30 Day Challenge: No Negative Talk

[clove]

I am trying this challenge. I tend not to be an agreeable person. And, while through much of my life my lack of agreeableness has helped me in many regards, thinking of who I am from an outsider's perspective is unappealing to me.

Yesterday, someone blocked my motorcycle with her car for 20 minutes. When she returned, I got in her face and yelled at her for 10 minutes. She looked like she was about to cry and asked "Do you have to be so mean?"

I thought about this question, and the answer is no. So I am going to prove it this month.

[Philemon]

Do you speak negatively to yourself (in your own head) or do you tend to direct this negativity onto others?

[clove]

Only to others. Why?

[Clint Cora]

Watch who you spend your time with. Usually what happens is that negative people tend to stick around other negative people. Positive people tend to stay with other positive people. It's group association. So if you want to be less negative, try to be less around others who are negative. Being more exposed to positive people will help you in turn become more of a positive person.

Good luck

[Philemon]

Originally Posted by clove

Only to others. Why?

I've helped some close friends and students through anger issues. Anger, rudeness, meanness, whatever you want to call it, is often shown outwardly, "projected" onto others. But why? Well, there could be a number of reasons, but usually one of those reasons is because you're not happy with some aspect of yourself. Other possibilities include traumas you've experienced, your conception of reality and responsibility, and other theories.

These ARE just theories. Don't think I'm being conclusive here or telling you what you are or aren't. I don't have nearly enough information to make a quality assessment.

When you notice yourself from an outsider's perspective, that is your perspective. That is you looking at yourself and deciding you don't like your behavior and seeking to change it. This is good for your self-awareness. But I don't know if you're claiming it as yours just yet.

So often when we act out against others it is because of our own "problems," to be general. We could perhaps call them insecurities, or traumas, or anxieties, or a lot of other words. The key is, you've recognized that this behavior is detrimental to others, which really means, depending on if you agree with this view of reality, it's detrimental to you, to your Self, to your soul's higher development.

I'm proud of you for recognizing this and seeking change. Keep us posted.

Here's an interesing "what if?"

What if when the lady had come out you gave her a hug and said, "Thank you. You parking your car here made me really angry, so I had to work really hard to keep my calm and cool. You've helped me in my development." I bet she be just as conscious about her future parking choices, if not more than the actual response you gave her. (Just came to mind, thought I'd share)

[clove]

Originally Posted by Philemon

Here's an interesing "what if?"

What if when the lady had come out you gave her a hug and said, "Thank you. You parking your car here made me really angry, so I had to work really hard to keep my calm and cool. You've helped me in my development." I bet she be just as conscious about her future parking choices, if not more than the actual response you gave her. (Just came to mind, thought I'd share)

I would probably be sued for sexual harassment. This is not a negative thought; this is an objective possibility.

[Philemon]

Originally Posted by clove

I would probably be sued for sexual harassment. This is not a negative thought; this is an objective possibility.

Yeah, maybe. But you could ask if you could give her a hug first. I've hugged a lot of strangers and never been sued for sexual harassment. Of course, you can't just take a hug; you have to offer one and get some kind of signal that they are ok or not ok with it.

That thought was meant more in a joking manner.

[Philemon]

You commented on the "what if," but what about the other comments. What do you think?