Isolating the cause...

[straysweeper]

I spoke with my brother about things for a few hours last night. And again I am getting the feedback that I'm negative and not open. Rewind to a conversation with a close friend of mine at dinner the other night, and I'm open and not negative.

I am in a position of possibilities, and its the permutations of these that are driving me crazy. Using the example of fast food, my brother says I should just go to work anywhere I can find a job. However, I have this major resistance to that because, I have a level I wish to get to. I'm not exactly sure how to get to that level, but I do. This being have more than enough. Being able to take care of myself and my needs and being independent.

I know myself and knowing that fast food doesn't suit me and my personality. I learned part of that working for Gas Stations, and while I enjoy being of service to people, I want the service to be more higher level than serving the greatest addictions of our time. Gas, Tobacco, Alcohol and Unhealthy food.

I'm drawn to Green Techs such as: Monolothic Domes, Vertical Axis Wind Turbines, Photo-voltaic Energy, or other things like Finances, Personal Training, Counseling/Coaching. Though my social skills are weak in some of these areas.

I am also realizing I'm putting out bad juju, or negative energies versus what I used to put out more love and compassion.

I have been mulling around for ages on going to college to learn better skills with which to be independent, but I always seem to second guess weather this is right. Either I get conflicting feedback such as I might not like it, or more concrete that 85% of the Unleash the Power within seminar this last Nov said that it wasn't their degree that helped but getting it when they weren't sure they could. This this spirals if I do go to college or don't, is the city or place I'm at where I should be to begin?

I'm wanting to reinvent myself or clear the clutter to let my true self shine through.

There is another aspect of this, and its being like I'm walking around in a dream. I interact with people but doesn't feel real?

Looking for a job is also becoming increasingly frustrating. Which is also putting out more bad juju.

I've spent the last few days hibernating and I need and want to do more. Yet, find myself stuck in thinking mode without finding solutions or how to sort through all this.

Another what I believe to be a hindrance is my resume has gaps from being out of the workforce for such a long time, and explaining these gaps and selling myself is one of the social weaknesses I mentioned earlier.

I keep coming back to idea building a base with which to challenge and grow. Without the base I feel lost, fearful, uncertain. But I must consider is this backwards?

I also keep getting this thing about getting out there and 'hustle' for a job. I'm really not the type to 'hustle' like that. If there is a job, project or task which which I need to get done, usually i'll focus everything on getting it done. (Usually this requires making sure I have the skills, tools and ability to get it done versus something outside my experience which has happened more times than I care to count.)

Where am I making the mistake? I cannot seem to find it for sure, and keep going in circles.

[Rimuel]

To prevent people from asking about the missing timeline in your resume, simply stop making a resume that involves timelines. Another alternative is to sell your skills instead of your experience. There's a book along the lines of "Break the Rules....". You may want to check that.

You're not the only one who feels that just getting a job is "wrong". I can't attest for others, but I for one hates that idea.

I think the best thing is to dive in and try the jobs that you think may be compatible with you. If the cost of college doesn't seem worth the try, you may try community colleges or diplomas rather than degrees. You can also try to get certificates (this is the lowest level after high school). Interview people who have the jobs you want, and get to know how the job feels like. If possible, ask them to bring you to their office to observe them for a day.

Every moment you spend looking back could be spent moving forward. The point is not grieve over every mistake you've made or might make; the point is to get closer to your ideal, little by little.

Once you've got the job(s), notice how you feel throughout the day. If the job is right it will feel right. Aim to inject a part of your soul in every part of your work. Find your unique expression.

[straysweeper]

I will have to look into the book. Right now I'm looking into both Counselling and Coaching. Resume writing sucks. I much perfer getting work through word of mouth. Only trouble there is I don't like what I used to do.

The trouble is that what I would love to do seems outside my skill set and resources, while my current needs are screaming at me to do the job thing. I hate the idea of working for something is just to get by, and I feel I'll get caught up in the day to day and lose track as well.

I'm an idea guy. Love connecting ideas and concepts to solve problems. Just don't seem to be very good at it in my own life so far, or missing a vital skill set/proficiency.

Such as to why there isn't more health based quick food type places? I mean sure you have subway, tropical smoothie (and others) as well as Jasons deli. Organic or natural foods, at a reasonable price? My only guess is it isn't viable financially. Something about buying food at the lost price seems wrong, almost like flying into to space on something built by the lowest bidder.

I also love to serve people.