Why don't I finish anythi..

[Nico Kempe]

I've got this problem that many people probably recognize.
I guess it could be called procrastination or lack of motivation.

You see, I know I can achieve many things. I know I can earn "lot's" of money from the comforts of my home without spending 24 hours a day on it.
I know I can be a Linux wizz and get that certification that I want.
I know I can get make many improvements to my house that will make it really great.
I can get a better job than I have now, with more income and satisfaction and challenge.

There's all these things that I know I can achieve. Most of the things I've already started with; I bought several books, did research, and almost finished the Photoreading course, months ago.. I also did that 'reset your brain' thing, but I've got back to that only twice, in about half a year or so.

So I never finish most of the great things I start with.

Heh I even stopped visiting this forum for some time..

Sometimes I pick one of those many goals up again and work on it a little, but thats very rare to happen and generally doesn't last long.

So what could be causing this?
Is it perhaps that I don't get stimulated enough? Do I have too many goals? Am I just low on energy? Or maybe I don't think it's realistic or that achieving the goals doesn't matter much?
I don't know, I wish I could ask my subconscious that question (no I didn't get to achieve having lucid dreams on purpose either..)

I've asked myself that question lot's of times but still haven't found a good answer (if I did, I'd probably wouldn't type this..)
I know I can really get somewhere in life yet somehow for some reason I prevent myself from doing that.

I'm confused.

Any thoughts?

[Believer]

You're exactly the same as me then, but unfortunately I have no solution, hopefully someone else can help us both.

[Ree]

Having goals is one thing, but do you have a plan? As I said in another post, having a goal without a yearly/monthly/weekly plan is like having a destination without a map to get there.

Do you think it would help to set yourself a goal AND THEN enumerate the small steps you have to go through to reach that goal? In other words, to get your Linux certification, let's say you make that your goal to accomplish by the end of August. Then, during what's left of June and the months of July and August, what do you have to do to reach your goal? List these smaller steps out and accomplish them one by one:

(These are just guesses.)

For the remainder of June plan to:
(1) Finish the reading material.

During July plan to:
(2) Do the practices at the end of each chapter.
(3) Take the practice test.
(4) Study like hell.

During August plan to:
(5) Review.
(6) Take the test.
(7) Celebrate your certification!!

As you complete each step, draw a BIG BOLD line through it. This will give you a huge feeling of accomplishment and you'll be able to see your progress.

After trying this out, you'll find the best way of setting goals and planning that will work for you. I personally don't use monthly goals anymore. Just find the method that suits you. Good luck!

[LittD]

I'm there too. I've always been a procrastinator. I am famous for not finishing what I start.

Today I had a flash of insight. Every now and then I have a flsah of insight, it seems like THE WAY. And then my motivation tends to die. I've gotten to the point where I view my own insights with a great deal of skepticism (like yeah, that's the holy grail).

But I'm absolutely committed to living the best life I possibly can, so I'm not giving in.

My insight today was with regards to polarisation. Why are you doing what you're doing? Why did you do the photoreading course? I finished the photoreading course about a month ago, but I felt very little motivation to finish it or to continue to use it. The only reason I finished it (or anything else recently) is because I want to prove to myself that I CAN. That the option is there. I feel like I'm desperately trying to free myself from the chains of non-purpose-driven-life. It's a struggle, but the riches on the other side will make up for it a million times over. That's why I do things.

My point is that you can do all these PD "things", and you can tell yourself that you're doing them to "raise your consciousness", "increase your awareness", "heighten your creativity" or whatever, but if there's no REASON to do these things, then you're not going to be motivated. It's that simple.

Why are you here? Are you here to take, or are you here to give? Read Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. Read Steve's Polarity articles. Report back.

I wish you all the best. (Yes I'm a lightworker)

[palimpsest]

Well... this one handy thing I picked up is when the things you really want to do (or need to,) you list them under the heading "Big Rocks" and the lesser things list under the heading "Sand Grains" ... the visual is, you have an empty jar representing your time. If you pour the sand in first, the rocks will have a harder time being crammed in than if you put the rocks in first and let the sand flow. So, imagine your jar... and if the rock's too big, so is the goal. You could break down the rock, though. Put a piece each in two jars (say one jar = one month.)

I used to be a notorious procrastinator (it was actually depression,) until a lab in bio class involved 3 minutes of push-ups. It turned my arms to stone and my elbow tendons into box-cutter blades, so I determined to not only do the lab report but get a good grade on it. I'd given up on trying, but some kinds of pain are good motivators, I discovered a liking for work and relief at truly free time... and since then I've been generally diligent though the Wallow occasionally takes me. But point is stimulation = yay, motivator. I'm trying to appropriately suggest such a turning point that will involve as much pain. Drawing a blank. Oh, well. Maybe have a friend drop a tiny anvil on your toe? Only that might just hurt and make you move slower not faster.

I don't think the number of goals is a problem at all as long as you look forward to and enjoy working towards all of them, and not just think "I'll be happy when it's DONE!" although I heard there are some way to make that work too

Originally Posted by Nico Kempe

Or maybe I don't think it's realistic or that achieving the goals doesn't matter much?
I don't know, I wish I could ask my subconscious that question (no I didn't get to achieve having lucid dreams on purpose either..)

Meh, it's not your subconscious doing the moving of your arms and feet and things (is it??) but I think that as you did ask those questions at all and hold on to them... then it must be yes. Ta-daa, subconscious access. So, make them real, make them matter, and you're good to go. Except not 'cause it'll probably be more difficult. Maybe just mull over which rocks are real, important gemstones?

[carenkh]

I don't know if this applies to your situation, but for me, I needed to get to a point where I saw myself as a success. I had to believe it was possible for me - and for that, I had to have at least *some* self-esteem! The book that opened my eyes about that was The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. The ability to grow comes from the desire to do so -- which comes from loving yourself enough to want that! I still come across self-imposed blocks - just recently, I realized I didn't want to seem "better" than anyone else - because just WHO do I think I am?, that I could be better than other people? Have more, do more... It's all a process for me!

Does any of that resonate with you?

[carenkh]

OH, yeah - and I just thought to add:

My self-esteem started to rise when I set do-able goals and reached them. Persisted 'til they were done, even if I didn't *feel* like it.

So, part of it was recognizing I had low self-esteem, and doing things to heal that (reiki, surrounding myself with people who love and accept me, therapy for a time, etc.); another part is growing self-esteem by accomplishing goals. I started very, very small.

[Nico Kempe]

Wow.
You guys never cease to amaze me.
I've been away for a while but I can see that there's still great spirit here.

So many replies already. Let's see if I can answer them all..)

Believer, I hope you're helped by these replies too.

Ree, that's a good idea, making a plan. Perhaps I just use too little structure and too much chaos. Planning things out would help that.

LittD, good points. Living the best possible life and not giving in is a good one. Also, having a reason doesn't seem too bad. I notice how you talk about reasons to do something, whereas I just got caught by trying to think of reasons why I didn't do those things. Looking back too much maybe..

palimpsest, nice analogy with the rocks. I know a version which in the end includes beer too The suffering is good, well for a bit anyway, it makes victories feel better and toughens you up a bit, though I won't be dropping anvils on my toes heh..)

carenkh, self-esteem could be an issue, although I do have some of that, there could still be barriers, probably regarding looking at my possible future self. So I'd need to think of myself more positive, seeing the future self as a more succesful person. Accomplishing (small) victories helps a lot ofcourse.


I also got an offer for some Instant Messenger coaching from one of the many kind souls around here. I think I might just take that offer, having a personal coach might be just the thing, and it makes it less easy to procrastinate too.

This is not meant to stop the wonderful flow of great advices from you guys; thanks a bunch, you rock..)

Already I'm feeling more positive and getting more energized to start doing stuff.

[carenkh]

You might try this series on self-discipline, written by Steve.

[Keith]

I was just reading an article about this the other day:
Overcoming a Loss of Motivation

[John Wesley]

Keith, thanks for recommending my article. It's definitely pertinent to Nico's question.

Nico Kempe,

You've just asked the million dollar question. Unfortunately there is no easy answer one way or the other. I've found that the best thing to do is be brutally honest with yourself without becoming too cynical.

You said that you know you can be a certified Linux whiz. Since you know for sure it's possible and it's something you want, you should go for it. All out. If the goal was something unrealistic then that's entirely different.

When you hit motivational snags, it's important to understand that they are natural and temporary. Everyone hits ups and downs. I get them all the time, especially with my blog. One day I feel like everything is great, the next day I'm sure that I'll fail. The way I deal with it is to keep going. Decide that you're going to keep going through the hard times and try to avoid inventing reasons to give up.

I don't think there is anyway to get rid these temporary depressions, but you can get past them by knowing that they won't last. Just keep going the best that you can. Eventually things will feel good again. The more times you successfully persevere the easier it gets.

[Jason S]

Alexander Pope once wrote, "Whatever is, is right."

Procrastination hits us all. Personally, I worry less about how many goals I've left unfinished and more about whether any one unfinished goal leaves a lingering "itchiness" in my life. Some goals aren't worth finishing; others--the ones that leave you itchy until you can cross them off your list--are.

About 12 years ago I started a list of big things I wanted to accomplish in my life. I had (and have) two rules for the list: (1) nothing can ever be crossed off; and (2) owning or possessing something is not allowed as a goal. Some of my goals will take a lifetime to achieve. Others, like skiing Vasquez Cirque at Winter Park and teaching at a college, have been achieved... some quite recently. Generally speaking, the goals on this list look 10 years out or more. Beyond this list, I try to think only about the next 30-90 days: I want to know that I am doing something right now that is putting me on a path to achieve one or more of my major life goals.

That's my whole concept: aggressive, lifelong goals coupled with small, daily action. This gives me focus and yet allows me to be flexible in the moment to take advantage of life's twists and turns.

One other thing I do, when my motivation is low, is to consider the alternative to taking action. If I can't kick it into gear one morning, I'll look in the mirror and mentally fast forward 3 months: I'll literally say to myself, "You've done nothing for three months," and feel that emptiness in my gut that comes from having knowingly wasted my time. That little ritual is usually enough to get me--begrudgingly--to take a few steps forward... and that's all I ask of myself in a day.

I have a lot of passions--more than I can follow through with in a lifetime. I don't have time to worry about what I'm doing and what I'm not doing, whether that direction would have been better than this one, or why I am or am not at a different state of completion already; all I can do is pick a direction, take small steps forward every day, and trust that Alexander Pope was right.

Good luck!

Jason
How to Self-Destruct: Making the Least of What's Left of Your Career

[justfiverules]

Nico,

Who else in your life knows about these potential "can dos"?

I "knew" I could become a Cisco CCIE since 1999...but it took 18 months of my life, 3 failed attempts, a lot of money and a public commitment to my colleagues that I would get the d#mn thing, before that goal was achieved in 2002.

Something had to connect "inside" before that type of commitment was forthcoming.

[JJH]

I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to say thanks for making me laugh out loud. That's gotta be one of the best subject headings I've seen on this forum. Creativity and a sense of humor - who needs to finish anything when you've got

[Shamou]

A very simple way of finishing whatever we undertake is to change the: "I should do" (whatever you intend to do)..." to "I must do"... (whatever you intend to do)...

It is a very small distinction in semantic but a powerful and effective one...

Therefore you "should" not do what I am advocating here... but, you "must" do it...

.

[Nico Kempe]

Today I got out of bed at 5am again voluntarily since a long time of sleeping in. Woohoo, first little victory!

carenkh and Keith, thanks, I'm reading those articles as I type, well okay, not as I type, but I'm reading them anyway..)

John Wesley, I'm reading your article. Today I've had a small victory again already, the first of hopefully a long series. Improving my self-discipline is taking shape.

Jason S, I like the 3months ahead idea, I'm sure to use it tomorrow morning at 5 again..) I myself have in fact got three pads, "Todo", "To want" and "Fears", left over from the 'reboot your brain' thing, on which I've written just those kind of things. Better get those pads out again..

justfiverules, I have in fact told my Todo and To want lists to my mother with the idea that she'd push me when I made no progress, but I guess since mothers often, well, nag anyway, that's just not enough to keep me going. This is why I'm considering that coaching thing too. And of-course you guys are great coaches as well..)

Shamou, I feel I must use your advice.

JJH, I've got a list of three reasons to procrastinate for you:

[LittD]

I've just realised, my problem, Nico Kempe's problem, Believers problem is that we are at Neutrality (the Level of Consciousness, read Steve's article). The solution to the problem is to make the shift from neutrality to Willingness.

At least that's where I feel I am at the moment. Does anyone have any specific advice on how to accelerate the shift from Neutrality to Willingness? Think back and try to figure out what marked your shift.

I have a very clear recollection of the period in which I (rapidly) shifted from from Pride to Courage. I experienced an event which made me realise that the way I was living was not good enough, and then I started keeping my journal, which was a big step. My transition from Courage to Neutrality was a more gradual one, but I feel I'm fairly rooted in Neutrality now. My motivation is quite poor, and I feel comfortable, even though I know intellectually I'm a million miles from where I want to be.

Any advice or reflection on personal experience would be hugely appreciated.

[Cassie]

Hi Nico -

Someone all ready mentioned the rock analogy. Ironically, I have it sitting here in front of me.

"The Parable of the Professor and the Bucket"

A philosophy professor and his student stand in a warehouse. A large tin bucket and several boxes of stone are in front of them.

The professor picks up a box that contains large rocks, each one about four inches in diameter, and pours them into the bucket. The stones reach the top of the bucket, and he asks the student if it is full.

"It is," the student replies.

The professor takes another box, this one containing stones about one inch in diameter, and pours them over the rocks in the bucket. The smaller stones fill in the spaces between the rocks. Again, he asks the student if the bucket is full.

The student looks and says, "It is."

The professor then pours in the contents of a third box, this one containing small pebbles. Again, the student looks in the box and agrees that it is full.

Finally, the professor pours a box of sand on top of the rocks, stones, and pebbles - and once more, for the fourth time, the student has to acknowledge that the bucket is full.

"Do the most important things first," the professor advises the student, "and each lesser thing in order of its priority. In this way, you will be able to fill up your life four times, instead of just once. If you do the unimportant things first, you'll be filling your bucket with sand ... and there won't be room for anything else."

[Jes]

I've had this stuck in my head since the Sopranos finale: "Don't stop believin'."

Literally five minutes ago, I finished something that I've been working on for over two years. It should've taken me two hours. I am exactly like you. I never finish anything, but I just finished this and I can't put my feelings into words. I don't have much to tell you other than don't give up. So go put on some Journey, pick up an old unfinished project, and don't quit. It may take you an incredibly long time, but if you stick with it, you can do it.

Good luck!

[Bloggeries]

Forget a plan, just remember life is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE. Choose what you want to do and just go for it. Who cares what happens. Just go for it.

[Amit]

Nico,

My question to you would be this:

What advice would you give to a close friend or a loved one in the same situation?

[Nico Kempe]

Originally Posted by Amit

Nico,

My question to you would be this:

What advice would you give to a close friend or a loved one in the same situation?

Ah yes, I could have seen this one coming. Just today I gave advice to look at problems from other perspectives, and now I fail to do so myself. Thanks for the reminder.

Well, I would probably say he should make a list of those goals, prioritize them, then pick the most reasonable one that is important (the bigger rock) and within reach, make a plan on how to approach it with specific steps, set specific times when you want those steps finished, and then go and execute that plan.
That would probably be my advice, why'd you wanna know anyway?

Such a simple question you ask, and you almost solved the entire problem, cool..
Do leave something for my newly acquired personal coach tho, I just accepted his offer in helping me heh

[Nico Kempe]

Well I'm back again, after a long adventure of planning and studying to get the LPI certificate.

So today I took the first of the two exams. I was really nervous and there were some tricky questions in it, hope that went well..

Tomorrow I'll do the second part of the exam, which probably will be a little more difficult too.
But well, I've told myself, and many others, that I'd just try it again if I didn't make it the first time, so we'll see..)

Anyway, so far so good

[Lola]

yay for you!

How'd it go?

[Nico Kempe]

Well it seemed easier than the previous exam really. I think there are about 7 questions that are more likely answered incorrectly, but then also 7 that I'm sure I got right, out of 60 total.

So it's just waiting for the results now, can take 1 to 3 weeks.
I've already celebrated a bit with some pie, just to be sure

[Ilya]

Well done, Nico!
I'll be intentioning the success for you. Just so my congratulations are not in vain
In any case, you can't claim you don't finish anythi..., so the title of this topic is somewhat misleading now. Maybe I should change it? .

[Ree]

Originally Posted by Nico Kempe

Well it seemed easier than the previous exam really. I think there are about 7 questions that are more likely answered incorrectly, but then also 7 that I'm sure I got right, out of 60 total.

So it's just waiting for the results now, can take 1 to 3 weeks.
I've already celebrated a bit with some pie, just to be sure

I'm so happy for you! And I'm really glad you remembered to celebrate... .that's sort of like the most important part!!

[SerbianSausage]

I don't believe what you claim.

Do you finish your tax return? Do you finish having a shower, brushing your teeth? Do you finish reading a newspaper, watching a TV programme, taking the garbage out?

Get into the habit of finishing things that you start - even if they are completely trifling and mundane at first, just simply get into the habit of beginning AND finishing.

Then start with things that require more commitment in time and energy - gradually.

When you are in the habit of finishing what you start, the notion of NOT finishing something will outrage you.

Steve's series on self discipline is great, as are a number of other articles. Also do Maxwell Maltz's Psycho Cybernetics and develop a self image as a finisher.

Good luck

[Mighty Morgan]

Some may disagree with my reply on this and that's okay.For years I struggled with the idea that I HAD to finish everything that I started...but I never did.
What I came to understand is that not everything I start has to be finished.

Some things are meant to be started.
Some things are meant to be finished.
Other things can be put off to later.

Often in the process of starting things that I never finished I am lead to new ideas...
Don't get caught up in the details of never finishing anything...take pride in the fact that your a great starter!
You probally learned that you have to finish everything you start from a "finisher"
lol

[4Mind4Life]

Lack of focus, lack of energy / motivation is what causes people to not finish something. This can easily be corrected...

Suggestions: learn meditation to stay focused, start taking fish oil, get enough sleep, and get aerobic exercise everyday!

Make a list of things that you wish to complete and do not move further down the list until the line you are on is completed!