Difficult time choosing goals

[mlc82]

Anyone have any tips for when you feel kind of directionless, and not sure what to put energy toward besides the things you have to (and the ones you do for fun, which I'm currently putting too much toward since I can't think of another way to direct it)? I have one side project I'm working on which I've mentioned before however I don't really plan on making it a priority since it's a really long term thing, just something I can keep adding to here and there until it's ready if that makes sense. Any ideas on the best way to come up with a goal to work toward kind of out of thin air, so to speak?

[Shamou]

One of the things that you could try is to have a, "Why Not...???" list... such as:

Take a trip to Paris...

Take a course in computer tech...

Learn to ride a horse...

Write a book...

etc...

Just go wild with the "Why Not" ...fill pages of them...

All of a sudden, you will stumble on something that you find more than interesting... so, you simply turn a "Why Not" into a definite goal/objective...

Best of luck to you...

.

[ageofz]

Just ask yourself what needs to be done, what do you want to do, and align yourself with your goals. If you are at a lost of figuring out your goals, just observe your life as if you were someone else. Look at your body before you get in the shower - what bodypart would you like to improve? Look at your bank account -- is it where you want it to be? Look at your yard -- do the trees need some pruning? There is always something to do, just use your imagination.

[Ellesse]

Hey mlc82,

If you have some time, maybe you can download try out the brainstorming questionnaire in my tutorial to help you with this part...

[visualization]

The best way to start is to divide your life into several categories. My categories are Health, Relationship, Wealth, Career, and Emotion. You can choose several categories that generally covers most areas of your life.

Then for each categories, ask yourself, if you can have everything that you wanted, what would it be? For example, in Health category, I want to weight 72kg, 13% body fat, run a marathon, alkaline blood pH, etc.

Or in Wealth, you can have your goals like "i want to make $xxx/ month and contribute 20% of it to charity!"

At this stage, just think of WHAT you want, and NOT how to get it.

[aabukar]

Originally Posted by visualization

At this stage, just think of WHAT you want, and NOT how to get it.

Exactly ... because if you start to think by the "how to get it" you will be overwhelmed and you will be stuck where you are and unable to move forward. so forget the how to and start with "what you want".

Sooner or later you will have to face the how to question but that would be in the planning stage not the goal setting stage.

Good luck friend

[Love]

Steve wrote an article about setting your overriding purpose for the year. Then all your important goals just line up with it. The article is http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...primary-focus/ and I am very happy because I just figured out how to put links in these messages. Anyway, your overriding purpose for the year could be developing greater confidence. Therefore, things like becoming good at public speaking, asking for raises, etc, could all be a part of that.

I also agree that focusing on what you want is helpful, and I also think a few thoughts about how to get it is worthwhile too. It starts your brain into thinking about actionable steps.

Good luck!

[Asmoday]

Well, I sometimes get concerned that people will tune-out my advice because I'm an openly-announced Darkworker, for a variety of reasons. But, I'd genuinely like to help here, because this is a common problem that I feel often goes unaddressed.

In fact -- I think I'll make my next post about it.

As much as I would like to say that the intuition will yield purpose (and it will), its about making that purpose defined and driving -- this requires a rooting in experience.

Ultimately, that is the problem, a stagnancy in life begs us to touch its counterpart: When you know what you're here for, prioritization will happen damn near automatically.

The answer: death. I know this might sound strange, but most of us on these forums come from a culture that shuns death, or dismisses it. Look at how much we cling to youth and the material, dancing in insanity.

I swear to you: Volunteer at a hospice, take care of those who are dying. Make this small, courageous step, and life will never be the same again. If you can't manage that, start by offering to talk to those who are grieving, going to a funeral (open-casket), or volunteer at the local animal shelter.

This is actually a Buddhist practice that I found knocks that crap right out. Going off and having an adventure is like tylenol compared to amoxicillin with this issue.

Hope that helps.

[RT Wolf]

^ Your sig has a sleeping error, I think. "Improved" instead of "improved".

Edit: I just noticed I also made a "sleeping" error. Damned kooky thing happened this mroning, I didn't get enough sleep.

Purpose might help you. Alternatively, just start doing stuff. Just start setting goals and doing them. For me, I spend a lot of time deliberating whether to do a goal or not, even if its the right one. What are hte reasons I want to do this? What potential benefits can I expect? Trying to analyze the thing to death, but I really just had to do it. So just start doing things. Go without tv for 30 days, read a book a week for a few weeks. Go jogging everyday. Go biking. Go rockclimbing. Just start doing stuff.

[bigadam]

In addition to what has been mentioned, the most obvious method is to identify what brings anxiety into your life. What are you unhappy about? Then how can you fix it? Is the leap to fix a problem too dramatic? Then how can you break it up into mini goals?

For example, you're unhappy that you're 50 pounds overweight. The goal is to lose weight. The problem with that goal is that it's too large to wrap your arms around. So you set a goal of keeping a food diary, or walking 20 minutes every morning if you're sedentary. Once you have built those habits, add another like eliminating white flour products from your diet. Great, now that's a habit so how about adding some weight training to your life?

Just as the constant dripping of water can wear away the hardest of stone, so will small steps accomplish the largest of goals.

[goalenforcer]

Goals are good because of the rewards that come with them. So, instead of looking for goals, try to think about the kind of rewards that would please you the most.
How? Visualize.

For example, if you want to live in London, close your eyes and imagine yourself living in London, going to work in London, going for a walk in London, taking a bus in London... how does it feel?
Otherwise, if you want to get a PhD, close your eyes and try to imagine yourself at the graduation ceremony ... telling people/friends you have a PhD degree ... thinking about the research work you might do with the PhD ... how does it feel?
If you want to own a jet plane imagine yourself shopping for an air plane, closing the deal, sitting in the cockpit of your own airplane, preparing for the first flight .... how does it feel?


Daydream! Do this for several different possibilities and rank/select the ones that you feel most excited about (higher reward). Sometimes it's hard to rank them, so you can try the "binary selection" approach: visualize the rewards you get with goal A and goal B (think/dream about them alternately...visually A, then B, then back to A, then B) ... if A gives you more pleasure than B, select goal A.
Now compare goal C to D ... if D gives you more pleasure than C, select D. Now compare the winners ... think about A and D, and select the one that makes you feel the best .... and so on ...

[mlc82]

Great posts all, and thanks... Honestly, my #1 priority right now is financial stability without having to do the usual 9-5 job bit, I'm terrified of both tedium and boredom really. I think it's the money thing that stresses me out and prevents me from going any further with anything else, it's like the "monkey on your back" constantly I know of a few things I want to do, however if they were to ever generate any income at all (this could be a nice side effect, but I'm mainly doing these things for fun and to share with others) it would be a long time from now. Just trying to avoid what I think is the biggest rip-off known to humanity, trading precious (and finite) time for the pocket change of what someone else would be making off of my own work.

[Sunnybayes]

Originally Posted by mlc82

Great posts all, and thanks... Honestly, my #1 priority right now is financial stability without having to do the usual 9-5 job bit, I'm terrified of both tedium and boredom really. I think it's the money thing that stresses me out and prevents me from going any further with anything else, it's like the "monkey on your back" constantly I know of a few things I want to do, however if they were to ever generate any income at all (this could be a nice side effect, but I'm mainly doing these things for fun and to share with others) it would be a long time from now. Just trying to avoid what I think is the biggest rip-off known to humanity, trading precious (and finite) time for the pocket change of what someone else would be making off of my own work.

So are you supported currently by a 9-5 job that is tedious and boring?

If you are could you think of some steps to get out of it?

[mlc82]

Originally Posted by Sunnybayes

So are you supported currently by a 9-5 job that is tedious and boring?

If you are could you think of some steps to get out of it?

No I'm not at the moment, I enjoy my current job (I also do a little freelance work on the side) however it doesn't pay all that well and I'll likely be moving soon, which means my income need is going to increase when that happens.

Being stuck in public school for 12 yrs pretty much destroyed any desire in me to be stuck in one place for 8 hours and bored for the majority of it, and I'm kind of getting a late start in getting my life fully on track (I'm 24) because from the time I was 17 or so until about 23, I was pretty horribly depressed and didn't care much about getting ahead, was content to just "get by" because I honestly couldn't have cared less if I'd live another day or not.

I think I've made more progress in 2006-7 than I did in 4 whole years combined before then, I have a much more positive state of mind now but I've been breaking even in those years that I should have been saving!

If I have to break down and go the standard job route I will, just trying my hardest to avoid it as I really enjoy what I'm doing now, and would love for my freelance work to pick up a bit but it's been pretty slow lately.