poured my heart out on blog...mistake?

[lightthecandle]

So I made a blog which I have kept for 4 months. I basically wrote a lot of personal opinions about myself and how I view the world. I’m scared my peers may have seen it (since I’ve posted the link on facebook , myspace, and friendster) actually, I know they did. The problem is I have written a lot about my insecurities about things such as religion, self esteem, likes and dislikes, and beauty. I feel like I never should have never written in my blog and made it public in the first place for all the world to see and judge me. The thing is I wrote that blog when I was going through a pretty depressing time in my life and have since changed and matured ALOT.

What is more important is that I was a very depressed, insecure, and so very shy in highschool. I had no friends. I wouldn’t even look people in the eye and walked the school hallways with my eyes on the floor, never chin up.I’m a pretty girl, its just that I’ve had acne which made me feel REALLY insecure too (though at the time I thought I was hideous). I am going to be a sophomore in college in the fall and although I don’t have any acne, I do have marks (I try to not let them bother me much). I went from getting As and Bs my first years(in highschool) to getting Cs and Ds my last two years. I live in Iowa so I see a majority of my highschool peers at my college. These were the same people who would talk about me constantly and judge me negatively ( such as talking behind my back about me being ugly and stupid). I’ve been doing really well, as in not depressed anymore and have made a total 360 with my life. I am getting good grades (3.5), but the one thing that bothers me, and keeps me from being more productive at school , is all the regrets from highshool, and the people who made fun of me…sometimes I see them at college and I don’t know whether to talk to them or not. I’ve been so depressed over this that I had to leave drop out and take a leave of absence my fall semester because I became really depressed. How do I get over who I was in highschool and get on with my life????????


sorry this is sooooooo long !

[mlc82]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

So I made a blog which I have kept for 4 months. I basically wrote a lot of personal opinions about myself and how I view the world. I’m scared my peers may have seen it (since I’ve posted the link on facebook , myspace, and friendster) actually, I know they did. The problem is I have written a lot about my insecurities about things such as religion, self esteem, likes and dislikes, and beauty. I feel like I never should have never written in my blog and made it public in the first place for all the world to see and judge me. The thing is I wrote that blog when I was going through a pretty depressing time in my life and have since changed and matured ALOT.

What is more important is that I was a very depressed, insecure, and so very shy in highschool. I had no friends. I wouldn’t even look people in the eye and walked the school hallways with my eyes on the floor, never chin up.I’m a pretty girl, its just that I’ve had acne which made me feel REALLY insecure too (though at the time I thought I was hideous). I am going to be a sophomore in college in the fall and although I don’t have any acne, I do have marks (I try to not let them bother me much). I went from getting As and Bs my first years(in highschool) to getting Cs and Ds my last two years. I live in Iowa so I see a majority of my highschool peers at my college. These were the same people who would talk about me constantly and judge me negatively ( such as talking behind my back about me being ugly and stupid). I’ve been doing really well, as in not depressed anymore and have made a total 360 with my life. I am getting good grades (3.5), but the one thing that bothers me, and keeps me from being more productive at school , is all the regrets from highshool, and the people who made fun of me…sometimes I see them at college and I don’t know whether to talk to them or not. I’ve been so depressed over this that I had to leave drop out and take a leave of absence my fall semester because I became really depressed. How do I get over who I was in highschool and get on with my life????????


sorry this is sooooooo long !

You already posted it, so worrying about whether or not you should have won't really do you any good now Maybe post an update to it explaining some of what you've said here? I also wouldn't be too shy about posting how you feel about things, it might push some people away but others will probably gravitate more toward you for being so open, and maybe even feel more comfortable sharing deeper, more personal things with you.

[mlc82]

Also, here's a copy and paste of a post I made in response to someone on a different (bodybuilding) forum, it's kind of relevant to your question of getting over the past:

I feel you there and still remember those days... I remember a couple of years ago running into this one guy who gave me hell from the time I was 13 or so until I starting lifting seriously, and he left me alone the last year of school. Seeing the guy that first time, I noticed that I now outweigh him by about 30lbs and he seemed to recognize me and wouldn't look my way, he really did seemed scared when he saw me, and I was just sitting there with my blood boiling. I honestly can't remember the last time I wanted to just beat the crap out of someone that badly. I think the main thing that kept me from it was the thought of ending up in jail for something that's #1 completely out of my character otherwise, and #2 maybe excusable when you're 16 or so, but will really make you look stupid at 22.

I see the guy at my gym every day now, and actually feel gratitude toward the dude now. If not for people like him, I'd have never picked up a weight (and more importantly, in turn, finally developed some confidence) in the first place. I can't say I feel any anger toward the guy anymore, as he could be a totally different person now also, and even if not, I think it's best to just let idiots be idiots and leave them to it.


I don't think anyone should discount the short term power of "anger" though, although that isn't the same as revenge... I've done some of my best work and had some of the best workouts ever when pissed off, which in turn really gets it (the negativity) out of your system while at the same time making it a good motivator for the time being. Revenge makes me think of a more long-term hate however, which would stay with you all of the time and couldn't possibly be a good thing for the long term.

[Peter S C]

Hi,

I was depressed in high school too. Life sure got better once I moved onto college and met people with similar interests. I know what you mean though, seeing people from high school is a reminder of those days and can bring up the pain associated with them.

I have found that many people who hassled me in school matured in the following years and no longer had any problem with me. I don't suggest going out of your way to be friends with them, but why not take the initiative and say hello to them and make small talk if you see them. People's view of you can change if you project a sense of confidence and self-worth. If they still have a problem with you then so be it, it's their problem...

In regards to the blogging, you certainly need to be aware that people you know will probably read your writings. This may sound strange, but I think when people open up and are at their most vulnerable other people fall in love with them. Only you will know whether it's a good thing or not to have your deepest feelings in the public arena, but I'm just saying it's not necessarily a bad thing.

All the best.

Peter

[MartialDev]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

How do I get over who I was in highschool and get on with my life????????

If all else fails, consider changing your name.

[munish]

You exist only in the present moment. Your past is composed of memories, but you still access those memories in your present. Your past is only real — it only has existence to you — when you consciously focus your attention on it.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...and-awareness/

[Kaspian]

the one thing that bothers me, and keeps me from being more productive at school , is all the regrets from highschool, and the people who made fun of me…sometimes I see them at college and I don’t know whether to talk to them or not. I’ve been so depressed over this that I had to leave drop out and take a leave of absence my fall semester because I became really depressed. How do I get over who I was in highschool..?

Let go of worries about what people think of you because of what's on your blog and what has happened in the past. What's done is done. It's gone. It's over. One thought I used in high school was this: I realized one day that I rarely paid much attention to other people's blunders and mistakes, and when I did notice them, I didn't remember them for long. If I pay so little attention to other people's errors, surely they don't pay that much attention to mine. Attention spans can be amazingly short.

Where to go from here? Here's a simple recommendation: Smile at people. When you pass someone in the hall and notice him or her looking at you, smile like you're glad to see that person. No pressure to talk or say, "Hi." It won't take long before people begin to smile back. When you smile at people, you brighten their day, and it makes them feel good. Soon (it might be a week; it might be a couple months), they might begin to see you as a friend, making it easier to talk and get to know each other.

Good luck!

[Keith]

Seems to me that if you just keep writing the blog, then anyone you know who reads it will see that your posts reflect that you've now grown past that dark time...

[Michelle]

I spill my guts all the time on my blog and am having great success with it. You aren't perfect and don't have to try or pretend to be. Stand up for and support your life, your experiences and yourself.

[JohnPlace]

When it comes to honesty and blogging, there are many considerations. The first is whether or not the information you are posting could get you into trouble, legal or otherwise.

Another important consideration is whether you are mature and stable enough to handle rejection of your most precious beliefs. It may take you a couple of days to write a long, well-conceived post, but it only takes someone 2 seconds to leave a nasty comment.

So I guess the first rule of blogging is knowing who you are and making a conscious decision about what you are willing to share. There are many good reasons to blog. But I assume you put your thoughts online (instead of in a private diary) because you wanted other people to read them.

My blog is focused on helping people. I find that I can help people better if I share my experiences with them, so I talk about myself all the time. For example, in this article, I explain my own experiences with anxiety and then provide coping tips.

So I guess the third rule is knowing whether or not your personal experiences are relevant to your audience and subject.

I will share one piece of advice with you: No one has any emotional power over you except that which you give them. So whoever is reading your blog is free to feel whatever they want about it, but they do not have the power to make you feel bad unless you comply.

I wish you the best.

[ken nubo]

If you think it's a mistake, do the following:

Use a pen name for your blog, and don't write any personal material that might cause any negative ramification if read by the wrong eyes.

Pffft, as for high school peers opinion, don't care about it. People don't do this thing called thinking much.

[Kamma]

Let go of the past. You have a chance to move forwards in your life and you have to grab it. Just because there are people from your High School around does not mean that they have to influence the way you live your life.

The personal stuff in your blog is there and if it has been read - so be it! There is nothing that can be done now. The truth is out there Some may even be impressed with your honesty, however if you don't want anyone else to see it, you can change it. That's really your choice.

You would probably be surprised to find out just how many High School students suffer from depression and are quite miserable. The best thing to do is to look to your future, not your past.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Keith

Seems to me that if you just keep writing the blog, then anyone you know who reads it will see that your posts reflect that you've now grown past that dark time...

Keith has a great point.

Your wrote what you wrote. It must have been a cathartic experience and I'm sure many who read it could relate to you and what you went through.
Treat it as a learning experience and as a way you can help others. If you go back and write about how you've progressed it will be a success story and inspire many young people who are going through what you went through.
We all have the opportunity to change our perspective on anything we choose to. Be an example for others. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed or feel bad about. We're all human with human frailties.

[Amarena]

Lightthecandle, it will all be fine. Relax and don't be afraid of the judgements of the others. People will like for who you are. If you'll keep being afraid all the time that they might judge you, you'll only feel bad and insecure all the time. You can't please everybody, so...be yourself because it is soooo easy and don't be afraid to show it! The world is ready to deal with it!
:wink: