Why I've quit PD and how I've been able to improve my life (very long)

[JohnB23]

Hi guys,

Looks like a nice group. I originally found this site by searching under Tony Robbins.

I'm 28 and got into PD about 4-5 years ago when I was getting out of college. I think it goes without saying that college was not giving me the answers I was looking for to improve my life.

My dreams were very, very different than what was being taught. My dreams were self employment, bypassing the rat race altogether (like playing a boardgame, and bypassing this entire row of spaces in front of me). Financially, I didn't have huge, huge goals, to make tens of millions of dollars or anything.

I just wanted no debt, make more than I spend, and build net worth and build asset value. And control over my life. Control over my time, my schedule. I wanted to achieve some things personally, but I didn’t want to live under a schedule, where I get a 2 hour block of time on Sunday to be with my family. Or a half hour on Monday evening to do something else.

I got into PD after hearing about Tony Robbins (the guy with the big teeth ). After awhile though, I got burned out on it all. It got to be more and more articles, more and more products, more and more time spent on message boards, and the net result wasn’t much. Does this sound familiar?

This PD world was kind of a fog, no one was breaking out and doing anything (read tonys board for example).

It also got veerrrry tiring. It’s like you have to be doing something all the time.

Look at some of the threads on here….

“How to get me back on track”

“I’ve lost my track – help”

“Feeling overwhelmed, getting nothing done, don’t know what to do next”

“Help I’ve lost my focus”

“A fine line – burning out”

“All this energy but don’t know where to start”

“Stuck in a loop”

And that’s just in the last few weeks!!

And it seems like there’s no end point.

The number one question for me after college was…how do I balance what I want, with friends, family, traveling, and just leisure? How do you climb the mountain, and at the same time, enjoy the scenery, and enjoy the ride up there?

People dream about having the success of Tony or Oprah, or some celebrity, but those successes come at a huge cost. They are working all the time, or on the road all the time. They deal with all kinds of things that most people at home never have to deal with (lawsuits, management issues etc).

It would be the difference between adding a deck to your backyard, and overseeing construction of a big hotel. There’s a huge difference in the level of responsibility. Everything.

I went to a Tony Robbins seminar and he talked about Walt Disney, and all the struggles he faced, he got rejected by dozens of banks. But I don’t think anyone really wants to be the next Disney or build a huge amusement park.

This isn’t a knock on any particular author or personal development in general, but there’s so much more to life than “achievement”, goals, mastery of a subject, and personal development. That’s not what I wanted to center my life around.

So, here’s how I’ve been able to improve my life…

*I sleep better than I have in years
*I eat out 4-5 times a week
*More free time
*Financially, things are great
*More flexibility
*Overall quality of life is way, way up

-I would seriously consider eliminating tv from your life until you get to where you want to be.

It’s murder, fear, exaggeration, hype, manipulation. I also get turned off by the arrogance and self importance of the anchors and tv types.

I still like DVD’s, love watching old shows, love watching movies, youtube, but regular tv (and all the ads) are a big turn off for me. I’ve watched very little this year, my quality of life has gone up tremendously.

Get rid of advertisments for 30 days, and see what that does to your quality of life.

If you were starting on “day 1 of life”, why would you spend a half or a third of your free time doing something that wasn’t going to get you anywhere? If you were *really* going to design a life, would tv be included? Would it be a high priority?

A question that helped me get focused was…”what would I do if I was starting on day 1 of life?” If I could build any habit. If I could see anything, go anywhere, learn anything.

If I could believe anything. If I could model or learn from anyone. Hmmmmm..

I think that’s pretty much the answer.

On day 1, I’d jump on some powerful books, tapes, home study courses. I’d jump on building good habits…reading, keeping up with whats going on in the world. I’d jump on working smarter.

I would not wait around for 10-15 years until I graduated from highschool to get started. I think that’s what kills people…a system that makes you wait around too long.

Nobody has any momentum. In college a few years ago…no one had momentum to go out in the world at 22/23/24 and buy a house, settle down, and live by their own rules.

I keep going back to that question, and for me, its been VERY powerful. On day one of life, what would I do?

-I’d get out of the public school system after elementary school. It’s a huge waste of time and energy IMO. I’d learn much faster and much better things on my own.

-I’d get savvy about sales tactics, persuasion tactics, and things you need to know to avoid getting sucked into situations you don’t want to be in. Good solid life skills.

-Where would you want to live, where would you want to travel? What do you want to eat everyday? Junk, quality? Do you want to eat out? Where?

-Would I document my life alot? With photos?

-Do you want to tudor kids?

-Would I live according to what others want me to do (corporations, ads, “the opinion makers”, the government) or would I live according to what I want to do?

-What skills would I want to have?

And keep going and going.

It’s sounds simplistic, but that’s what I’ve moved towards. Instead of necessarily “doing something” or starting something new (or buying something, a new book, new course, new system) I’ve focused on getting rid of stuff that doesn’t work and moving towards that day one vision.

There's also alot of value in just letting your mind unwind and relax.

I don't read nearly as much as I use to on the net. I'm not trying to do 8 or 10 things at once any more. I think the more you let your mind unwind and slow down, you'll come up with great answers in that state.

Much success guys,

-John

[Shamou]

Hello John…

Very glad that you found what you are looking for… and that you are happy with it…

However, about PD, I must say that I believe that the problem is not with PD… but the way you looked at it…

Let me use an analogy to describe what I mean… I go to the gym regularly… been doing it most of my life… and, I have seen two types of people there… first, there is the gym enthusiast that goes there to stay in shape and to keep healthy…

There is also the young studs that go there to become the next Schwarzenegger… they want to be world champions… they kill themselves with the heavy weights… eat 17 meals a day (only proteins) and drink four gallons of water… they blow $200 a week on supplements… and if they can afford it…$2000 on illegal testosterone drugs…

The first group… are mostly “lifers” …they use their brains… they reap the benefits and enjoy the gym and life… the second group don’t last very long… they get sick of it… burn themselves out and quit…

Same thing with PD… there is a right way and a wrong way of going at it… unfortunately… you chose the wrong way…

No offense intended…

.

[Freelancer]

I have to agree with Shamou, it sounds like you took the wrong approach.

PD isn't about the sprint and than relaxing the rest of the way and strolling along. Its about the long haul, its about getting momentum and keep moving forward regardless of obstacles.

Its like a steam train, it takes a while to get going but once its on a roll than its near unstoppable...

About the various threads:
Well this is a place to ask for help, so naturally if people gets stuck they ask for help here even if it has been asked a million times before. As always on forums if you don't want to read or help than nobody is stopping you from doing something else instead.


Also a nice excersize to do is imagine that you are about to die and your at the end of your life. Looking back what would you have done differently and what do you regret?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Freelancer

I have to agree with Shamou, it sounds like you took the wrong approach.

Great minds think alike...

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[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Great minds think alike...

.

Naturally.

To bad where also equally often on these boards, thats a habit I still need to change haha.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Freelancer

Naturally.

To bad where also equally often on these boards, thats a habit I still need to change haha.

Don't change anything... it's always a pleasure to read you... and... it's always nice to see some action...

.

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Don't change anything... it's always a pleasure to read you... and... it's always nice to see some action...

.

haha I'm sure, the time investment is probably to large eventually. My time is very valuable damnit.

I will stir things up a bit with a long long article about Network Marketing in the near future (like within a few weeks). This one is taking up all my time right now and I will try to make sure that after reading it everyone has a correct view of Network Marketing (nice and big challenge, whey )...
It will be a complete review of the up sides of Network Marketing and traps you need to avoid, I will make sure several people proofreading it before posting here. If you would be so nice to proofread it for me as well (once I'm finished) I would really appreciate it !




Ps. If you or anybody else have any suggestions on what I need to include in it, please send me a PM I would appreciate any suggestions...
Hmmm perhaps an idea to make a thread about that? What do you think?


Edit: OP sorry for the hyjack, shamou perhaps we should take this to PM's.

[Bruce Achterberg]

(This post isn't specifically a response to John, but a general response to the thread topic.)

There is a saying:

"What's in the way is the way."

I don't think personal development and self-improvement are responsible for people feeling “stuck”, “burnt out”, etc. That’s like saying that it’s a dumbbells’ fault when you can’t lift a weight at the gym, or that it’s the dumbbells’ fault that you’re burnt out because you’ve been overtraining. It’s not the dumbbells’ fault, it just means that lifting that dumbbell is beyond your current ability and you should move on to something that is more suited to your current strength level. Either that, or you’ve been training too much (overtraining), and you need to balance training with a reasonable amount of recovery time.

Likewise, many people try to lift the weight of personal development and then start blaming personal development when they aren’t getting any results. But it’s not personal development; it’s the particular approach they are taking. If you’re trying to do weight training and all you do is try to lift weights that you can’t even pick up, you’re not going to make much of an improvement to your strength.

That doesn’t mean weight training is ineffective. It just means you’re not doing it properly (ie. in a way that is going to net you any improvements). Instead of trying to lift something that you are not strong enough to lift, use an ineffective approach that gets you no results, or partake in massive amounts of training with inadequate rest (overtraining), go and lift something that you can lift and use an approach that is not only going to get you results but allow you to get adequate amounts of rest and recovery.

But this is what makes personal development very difficult for some people (including myself at times). There is no real instruction manual, and while books, articles, and other products may help, largely you have to figure out most of it yourself. It’s a process of self-discovery.

And when you're trying to lift a "weight", sometimes it can take quite a while until you realise that you’re trying to lift something that's too heavy for you to lift. You keep saying “why won’t this weight lift? Maybe if I try to pick it up this way it will lift. Maybe if I change my diet it will lift. Maybe if I go out and read a book about lifting weights it will lift”. But if the weight is too heavy for you, no matter what you do, you’re simply not going to lift it.

The solution may be blatantly obvious, but until you raise your awareness to a degree where you can say “of course! I don’t need all these books and gadgets, I’m just not strong enough to lift the weight”, you have to go through that often uncomfortable period of constant failure while you’re still a beginner. But failure is a mindset. To me failure is an indication that my current approach was no good and I should optimise and try something else. I personally see the "discomfort" as challenging and enjoyable. It would be boring if it were easy, and I’d move on to doing something that was more difficult. That doesn't mean I want to experience failure, but I understand it's part of the learning process and that failure is often a byproduct things that are challenging. It comes with the territory, and it's merely something to accept.

It’s generally like this with everything, people just don’t equate it with other pursuits. For example, if you’ve never played tennis in your life and you take up the sport, it’s quite likely that you’re going to suck. In fact, it’s almost guaranteed. It’s also quite likely that you won’t be able to do anything very well, even after repeated attempts at doing it. But that’s just part of the learning process -- a necessary step towards eventual mastery.

Those who are persistent and don’t give up are those who reap the rewards, while those who lose interest are unable to access such things. Much like a million dollars is out of reach for someone who only knows how to provide $50,000 worth of value (and no more), a professional tennis career is unavailable to someone who isn’t skilled enough to obtain the necessary ranking in competitive play.

Anything is possible in some form or another; you just have to invest enough effort to get it done. Of course, there are the self-help junkies that think they're making improvements when they're really not. But even that can be a stage in the learning process -- something you must first do and go through before you learn not to do it. Overall, hard work, persistence, patience, "effortful study", and the will to strive for greatness and practice a hell of a lot while doing it (those are all links to good articles, by the way; some from Steve's website, some from others).

That said, though, I completely agree with John, as what he talks about is quite an effective approach. But really, in "quitting PD", he hasn't really quit; he's just found another aspect of it -- a previously unexplored path that leads to many undiscovered treasures.

[Freelancer]

Wow bruce, very good responce !

Well done

[JohnB23]

I've gotten some great concepts from personal development.

-Think and grow rich stories
-Some of tonys concepts and ideas (even the basic idea of "designing a life")
-Some Brian Tracy, etc
-Steve has some great articles (filled with alot of value)

I think alot of people in life want better lives. So many people are overworked, over stressed, burned out. They want to lose weight, or stop smoking/drinking, they want more free time, more money, or turn off the dang tv .

I don't know though, if personal development is organized in a way, so people can get the best results.

Say someone is 350 lbs and they want to go to the gym and lose weight. You can lift weights, you can drink water, you can get on an exercise bike. But if there's no order to it, if they're no regimine to follow, you could be in the gym for weeks, months, years and not get anywhere.

Do you lift the dumb bell once, or 10 times? Do you have to drink water once a day, or three times a day?

I think to some degree, thats what happens in the personal development world, and why people get stuck in loops, burn out, not sure where to go next.

You're not sure about...what do you do first. What do you focus on, where do you go. Should I drink an 8 ounce cup of water first, or should I do some stretching exercises?

By quitting pd, I won't be buying any more books, tapes, seminars. Just like going to the gym and entering at 230 lbs and leaving at 180 lbs.

It might be interesting if there was a profile that you could fill out (I'm working this many hours, my job satisfaction is __, my daily stress level is ___, some of my habits are ___ and my dreams, goals are ___) and you could build a personal profile of yourself, the way you would at a gym. And then see where you are, and what you could do.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Freelancer
I will stir things up a bit with a long long article about Network Marketing in the near future (like within a few weeks).

Excellent idea…

If you would be so nice to proofread it for me as well (once I'm finished) I would really appreciate it !

It would be my pleasure...

Hmmm perhaps an idea to make a thread about that? What do you think?

Another excellent idea… it would certainly be a very good thread… looking forward to reading it…

.

[Shamou]

Excellent post Bruce... dang you're good...


And... you're only 20 years old... Now, that really pee me off...

.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by JohnB23
I don't know though, if personal development is organized in a way, so people can get the best results.

I think to some degree, thats what happens in the personal development world, and why people get stuck in loops, burn out, not sure where to go next.

Here are the steps that should be used for anyone in the self-development field…

First and foremost… Know what you want… and that is “To feel good.”

Second, determine exactly what "will make you feel good.”

Third, use the personal development technologies and rules to accomplish what is needed to get whatever it is that you need in order to feel good…

It might be interesting if there was a profile that you could fill out (I'm working this many hours, my job satisfaction is __, my daily stress level is ___, some of my habits are ___ and my dreams, goals are ___) and you could build a personal profile of yourself, the way you would at a gym. And then see where you are, and what you could do.

Do really need a personal profile to know if you are happy and feeling good or not…???

If you are happy and feeling good… keep on with the program that you have set up for yourself… if not, see what’s not working and change it…

That does not seem like rocket science to me…

.