How do you deal with rejection…???

[Shamou]

How do you deal with criticism and rejections…???

Our capacity to climb the ladder of success is almost directly proportional to our capacity to handle criticism and rejection… because the bigger you get the greatest amount of detractors you will attract…

Worst than that… the fear of criticism and rejection can prevent you from taking that first step toward making your dream a reality…

So… let us share on that subject… how can criticism and rejection be best dealt with…???

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[Sunnybayes]

Well for criticism I usually just say "I completely agree with you!!!" so I completely avoid the me vs them frame of mind.

And if its constructive criticisms then I tell them thanks. I guess I never take anything personal.

I realize they are not attacking me... just some subconcious pattern of my behavior that I can change.

Or that perhaps they have just not seen the whole picture on why I did my actions.

And also that I take good care to see things from their point of view, acknowledge that I understand them, and then I let them see things from my point of view. Then I tell them in some way or another how I will work in elements of both points of view to do something better.

Now as for rejection, again, I don't take it personally. I just consider that if I were in their shoes that I would have done the same thing if I were in their circumstances. And then I backward rationalize to myself why it was good that I was rejected... that I can either do it on my own better and that its their loss that they did not choose me.... like if I'm rejected by a girl then I just tell myself that there are other opportunities, and that I just need to work better on communicating my attractive side better... and its her loss for not choosing me...maybe I'm just delusional.


But with criticism or rejection, just take the rule that there is no such thing as failure, just learning opportunities and feedback.

[Shamou]

Beautifully said Sunnybayes... a very good assessment and most informative... thank you for sharing that...

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[A.K.Light]

I just try to make the best of everything. I can't control everything that happens, but I can do my best and accept the rest. I'm naturally a very rational person, and I always take a step back and analyize things objectively. (Which may only take 3 seconds.) I never let my impulses or emotions run rampant, and I don't even think I could if I wanted to.

That's just my logical reasoning. However, nothing is ever completely the same twice, so I can't know for sure how I will react. I just know that when I get there, I'll do my best. No need to worry about it ahead of time.

But, you know, I don't mean to make myself sound like a hero, nor do I mean to talk myself down. I admit that I could still use tons of improvement in this area.

Dealing with rejection and criticism is easier than setting yourself up to recieve it, I think. That reminds me of that podcast of Steve's about fear. It's not the rejection and criticism that are bad, it's just the fear of it. So, yes, it does stifle people, myself included. If I ever have an idea, I like to try it, no matter how strange it is. As long as I think it may be fun or benecifial in some way, I want to do it. However, I don't look forward to the reactions that I'm going to get from people while doing these things, so I often end up bailing out or putting it off. Sometimes I do strange things and look forward to reactions, though. It all depends. But I do need more work on going ahead and doing what I want regardless of who's watching or listening, and I'd like to thank you for reminding me of it. This must be a sign.

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by Sunnybayes

Well for criticism I usually just say "I completely agree with you!!!" so I completely avoid the me vs them frame of mind.

And if its constructive criticisms then I tell them thanks. I guess I never take anything personal.

I realize they are not attacking me... just some subconcious pattern of my behavior that I can change.

Or that perhaps they have just not seen the whole picture on why I did my actions.

And also that I take good care to see things from their point of view, acknowledge that I understand them, and then I let them see things from my point of view. Then I tell them in some way or another how I will work in elements of both points of view to do something better.

Now as for rejection, again, I don't take it personally. I just consider that if I were in their shoes that I would have done the same thing if I were in their circumstances. And then I backward rationalize to myself why it was good that I was rejected... that I can either do it on my own better and that its their loss that they did not choose me.... like if I'm rejected by a girl then I just tell myself that there are other opportunities, and that I just need to work better on communicating my attractive side better... and its her loss for not choosing me...maybe I'm just delusional.


But with criticism or rejection, just take the rule that there is no such thing as failure, just learning opportunities and feedback.

Wonderfully reasoned, and definitley not delusional.

This is the state I'm aspiring to and getting closer by the day. So thanks for putting it so clearly out there.

I'm naturally a very rational person, and I always take a step back and analyize things objectively. (Which may only take 3 seconds.) I never let my impulses or emotions run rampant, and I don't even think I could if I wanted to.

Are you sure that you haven't just read my autobiography or something?

I'm trying to become more natural and open instead of overanalyzing everything.

[Kayceezharold]

I deal with rejection by telling myself that the person who rejects me, or criticises me, doesn't deserve me! Cos I know that I've given my utmost in all I do, and if you don't appreciate it, it's your lost - then I move on to locate the next person who deserves my focus.

If it is your boss, then try to determine his or her thinking and psyche, to understand where the thots are coming from, is there a higher reasoning for him reacting that way, or perhaps he has misunderstood your actions or something you said. I will go take a long run as I find running helps me to sort out my thots better.

Once I think I understood their position, I attempt to put myself in their shoes and view the situation from that perspective. Perhaps I may react that way as well if I'm in that opposite position.

Whatever it is, you MUST NEVER show up any temper tantrums or sulk or worse still spread lies and rumours and negativities about the person who reject you. Cos I always believe, "whatever goes around, comes around". There is a chinese saying which translated says "Though the seas are so huge, ships still collide. Tho' the skies are so immense, planes still collide." Tho' you may spite another and attempt to move away from the one, your day will come!"

Move on with life and there will definitely be opportunities out there for you!

My "five-cents-worth"!

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Kayceezharold
The World Thru Kayceez Eyes
Earn As You Learn

[Sunnybayes]

I deal with rejection by telling myself that the person who rejects me, or criticises me, doesn't deserve me! Cos I know that I've given my utmost in all I do, and if you don't appreciate it, it's your lost - then I move on to locate the next person who deserves my focus.

If it is your boss, then try to determine his or her thinking and psyche, to understand where the thots are coming from, is there a higher reasoning for him reacting that way, or perhaps he has misunderstood your actions or something you said. I will go take a long run as I find running helps me to sort out my thots better.

Once I think I understood their position, I attempt to put myself in their shoes and view the situation from that perspective. Perhaps I may react that way as well if I'm in that opposite position.

Wow! Great minds think alike

[Iksander]

Cool thread.

Constructive criticism is always very helpful I think, only when you are attempting to fashion something for other people. Otherwise, criticism is a really defeating process and should simply be ignored (even self-criticism).

I think there is a very important divide to be aware of between 'tolerating' criticism and being indifferent to criticism. I would opt for indifference because 'tolerating' is really just suffering through it, giving attention to it, that is undeserving.

Rejection with girls through high school was a tough topic for me; I now am quite indifferent to it because I am very good looking, so I always see it as incompatibility between us and just assume a more compatible woman will come along.

I don't really know or experience any other kind of rejection in my life. I suppose the same formula above can be applied to any topic.

There are successful people that tolerate criticism, dismiss it, or accept it. So is it 'successful people' or 'empowered people'? (empowered in the sense of self-empowerment)
I think empowered people are those rare few individuals who choose individuality and realize their freedom is something that springs from within and does not pounce from without.

Successful people (this can be ambiguous, so just bear with my semantics) are those that grant the external environment 'authority' over their existence. Yes, some may be billionaires, own companies, or whatever - but it all came from a place of reverence for the 'seemingly' enormous external reality that exists - and not from a reverence for the truly enormous creative consciousness that rests within them.

I went on a bit of a tangent there.

[Shamou]

I welcome and accept criticism just about the same way I would an offer to have a hole drilled in my head…

If I want some advice… I’ll ask for it… and if I ask anyone… it will be someone whose qualified to give that type of advice…

This certainly sounds arrogant… it is not meant to be… it is simply that I value self-confidence more than I do the benefits of unwelcome criticism… and the two are not mutually compatible…

Life has a way of teaching us the great lessons that we need to know… it’s called the University of Hard Knocks… and that’s where we can find our best teachers and counselors…

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[A.K.Light]

Originally Posted by Shamou

I welcome and accept criticism just about the same way I would an offer to have a hole drilled in my head…

If I want some advice… I’ll ask for it… and if I ask anyone… it will be someone whose qualified to give that type of advice…

This certainly sounds arrogant… it is not meant to be… it is simply that I value self-confidence more than I do the benefits of unwelcome criticism… and the two are not mutually compatible…

Life has a way of teaching us the great lessons that we need to know… it’s called the University of Hard Knocks… and that’s where we can find our best teachers and counselors…

.

That sounds about right. When you get unwelcomed criticism and it irks you a little bit, do you argue with the person and prove yourself, or do you just bite your lip? I always try to prove my point of my view. But I don't argue it, I don't think. I just usually think that if we are both open minded enough, we will be able to find some sort of agreeance if we communicate better. I don't let it bother me personally, but I have a hard letting it go, because I can't stand letting something I think is "wrong" to continue to exist. I want to clarify everything, whether it's myself, someone else, or something else.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by A.K.Light

That sounds about right. When you get unwelcomed criticism and it irks you a little bit, do you argue with the person and prove yourself, or do you just bite your lip?

I usually treat it with "quiet and subtle" condescendence... since I have found that it is next to impossible to get someone else to change their mind... usually... I simply smile and change the subject... seems to work every time...

I am an alpha man... we don't lack in self-confidence and don't need anyone else's validation...

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[Catlover]

These are some really excellent responses, but I suspect that many of you have always thought and dealt with criticism and rejection in this manner. I am wondering if anyone has been able to make a change in their adult life. I too have problems dealing with rejection (mainly) and criticism, and it has always been that way for me. It must be stemming from thought processes and emotional responses acquired in childhood, but I can't quite point to a single event. Someone mentioned above not having a tendency to react emotionally to anything, whereas I do have that tendency particularly in this area, although I'm very analytical in most ways. I guess this calls for a change in the thought process about rejection and practicing and reinforcing that change. I've had some success there. For me right now, my biggest obstacle to moving forward, growing and getting outside of my boundaries is dealing with this issue. I am sure that I am avoiding many activities because of it.

[Shamou]

Hello Catlover…

You might consider this… a person’s capacity to succeed in most fields is directly proportional to his capacity to handle criticism and rejection… because the higher you are on the scale of achievement… the more subject to antagonism the person will be…

When you have a high profile, you attract more attention and you become a target… that is one of the prices that has to be paid for success…

So, if people criticize you… it is an indication that you have achieved a certain level of success… therefore, in a round about way… criticisms become a form of validation… at least that is the way that I see it… and it works for me…

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