Addiction to TV Internet Food is ruining my life

[Aisha]

Hi

I have been following this forum for a while and I finally got the courage to ask for help.

I really need help in getting rid of this addiction that I have, which has wasted my life so far.

I'm 31 years and for most of my whole life I had an addiction to watching TV and the internet. I think I spend over 20 years of my life wasting time, even if I was not watching something or serving the net. I would find ways to waste time.

Now its gotten so bad that I spend of my day and night on the internet.

Because of this I have missed so many opportunities in my life, marriage, kids, having career, being active,spending time with friends and family.

I have managed to complete my education but it took me a lot longer than it should and have rarely had a job.

I'm also overweight due to my food addiction and sedentary lifestyle.

I can't seem to focus on anything important and have difficulty remembering things. I'm always daydreaming and zone out when with people.

Learning to drive has become very hard to due my lack of focus. I perhaps think that I may have add/adhd but I really think it could just be the affects of long term TV/internet addiction.

I used get worried about my life and would try to change it but that would always be for a short time and would get back to my bad habits. But I have now given up on myself and become very careless.

I would appreciate any advise you could offer.

[XXIII]

Originally Posted by Aisha

Hi

I have been following this forum for a while and I finally got the courage to ask for help.

I really need help in getting rid of this addiction that I have, which has wasted my life so far.

I'm 31 years and for most of my whole life I had an addiction to watching TV and the internet. I think I spend over 20 years of my life wasting time, even if I was not watching something or serving the net. I would find ways to waste time.

Now its gotten so bad that I spend of my day and night on the internet.

Because of this I have missed so many opportunities in my life, marriage, kids, having career, being active,spending time with friends and family.

I have managed to complete my education but it took me a lot longer than it should and have rarely had a job.

I'm also overweight due to my food addiction and sedentary lifestyle.

I can't seem to focus on anything important and have difficulty remembering things. I'm always daydreaming and zone out when with people.

Learning to drive has become very hard to due my lack of focus. I perhaps think that I may have add/adhd but I really think it could just be the affects of long term TV/internet addiction.

I used get worried about my life and would try to change it but that would always be for a short time and would get back to my bad habits. But I have now given up on myself and become very careless.

I would appreciate any advise you could offer.

Have u ever felt the need to compulsively eat even when you're personally not hungry?

Do u like music if so load it up on an mp3 player and take half an hour each day to go jogging/running to get u active.

[Yanna]

Hi Aisha,

You are resistant to change, because the life you have right now is comfortable. It's not satisfying, but it is comfortable. The short attention span, the general feeling of wasting your life, the trouble learning to drive, yes, they are all a result of your addictions. But even with all these things, your life is still comfortable, in that there is little chance of getting hurt. My psychologist once told me that depression is nature's way of preventing you from getting hurt. Going out and living a full life requires taking risks of getting hurt. Exercising means pain sometimes. Going out and meeting people means pain sometimes. And you have a lifestyle right now that keeps all these risks at bay, so your primal instincts say: this is excellent! Let's keep it this way! So any change that you try to make will be met with huge resistance. Huge! Your resistance will do anything within its power to stop you from making these changes. So with that in mind, I think the key is to change very slowly, to trick yourself into thinking nothing is changing.


So here's something you can do: write down exactly what a typical day for you looks like. What time you get up, what you eat, what websites you visit and for how long...
Then, write down what an ideal day for you would look like. What time would you get up, what would you eat, what would you do, what time would you go to sleep...
Put them next to each other. Big difference huh?
Now when a person is as stuck as you seem to be, it's not realistic to think that that will change overnight. I think it would take at least six months. What do you think?
So let's say you take six months to turn things around, that's about 180 days, about 24 weeks. That means you have to divide the changes into little pieces. Say you usually get up at 12 now, and you want that to be seven. Get up at 11.45 for a week. Then 11.30 the next week. etc.
Do the same with exercise. Say you want to exercise for 30 minutes every day, start with one minute. You can do anything for one minute! A nice big stretch will count, or a little dance... Do that for a week, and then build it up to two minutes.
Do the same with your eating habits, say you want to eat fruit and vegetables every day, start by eating one apple a day. Say you want to cut back the junk food to only one day a week, start by not eating junkfood one evening a week.
Do the same with expanding your social life. Say you're aiming for 3-4 social engagements a week, start with one in two weeks, just a coffee with someone. Then go to one a week, etc.

It's important to stick to it exactly. You might get excited, for instance when exercising, and you think- "This is great, I'm going to do ten minutes instead of two!" Don't do this. Stick to the slow schedule, for two reasons. One, you will be excited again the next day to do it. You'll train your body to look forward to it (and believe me, this will happen because exercise is such a great feeling!). And secondly, it will prevent your resistance from playing up the next day, when you may not feel so motivated. You'll hear that little voice of resistance in your head say: "it's ok to skip today, you did more than enough yesterday. Just relax for now, watch some TV..." Does this sound familiar? I don't know you, but this is what happens to me if I try to change too quickly...


What's also very important is that you find a clear purpose. All that time spent on watching TV and surfing the net has to spent in some other way. What do you want to do? Can you talk to someone who knows you very well, to help you figure this out?
However, I don't think it's realistic to start a whole new career while you're trying to change your lifestyle (better to focus on one thing in my opinion) but until you figure it out, you do need something that gives you structure. Do you have a job right now? Can you get one, or at least get some volunteer work? I've found that any job is better than no job, in that it gives you structure, social skills and a sense of purpose. Don't worry too much about finding the perfect job, seriously, anything will be a learning experience.


You know that you can block the sites that you're used to visiting for certain periods of time, right? Again, start slowly with this, just block it off for a couple of hours to begin with and then increase that. I did this with facebook, and I went from blocking it for one day to six days a week in about two months. Makes a world of difference! I use LeechBlock, but there's tons of these out there.

Now, for the most important step and also the most difficult one- when you've made a plan you're happy with, a plan that's realistic and exciting: SHARE IT WITH SOMEONE. Sorry for shouting But this is so important - don't keep it to yourself. You need that accountability. It can be a friend, a coach, a counselor, a relative or -best of all- a buddy who's going through a similar thing. Someone that you can be in touch with, that you share your plan with and that can help you get back on track. It would be best if this is someone you know in real life (since the idea is to get you off the internet...) but I understand that that might be difficult and daunting. There's tons of weightloss fora that use buddy systems like that, you could always find someone there.

Please don't give up on yourself... You're still so young, and if you start on these changes on December 1st (use the time until then to make the plan and find a buddy!) you could have a completely different life by June 1st! How awesome and exciting is that!


I believe in you.

[cheesedip1]

This may sound extreme but if you are addicted to the TV just throw it away.

Honestly, TV is okay for me but where I come from, there isn't much good shows on that are worth it, so I don't watch a whole lot of TV. IF I'm gonna do fun things, I'll do them with friends. I can do fun things by myself, but friends make things better.

[taylor]

Throw out the TV.

Remove internet from your house. Only use net cafe's a couple of times a week if you need to do something specific.

Get a journal and start writing down your problems and write down solutions. Write out what you want and how you plan to achieve it.

You can't make much progress if you're so distracted all the time, so you must kill these distractions, remove the possibility of indulging in them because you know you will if given the opportunity.

Once the ADD influence is gone, now you have the time and attention to give to doing something that matters to you.

[point of no return]

Aisha, believe me, you are not the only one out there. You have just described my life in your post. I have exactly the same problems. Just change watching TV into playing video games for me. I tried to change myself as well but I always fail, this is why I ended up on this forum.

I think we should listen to the advice of Yanna
Yanna provided you with great suggestions which I`m definitely going to use. I feel like slowly changing your life step by step is really going to work for people like us. I am really excited by this.

I know that sharing our plans with people will be a very difficult task, but Im sure we can make it, this forum is a great start place, post your goals in here and I will do mine as well. Let`s keep ourselves accountable.

Wish you all the best my friend.

[pollycupcake]

Do you WANT to change?

If the answer to the is YES then you CAN change and you will be able to beat your addiction to Tv/Internet/Food.
Go through these steps....
1. Write a list (yes, you have to write it down!) about all the negative impacts this has on your life (such as being overweight, potential health problems etc)
2. Now write a list of all the things your missing out on - e.g. what about all that time you could spend doing other things like hobbies, pursuing a fufilling career, studying more, relationships etc?

Hopefully, this should motivate you even further to change. Next, I would suggest seeking the help of professional. If you feel you may be ADHD (or have a similar problem), talk to a doctor or psych. If you feel you're just lacking motivation, pick up a self-help book (or several!) or go to a life coach.

You should also consider what you could be doing instead. Next time you're about to go on the internet or watch tv, force yourself to do something else instead even for just 5 minutes. Read the newspaper. Go for a walk. Phone a friend. Just make yourself wait. And then keep extending how long you wait a little each day.

Also...
1. Put a stopwatch or clock right beside your computer and TV to monitor how much time your spending on these activities - being aware helps you cut back!
2. Keep a food journal to monitor your eating habits. Writing it all down really helps you think about what you're eating and encourages better food choices.

Good luck! And let us know how it goes! =)

[Million Dollar Man]

I will tell you the best advice is TURN OFF the TV or limit your time with it
Everyday you must have goals of what you want to accomplish and create. Then when the work is done you will be able to play some video games or watch a movie.

Also the food thing, cut down on food and go work out. You will start to feel and LOOK great.
Trust me I was not always the Million Dollar Man, I used to be the No Dollar Man.

Have a plan, focus, and carry it out, then you will reach your goals!

[Million Dollar Man]

Originally Posted by taylor

Throw out the TV.

Remove internet from your house. Only use net cafe's a couple of times a week if you need to do something specific.

Get a journal and start writing down your problems and write down solutions. Write out what you want and how you plan to achieve it.

You can't make much progress if you're so distracted all the time, so you must kill these distractions, remove the possibility of indulging in them because you know you will if given the opportunity.

Once the ADD influence is gone, now you have the time and attention to give to doing something that matters to you.

I like you way of thinking! However I think taking a sludge hammer and smashing the TV would be a lot more epic!!

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Million Dollar Man

I like you way of thinking! However I think taking a sludge hammer and smashing the TV would be a lot more epic!!

This has been a fantasy of mine since I was 17.

I used to be addicted to t.v as a child, and decided to just turn it off when I was about 17...and haven't looked back...though I do watch once in a while, but usually not for long.

Since I got a laptop three years ago though, it's sort of came back, but with the internet. I now limit my time on forums and push myself to do other stuff that I know gives me greater satisfaction, so having hobbies and things you want to work towards does help.

Once you really decide you've had enough, you will turn it off and even if it is right there in front of you, you won't turn it back on. Removing it from your world altogether is the best way, but you can still do it without that, you just have to reeeeaally want to stop wasting your time.

Most people will complain about something but continue to do it...so it's up to you how much you really want to change this. But you can do it.

All the above are great strategies though. I agree with the poster who explained how depression is really just fear of breaking out of your comfort zone and taking risks.

People scare me...and I have to really push myself to be social as I am not the most social person. I prefer the company of animals to most people...but we are social creatures, so making the effort to be social and take risks is important in life. We all get hurt...that's just inevitable. There are lots of things to gain though as well, so it's good to keep that in mind.

[CoolBee]

I waste hours on this bl*dy thing
'Just one last check' 'Just one last check'

There is no such thing as a 'quick check of email' that doesn't spill over into a quick check of FB, a quick check of this forum and numerous other forums etc!

Cold turkey is the only way! Whole days off, once a week. Shut the 'puter down before you go to bed, and stay off it until a whole 24 hours or more has rolled around.

Honestly, one of the best things that happened to us in Egypt over the revolution - apart from the fact that we had no notice so family and friends were worried - is the whole internet was turned off for a week. Wow, such a clean flat I had as did many of my friends!
.
Yanna's done a great post there, too!

[Aisha]

Thank you everyone for the support and advise. I Hope this time I can make the changes that i need in my life and stick to them.

Its so hard to change habits that I been repeating all my life. For so long its been all talk without action.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Aisha

Its so hard to change habits that I been repeating all my life.

This is a good place to start.

If you stop telling yourself stuff like this, then it will suddenly not seem as hard.

Try saying instead "It only takes 21 days to change a new habit, and I'm confident that I can get through those three weeks of my life in order to make the changes I need and want to make."

[Aisha]

Originally Posted by Yanna

Hi Aisha,

You are resistant to change, because the life you have right now is comfortable. It's not satisfying, but it is comfortable. The short attention span, the general feeling of wasting your life, the trouble learning to drive, yes, they are all a result of your addictions. But even with all these things, your life is still comfortable, in that there is little chance of getting hurt. My psychologist once told me that depression is nature's way of preventing you from getting hurt. Going out and living a full life requires taking risks of getting hurt. Exercising means pain sometimes. Going out and meeting people means pain sometimes. And you have a lifestyle right now that keeps all these risks at bay, so your primal instincts say: this is excellent! Let's keep it this way! So any change that you try to make will be met with huge resistance. Huge! Your resistance will do anything within its power to stop you from making these changes. So with that in mind, I think the key is to change very slowly, to trick yourself into thinking nothing is changing.


So here's something you can do: write down exactly what a typical day for you looks like. What time you get up, what you eat, what websites you visit and for how long...
Then, write down what an ideal day for you would look like. What time would you get up, what would you eat, what would you do, what time would you go to sleep...
Put them next to each other. Big difference huh?
Now when a person is as stuck as you seem to be, it's not realistic to think that that will change overnight. I think it would take at least six months. What do you think?
So let's say you take six months to turn things around, that's about 180 days, about 24 weeks. That means you have to divide the changes into little pieces. Say you usually get up at 12 now, and you want that to be seven. Get up at 11.45 for a week. Then 11.30 the next week. etc.
Do the same with exercise. Say you want to exercise for 30 minutes every day, start with one minute. You can do anything for one minute! A nice big stretch will count, or a little dance... Do that for a week, and then build it up to two minutes.
Do the same with your eating habits, say you want to eat fruit and vegetables every day, start by eating one apple a day. Say you want to cut back the junk food to only one day a week, start by not eating junkfood one evening a week.
Do the same with expanding your social life. Say you're aiming for 3-4 social engagements a week, start with one in two weeks, just a coffee with someone. Then go to one a week, etc.

It's important to stick to it exactly. You might get excited, for instance when exercising, and you think- "This is great, I'm going to do ten minutes instead of two!" Don't do this. Stick to the slow schedule, for two reasons. One, you will be excited again the next day to do it. You'll train your body to look forward to it (and believe me, this will happen because exercise is such a great feeling!). And secondly, it will prevent your resistance from playing up the next day, when you may not feel so motivated. You'll hear that little voice of resistance in your head say: "it's ok to skip today, you did more than enough yesterday. Just relax for now, watch some TV..." Does this sound familiar? I don't know you, but this is what happens to me if I try to change too quickly...


What's also very important is that you find a clear purpose. All that time spent on watching TV and surfing the net has to spent in some other way. What do you want to do? Can you talk to someone who knows you very well, to help you figure this out?
However, I don't think it's realistic to start a whole new career while you're trying to change your lifestyle (better to focus on one thing in my opinion) but until you figure it out, you do need something that gives you structure. Do you have a job right now? Can you get one, or at least get some volunteer work? I've found that any job is better than no job, in that it gives you structure, social skills and a sense of purpose. Don't worry too much about finding the perfect job, seriously, anything will be a learning experience.


You know that you can block the sites that you're used to visiting for certain periods of time, right? Again, start slowly with this, just block it off for a couple of hours to begin with and then increase that. I did this with facebook, and I went from blocking it for one day to six days a week in about two months. Makes a world of difference! I use LeechBlock, but there's tons of these out there.

Now, for the most important step and also the most difficult one- when you've made a plan you're happy with, a plan that's realistic and exciting: SHARE IT WITH SOMEONE. Sorry for shouting But this is so important - don't keep it to yourself. You need that accountability. It can be a friend, a coach, a counselor, a relative or -best of all- a buddy who's going through a similar thing. Someone that you can be in touch with, that you share your plan with and that can help you get back on track. It would be best if this is someone you know in real life (since the idea is to get you off the internet...) but I understand that that might be difficult and daunting. There's tons of weightloss fora that use buddy systems like that, you could always find someone there.

Please don't give up on yourself... You're still so young, and if you start on these changes on December 1st (use the time until then to make the plan and find a buddy!) you could have a completely different life by June 1st! How awesome and exciting is that!


I believe in you.

First of all Yanna I really appreciate this, because you mentioned a lot of things that stop me from changing. Its true I'm afraid of taking risks because of my extreme low self seem and my cowardice. Its long story about my lack of self confidence.

But its not just that, also so lazy that small tasks seem like climbing mountain. In order to do anything I need motivation, but I can't run my life on that. Motivation comes and goes.

I'm all or nothing sort of person which is why I never finish anything. So I like your idea of making changes slowly.

I've seen physiatrist about my weight,didn't find it helpful so never returned after two sessions I'm going to be starting therapy focusing on my social anxiety (CBT). But I'm not sure I believe those things. Anyone done cognitive behavioural therapy and have it work for them?

[Aisha]

Originally Posted by point of no return

Aisha, believe me, you are not the only one out there. You have just described my life in your post. I have exactly the same problems. Just change watching TV into playing video games for me. I tried to change myself as well but I always fail, this is why I ended up on this forum.

I think we should listen to the advice of Yanna
Yanna provided you with great suggestions which I`m definitely going to use. I feel like slowly changing your life step by step is really going to work for people like us. I am really excited by this.

I know that sharing our plans with people will be a very difficult task, but Im sure we can make it, this forum is a great start place, post your goals in here and I will do mine as well. Let`s keep ourselves accountable.

Wish you all the best my friend.

Thanks, that's important. Lets share our progress.

Originally Posted by pollycupcake

Do you WANT to change?

If the answer to the is YES then you CAN change and you will be able to beat your addiction to Tv/Internet/Food.
Go through these steps....
1. Write a list (yes, you have to write it down!) about all the negative impacts this has on your life (such as being overweight, potential health problems etc)
2. Now write a list of all the things your missing out on - e.g. what about all that time you could spend doing other things like hobbies, pursuing a fufilling career, studying more, relationships etc?

Hopefully, this should motivate you even further to change. Next, I would suggest seeking the help of professional. If you feel you may be ADHD (or have a similar problem), talk to a doctor or psych. If you feel you're just lacking motivation, pick up a self-help book (or several!) or go to a life coach.

You should also consider what you could be doing instead. Next time you're about to go on the internet or watch tv, force yourself to do something else instead even for just 5 minutes. Read the newspaper. Go for a walk. Phone a friend. Just make yourself wait. And then keep extending how long you wait a little each day.

Also...
1. Put a stopwatch or clock right beside your computer and TV to monitor how much time your spending on these activities - being aware helps you cut back!
2. Keep a food journal to monitor your eating habits. Writing it all down really helps you think about what you're eating and encourages better food choices.

Good luck! And let us know how it goes! =)

Thanks lots of good advise here. I have asked my doctor about ADHD but she didn't seem to know much about it. I'm in the UK, so there is not much help for ADD/ADHD.

[Aisha]

Originally Posted by elucidate

This has been a fantasy of mine since I was 17.

I used to be addicted to t.v as a child, and decided to just turn it off when I was about 17...and haven't looked back...though I do watch once in a while, but usually not for long.

Since I got a laptop three years ago though, it's sort of came back, but with the internet. I now limit my time on forums and push myself to do other stuff that I know gives me greater satisfaction, so having hobbies and things you want to work towards does help.

Once you really decide you've had enough, you will turn it off and even if it is right there in front of you, you won't turn it back on. Removing it from your world altogether is the best way, but you can still do it without that, you just have to reeeeaally want to stop wasting your time.

Most people will complain about something but continue to do it...so it's up to you how much you really want to change this. But you can do it.

All the above are great strategies though. I agree with the poster who explained how depression is really just fear of breaking out of your comfort zone and taking risks.

People scare me...and I have to really push myself to be social as I am not the most social person. I prefer the company of animals to most people...but we are social creatures, so making the effort to be social and take risks is important in life. We all get hurt...that's just inevitable. There are lots of things to gain though as well, so it's good to keep that in mind.

I wished I had that decisiveness.

[CoolBee]

Out of all the things you've mentioned, what is the most important to you to make some visible progress on?

What would 'some visible progress' look like?

How will you know you've made it?

How long will you give yourself to do it?

How will you reward yourself for making it?