A drunk Conversation made me realise...

[Akashic_Librarian]

Last night was the first time I have ever been drunk!

-And by god it was amazing.

But on the way home I had a conversation with a very good Female Friend called Fiona. Now Fiona is incredibly intelligent and I love her to pieces and since it was my first time getting drunk I had very little control of my faculties on the way home...

So we started talking and we got onto talking about me, and how I am much nicer when I am drunk because I open myself up more. You see in normal, sober consciousness I am very very aware of what I am doing, so much so that I act very reserved and very that I guard myself too well.

Fiona was telling me that I need to be more vulnerable, I need to open myself up more, and when I was drunk, I was totally doing it. And I KNEW I was doing it. But I told her something I very rarely utter...

I don't know how.

Now for some people thats not a big deal, but for me thats a very big deal because I am always trying to be the best at everything and I know that thats not very good, I am totally aware but...still...

I told her I don't know how to make myself more vulnerable. And frankly I don't. I have so many barriers built up from years of personal emotional disregard that I can only see these barriers...I can't figure out what to do...and I would appreciate suggestions...

(oh and I didn't get a hang over....I had 3 cans of Cider, Cherry Lambrigini, a can of Carling Lager, some Vodka, 2 red Bulls and ermm thats it....and NO HANG OVER. I am so proud.)

[Gordon]

LOL, not sure about the getting drunk bit....

But if you look on one of the other threads you posted, I said, do relax and be less of your self and you'll enjoy your date.

Don't make it a habit of getting drunk young man...(Done it, seen it, worn the T Shirt).

I hope you had a nice eviening to boot, sounds like you did

G

[Caveman Joe]

Bloody hell mate, don't mix your drinks like that!
First-time drunkards are usually pretty immune to hangovers - but when you start getting them, they're gonna be really horrible ones if you're mixing things up that much.

[Jill]

I don't have much advice as I'm pretty much the same way. All I can say is to not use drinking as a crutch for being open. Although, I do have to say that I have found that just having 1 or 2 glasses of wine is often enough for me to have a difficult conversation with someone that I might not be able to do without that shot of courage!

[Blueskied]

I remember some horrible rubbish talk i was doing while drunk. Stuff you think that you should not have said in the next morning. Thoughts about it hang over in your mind just as the poisonous drinks affect your innards. Ouch...

[munish]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

Last night was the first time I have ever been drunk!

(I had 3 cans of Cider, Cherry Lambrigini, a can of Carling Lager, some Vodka, 2 red Bulls and ermm I am so proud.)

Thats all.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

(oh and I didn't get a hang over....I had 3 cans of Cider, Cherry Lambrigini, a can of Carling Lager, some Vodka, 2 red Bulls and ermm thats it....and NO HANG OVER. I am so proud.)

Would you still be proud if you had seen your mom or your dad in that state...???

You were lucky... nothing bad happened... but, please, don't push your luck... we want you alive and posting...

.

[Akashic_Librarian]

Ahh don't worry. I won't be going anywhere...its on the onus of a teenager to do all the dangerous stuff young, so my kids don't have to see me experiment.

[A.K.Light]

Are you trying to figure out a way to be more open without getting drunk to do it?

[benko]

For heaven's sake, don't mix alcohol with red bull. It can be very dangerous for you, despite of you being tolerant to caffeine.

Besides that, getting drunk is not that fun always. You may say things you didn't want to. You may puke. You may have accidents. It's OK to drink and reach the point you feel "happier" but it's hard not to cross the line when you are on that state.

On the other hand, you discovered that your life improves if you're open. Try to be open without getting drunk and you'll be happier

[Shamou]

Akashic_Librarian... are you getting to be a little sorry you ever started this thread...???

.

[ZHereford]

Akashic, I can understand that you can't just become vulnerable on demand. I guess the best thing you can do is slowly start loosening up and sharing yourself more, somewhat like when you were drunk (only don't drink to do it). Bit by bit and you'll start opening up.
By the way, you don't seem to have a problem with it here in the forums - and we know what you look like!

[Nelson]

I had the same problem a few years ago and would like to reccomend you a book. It is from a shamelessly Christian point of view just to let you know. The book is called Dropping Your Guard by Charles R. Swindoll. It has and remains extremely helpful to me and I think it could also help you to open up and get away from the masks and guards you put up in your everyday life.

[Rin]

Akashic Librarian, your post is just the cutest I have ever read in my life! *sigh* And it really took me back, too ...

[Matthew Shea]

The first several times I got really plowed I didn't get a hangover, either. Lately it's been a very different story (not that I make a habit of drinking too much). One word of advice, though, if you're going to be drinking, alternate alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. That'll do more to keep you hydrated, which will help prevent a hangover, and will keep your buzz down to a reasonable, but still pleasant level. In other words, follow this advice and you'll be buzzed, but hopefully not stupid-buzzed and you won't get a hangover.

Regarding the actual question, opening up is really about striking a balance between opening up your life to others and not giving away too much information. It's kind of an art, in my humble opinion. When there's someone you feel you can trust, allow them to see your thought processes and why you think as you do, but don't get into so much detail that the subject becomes trite or boring. That's kind of what being drunk does to you. It removes your inhibitions and numbs your brain so that you open yourself up, but at the same time are incapable of expressing the same level of detail or accuracy you would when sober. You have all these thoughts you want to express, but can't really express them accurately. Also, if you're at all like me, you fall in love with the world, which is reflected in how you interact with people. Others will detect that and respond in kind.

So when you're sober, I'd suggest to #1, treat people with unconditional love, #2, don't second-guess yourself when trying to decide whether or not to bring up a certain topic - just do it and #3, don't get into an unnecessary level of detail - keep things at a higher level.

[Angela]

Akashic, what do you suppose would be the benefits of opening up or being vulnerable? What would you gain?

Also, what does it cost you to keep your barriers up? What price do you pay for that?

[BettyBoo]

I know a lot of people that hook up when they were drunk, and not for a one night stand, but some of them even married.
Now , I'm not suggesting that you should get drunk and look out for ladies.. :-)). Just wanted to say that a lot of people show their true feelings, emotions, etc, when drunk. You know the Latin saying "In vino veritas"

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hahaha. The first time I got drunk I was 23! I drank before then, but never got drunk. I wouldn't suggest making a habit out of it based on my experiences with people who do.

I do think it's wise to examine your barriers and find ways to be open with people. I just wouldn't suggest relying on alcohol to help you with it.

[Mark Lapierre]

It is really vulnerability that you want? That's the word that Fiona used, but I suspect that she meant a combination of warmth, openness and approachability. Vulnerability implies a fearful sense of possible danger, which is definitely not what you want.

Semantics aside, my friend Julian personifies the ideal. He gives the impression of having no emotional barriers, and of having no concern for any negative thoughts people may have of him. He's open and honest about what he thinks and how he feels. He's curious about everyone and everything, and he shows he's not only curious, but that he truly cares too.

So, as far as I can tell, it's about truly being interested in other people, and being unreservedly willing to satisfy their interests.

But take this with a whole salt-lick, not just a grain. Even though I know this I still see myself as very similar to you, in the sense of emotional barriers.

[Alex2007]

Involve in more social gatherings but avoid Alcohol. In the long run it will not make any good.

Thankz

[Alex2007]

And I agree with Mark.

Vulnerability is a negative state of mind that you don't really need to get into.

[Minishark]

So as long as it doesn't negatively affect your health or any other part of your life, there's nothing wrong with having a few drinks. In some ways, when someone is drunk, you see who they really are, because they don't consider what they're supposed to be doing, or who they're supposed to be, they just do what they feel like. Inside, you want to be open yourself up, and be vulnerable, as you say. But something is holding you back from doing that. And it ain't sobriety.

[Smarky]

Don't listen to the people in this thread, it's a very good idea to mix Red Bull and alcohol together. Tastes great and gives you plenty of energy! Or try something like Red Square Reloaded shots (but drink the bottle rather than take shots), it's alcohol with tons of Cafeinee, really great for you! I would recommend you try Red Bull and Jagermeister, you will love it though!

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by Smarky

it's alcohol with tons of Cafeinee, really great for you!

Hmmm I reckon most people here are smart enough to know that's total BS, but well, since anyone would even say that I can't assume everyone else knows how harmful that combination can be.

So for anyone considering listening to Smarky, alcohol and caffeine both act as a diuretic, i.e., they make you piss. Put the two together and you're losing water much faster than is healthy. And that's one of the causes of hangovers, let alone the other harmful effects of dehydration

And don't think that just because you can get away without a hangover that you're not doing damage. Go ahead if you want, but be aware of the consequences.

[The David]

I can't say that about the first time I got drunk...lol.

Alcohol can easily become a crutch. I don't know if you've had the same social problems that I've had, but try being vulnerable without drinking. Or maybe after having just a little.

And be careful with mixing, yes.

But I'm sure there are enough people here telling you these things. It's good that you're being vulnerable. But don't be too vulnerable. I could tell you stories, oh yes...all second-hand, of course.

[Erock]

I'm not going to lie, I kind of lost a little respect for you. I thought you were above this sort of teenage rubbish, and then to claim that you got some personal growth insight from your intoxicated state? You sound like my friends...

Erock

[Akashic_Librarian]

Teenage Rubbish? No. Its a normal thing, I think everyone does it. What I will NOT do, is ever get to that level again. Or go beyond it. It was too much for me and I do NOT care for the level of intoxication. I didn't get an insight whilst I was drunk. I got an insight on retrospect of my actions. Come on...you all know me well enough to know I wouldn't say a potent drug like Alcohol is GOOD for PD...Thats just crazy.

[Scin]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

Teenage Rubbish? No. Its a normal thing, I think everyone does it.

I disagree. A lot of people do it, but not the wise ones. The wise ones volunteer to be DDs; that lets you hang out with your friends while they're drinking, AND gets you chicks because they dig responsible guys....all while keeping full control of your faculties.

What I will NOT do, is ever get to that level again. Or go beyond it. It was too much for me and I do NOT care for the level of intoxication. I didn't get an insight whilst I was drunk. I got an insight on retrospect of my actions. Come on...you all know me well enough to know I wouldn't say a potent drug like Alcohol is GOOD for PD...Thats just crazy.

Alcohol's effects - the pleasant buzz, the diminished sense of worry, etc. - are tempting. Some of it - as from wine - is healthy, in moderation. However, none of alcohol's effects can only be garnered from alcoholic beverages. There are a variety of ways to improve your health, social life, and open-ness without resorting to alcohol.

I think, in this, you've learned a good lesson.

[Akashic_Librarian]

Scin I can't help but feel a little patronized by your words.

You assume that I don't know the dangers, the alternatives.

You are incorrect in your assumption. I drank because I chose to.

I knew the consequences. I lived with the consequences. And whats more I learned something from them. Does that not deserve recognition, Instead of a sharp rebuke from someone I have never met, nor talked to before.

[ZHereford]

Gee Akashic, I guess when you were contemplating being more open and vulnerable, you didn't expect on this!