Talking to yourself (in Messenger)

[Tuumble]

I posted this idea in the thread on purpose, blogging, lightworker syndrome and being a self help junkie so technically it's cross-posting but I felt that it may get missed from a wider audience so I've posted it here as well.

Basically, the idea is talking to yourself in Messenger to gain a clearer focus on your goals. You are essentially being your own life coach.

Remember that no-one knows you as well as you and as such you are best placed to get the answers. If you keep asking the questions the solution will present itself.

So what do you do?

If you have an online messenger service, set up a second account and write a message to yourself saying exactly what you feel about the topic that's the issue. Be your own alter ego.

You don't have to physically keep swapping from account to account to ask and answer the questions. Just type a sentence or paragraph and then press enter. You'll still understand who is saying what.

Ask those difficult to answer questions of yourself and then say: 'How would you achieve that?' and keep asking questions until the picture becomes clearer.

You can then save your 'conversation' with yourself to read back and pick out the detail. It's quite a useful exercise.

Just for an example I will write a few lines for myself here...

----------------

So Jeremy what is your duathlon training plan for tomorrow?

Well, I'm quite busy tomorrow because I've got to go to Bretton and deliver the job paperwork first thing and in the evening Jo is going out.

Yes, so what is your plan?

As my training includes cycling I can bike to Bretton so that's 3 miles and from there I can cycle direct into work which will be another 3. It will also mean I have to cycle home which adds another 4. That's 10 in total on the bike.

OK, so what do you have to do to make that actually happen

I have to be up earlier.

How much earlier?

Well If I meet Heather onsite at 8:15am I can deal with what I have to do by 8:30am and still be in work for 9:00am. That means I'll have to leave home at 7:55am. That's 35 minutes earlier than normal so I will set my alarm clock accordingly.

So what about the running?

That will be tough to get that in tomorrow because Jo is out in the evening.

What would you have to do to get a run scheduled?

Ummm, I get up even earlier?

Is that realistic?

It's possible but I don't really want to.

How could you achieve the Bretton delivery and still do the run.

I could get Jo to drive over once the children are at school. It's only delivering paperwork and I don't think she has anything on in the morning. It'll mean I do 3 less miles cycling if I bike to work but it means I will definitely get the running in so I will have done the cross training for the day.

So what is the exact plan? Be specific.

I will confirm with Jo that delivering the paperwork by 11:00am is OK for tomorrow now. If that is fine I will set my alarm for 6:30am to do the 5k route and cycle to work at 8:30am as normal. To make sure I have the time I will get my running kit ready and the children's packed lunches and school clothes before I go to bed tonight at 11:45pm.

-----------------

And do you know what? It worked!

[Erki]

You don't have to talk to yourself, I am available too. And I'm a good listener too.

[Tuumble]

Erki, I guess you would know from my profiling thread that talking to yourself in messenger is just another of my eccentricities.

BTW, is Erki your name or is it a tribute to the Estonian Decathelete Erki Nool?

[Erki]

I talk to myself too, just not in messenger. I guess I have a built-in messenger.

About my name... no, I am not Erki Nool, nor am I a very big fan of athletics, so Erki is my very real name. And btw, we actually share the birthday - June 25th for both.

[hopewilbanks]

What a unique idea! I talk to myself all the time, too, but never thought to do it using IM. I'll have to give that a try and see what happens.

[angie]

Same here, always talking to myself, rehearsing what I might say, running commentry on whats happening, telling myself off for something that has just happened and saying not so nice things about other people.

I dont sound too good after all that, do I?

But I've never used messenger for it....

[hopewilbanks]

Originally Posted by angie

Same here, always talking to myself, rehearsing what I might say, running commentry on whats happening, telling myself off for something that has just happened and saying not so nice things about other people.

I dont sound too good after all that, do I?

But I've never used messenger for it....

LOL! And here I thought I was the only one who did this!

[Jes]

Hahaha. This thread has shown me that I have yet to lose my mind completely. I catch myself talking to myself sometimes and just think "oh no, the end is near."

[Tuumble]

It's cool isn't it?

I find that while typing it can take a bit of time you then have a record of what has been said which you can review later.

Better than that you will find that you develop coaching skills because you are asking questions and that's the best way to get the coachee to the answer.

Remember that no-one knows you as well as you so the coach never has the full facts. Coaching works by guiding the person coached to the solution by answering their own questions.

[aabukar]

Originally Posted by Jes

Hahaha. This thread has shown me that I have yet to lose my mind completely. I catch myself talking to myself sometimes and just think "oh no, the end is near."

the same reaction exactly here

Angie ... You are not alone I did all that ....

However, i never tried it on messenger ... i tried writing on a piece of paper and i tried to write down on One note .. actually i have long conversations there

[Megan]

Hey, you know what? I'm just strange enough to think that's cool! Thanks for the idea, Tuumble!

I might just talk to myself in The Journal, to keep the phone lines open for business, but...I think this could help!

Yay us!

[Tuumble]

Good for you Megan!

Let me know how it goes.

[Megan]

LOL, I got to see myself BS-ing myself in action, right there in black and white!

No wonder I procrastinate. One side of me comes across a lot like a slave driver (she's the one who makes all those to-do lists and sounds like Dr. Phil on steroids), and the other side (there are probably lots of 'other sides') promises her anything to shut her up, and then does whatever the heck she pleases.

Can you say 'dysfunctional?'

The sense I get is that it's probably fairly healthy to ignore that overbearing "coach," because she has absolutely no sensitivity to how I feel, and no sense of the timing of my life. She just wants me to turn into a list-performing robot.

I think I need to get a better coach.

[Megan]

Norbert on another thread had this link:

Scenario: “Dude, let’s tack another item on our to-do list. We’ll finish them someday. High-five!”

You know the deal:

• You start a to-do list.
• You put 908532502 things on the to-do list.
• You get overwhelmed.
• You start avoiding your to-do list.

Why Your To-Do List Sucks

Yup...that about sums it up....

[Tuumble]

I think the idea works best when you focus on one particular task. In my example the process allowed me to get the facts down and gave me the chance to 'discuss' the options.

I thought your comment about your 'coach' being overbearing and unsensitive was interesting because that's you!

Do what works best. The good thing about this is that you can control the reactions of the coach so you don't have to make them into an unfeeling robot or a dictator.

Maybe look at the people another way. YOU be the coach and a friend is the person being coached because many like to think they're solving somebody elses problems rather than deal with their own issues.

Much like this post is doing for me!

[Megan]

Sounds like good advice--I'll try it on one particular task, as you suggested.

The exercise was instructive, because it showed me how I'm being too inflexible with myself, so resistance is a natural, and healthy, response to that, I think.

Thanks.

[Kaspian]

I thought your comment about your 'coach' being overbearing and unsensitive was interesting because that's you!

Yes, it is you in the sense that your mind creates it. Keep in mind, though, that sometimes those negative voices can come from teachers, parents, societal beliefs, friends, etc, whose advice we have internalized. Sometimes realizing that the "critic" is not who we really are makes it easier to stop listening to the overbearing, insensitive slave driver.

[Megan]

As I was just thinking about all this, I'm going, well...my childhood and young adulthood was spent in a social milieu of three (count 'em, three) very authoritarian religious groups.

No surprises there, huh?

See, this has been helpful already.

Thanks guys.