Help me help myself: COLLEGE SELF-SABOTAGE! Napoleon didn't do this...

[dice]

Please, if anyone has any remedies for extreme inherited mutual inertia/melancholia - hack them up now! Help me outsmart myself, rather.

I am in my fourth 1st year, so to speak. I am beyond frustrated with the 'system', but have come here as a form of declaring a spiritual war on whatever part of my being that is a coward and a deserter when it comes to expanding or completing my fields of knowledge. If you can tell by my words here "slaughter" "destroy" ... clearly my mind is set on energies of destruction...I want to be those classy playwright characters who say stuff like 'life's a peach, buttercup'. But all my mind does is complain while my body withers.

It's embarassing. And more so too when I look back and remember days when I was better rounded in my thoughts. Intelligence is important to me, but some part thinks null of it! I want to work on dispelling illusions.

As far as accomplishment goes, I feel utterly shafted. I know education is difficult, and I believe in all the following advice:

1. find a buddy (but I am currently in winter-recluse mode)
2. call mom (this doesnt work, too resistant to mom-advice)
3. recall how your father enjoys procrastination, and counter (currently in empathetic mode with paternal family)
4. bring up a mental vocabulary of trigger words like "do it now!" and "work now" and "he who hesitates is lost" (I
5. employ visualization of myself working hard

Bracketed are my clever 'reasonings'. Which outweigh my objective, which is, a BFA.

Now that I've blabbed; post-college or even doctorate students;

What keeps you going when focus/speed/curiousity/rapture/persistance are low? Fish oil? Cranberries? The Bhava Gita?

Please endow with anything, any words, any names, any meditative principals, all inspiration helps!

Love and God speed
dice

(note to self: the act of writing this for an audience, you, has already helped. I just want to be able to take care of my intellect, that's all.)