In dire need of advice

[Soul Reaver]

Hi there, first post. I'm a 25 year old guy, who wanted to be a game designer when he was 11, computer engineering drop out, held 3 jobs for 3 months each in subsequent months (restaurant, call center and movie project) and who is going completely mad at life in general at this moment.

I live in a small city in Portugal and I'm an ENFP according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator if anyone knows what I'm talking about (I'm assuming a lot of you do). I consider myself a pretty intelligent guy, but ever since I was a kid I never had any 'productive' hobbies. I love videogames, music and movies and reading about psychology and philosophy and buddhism. But I never feel like producing anything!

It's not depression, since I've faced that before and know how it feels. I just never feel any passion in my life. I'm begin to get worried about where my life is heading. Health issues have make me stay at home more than I wish, but I'm better now.

I can't stick to anything and feel I have no goals. I feel I'm wasting my potential, but when hard pressed I think I'm a very fast learner at most things....but I never seem to WANT to do anything. I'm surrounded by people that don't understand me.

I just need to know that I'm not that crazy. I don't want to achieve anything...but obviously I need money to survive....but I also feel I need to work in something I love. What advice do you have for me? Apart from trying out a different job each month....how is one to know what one likes to do if they never had any inclination to experiment? I feel really low to think other people seem to pursue hobbies with gusto...and that I never had one.

I like intellectual conversations and I tend to be empathic towards people. I guess I don't know exactly what I want to ask...but maybe......if you were in my place at 25, no degree, with a lot of knowledge and very unaware of personal skills (I only know I'm an unorganized idea/people person) and poor when it comes to being self-taught...what actions would you take in order to get clear on career path?


I know my post sounds very verbose and confused ... but that's just how I feel right now. Thanks for taking the time to read my post, if you did

[jbsmith]

Can you be more specific what it is you DO want to do? For instance, what made you want to be a game developer? It's not suprising that you dropped out of engineering school, there have been many successful people that have dropped out of structured education.

I would stop worrying so much about what you are NOT doing or what you DON't like and spend some time figuring out what does prime your pump...is it being creative, getting results, building things, helping other people, pulling together a team that gets things done, etc...

Think about what you like doing, what you are good at, what sort of environment you would like to work in (surroundings, people around you, etc...) then go back and match those to a job, career, or business that may not be an EXACT match today, but offers you a road to get where you ultimately want to be.

Jeff

[Clint Cora]

Yes, I read your entire post. I think the first thing you have to determine is your financial position. If you are okay financially, you can take your time to find the right career for yourself. However, if you need to make real money in the meantime, then you should get back into at least a part time job and this time, don't look at it as something that you have to love.

Just find something that you at least don't hate and hopefully have people you get along with. This is just a temporary thing to help bring in the money while you use your off hours to do more soul searching on how you want to plan your future.

Now as far as your future is concerned, you have to be smart on this. You kind of know what you love but haven't really connected with them as goals yet. So this time around, get to a place where you can really think without any distractions.

Really think about what you would really like to do for career - if you can combine something you love with some type of career out there. Figure that out on your off hours. Then once you have something nailed down, figure out the steps you need to take to get into that field. If might be education, it might be working as a trainee - who knows ... it just depends on what you determine.

This is not something that you can take lightly by sitting on some couch for 30 minutes. You have to put in real effort to do this.

So in summary,

1) get some money coming in if you need to and stick with a job knowing that is supports your journey while you figure out what you want to do

2) put real effort into figuring out what you want to do eventually and the steps required to get there

Good luck

[Soul Reaver]

I guess working with people would be a necessity for me. I need personal interaction on some level everyday and feeling like I'm not alone. So working on my own is a big no-no.

Apart from that I really could see myself doing lots of things. Game design and movies were ideas that came to be, because I love audiovisual storytelling when well done. Using game development as an example though...I don't know if I could fit any one position. I wouldn't be part of the art department since I don't have any art skills, nor modeling skills nor love for programming....in essence....in most areas I don't see myself as doing anything too technical in practice...but more of a "connecting the dots" and critiquing (I'm very good at that) element.

But the drive to want to thrive in such competitive industries is just not there. I wasn't born with the american success mentality lol, and the concept of competition doesn't resonate with me at all. I do like the idea of helping people I guess but I don't know what careers would suit me, considering my
interests.

Jeff, I'd say I'd love to interact with people with similar interests in-depth for once in my life but I have no access to them here. I'd love to brainstorm and discuss ideas to be implemented. I like to travel and philosophize....but as a real drive on a day to day basis, I don't have much. The things I like are always out of my reach in everyday life.

I like communicating with people face to face and being able to rely on my thinking and ideas to produce something. I think that's the best description I can give. Anything too technical seems like a long shot. I guess that's why I fantasize with positions of "directing". Psychology is something I entertain, because I'm drawn to it as a subject....but in everyday life, I don't see the standard practice of psychologist being close to my idea of what helping people really entails. I don't think I could as distant and systematic in approach, if that makes sense.

Clint, do you feel there is any ONE answer to this question, from personal experience?

[Dynamist]

Heyyyy ENFP in the house!

No you're not crazy. I heard my own voice when I read that.

They say ENFPs stabilize later in life...late 20s...like 29 ish.

But really, the first thing is to figure out what you like to do by getting to know yourself and testing out what you know so far. I'd say that for anyone...

You said you like to be around people, psychology, philosophy, etc? There's groups online where you can use your love of psychology and philosophy to help people get to the root of their problems and be paid for it. Help give perception and insight.

Maybe even start a business or start selling some stuff on Ebay and Amazon.

Would you be WILLING to go back to school and get a degree in something you want to do? Like the game developing? I, personally, don't enjoy most classroom/lecture settings anymore. Been there too long. But I WANT to be a nurse and all the other beautiful things it allows for so I make the decision to stick to it. If you decide to do something, would you be willing to stick and move through the grit and "struggle" to persevere? Sometimes our path requires endurance.

I know they say ENFPs tend to flit a lot but if you make the decision not to, you'll thank yourself for it later.

Hope this helps and I hope you get to where you want to be.

[CarolynL]

Hi Soul Reaver,

I hear you are feeling lost and despondant about your life direction. I can really relate to you as I had major life direction issues myself for my first 29 years. I fell into a job I hated and I was just existing, rather living for my life purpose.

I discovered personal development after a major life trauma which had made me really evaluate where I was going with my life. I guess this sounds a little like you. The personal development transformed my life and continues to today.

The recommendation below builds to create a mindset change within you.
What I would recommend for you first is to have a think about what makes you special. What makes your friends, family acquaintances want to spend time talking to you?

I also would like you to list the things that you are proud of in your life. It is often very easy to list the negative things, as we know every mistake we have personally made, but I want you to put them aside as we are all human and make mistakes. Just focus now on what you are proud of, or have achieved. Some people don't realise the extent of positive things they have done as they just believe that is normal stuff. Did you graduate high school? Did you do something very kind for someone, did you acheive something in sport or in your gaming? Just brain storm and write without thinking about it too much. Sometimes thinking about it, makes us believe it is not worthy of writing, so don't let that happen- just write.

Now preferably every morning or night, I want you to write something in a 'gratitude book' you are proud of about yourself for the day.

In the morning as you awaken get your 'gratitude book and read it and think about what things you may achieve today.

As you do this for around a fortnight or a month, I want you to think about what makes you excited about your day. You said you like people and psychology - think about what would give you satisfaction doing something around this. Now write a goal and put it somewhere prominent. It may be I am earning .......... put in a figure you want to earn per month or year. Now another goal like - I get so much gratification out of the way I earn money.
Write lots of goals, but written as though you have achieved them.

Now as you read them, don't just read them, inject in some of the emotions you felt from your gratitude book and what great things you have achieved. Don't let your mind wander and think anything negative, just really immerse yourself in the pleasure of your goal achievement
.
As you shift your mindset from what you haven't done or got, your unconscious mind really can change the way you feel about yourself.

Don't let your mind drift during the day to negative thoughts about yourself at all, if you do find it drifting say to yourself 'That is not like me anymore, I focus on my positives" Don't let others drag you down with questions about your lack of work etc either. Imagine they are asking how is your awesome new career.
This is really powerful and can make huge changes to your self-confidence. Self-confidence is multi-faceted and you can have high in some areas and low in others. By increasing your self-confidence and esteem, your world will open up and change for the better.
You deserve a great life as you were created with unique, beautiful talents. I have no doubt you will find success as you are already looking at how to improve your life.

Kind regards
Carolyn

[Soul Reaver]

Originally Posted by Dynamist

Would you be WILLING to go back to school and get a degree in something you want to do? Like the game developing? I, personally, don't enjoy most classroom/lecture settings anymore. Been there too long. But I WANT to be a nurse and all the other beautiful things it allows for so I make the decision to stick to it. If you decide to do something, would you be willing to stick and move through the grit and "struggle" to persevere? Sometimes our path requires endurance.

I'd be willing, but I'd have to be really sure on what i wanted and that getting a degree with help me ya know?

I just feel I haven't been living my youth which is a big part of the issue for me. If I had spent my last years enjoying myself...I'd have a much easier time "wising up" right now and being pragmatical. But the social life and connection I wanted to make with people hasn't been much of a reality in my 20s thus far. When it comes to being an ENFP..I haven't exactly lived the hippie dream...

As far as endurance goes...I think one of the few things that can motivate me to take action is compassion for other people. In that sense something inside me tells me, that even if I didn't lead a very happy life...I would at least be at peace knowing I was in a career where I helped people. Do you have any links to the kind of online psychology groups you've described on your post btw?


CarolynL

I have kept a gratitude journal in the past and it had very positive effects as far as my day to day contentment went. I guess the point is that I feel a lack of ambition right now...it's precisely because I feel I'm too apathetic that I prefer to be anxious like I am right now, in a sense.

But yes, exploring the mind's power more thoroughly is a good thing to try thanks. I haven't ever really given it a shot that was consistent through time. Follow-through is definitely my achilles heel.

[Chris Kahler]

You've gotten a lot of response to this so far, I'll try not to repeat what they've said and give you yet another way of looking at your situation.

I really relate to your situation here, though I've been fortunate enough to push further... so I really would like to help you.

It's very peculiar that you mention these interests because they are EXACTLY the same as my own. For many years as a kid I developed video games (non technical) using a simple event based program called RPG Maker 2003. In fact it's still on my pc now lol (I downloaded it recently... I don't have an ancient computer haha).

I'm also deeply interested in psychology and it is actually the basis of my career. My entire career revolves around psychology AND philosophy, so your position has struck a chord within me.

Before finding my interest in psychology I first had a reason to be drawn to it, as you might. There has to be an underlying reason as to why you're interested in psychology, philosophy, and are empathetic towards people.

In my opinion it seems you're being drawn in a direction that you've yet to become "aware" of, and all that is needed is a bit of guidance, or push. Maybe the right person needs to come along and nudge you in the right direction, or maybe you can learn to quiet the chatter in your mind and listen to your inner guidance?

That was a large problem of mine... sometimes the stresses of life can fog up your mind and will literally constrict the answers from simply striking your conscience in the manner that they are capable of. Sometimes though you are simply waiting to attract the right message at the right time before something grand kicks off in your life.

Ambition is not something you can cultivate without having purpose. You must first gain a purpose for your life. Take what you are interested in, become aware of your strengths, become aware of your weaknesses, and then decide what you are willing to do as of now to bridge the two together.

The thing is you don't have to do a lot at any given time. Successful goal setting is also called incremental progress. Just take your advancement step by step but ensure you are going towards something you actually desire.

I have my own methods for achieving success, discovering life purpose, attaining goals in the most effective way, and doing so all on an unconscious level if you are interested.

It might be too much to write it all on the first post though, so inquire if you're interested!

[Chris Kahler]

By the way, the fact that you have compassion for others is a step WAY beyond a lot of people. You have every single ounce that is necessary to succeed beyond your wildest imagination... and I can see that in you through your responses. If you are willing to help yourself, then I can help you as well with what I've learned and experienced.

[Dynamist]

After reading Chris's post, I kinda don't want to answer because he seems to identify with you far more. He seems to really REALLY feel it.

But here's what I wrote anyways:

"It's not really a psychology group and there's probably more. But the one I'm familiar with is:
Expert Advice Online by LivePerson

What's good about this site is that people give their reviews of your skills and what you do for them. They're very honest. So if they like what you did, they'd tell you and if they don't, they'd tell you and others will see the reviews as well. Feedback and a very good way to test your own skills and abilities. I once met a lady who was a member on that site, very spiritually minded and she was pretty good at empath-like readings. She used her natural ability and gave good insight. She helped me to develop confidence in my own intuition(though I am not a reader). She was good for my growth.

From what I just read from your post though, I got the feeling like you're comparing your real life with the life you're envisioning in your head. The one where if you love everyone they'd love you back kinda thing. And that didn't happen in the past. I will say this: the personality types are really good tools for anyone to get an idea of their strengths and weaknesses. But it can make you feel like you're not living up to the potential of that type. The words paint a picture of ENFPs as this glorious type full of charisma and liveliness and friends galore. But it doesn't necessarily have to be that way because you're an individual with your own unique ideas, feelings, upbringing, morals, etc. It could just be that it doesn't ring completely true for you even though you want it to...

But the past is the past. And if what you're longing for is to become more social and involved with the people around you, then you can focus more intently on accomplishing that and trying to get that out of your system."

[Soul Reaver]

Thanks Dynamist, I'll check it out. Pretty cool concept for a website.

As for expectations...that's just it. I know my nature and it's all of those things (even though I'm not the super excited version of ENFP) with ease. It's just that I've never felt I've had friends that I truly related with on an N level. I'm not one to see the point in regrets....if I can move to a place that suits my interests I'm sure I'll find plenty of weirdos that get me on some level.

Chris Kahler : By all means share more! I'm definitely interested.

As far as purpose is concerned...you kind of got me there. I'm very much about my values and defending people and equality. But I don't know how important that aspect of my being should be in terms of carreer. I guess every time I think of a purpose...it seems rather far-fetched to end up working in video games, I guess, unless they were niche games with higher values in some way (non-violent games or something along a certain line like that).

I like believing in people and human potential.


About my issue I guess some further clarification is in order. There is this big crux to my dilemma. If I wanted to live in Portugal, I wouldn't be nearly as worried. Even though the economy is crumbling, it's home, and it's small so it's easier to navigate. The thing is, I've stuck in my mind from a very early age, the idea that I needed to move abroad. That was initially because of game design, but it's also because I need a culturally vibrating city offering certain realities not available to me here. I have been thinking about Vancouver more and more lately. The point of choosing such a city would be to keep it in an english speaking country and to be able to be flexible in terms of job offerings. A place with gaming and film industry is not something I can find here, as examples.

So part of the problem is having to start from zero (which doesn't bother me at all so long as I'm able to establish myself in one place and stay there). If I lived in North America for example...I'd be forcing myself into all kinds of places. I'm the guy that just wants to get an interview to convince ya lol As an eventual immigrant I'll be regarded as having 0 qualification for most stuff there, without a degree. Of course, I'm not sure if North America is my only option.

[Laurenaus]

Originally Posted by Dynamist

Heyyyy ENFP in the house!

No you're not crazy. I heard my own voice when I read that.

They say ENFPs stabilize later in life...late 20s...like 29 ish.

But really, the first thing is to figure out what you like to do by getting to know yourself and testing out what you know so far. I'd say that for anyone...

You said you like to be around people, psychology, philosophy, etc? There's groups online where you can use your love of psychology and philosophy to help people get to the root of their problems and be paid for it. Help give perception and insight.

Maybe even start a business or start selling some stuff on Ebay and Amazon.

Would you be WILLING to go back to school and get a degree in something you want to do? Like the game developing? I, personally, don't enjoy most classroom/lecture settings anymore. Been there too long. But I WANT to be a nurse and all the other beautiful things it allows for so I make the decision to stick to it. If you decide to do something, would you be willing to stick and move through the grit and "struggle" to persevere? Sometimes our path requires endurance.

I know they say ENFPs tend to flit a lot but if you make the decision not to, you'll thank yourself for it later.

Hope this helps and I hope you get to where you want to be.

Thank god for us stabilizing in our late 20s. I'm an ENFP and I feel the OP's syndromes. I assume we can buckle down and work and create structure for ourselves but I don't think it's necessarily our nature to do it. On forums I've seen ENFP's who HAVE gotten serious and that's when they've finally decided that being indecisive will get them nowhere and finally just bit the bullet and picked something. I think what helps is surrounding yourself with consistent friends who are serious about their lives and priorities, i really do think this helps.