How Do You Make Decisions?

[Jenny]

I would really appreciate hearing how you make decisions and/or reach conclusions. I make them by just slowly absorbing a whole bunch of (sometimes seemingly random) information and then one day just getting a "feeling" and going with feeling. For the most part this method of decision making has served me very well both personally and professionally but when it hasn't been successful the results have been painful.

I find the two areas that are the most troublesome for me are (1) in relationships where I've developed a high level of trust and (2) thinking about an idea all the way to conclusion. The second area actually bothers me the most. I can usually work my way backwards from "feeling/decision" to identify what lead to this conclusion but it can take a long time.

I would really like to be more aware of the entire process. It makes me nervous that I'm living some of the most important parts of my life in a non-aware state. Thanks for any thoughts you might have.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Jenny

I would really appreciate hearing how you make decisions and/or reach conclusions.

To quote Tony Robbins,

"What is the force that is controlling you even now and will continue to do so for the rest of your life? PAIN and PLEASURE! Everything you and I do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure."

This may sound simplistic... but all the decision that we take is directed by an effort to avoid pain and get the maximum possible pleasure...

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[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Jenny

... I make them by just slowly absorbing a whole bunch of (sometimes seemingly random) information and then one day just getting a "feeling" and going with feeling. For the most part this method of decision making has served me very well both personally and professionally but when it hasn't been successful the results have been painful.

Hi Jenny,
Yours is actually not a bad way to go about making decisions. Sometimes no matter what we do or how hard we think things through it doesn't work out the way we hope. When that happens the best we can do is learn the lessons offered and treat it as life experience.

In my decision making process, I use critical thinking, my gut feeling/intuition, and advice from others (their experiences or opinions, books etc.). I weigh this all out and come to a logical conclusion.

Nothing is fool proof and sometimes we have to make mistakes in order to learn and gain wisdom.
This has worked quite well for me and whatever the outcome, I know I've given my best shot so I rarely have regrets.

[Shamou]

Hello Jenny...

Here is an excellent site with good suggestions on decision making...

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[Mark Lapierre]

For most of my life I would gather much information as quickly as possible, then consider my options and pick whichever seemed best. I'd then change my mind a few times as I encountered new information, information which I could have discovered before making the initial decision if I'd invested a little more time and effort.

You can imagine the detrimental effects of such a decision making process.

These days I try to gather as much information as possible, taking as long as is necessary, but if a quick decision is needed I'll still make it with the understanding that it is based on limited data (and all that that entails).

I should mention that I'm now trying to consciously include emotions as one source of information.

[Jenny]

Originally Posted by Shamou

This may sound simplistic... but all the decision that we take is directed by an effort to avoid pain and get the maximum possible pleasure...

Unfortunately Shamou upon after the fact reflection I’d have to wonder about that sometimes. There have been times it seems I’ve run towards pain as fast as I can knowing full well what I was getting myself into and that it was going to hurt. Uggh, I think though its been pretty exclusively tied to times when I’ve been really struggling in changing as a person – the pain so far has been just enough to push me through… So, is that a really roundabout way of securing maximum pleasure? I don’t know, maybe.

Thanks for the link. I’m going to really look it through tonight.

Originally Posted by ZHereford

Sometimes no matter what we do or how hard we think things through it doesn't work out the way we hope.

ZHereford, I think the bothersome part to me is without a lot of backtracking I have a hard time explaining to others how and why I’ve made the decisions or came to the conclusions I have. It’s not a big deal when it comes to people I know or who know me as I can explain myself fairly easily when talking it through. It is frustrating when it is people who don’t know me and are questioning my conclusions or in written form (a problem for a setting such as a forum for instance…) because not having another person to bounce my thoughts off means I have to slowly re-create my thinking from scratch. I guess it is probably really good practice though.

I agree with you on the “we have to make mistakes in order to learn and gain wisdom” though.

Originally Posted by Mark Lapierre

You can imagine the detrimental effects of such a decision making process.

Mark, your response really surprised me. From what I know of your thinking (through your comments and blog) you are incredibly thoughtful and methodical leaving no stone unturned.

Yeah, I imagine the multiple decisions would be confusing for all of the people around you. Hah, I bet you kept everyone on their toes though!

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Jenny
There have been times it seems I’ve run towards pain as fast as I can knowing full well what I was getting myself into and that it was going to hurt.

Sometimes people will chose short term pain in order to get more pleasure later on... like going to College... might be harder while in school but the reward promised overrule the immediate pain... still... the law, "pain v/s pleasure" rules...

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[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Jenny

ZHereford, I think the bothersome part to me is without a lot of backtracking I have a hard time explaining to others how and why I’ve made the decisions or came to the conclusions I have. It’s not a big deal when it comes to people I know or who know me as I can explain myself fairly easily when talking it through. It is frustrating when it is people who don’t know me and are questioning my conclusions or in written form (a problem for a setting such as a forum for instance…) because not having another person to bounce my thoughts off means I have to slowly re-create my thinking from scratch. I guess it is probably really good practice though.

I agree with you on the “we have to make mistakes in order to learn and gain wisdom” though.

Jenny, you shouldn't have to explain to people why you make the decisions you do. If they are well thought out and make sense at the time what more can you do?

Hindsight, as they say is 20/20. Of course, some of the decisions we've made don't look as brilliant in retrospect. That's life! We can't live it in reverse.

Whether we realize it or not we are here to learn and develop. We will never make perfect decisions, nor are we meant to. We live and learn; and one of the ways we learn is from our mistakes.

As far as pain and pleasure go, the outcome is often hard to predict.
Pain or pleasure could also be short term and in no way an predictor of future pain or pleasure. Most success involves some pain and discomfort. To try and avoid it could jeopardize important lessons.

[JohnPlace]

When it comes to important decisions, I use one of two methods:

1) The Slow Burn: When failure is a luxury I cannot afford, I research the subject to death and then make a decision based on what I believe to be a thorough analysis. Examples: Before I built my deck, I researched decking materials, building codes, and lay-out configurations for 6 months. Before I built my dedicated home theater, I researched for 5 years. The "slow burn" is an appropriate technique when something absolutely must be done right the first time. The downfall of this technique is that it can lead to analysis paralysis.

2) Ready-Fire-Aim: Steve's approach, of course. For small tasks with minimal risk, I find it helpful to draft only the most rudimentary plan and then allow firsthand experience to be my guide. Another name for this technique is "Fail Fast and Course Correct." Sometimes in life, failing fast is the best thing you can do, since it allows you to quickly learn from your mistakes and move on.

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by Jenny

It is frustrating when it is people who don’t know me and are questioning my conclusions or in written form (a problem for a setting such as a forum for instance…) because not having another person to bounce my thoughts off means I have to slowly re-create my thinking from scratch. I guess it is probably really good practice though.

Yup, effective written communication requires a much more complete understanding of your message, more certainty in your message (or at least greater acceptance of the possibility that you're wrong) and a lot of patience. In face-to-face communication feedback is instantaneous. With written communication it takes time, assuming you get any at all.