Why Do You Like Helping People?

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I don't feel compelled to help strangers. I don't like people I don't know. I feel like they're jerks who don't deserve help. I'm very guarded about who I let into my world. It helps me keep the voices at bay. I think the voices try to warn me against letting new people get close to me or getting close to them so I won't get harassed, bullied, or annoyed in the future. My best friend is a counselor and she seems like more of a people person. I wonder what kind of therapist I could be if I don't like people or helping them. Either I need to regroup and find another path or I need to change my perspective so that I can be a resource for others, even strangers.

This is actually very insightful of you. You definitely have to answer the question about your aptitude and suitability of being a potential therapist. You should have a heart to heart talk with your friend and explain the dilema. Then ask your friend's honest opinion whether a non-people person like yourself, should be in that line of work. Then don't stop there, as your friend to introduce you to another 2-3 therapists she is friends with. Set up meetings with them as well and ask for their opinions as well.

They should know best since they are already working professionals in the area. They will be able to tell you about the aptitude required for success in that field. This is important information interviewing that you will be conducting.

If they all suggest that being a therapist requires the desire to help people you don't know, you ought to listen to them because perhaps your vision of the field is different from the reality of working as a professional in that area.

It's much like students who wanted to become lawyers because they thought that the field is prestigious and money making. But if they don't have the right aptitude, they end up hating the field of law. This has happened many times out there.

For you, just based on what you wrote so far, I would see you being successful more in a field where you don't have to deal with new people all the time. And there's nothing wrong with that. Many rewarding careers do not involve having to deal with strangers and new people on a daily basis.

But start with the chats with your therapist friends since you definitely want to get their opinions about the realities of the job.

[CroMagna]

Thanks Clint!! This is such excellent advice. I can see why you're so successful. I'm already excited about exploring careers, starting with the informational interviews of therapists.

[Marger]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Receiving help isn't something to which people are entitled. It's a privilege, not a right. Some people have a sense of entitlement about receiving help, they demand it rather than expressing gratitude once it's received. I think that's sad. If someone disrespects me and doesn't even care about my dignity, why should I continue to be of service to them?

I'm not saying you should help such a person. However, I can imagine that not caring about your dignity is a strong indication of such a person's need for help on one level.

Furthermore I am curious how you would know what causes strangers to act a certain way, like disrespecting you. That's the sort of judgment I thought I picked up on: are you the one who determines what causes people to act the way they act, or do you receive objective information telling you what character trait of them is causing that behavior? Also, is there an objective mechanism that decides whether this trait makes someone undeserving, or would that be decided solely by you? I'm just saying: if it's the latter, I'm pretty sure it will be hard to enjoy being a therapist.

I generally find it hard to know for sure what causes people's actions and I have been wrong in such one-sided judgments on numerous occasions. Someone who steals a bread I could label a thief and judge him as such. Someone who steals a bread to feed starving, neglected orphans would technically be a thief, but could be judged quite differently.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Marger

I'm not saying you should help such a person. However, I can imagine that not caring about your dignity is a strong indication of such a person's need for help on one level.

Furthermore I am curious how you would know what causes strangers to act a certain way, like disrespecting you. That's the sort of judgment I thought I picked up on: are you the one who determines what causes people to act the way they act, or do you receive objective information telling you what character trait of them is causing that behavior? Also, is there an objective mechanism that decides whether this trait makes someone undeserving, or would that be decided solely by you? I'm just saying: if it's the latter, I'm pretty sure it will be hard to enjoy being a therapist.

I generally find it hard to know for sure what causes people's actions and I have been wrong in such one-sided judgments on numerous occasions. Someone who steals a bread I could label a thief and judge him as such. Someone who steals a bread to feed starving, neglected orphans would technically be a thief, but could be judged quite differently.

I have no objective mechanism for determining who's deserving and who's undeserving. It's merely a conviction of mine that people who cross the line shouldn't be eligible for help. It's the same as getting banned from the forums.

It seems you like to think the best about people. That's not a bad quality; I just can't imagine feeling the same way.

[CroMagna]

My brain must be wired differently from others. I get no satisfaction from helping strangers or meeting new people. I don't know if I'll be comfortable with a career in social work.

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

My brain must be wired differently from others. I get no satisfaction from helping strangers or meeting new people. I don't know if I'll be comfortable with a career in social work.

It's not a problem to be wired differently. You just have to get into a field that is suitable for you. Don't go into any job or career blinded by hype. Always research by sitting down with those who are already working in those fields, shadow them if possible for 1/2 day to see what it's really like. Then decide whether it's for you or not.

So many people went to law school just because they think it's a glamarous job only to end up hating law because actual working reality was very different from what they had thought.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

It's not a problem to be wired differently. You just have to get into a field that is suitable for you. Don't go into any job or career blinded by hype. Always research by sitting down with those who are already working in those fields, shadow them if possible for 1/2 day to see what it's really like. Then decide whether it's for you or not.

So many people went to law school just because they think it's a glamarous job only to end up hating law because actual working reality was very different from what they had thought.

Thanks Clint. I'm glad you mentioned the law thing, because until then, I was living with regret about not having applied myself in college to have gotten into Harvard Law and become a corporate lawyer.

I'll remember not to buy into the hype of a glamorous title. I've decided social work is not for me. I did my research and they make the same as Administrative Assistants except with higher degrees and debt. The average salary is about
37K! I don't like the idea of being yelled at and having to turn around and help the person. I would have to have a deep passion for social justice to go into such a thankless low prestige line of work.

So it's back to the drawing board. Luckily I'm still young so I still have time to explore careers.

How much do you think salary should factor into a decision about what career to go into? Not at all? I'm starting to think that since I don't have a passion I should just go for the money. But you said that would make me miserable. And I feel the high paying jobs like doctor or engineer involve things I'm not good at, like math, computers, and science. Do you have any suggestions for where to start, jobs I might like that don't involve meeting new people all the time?

Also thanks for saying that there's nothing wrong with being wired differently, not being interested in helping strangers or meeting new people. I highly appreciate it.

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

How much do you think salary should factor into a decision about what career to go into? Not at all? I'm starting to think that since I don't have a passion I should just go for the money. But you said that would make me miserable. And I feel the high paying jobs like doctor or engineer involve things I'm not good at, like math, computers, and science.

Also thanks for saying that there's nothing wrong with being wired differently, not being interested in helping strangers or meeting new people. I highly appreciate it.

Many fields will have decent paying jobs, especially over time. You definitely want to make enough to enjoy a nice lifestyle but at the same time, not be a slave to a job where you don't even have the time to enjoy what you make. So I don't think salary should be a main factor unless it's a minimum wage labor job. But then again, there are ways to work around that too. For example, there have been enterprising truck drivers who started out with low pay but eventually formed their own trucking fleet businesses. So they still got to enjoy driving trucks and made a lot of money. So one just have to be creative.

As far as no passions on your side is concerned, I just don't buy it. Whenever I hear that, it just says to me that a person has not really digged that deep into really learning about oneself enough. Deep inside, there are dislikes (which you already identified some as such) and there are likes.

You just have to find them. If you had an entire month to spend without worrying about money at all, how would you spend your days? The answers would lead you to your real passions.

[Prinie]

I didn't read all of the responses but I enjoy helping people when I'm not consciously trying to help them. By that I mean, I like doing things because I like to do it and if it benefits others along the way, that's a bonus.

I love nursing! And that's a major "help people" field but I didn't sign up for it to help people, or even because I love people. I did it because I saw it as a great way to develop as a person, it had a lot of flexibility, opportunity, a great salary, travel, and there's so much to learn there (about myself and the world) that I can write about and learn from and I just love the idea of being on my feet and never having to work in a cubicle and kiss a boss's bootay like that. Helping people is a bonus.

So, if you want to be a therapist, maybe it helps to ask yourself why you want to do. Consult your heart.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

Many fields will have decent paying jobs, especially over time. You definitely want to make enough to enjoy a nice lifestyle but at the same time, not be a slave to a job where you don't even have the time to enjoy what you make. So I don't think salary should be a main factor unless it's a minimum wage labor job. But then again, there are ways to work around that too. For example, there have been enterprising truck drivers who started out with low pay but eventually formed their own trucking fleet businesses. So they still got to enjoy driving trucks and made a lot of money. So one just have to be creative.

As far as no passions on your side is concerned, I just don't buy it. Whenever I hear that, it just says to me that a person has not really digged that deep into really learning about oneself enough. Deep inside, there are dislikes (which you already identified some as such) and there are likes.

You just have to find them. If you had an entire month to spend without worrying about money at all, how would you spend your days? The answers would lead you to your real passions.

Thanks Clint! If I had a month, I would read my favorite book and discuss with likeminded people.

I really want to be wealthy. I tried to pursue med school because doctors make the most but I suck
at science.

[CroMagna]

It's just as well because health professions are very people oriented professions and I'm not a people person.

[CroMagna]

I found a program that teaches you programming languages in six months so you can land a job as a computer programmer. I've decided to do that. I'm very excited to get started. I know I can do it and I know I'll devote a lot of time to succeeding in it. It costs $1000 so I'll have to work first or figure out how to get the money first.

Computer programmers are introverts and it doesn't involve things that social work involves. Plus it's high paying.

I'm about to conduct an informational interview with my cousin who is a computer programmer to get more information and learn more about the job.

Thanks so much for your help, especially Clint.