I would like to move back to my old area, what should I do?

[XXIII]

In Toronto, Canada I have lived in the west/central area close to a certain strip for 24 years of my life. About a year and a half ago my mom decided to move b/c the house was too much of a financial burden for us 2, which I understand. My uncle helped us with the move, but he found a condo which kind of far from my old neighbourhood, b/c he lives in some suburban area and never really liked that my old area as he saw it turning into a ghetto. The area has it's fare share of violence as any urban part of a city does. However, I do not like where we live now, even though it's a luxury condo, compared to our my old area as there really is nothing around here but highways, it's in a totally different district and does not have the same feel/culture as living in the old area did. Out of my own unnecessary anger I have vented my frustrations and threw tantrums which was wrong towards my mother for doing this during and right after the move. The following September of that year I went to teachers college for eight months in another city, and always vowed that when I find a teaching career I'd like to move back. My mom will not let me rent my own place and will get me in trouble with my father who she is divorced from if I decide to. She fails to realize that I do not want to go back there b/c my friends live there, or for other ignorant reasons as I do go back to hang out anyway when I have the free time. However, living out there is part of my life and identity, as I developed a sense of pride in living in that community.

As a graduate, I am currently applying for a teaching career or something in that field which I feel I will acquire this year and I am about to turn 26 this week and would really like to go back to my old neighbourhood before I turn 30 just to enjoy the rest of my youth and feel a sense of fulfillment when I am no longer in my 20's. This won't be permanent but temporary. What should I do to convince my mother to let me do this, b/c I feel that the second I talk about moving back I'll just get shut down and /or we'll have another argument. I feel like bribing another member in my family such as my uncle (who created this in situation in the first place) to try to convince my mom to let me rent an apartment where I'd like to live for a year or 2 to get closure and a sense of calm. Afterwards, I will be able to move on to other things and will no longer obsess with going back. I really do not know what to do, and the more days go by the more my chances of moving back are slimmer. I just want to be happy and have something to look forward to and to work towards.

As much as I try to move on, every time I pass/drive by the old neighbourhood and even go to work, which isn't far from my old area at all it just makes me bitter that we had to move out here and that I am no longer part of that area anymore. What can I do to try to get back there once I acquire a career and could afford to move myself back there? Please no bashing responses either. Isn't the whole point of working hard and getting a good career is to have the chance to have access to the way you want to live and happiness? If I can't move back before my 30's and enjoy the rest of my youth while I still have it than what's the point of trying to do good for myself? All I want is to be happy and be at peace.

[Clint Cora]

I think once you are able to totally support yourself financially, you should be able to move anywhere you want, without your mother's approval. But again, this is once you are able to move out totally on your own.

Having said that, you might want to revisit your reasons for moving back to the old neighbourhood. Once you hit your 20s, you are no longer a youth. Especially now that you are 26, a future professional educator and potential role model for real youths, you are an adult.

You may be young at heart but don't call yourself a youth. You have long past that stage especially if you will be taking on life responsibilities like rent, hydro and other expenses on your own.

[Yanna]

Just do it.

Say to your mom: "I'm sorry that you don't agree with this decision. I love you, but this is important to me and I'm going to do this."
There's something great about being attached to a place, to have a connection with a certain neighborhood. It makes your daily life so much nicer to walk around and feel like you belong. Make this happen, in spite of the resistance.

P.S. Good on you for becoming a teacher. Best job in the world.

[XXIII]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

I think once you are able to totally support yourself financially, you should be able to move anywhere you want, without your mother's approval. But again, this is once you are able to move out totally on your own.

Having said that, you might want to revisit your reasons for moving back to the old neighbourhood. Once you hit your 20s, you are no longer a youth. Especially now that you are 26, a future professional educator and potential role model for real youths, you are an adult.

You may be young at heart but don't call yourself a youth. You have long past that stage especially if you will be taking on life responsibilities like rent, hydro and other expenses on your own.

I don't consider myself a youth in the sense where I can evade responsibility like that I know that I will be responsible for all that which is why I'm trying to get financially stable first. However I am a youth in the sense where I can still do things that a person in their 30 s can't know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to act childish or ignorant here. It's just that living there my whole life I've based my whole identity on living there so while I still feel I'm young I would like to enjoy being there while handling my responsibilities. That's why hopefully before I turn 28 I would like to have the chance to be back there and really represent that area proudly like I always have then I could be back with my mom. Better I do this now bc when I'm in my 30s I don't want to still be that person who acts like they are in their 20s still as I know friends and family like that but I just want to have the chance to say I did what I wanted to do and this is one of them playa. The concept of youth is all relative and I'm youthful not childish big difference between the 2.

[XXIII]

Originally Posted by Yanna

Just do it.

Say to your mom: "I'm sorry that you don't agree with this decision. I love you, but this is important to me and I'm going to do this."
There's something great about being attached to a place, to have a connection with a certain neighborhood. It makes your daily life so much nicer to walk around and feel like you belong. Make this happen, in spite of the resistance.

P.S. Good on you for becoming a teacher. Best job in the world.

Yeah to me that's exactly what it is, it it one of things that would make me feel complete, it has nothing to do with ignorance or childishness. Thanks fir that yeah I'm not gonna lie I struggled a little in teachers college and felt somewhat discouraged from teaching, but I did excellent on my last placement. It's a very rewarding feel when I reach out to at risk youth. As a former street youth myself I try to relate to other street kids and hope to inspire them to let it be known that you can be successful if you work hard and still be who you are as long as it doesn't promote negativity. At an outreach education session (where I got my educational start from) to speak from my experiences and having these kids and young adults hear my every word is a wonderful feeling. Sorry for going a little off topic lol.

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by XXIII

I don't consider myself a youth in the sense where I can evade responsibility like that I know that I will be responsible for all that which is why I'm trying to get financially stable first. However I am a youth in the sense where I can still do things that a person in their 30 s can't know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to act childish or ignorant here. It's just that living there my whole life I've based my whole identity on living there so while I still feel I'm young I would like to enjoy being there while handling my responsibilities. That's why hopefully before I turn 28 I would like to have the chance to be back there and really represent that area proudly like I always have then I could be back with my mom. Better I do this now bc when I'm in my 30s I don't want to still be that person who acts like they are in their 20s still as I know friends and family like that but I just want to have the chance to say I did what I wanted to do and this is one of them playa. The concept of youth is all relative and I'm youthful not childish big difference between the 2.

It's all semantics. You can be a senior and still be young at heart. I'm 50 and can still rip the ski slopes like I was 20 (actually, I can rip them better now than I was at 20). I would use the terms 'feeling young', or 'young at heart' -- I just wouldn't use the word 'youth'. In the minds of most people, the term 'youth' implies teens or younger. Do an informal survey among your teaching colleagues (as well as those older) about the use of the term youth. You just don't want to get any misunderstandings from folks.

[XXIII]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

It's all semantics. You can be a senior and still be young at heart. I'm 50 and can still rip the ski slopes like I was 20 (actually, I can rip them better now than I was at 20). I would use the terms 'feeling young', or 'young at heart' -- I just wouldn't use the word 'youth'. In the minds of most people, the term 'youth' implies teens or younger. Do an informal survey among your teaching colleagues (as well as those older) about the use of the term youth. You just don't want to get any misunderstandings from folks.

Alright point taken I will say young at heart from now on. I can see you're from Toronto, GTA area to be exact so I know you got to feel me on this one. Yeah, I use to live in the St. Clair West Area near Oakwood to be exact and I've been working in Eglinton and Bathurst area for over 7 years so I have been literally commuting in the perimeter of Dufferin to Bathurst and St. Clair to Eglinton. Now we live out east on Leslie St. north of Eglinton. Beautiful condo's but it just does not have the same feel and culture as St. Clair West had, you'd understand it's isolated out here. Whenever I go to work or even out there it just makes me bitter that I don't reside there anymore, esp when everything was convenient and walking distance. The thing that upsets me the most about this is that we could have moved somewhere closer b/c we found a place, but my uncle had to give his input b/c he just doesn't like that area being from Holland Landing (North of Newmarket) and all. In summertime Toronto there ain't no other place to be like St. Clair cruisin down the strip, going to the block festivals, checkin out the women at the public pool, grabbin a bite at the many foodstops, ain't nothin like it.

[CroMagna]

Your mother is no longer in control. But she tries to baby you. You have to get out of her clutches. I consider 20s your youth. Young at heart is for senior citizens. But 30s aren't too old to enjoy life either.

You know what you have to do, so make it happen.

[XXIII]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Your mother is no longer in control. But she tries to baby you. You have to get out of her clutches. I consider 20s your youth. Young at heart is for senior citizens. But 30s aren't too old to enjoy life either.

You know what you have to do, so make it happen.

Yeah work hard to prove myself

[CroMagna]

you don't have to prove yourself to anyone but your self. i wouldn't focus so much on proving anything, just make a way for you to live the life you know you want to live. good luck!