Cannot achieve my goals, big self-discipline problem.

[point of no return]

Dear friends,

Please help me on this as what I am about to describe has been preventing me from achieving my goals all my life.

I`m 25 years old and as far as I remember it all started when I was about 14/15 years old. Already at that age I wanted to become a better person, improve myself at different areas of my life. Back then it included getting better grades at school (I was below average) and I wanted to be if not the best but one of the best in my class and I also wanted to find a girlfriend(probably was a peer pressure ). But no matter how hard I tried I could never manage to do my homework because I would just quit doing it after 20 minutes and go watch TV or play video games. And I also did not find a girlfriend because I was not pushing myself to search for one as I was deeply scared.

And I knew this was because of lack of discipline, I was aware of that.

For instance, these are the things that I gave up due to lack of self discipline and persistance.

Gave up basketball after 4 years, I was really good at it (people were saying I had a potential to become professional)
Gave up learning how to play a guitar
Gave up recoring my music tracks,( was my passion when i was a teenager)
Gave up on my university after 1 year (wanted to become IT)

And there are many other things that I gave up, the crucial thing here to note is that I gave up on it not for a lack of interest(as sometimes happen in life) but for a lack of discipline, I was just too lazy to do those things and I used an excuse of "Im not interested in this" to give up.

For the past 5 years Ive been setting goals at the beginning of a new year and the longest that I managed to follow them was 2 month and then I give up, try again, give up and so on , week on, week off, this vicious cycle never ends up to this day.

Im 25 now and to this day I keep on failing achieving my goals and Im trying to dig deep and find a cause to it. Maybe there is some kind of self-discipline program that I can do? maybe I fail because I dont execute it correctly? Please advise

[Maya2066]

You should give yourself more credit. I don't think that giving up something after 4 years is a lack of self-discipline or laziness. It's more likely that your interests changed and you needed to do something else. If these things were really what you wanted to do and you were not doing them then yes, you may have a problem with self discipline. The way you talk about yourself make me believe that the underlying issue might be related to self esteem. You need to start believing in yourself and in the fact that you can achieve your goals. Go deeper and analyze your blockages or self-limiting beliefs. A good book for you to read might be How to Raise Your Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I hope this helps.

[Clint Cora]

I give you credit for wanting to improve yourself. Perhaps the plan you used to try and get there was either too ambitious or vague. Maybe the goals in themselves were too big or general and they ended up overwhelming you.

It's great to have goals and you can most certainly revisit the ones you had if you feel that they are still viable goals. Or you can come up with new goals. But whatever the case, even if you have a mix of new and old goals, don't work on too many of them at a time. Instead, focus on getting ground on one or two.

You also need a feasible plan to reach your goals. This might have been a missing element in the past. You might know what end result you want but don't know the 'how' to get there or the actual 'steps' to take. This is where you would benefit from talking to people who have been already successful in achieving the specific goals you want. They can help you come up with a feasible plan over time that you can do without getting overwhelmed.

Too often, we think we can do all this on our own when in reality, most success comes from the help of others. Active participation with others either as peers or even getting a coach, will help keep you accountable. This is another element that was not present in your past.

As for the video games, etc., maybe use them as rewards for accomplishing daily tasks that contribute to working on your goals rather than reaching for them just to get away from any real productive work.

[Rick L]

Dear "Point",

Rather than focusing on what you have given up, why not focus on what you have accomplished. You've gotten some really good advise from Maya and Clint, don't put off their suggestions. Personal development is an on going task. The little voice in your head may not be your best cheerleader, it's doing the best it can to protect you. You don't have to listen to it.

You might want to look into discovering what your hearts desire is. Without knowing where you want to go, without any direction you become a ship without a captain or helmsman. Look deeply into you spiritual side, your heart and ask if your life was ideal what would you be doing? What would you have? Who would you be? What would an ideal day look like?

When you can get excited about getting out of bed every day your life will take on meaning and you won't have to worry about sticking to things... they will stick to you.

I am available to continue this discussion privately if you'd like.

RICK

[taylor]

Read this book: The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles

And if you're too lazy to do that, let me summarize.

Your Resistance is a tricky bastard who will ruin your life if you aren't aware of it and its schemes. It will lie in a million plausible ways to get you to not do your work. That's why the book is called "war" of art, because this enemy within is always present, tempting you to not do or put off what you know you should do now.

There is no magic pill solution to this problem of Resistance, and THAT is the magic pill. You become aware that the bottom line is sitting down and doing your work IN SPITE of Resistance's schemes, and therefore you can make the choice to do so instead of whining and rationalizing. You just showup like clockwork and bang away at whatever your goal is. It doesn't matter how you feel or what excuse your brain is manufacturing, you just recognize your own excuses for what they are and do the work for two hours or whatever every day. You make it a stubborn rule and you just do it.

But seriously, read it or listen to the audio version. Really vital stuff. Besides that yeah, you need clear goals and action steps to know what to do.

[point of no return]

Thanks for advice guys, I appreciate it.

“Perhaps the plan you used to try and get there was either too ambitious or vague. Maybe the goals in themselves were too big or general and they ended up overwhelming you.”

Looking at my goals set a couple of years ago, I must confess they were too ambitious, unrealistic and unclear. I probably also overwhelmed myself with them as there were too many goals. I see what you mean.
I was thinking as well of setting 2 or 3 basic goals and concentrate on it throughout the year. What do you think, can improving a discipline be a goal? Or is it more like a way of life. Because I`m thinking of setting a routine to follow, to improve my self discipline. I just feel that if I do not set this as a goal I will fail again at everything else. I`m thinking of discipline as a foundation of goal setting. Are there any books that specifically provide daily exercises for improving discipline? something like a daily routine for Marines

“Too often, we think we can do all this on our own when in reality, most success comes from the help of others.”

Yeah, I begin to believe in that. I never used to share my problems and worries. To this day I`m very closed to people. This is why I joined this forum because maybe sharing my experiences with others will somehow help me.

“As for the video games, etc., maybe use them as rewards for accomplishing daily tasks that contribute to working on your goals rather than reaching for them just to get away from any real productive work.”

I tried to do that and miserably filed times and times, you probably saw my other post “reward system for being good”. I just do not have enough self-discipline to be able to reward myself with this types of things, but I`m trying to find a reward now that I`m not addicted to.

Cheers for the book, taylor
I`ll check it out. I`m aware of this resistance but it is so mighty and powerful that it has total control over me but I am trying my best to tackle it.

[Greek Dog]

I suspect there is something other than or in addition to "laziness" at work here. You are curious, perhaps even eager, to identify the offender and extricate it from your life. THAT is just the right start. Keep digging at it until you unearth the thing that rings a bell with you and then go after it.

If you were really "lazy" you would not be trying to identify a solution. Open your heart and your soul and keep a keen eye for the answers. You ARE on the path and you will find your way.

[zetta]

You become aware that the bottom line is sitting down and doing your work IN SPITE of Resistance's schemes, and therefore you can make the choice to do so instead of whining and rationalizing. You just showup like clockwork and bang away at whatever your goal is. It doesn't matter how you feel or what excuse your brain is manufacturing, you just recognize your own excuses for what they are and do the work for two hours or whatever every day. You make it a stubborn rule and you just do it.

I love this kind of advice! "If you can't do it, just do it, dammit!"
I was never able to go through with this pull-yourself-together nonsense.

[SlicK]

And I knew this was because of lack of discipline

And what is the cause of lack of discipline? And what is the cause of the cause? And what is the cause of the cause of the cause? Get to a cause that you KNOW you can change. Not one that you "think" you can change... one that you KNOW you can change.

I`ll check it out. I`m aware of this resistance but it is so mighty and powerful that it has total control over me but I am trying my best to tackle it.

That's how it beats you. You're busy fighting with resistance instead of doing what you wanna do. You waste your energy on resistance. Don't resist resistance, don't fight it. Regard resistance as a clear sign of change. Resistance appears only when there's a movement within you towards something new. No resistance means no change. So resistance is a good signal. Resistance is natural. Fighting it is the problem. It will take some experimenting to understand the idea. Keep the idea alive in your mind. You will get it with time.