Latest Zenhabits Article: Quashing the Self-Improvement Urge

[Lifeisamazing]

If you haven't read this article, definitely check it out: Quashing the Self-Improvement Urge :zenhabits

I think the article has a point for me personally. I have become a huge proponent of self-improvement over a few years. I'm happy with a lot of it, but also unhappy with some of it.

I often feel that I'm obsessing over becoming perfect. I might not feel like reading at all and my concentration might be really bad, but then I'd still force myself to do it. "I want to be the best" is a statement I hear in those moments. I want to become very smart, but not at the expense of my happiness.

So my thinking is that self-improvement is extremely important, but you should always listen to yourself too. Are you enjoying getting better?

What do you think? Can self-improvement be negative?

[wanzulfikri]

I believe that what Leo Babauta is saying that we can improve but to a certain extent our quest for improvement becomes a bit obsessive.

We buy too many books about self-improvement and wish that our life will change. Not that I am hating self-help book buyers but it is imperative to know that sometimes you are okay with what you are and you do not need to be better than what you are.

[Mounds]

Originally Posted by Leo

Are your boobs big and bouncy?

Check.

(For those of you who don't know me, I'm a man who likes to joke around. Please don't send me pictures of your penis.)

-----

I like this article. It describes the life I've been living for the past year and a half.

A while back, I had a theory that if you kept searching for imperfection, more would surface. It would simply never end! At that time, I said, "Good enough". I graduated PD university and started using my degree.

Personal growth is now like my truck; it goes where it wants. My happiness and confidence have soared, and my life just balances itself out, without my constant intervention.

-Tim

[cacheborn]

Excellent points. It goes to the heart of the matter - why are you doing all the PD stuff? I think it's connected to the questions I had in my No Goals post.

PS : Maybe what I need is a 30 day Happiness trial.

[cacheborn]

Okay, I thought more about this.

I think it's very important to see who is reading the article. For people who are into PD all the time like members of this forum, this is an excellent reminder of what is important.

But what about people who scoff at the notion of PD and don't care about their health, finances etc.? I think relatives mostly fall into this category. The mantra "what's important is that I feel happy" applies to them as well. They feel happy doing all the self-destructive things to themselves.

Rationalization is a very clever device invented by your subconscious. We should always double check if we are not falling pray to it.

[nothuman]

In essense the need to change or better oneself implies a disatisfaction with the present self. Personal betterment can be taken on reactively to appeas the mind that it is heading in a so called forward direction. It really is a can of worms.
Zen will state "nothing to do...no one to do it" and rightly so. Yet the mind may interpret that as hit the sofa, crack a beer and chill out.
The whole appears, at least to me as a piece of string. Both ends are required in order to tie the knot and create a circle.
One must manifest intention and right action in life but the peripherals are fair game. Personal development can take us much further away from knowing who we are than if we do nothing and yet the catylists to change are provided to us on a daily basis. At the end of the day ...every player wins a prize. Work that one out.

[Lifeisamazing]

Originally Posted by cacheborn

I think it's very important to see who is reading the article. For people who are into PD all the time like members of this forum, this is an excellent reminder of what is important.

But what about people who scoff at the notion of PD and don't care about their health, finances etc.? I think relatives mostly fall into this category. The mantra "what's important is that I feel happy" applies to them as well. They feel happy doing all the self-destructive things to themselves.

I agree 100%. I really doubt that there is anyone reading Leo's blog that doesn't care about personal development though. Although, some people who want to get into it might and maybe this post is bad direction for them.

[Lifeisamazing]

Originally Posted by wanzulfikri

I believe that what Leo Babauta is saying that we can improve but to a certain extent our quest for improvement becomes a bit obsessive.

Exactly. That's how the article hit home for me.

The article doesn't make me drop personal development, it makes me want to balance things out. Happiness is most important at the end of the day. Doing something that jeopardizes happiness is not really part of smart personal development.

It might be things like reading too much and not taking action enough, being emotionally too harsh on myself for not being productive enough, isolating myself since no one else is good enough or something.

The article definitely makes you think.

[cacheborn]

Originally Posted by Lifeisamazing

I agree 100%. I really doubt that there is anyone reading Leo's blog that doesn't care about personal development though. Although, some people who want to get into it might and maybe this post is bad direction for them.

Yes, the question is where do we draw the line? Those who indulge in PD already know how difficult it is to install good habits. Taking this article to rationalize my decisions, I will watch TV 10 hours a day, surf online, play games, eat at McDonalds every day and so on. I can still feel happy no matter what it's doing to me.

So maybe the article is for those who are already quite advanced on the PD path and who will not indulge in self-destructive behaviors no matter what.

[Lifeisamazing]

Originally Posted by cacheborn

Yes, the question is where do we draw the line? Those who indulge in PD already know how difficult it is to install good habits. Taking this article to rationalize my decisions, I will watch TV 10 hours a day, surf online, play games, eat at McDonalds every day and so on. I can still feel happy no matter what it's doing to me.

So maybe the article is for those who are already quite advanced on the PD path and who will not indulge in self-destructive behaviors no matter what.

Aren't you underestimating where you are currently in your PD? But I probably don't understand a lot of it since for me things like eating healthy food, exercising, and not watching much TV came very naturally. I didn't really have to establish those habits.

I think you're right, the article isn't for everyone. For me personally, it helps me not obsess over PD and make me feel bad. Does the article make you want to change something in your PD system?

[cacheborn]

Originally Posted by Lifeisamazing

Aren't you underestimating where you are currently in your PD? But I probably don't understand a lot of it since for me things like eating healthy food, exercising, and not watching much TV came very naturally. I didn't really have to establish those habits.

I think you're right, the article isn't for everyone. For me personally, it helps me not obsess over PD and make me feel bad. Does the article make you want to change something in your PD system?

What I meant was even for people who are well advanced in PD, it is difficult to give up some habits. Improving oneself in one of the ways to conquer that. If I give up that, I may slide.

The article is a great warning sign. It tells me not to be obsessed with perfection because there is no such thing. But if it it is telling me to stop improving (and I am not entirely sure that it's telling me that), then I have a difference of opinion.

[CoolBee]

When I read Leo's list of things, my first thought was this article assumes all personal development is about changing aspects of yourself, but is it?

I think another aspect of it is trying to find out who you really are under layers and layers of education, self-improvement exercises and so on.

Something I have done every few years throughout my life, especially when I've been 'down' is try and discover that 'real me'. For example, during a very rough patch in my mid-20s, I made a list of things/activities I had previously taken part in which had made me happy - eg going to science fiction conventions, listening to heavy metal music and so on. I determined to try all these things again and see which ones still made me feel happy and which I should let go of because their time had passed.

I would say that the last 4+ years for me - quitting full-time work, moving abroad, having a lot of leisure time without having financial stress - have been about uncovering that real me and what I want to do (to paraphrase a quote - "Coach, coach thyself"

So, I think PD in terms of an ever-growing list of personal challenges can be something to take a refuge from now and then! (I've surrendered to the fact that improving my Arabic is really not top of my agenda right now which is why it has been such a battle for me to commit to it - I can get around OK and read headlines, street names and the like, newspaper articles and book-reading can wait ... and wait... ). Uncovering the 'real me' (what makes me happy!) has been quite a lengthy process, but I'm getting there

[Brutha]

Doing personal development because you should do it is problemeatic.
Doing personal development because you live in a gorgeous that allows you to do so, is fabulous.

[wanzulfikri]

Somehow, I love how Leo always reminds his readers that we are already perfect. It really makes me more grateful of myself.

[Rimuel]

The more one tries to disprove, the more disapprovals he sees. It is an inevitable consequence of confirmation bias. Applied to perfection, this means the more you try to observe your imperfections, the more imperfections you see.

All men should have ideals, but not for the reason that they should seek to become perfect. Ideals are models of existence that may not have existed; it is the act of getting closer to our ideals that matters most. The result of this is that we are always creating more and more than doesn't yet exist, despite that our creations always have flaws.

Why is there so much variation in the world? Why are some people better than others at certain things? So that we can get closer to those things we lack, using things we already have. The act of getting better, not the state of perfection, is the end.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Doing personal development because you should do it is problemeatic.
Doing personal development because you live in a gorgeous that allows you to do so, is fabulous.

Brutha, that was an interesting and trancey use of language there, and I love it!!