's getting pretty bad, my mood is just.....I don't even have a mood anymore. Someone almost ran me over with a motorbike today while they were laughing and I was about to rip their head off. It's just terrible....

Dude, you are a really ambitious engineer aren't you??? You are ****ing dieing because you are not having enough fun. Don't study. Only study getting friends and having fun. Like do nothing but have fun for a month straight. Don't give a crap about your classes any more. What's the point? You've already failed them.

After you've had fun, and then your brain grows back and you feel like a real human being again, learned how to "bang a 10", then step back and evaluate what you are going to do next.
Do you really want to get good grades just so that you can go and be a good cog for some greedy corporation?

How many scientific papers would I have to show you that the best thing for your body and mind is that you go out and just have fun??

And then once you've felt like you are full of friends, then you must have fun for half of your time.

I get around 3-4 hours of sleep, I'm exhuasted most of the time, and it takes me forever to do my homework regardless of how well rested I am.

In fact you are lucky. Now you have to find out how to survive without having to be stuck as a cog in a job. If you can learn how to "bang a 10" then you'd have grown your brain back, would be forced to have fun for a least a couple of months, and you'd have learned some people skills, gain some confidence automatically, and will force you to get out of your depressed mood. Now you really have to grow your brain back and then learn how to be creative. And that if you really want success then you have to have fun while doing it. And then since you are not tied down to some stupid job, cause noone is going to hire you, then you'll have to learn how to deal with people and make them make money for you. You are a lucky bastard. And then you'll have your own business, and you'll be on top, and then you'll have real success. Just look at some bios of the really successful people... they've all had to go through hell, once they've known what hell is, then anything else is a breeze compared to it. Just like Steve Pavlina... just look on his about page.

[Love]

Breathe.
You see like your having a trying time. Breathe. Ok.

I think some de-stressing techniques might be helpful. Give your self practice tests under test-like conditions. Make up your own questions. When you get to the test, you can close your eyes for like 30 seconds or so when you need to regain yourself. Otherwise, drink some water for the same purpose.

When reading for a homework, make quick sum-it-up notes in the margin, if you're not doing that already. Underline phrases you don't understand and be sure to bring them up in class. Look up all unfamiliar terminology and ask anyone either in person or online the definitions so that you can understand your chapters. Find break-it-down books in the reference/test material/study aids aisle of the bookstore. Those books will make the material easier to understand.

Find the other person in the class that doesn't get it. Support each other.

Give yourself a set time interval to do your homework. You can be a little generous. If you don't get it, go do something else and forget your homework. It will be good to have fun, because you will be refreshed when finished. Then come back and work for the next interval. It is better than working straight.

Also, how about hiring a tutor? Put an ad around campus. Someone will be happy to pick up some easy money.

Report back on your progress, please.

[LifeFirst]

Originally Posted by turbosaab

Let me very respectfully disagree. Personally, I often find that if I don't understand something, rather than dwelling on it, it's best to continue. In many cases, the remainder of the material will elaborate or fill in missing pieces. With the benefit of more background information and/or a different mindset, I re-read what I didn't understand the first time, and it suddenly makes sense.

LifeFirst, I feel for ya. I know what it's like to not know any classmates well enough to be able to get help from them, and talking to the professor privately and they just repeat the same things that I didn't understand in class.

This may be obvious, but maybe a possibility is that there are some online forums where you could ask for help on the specific things you are stuck on? If you don't mind me asking, what is your major/what are the courses you are finding challenging?

Some Statistics course where you have to do really long problems that has a lot of number and you have to put them in a data and figure out the probability if the hypothesis is true or not....stuff like that.


I'm a lot calmer now though...I went over some of the problems again from the book and I'm definitely gonna be prepared for next week.

[Stargirl]

Note: I did assume a lot here because I drew a lot from my own past and mistakes, so forgive me for being harsh/assuming things that don't apply.

I agree with many of the suggestions here.

Reading

I too respectfully disagree with Shamou's suggestion to stop at places you don't understand. Been there. Done that. It's frustrating and takes forever. It gets you stuck on the minor details and usually moving on helps you understand.

Instead, I suggest going through the material quickly, looking at bold headings, and just looking at what's covered. Then skim through it. Let it go for 10 min and maybe have some water. Then go through it again more thoroughly, but never dwell too long on something you don't understand. Try to understand the concepts holistically first.

If you still don't understand it, ask a friend or the professor. You mentioned you go to a large school. Do you have teaching assistants you could ask?
And don't feel worried about asking your professors for help. You don't come off as stupid by asking. And no one will call you stupid when your grades go up.

Friends

Perhaps it seems like friends especially girls would harm your grades, but isolation does more harm. You need that anchor of support sometimes. Friends are invaluable IMHO.

Having fun is so crucial to academic success. It clears your mind. I think today you should have taken some breaks and had some fun. Even a 10 min mindful walk can give great insights.

The key problem is BALANCE.

You need to balance your social, mental, physical, and spiritual parts of your life.
When you feel overwhelmed by your studying, do something social, physical, or spiritual. Run. Have a conversation. Meditate.

That's a lot to take in. I'd suggest starting by taking a day off for only fun and let go of any worries/stresses about college. Just relax. It's your day.

Then I'd work on studying with balance.

Understanding homework, but blanking out on tests is a matter of confidence. This will go away once you start trusting yourself and balancing your life. It's a matter of time.

BEST OF LUCK .